All four of them opened their eyes at the same time.

The room they were in was dark, a sole lamp swinging from the center of the concrete ceiling. It was sparsely decorated, with only a small table in the middle of the room and four chairs around it.

One of them was a dog, a large fluffy specimen with gently glowing fur. He looked surprised, but more curious than worried despite the fact he’d just appeared in a strange place without any prior warning.

Another was a massive humanoid monster at least eight feet tall, with an oil-black carapace and six crimson eyes set in his smooth faceplate. A barely visible line marked his mouth, and he practically leaped out of his seat the moment he gained consciousness, glancing from person to person.

The third was a human child, dressed in a blue shirt and khaki shorts. He had curly black hair and a slightly chubby face. He would have easily been considered cute if not for his eyes, which were a shade of almost matte-black. Those eyes narrowed with suspicion as he examined the other occupants of the room.

The fourth was… terrifying, to put it bluntly. Even next to the four-armed monster, the armored man coated in dried blood gave off an aura of extreme danger. It didn’t help when he pulled a gun bigger than his arm out of nowhere.

“What the - who are you people!? Where am I?” The monster stumbled backward, raising his considerable claws defensively.

The dog instantly froze, staring at him with his head tilted. “Hooman? NO! You smell… not hoomanish. Are you a crab?”

Everyone, regardless of identity, stared at the dog for a moment. Finally, the child evenly asked, “The dog speaks? How… wait, a crab? He pointed at the monster. “How would you equate that to a crab?”

The armored man leveled his panic-inducing gun straight at the monster, and then spoke in a voice that chilled the blood of everyone present. “Are you a demon?”

The monster glared at him. “Okay, I’ve been called a lot of rude things before, but really? That’s a new low.”

A bright spark of light brought everyone’s attention to the table in the center of the room, where a small speaker had just appeared from nowhere. They all stared at it for a second, and then a scratchy voice came out of it. “Hello? Can you - oh, who am I kidding, of course you can hear me. How do you all feel?”

The dog eagerly put its front paws on the table, almost knocking it over as it sniffed at the speaker. “Hello, person! Are you okay? You look very small.”

“I’m not actually doing all that great, Petey. But thanks for asking! And I’m not in the thing in front of you, that’s just a speaker.”

The armored man pointed a gun at the speaker. “Explain.”

The speaker fizzled out for a moment, and then came back into focus. “Yeah, okay, that seems fair. My name’s Eddie. I’m a spider and a writer. I need your help for something.”

Turning to the speaker, the monster folded his arms. “That doesn’t explain anything. And why is there a kid here!?”

“The kid’s a living dungeon trapped in a human body, Bain. Don’t underestimate him. In terms of mental faculties, he’s probably the most dangerous out of the four of you, and second to Doom in terms of ruthlessness.”

The child frowned at the immobile speaker. “You know who I am, but I’ve never heard of you.”

A weird laugh came through. “Not surprised. I haven’t introduced myself to any of you before. Anyway, I should probably get the introductions out of the way.

“The Golden Retriever is named Petey. He’s a borderline omnipotent ball of fluff and hugs. Looks like a pushover, but trust me, he’s faster and stronger and tougher than all of you combined.”

Petey’s face wrinkled up to the point where his eyes were no longer visible as he smiled, and a soft glow filled the room. “I do like hugs! Does anybody need one?”

A devious smirk crawled over the child’s face. “I could certainly use a hug, Petey. Would you overly mind coming over here?”

Before Petey could move, the speaker continued, “That’s Argus. I already told you he’s a dungeon. What I didn’t mention is that he used to be a huge dungeon. He’s going to take advantage of all of you if he gets the chance, including you, Petey.”

Argus glared at the speaker. “You have no idea if that’s true.”

Eddie laughed scornfully. “Argus, I know everything about everything about everyone here. I brought you and your universes into existence with a laptop. Except Doom, he’s an import. I don’t know all that much about him. Heck of a tank, though. Nobody better with a gun, barring John Wick. Possibly.” He trailed off, muttering words under his breath that no one could make out.

The monster scratched the back of his head, clearly confused. “Okay, but that doesn’t explain how we got here. And I feel like we should be… I don’t know, panicking? We just got teleported into a place I’ve never seen before. And what’s a dungeon? How did Petey get that powerful? And, uhhh…” He looked distinctly embarrassed. “Can I pet you? You look… really fluffy.”

Petey happily flounced over to the monster, flopping onto his back to present his stomach for belly rubs. The monster eagerly leaned down, and then froze, staring at his own claws.

Eddie spoke once again. “Don’t worry about hurting him, Bain. I know you’ve had some trouble in the past, but I kid you not when I say Petey’s a hundred percent invulnerable. Not even Doom’s biggest gun could put a scratch on him. As for the panic thing, that’s just a little bit of convenience I wrote in to speed things along.”

Bain cautiously started stroking Petey’s thick fur, and a slow grin spread over his face. “How is he doing that?”

Argus folded his arms as he frowned. It was weirdly adorable, despite his abnormal eyes. “I fail to see how any of this is relevant. Who are you, why are we here, and what do I get out of it? I’d like to get back to my dungeon as soon as possible.”

Everyone nodded in agreement except for Petey, who had his eyes closed in bliss as Bain continued absently rubbing his incomparably soft belly fur.

“Okay, okay, fine.” Eddie sounded irritated and a bit rushed. “Look. You know that laptop I told you about? The one I used to invent three of you? It, uhhh… it got stolen.”

They all stared at the speaker for a moment. Argus was the first to speak. “Stolen? You had an artifact that allowed you to write entire universes into existence and you lost it?”

“Hey, it wasn’t on purpose!” Eddie grouchily bit back. “The guy that stole it was one heck of a necromancer and the leader of like four separate orc and goblin clans to boot. Besides, I’ve got you guys. Four of the best characters I’ve got in my roster.”

Bain raised a nonexistent eyebrow. “Four? You make it sound like there’s more than just us.”

“There are currently fourteen universes in my personal multiverse. More than a few of them are currently shut down, on account of writer’s block and boredom.” He sounded wistful. “They had good runs.”

Petey rolled to his paws, shaking himself off. “Are we going somewhere?”

Eddie’s voice was warm as he spoke to the dog. “You definitely are. I need somebody to get my laptop back and you guys are my best bet. So I’ll be-”

“Can I say bye to Leula?”

Eddie ground to a halt, and there was a long silence before he spoke again. “Errr… no, I’m afraid not. Time is stopped in every dimension at the moment, so-”

“Please can I say bye to Leula? I don’t want her to be sad while I’m gone.” Petey stared at the speaker hopefully, unaware of the pained expression on Bain’s face.

“...Okay, but make it quick. I’ve got to-”

“Thank you, other spood! You are very nice.” Petey gave the speaker a good lick, and the device briefly glowed.

“Yeah.” Eddie sounded uncomfortable. “Nice… sure.”

Argus laced his fingers together. “I believe I speak for everyone here when I say this, but what exactly do we get out of this?”

Bain shook his head. “I wasn’t thinking that. I know I don’t look like it, but I’m a professional hero back home. Whoever would steal a laptop as powerful as that definitely up to no good. You need help, I’m your hero.”

Argus snorted. “The naivety of heroes and fools. I’m sure Doom believes otherwise.”

Despite the armored soldier’s face being hidden behind a visor, everyone present could sense the manic grin he gave Argus. “Rip and tear.”

Putting his index finger and thumb to the bridge of his nose, Argus muttered, “Fine, I’m stuck with a misidentified monster calling itself a hero, a berserker, and whatever that thing is. Can no one feel the amount of mana coming off that dog?” He pointed at Petey as he did, irritation written all over his face.

Bain squinted at him. “What’s… mana?”

Argus’ expression was a mixture of disgust, horror, and morbid intrigue. “You don’t even have magic where you’re from?”

The monster waved his hand in a so-so gesture. “That’s what powers used to be called, but it kind of got offensive after the whole Salem incident. We still don’t know where Massachusetts went.”

Eddie cut in before Argus could retort. “Okay, look, I’ll give you whatever you want if you get my laptop back. You’ll also be the saviors of like fourteen different universes, but from what I can see, Argus doesn’t care and Doom just wants to kill something. You two are almost villains, I swear.”

Bain suspiciously indicated Doom. “I was wondering about that. Isn’t Doom a villain name?”

Eddie’s voice was utterly nonplussed. “Bain, your hero name is Rampage.”

“Fair enough,” Bain conceded, and that seemed to be it.

Argus rubbed his chubby hands together. “Anything, you say? Alright, then. I’d like to borrow Petey for some examination. If that’s too much, some blood would be alright.”

Doom placed his hands on the table, an almost tangible air of excitement. “GUNS.” Having said that, he sat down.

“Errr… yeah, okay. I’ll teleport a very special gun into your dimensional storage thingamabob, but you’ll only get one shot, and it’ll be stuck on the lowest setting permanently. Don’t bother trying to fix it, it was locked there by the cat that made it.”

“A cat made it?” Bain sounded a little disbelieving.

Eddie sounded deadly serious. “Noah’s archnemesis’ pet cat is the most cunning and ruthless arms dealer in this multiverse and ranks pretty high in the omniverse. The Bazookat has been the most physically destructive weapon in existence for a long while.”

“Bazookat?” Argus asked skeptically.

Eddie made a loud noise of irritation. “Okay, let me be blunt. No, Argus, you can’t have some of Petey’s blood. You wouldn’t be able to replicate his abilities fully but you’d sure as heck cause some serious damage. Doom, you can have this one gun provided you don’t break my laptop in the process, because then the entirety of the multiverse would be temporarily frozen.”

“Can I have a chew toy?” Petey piped up, tail wagging furiously.

Eddie paused. “What?”

“A chew toy!” Petey enthused, putting his paws on the table again. “I want a chew toy that doesn’t break when I bite it!”

“...You can ask for anything. You know that, right?”

Petey nodded so hard his ears started flopping up and down. “I know! Chew toy, please!”

Eddie sighed. “Fine, you can have a chew toy. Bain? What do you want?”

“World peace.” Bain immediately replied, looking excited.

A loud groan came through the speaker, distorting slightly from its volume. “Bain. Really? I get that you’re a hero and all, but seriously? You could ask to be turned into a human and retain all your powers. You could request the entirety of humanity to be turned into monsters and eradicate the biases placed against you and your dad. Sure, he’d still be the most dangerous thing in your world, but he’d mostly fit in.”

Argus instantly raised a hand. “I want some of Bain’s father’s blood.”

“Shut up, Argus.” Eddie irritably told him. “Bain, world peace is such a temporary thing. I’d have to literally kill off several hundred thousand people in order to ensure that nobody would take advantage of it. No, I can’t do world peace. Nobody wants to read world peace. Anything else?”

Bain stared at the ground. “Oh. Can… you make it so people aren’t scared of me the moment they meet me?”

“Easier done than said.” Eddie agreed. “Now, Argus, make it reasonable.”

The freaky child actually seemed somewhat pensive. “If it’s not out of your power… I’d like to be reconnected with the System. I’ve missed its guidance greatly.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m the one who invented you, I know you miss it. It’s one of your character qualities, albeit not one of the most memorable ones. Anyway, you’ll all arrive there at the same time. Petey, I’ll be teleporting you back to Eruco so you can say goodbye to Leula, but then I’ll be bringing you to Universe Fifteen with the others. None of you will notice a timeskip.”

Argus raised a hand. “What about-”

“No more questions!” Eddie shouted, and the room blinked into oblivion.