Chapter One - Rem’s Revenge

Rem jumped across to the roof next to the one she was on, then she ran with only the faintest pitter-patter to the edge of the next roof.

The homes here were mostly covered in thick tiles, the better to protect them from the ashfall in winter. They tended to be a little noisy when stepped on though, unless one knew exactly where to put one’s feet. Rem knew, because it was an ambush predator’s duty to know just where to step so as not to be heard.

If the maid person was going to take the alleys, then in all likelihood they’d need to exit...

Rem found the right place, and with one leg over the edge and her body bent forwards just-so, she waited around the corner. To any onlooker she would look like some sort of cloth-covered addition to the side of the building, maybe something hanging out to dry.

It wasn’t the most stealthy position to be in, but the maid would only have an instant to catch her before Rem struck, she could afford to use less-than-ideal camouflage this one time.

Footsteps came, clicking lightly on the cobbled ground, and Rem tensed.

The maid appeared, face placid and bored under her little white bonnet, basket pressed up against a hip and filled with stuff.

Rem hissed as she shot out, legs pushing her down, scythes swinging from the maid’s neck.

The maid looked up, and their eyes locked for just a moment before the maid’s arm swung upwards so quickly that even with all five eyes locked on her, Rem couldn’t quite follow the motion.

There was a mighty smack, and then Rem felt herself tumbling through the air.

Fortunately, the world went dark before she landed.

***

Rem woke up in someone’s living room.

That someone, and their family, were all gathered in the corners of the room, staring at her.

She twitched. Her everything was in an incredible amount of pain. It took a moment for her to recall what had just happened, then she hissed.

The humans scattered away with terrified screams while Rem worked herself out of the wreckage of a table. There were bits of roof all around her, busted and cracked from her landing. She felt a little busted and cracked herself.

A bit of motion confirmed that everything was where it was meant to be. She hadn’t lost any limbs, at least. Still, everything hurt.

“What was that!” Rem spat. That maid had been strong! No one told her the maid would be strong!

The maid looked like a maid. Not someone strong. Strong humans wore gaudy robes, with gold and medallions and smelled like incense and sweat. The maid had smelled like soap! Soap wasn’t strong.

Rem grumbled and tried to ignore the ache in her back. That’s where it hurt the most. Probably from landing on the roof.

She shook her robes to free it from some of the dust that had landed on it, then skittered out of the house before guards could show up and start asking questions.

Jumping up, she landed on the roofs again and looked around. The sun didn’t look like it had changed positions much, so it couldn’t have been a long time. The maid was probably still around the same area.

Rem wouldn’t be fooled this time. Her last ambush was rushed, and she had made a noise on striking, a beginner's mistake. She could learn from that and do better next time. No one needed to know. No one would know after Rem ate all the witnesses.

It was a perfect plan!

She found the maid some time later, the woman was talking to another maid-like person carrying a broom and cleaning out the entrance to a large estate near the centre of the city.

Rem avoided those places because they often had cultivators and they would get very angry if she distrubed their meditation or whatever. Making them angry didn’t bother her, but some of them were tough, and they were human so Rem wasn’t allowed to eat them unless no one could find out.

Moving carefully, Rem predicted that the maid would continue down the same road. She circled around and much to her luck, found a beggar leaning against one wall not too far away and just around a bend in the road.

It was a nice spot for an ambush.

Rem hissed at the crippled man until he ran away, then shuffled under the stinking pile of rags he was using as bedding. From there, she peaked out one eye from under the covers and watched the road, scythes at the ready.

The maid came around, shoes clicking and clacking on the cobbles, same as before.

Rem moved her mandibles, acid building up in anticipation of eating the stupid maid once and for all.

The maid came closer, and closer and closer...

Rem struck, rags flying out of the way and scythed spreading wide to chop down into the maid’s tender tender flesh.

She caught a close-up glimpse of the maid’s basket a moment before her face crunched and she blacked out again.

***

“Stupid!” Rem screamed as she woke up.

The beggar, who had been sneaking up to her, screeched and ran off again.

She was still in the same corner. She didn’t go flying this time, which was good, but now her face hurt as if someone had rammed a wicker basket against it really hard, like some sort of oversized fly swatter.

Rem spread her arms and made herself big to show just how angry she was. “Stupid maid!”

She shook herself, then jumped up to the nearest rooftop again.

This time she found the maid inspecting fruit in a crowded little corner of the city. There were a few carts, with baskets and boring humans selling apples or whatever. Rem didn’t care. All she could see was the stupid maid smiling over some fruit and placing some in her stupid basket.

Rem couldn’t just run up to her. She’d be spotted. She had to find a way to get close.

There was a building nearby with a little garden in the back, and a line of clothes drying with a woman placing them there. She jumped over the fence and landed next to the woman who squeaked.

“You,” Rem said. “I need to look different.”

The woman looked around, confused for a moment, before locking eyes on Rem. “Pardon?”

“I need to look different,” Rem said. “To get close to someone.”

“To... get close to someone?” the human repeated.

She was a very stupid human, Rem figured. “Yes. Here.” Rem sliced the cord off her money pouch and flicked it to the woman who caught it in both hands.

“Oh, oh Emperor, that’s a lot of silver.”

“Yes yes,” Rem said. It didn’t matter. “Give me your dress.”

“Why do you need my dress?” the human asked.

Rem didn’t want to have to explain things to the human. She waved her arms around, but that didn’t seem to help any because humans didn’t understand anything. “I have someone I need to get close to. I can’t like this because...” Rem looked for the right words for a moment. “Because these robes are ugly at hiding.”

“Oh,” the woman said. “Is it someone important?”

“No!”

“Important to you?” she guessed.

Rem nodded. “Yes, that’s right stupid human.”

“Oh, oh my. I have some make-up too, if you want.”

“What?”

“Boys appreciate it when a girl puts some effort into her looks,” the girl said.

Rem didn’t know what the stupid human was talking about. She just needed a disguise, that was all. Although... make up could maybe help. “Do it fast, stupid human!”

***

Rem felt strange. The human woman had gotten very excited about dressing Rem up in layers of cloth, which was fine, it hid Rem’s body a lot which was what she wanted. What was less fine was the veil over her face, and the reddish goop slapped onto her cheeks. Mantises didn’t blush.

No one looked at her as she stepped through the crowd in her flower-pattern hanfu. The veil clung to the surface of her big eyes in a very annoying way. She looked forward to ripping it off so that she could better bite into the maid.

She found her target just off to the side of the fruit carts. The maid was squatting over and rearranging things in her basket when Rem stepped up behind her and struck.

The maid turned, reached out and caught Rem’s scythe with a smack.

Rem grunted and pushed harder, but it was like getting caught in a stone. “Let go, stupid maid, so that I can kill you!”

Rem raised her other scythe and brought it chopping down. She didn’t get dressed up just to miss her chance so soon.

The maid caught Rem’s other scythe and then frowned. “You are very rude,” she said. “If Daddy hadn’t told me not to make a big fuss you would be dead by now.”

“Stop talking and die already!” Rem said.

“No,” the maid said.

Rem tilted her head to the side. The voice... “You’re a boy maid!”

“I’m a maid maid,” The maid said. Her ears went flat on her head.

“You’re a cat!” Rem said. “Humans don’t have ears like that.” Cats were one of Rem’s favourite snacks, right after dogs. “I’m going to eat you! Then I’m going to kill you!”

“No,” the maid said. “You’re too weak for anything like that. So please stop bothering me.”

Rem struggled in the maid’s grasp, especially when the maid started to spin around in circles so quickly that Rem’s feet rose off the ground. “I’m going to eat you!” Rem screamed as she was flung over the nearest rooftop, her dress unravelling a moment before she crashed through another roof.

***

Rem decided that the best thing to do for the moment was take a moment to sit back and think.

That was always a good option. Predators like her were meant to take down prey, and sometimes that prey could fight back. Thinking about things, coming up with clever ideas, those were good ways of not dying and ending the day with a stomach full of fresh prey meat.

Not today though. Today she ended the day with a stomach empty of maid meat.

Rem wiggled her scythes in frustration and hissed at the bright blue sky above, visible through the roughly Rem-shaped hole in the ceiling.

She had to come up with better ideas.

Asking for help was right out. Her sisters would just betray her.

Ambushes hadn’t worked. But there were other sorts of ambushes to try.

Maybe she could frame the maid? Eat some dogs and make it look like the maid did it?

No, that was foolish.

Rem shook her head and, with a shove to the side, pushed herself out of the pile of detritus that had cushioned her fall. She was in a warehouse filled with boxes of stuff that she didn’t really care to inspect. As good a place as any to take a moment to recoup.

The maid would be leaving soon, no doubt, which meant that maybe she... he? Would be joining the bone person Rem was also supposed to kill.

If the maid was that strong, how strong was the bone person?

Rem didn’t like that line of thought. For now, she’d track the maid and find out where they were hiding, then she’d find another way to eat the maid. And the bone person too, maybe.

Mostly it was the maid that angered Rem.

“I’m going to find out how to eat you,” Rem promised with a hiss.

Shifting around, she tossed off her dress, then started to look for a way out.

***