Chapter Fifteen - Family Friendly

Fenfang was growing used to her master’s way of doing things, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t open to learning in different ways.

Once, she had been desperate to grow stronger, to become a woman that could defeat her one foe. Back then, she would have given anything for instruction and teaching. That’s why she had visited nearly every single sect in the Empire.

The fact that she was all thumbs, had two left feet, and asked a lot of questions had led to her being kicked out of most of those sects. Her records were twenty minutes, and three days. That was the shortest and longest time spent in any sect, respectively.

Her master was awesome though, really strong, and smart, and he could do all sorts of things. Best of all, he was teaching her how to do those things too.

It was slow going so far. Even with her staying up late every night, reading until her eyes went blurry, even when she cast and recast spells until her tongue turned to mush and her hands kept going through the same semantic gestures without her thinking about it, it still felt as if she was just crawling along.

She didn’t know how long it would take for her to grow even a tenth as strong as her master, but he was offering the possibility of becoming that strong.

That wasn’t something she was going to get anywhere else. She knew; she’d tried.

So, when her master pointed her towards Lieutenant Seventeen and told her that he would be training her on small unit tactics, she was as ready to learn as anyone could be.

She wasn’t sure what to expect from the Lieutenant. He was a skeleton, like her master, but he didn’t feel quite as strong. Sure, he oozed that oily feeling she was starting to associate with necromantic magic, but it was faint when compared to her master.

Not that he usually felt like anything. Her magical senses were still very weak, so most of the time, when she looked at her master, he was just a void, as if he wasn’t even there as far as magic was concerned.

Some sort of sneaky ability? Or perhaps he just had really good control. That made sense.

“This way, warlock Limpet,” Seventeen said as he walked ahead of Fenfang.

She had been day-dreaming a little as she followed him, and was falling behind. She snapped to attention and jogged after the skeleton.

They were outside, which meant they were still under the ocean, everything around them was painted in deep blues and even deeper shadows. Seventeen had fetched her from the guest house, which Alex was even now still fussing over with Rem’s help--if what she was doing could be called help.

He hadn’t said exactly where they were going, but she expected a training field or maybe a classroom of sorts.

She wasn’t expecting to be brought into a long, narrow room where hundreds of articles of clothing hung on a rack, rotting away under the shifting currents.

“I suspect I may need to ask the Death Butler for assistance with this,” Seventeen said. “While I’m a deft hand at sewing, what with putting abominations together for so long, I fear that cloth isn’t the same as skin.”

“Um,” Fenfang said as she looked over the clothes. Most looked like farmer’s gear, or the kind of simple clothes she’d expect a peasant to wear. Mixed in, completely at random, were pieces of cloth and robes that had likely belonged to cultivators once. Some were quite nice, if very, very dated.

“Ah! Yes, I need to explain myself. Forgive me,” Seventeen said. “I haven’t had a subordinate, or even a superior, that could actually converse with me intelligently in a very long time. My social skills have somewhat deteriorated.”

“That’s alright,” Fenfang said. “So, what are we doing?”

“You, fine young warlock, need training in the leading of undead forces. That would make you, by definition, a necromancer. Now, you could be an un-unionized necromancer, but those are...” Seventeen made a sound of disgust. “Freelancers. Fools who think they know better, and who go around in dark robes with skull pauldrons and big staffs made of bones.”

Fenfang nodded. That was pretty much how she imagined a necromancer looking.

“I would much rather give you a head start and introduce you to the necromancer’s union as a little boner.”

“A what?” Fenfang asked.

“The great bone Father’s army had its own ranking system,” Seventeen explained. “As any proper army should. The necromancer’s union also had a system of ranks, though it wasn’t an army, of course.”

“What did the union do?” Fenfang asked.

“What unions always do, protect the rights of its members, ensure that pay is consummate with unliving standards and the union helps you with things like additional training. At its height, we had bi-yearly meetups where we would talk about necromancy. We even had guest panels.” Seventeen sighed. “I miss the conventions.”

“You don’t have them anymore?” Fenfang asked. She poked at some of the clothes. She still wasn’t used to being underwater all the time, even if she could almost pretend she wasn’t. The lack of bathrooms was... something.

Seventeen shook his head. “I’m afraid not. The union can’t die, of course. It’s a necromancer’s union. But, now that the Bone Father has returned, I’m certain we can restore it to its former glory!”

Fenfang nodded slowly. “So, I can join this union, right?”

“You would need permission from at least three other certified members, and you’d need to attend a proper gathering to go through your initiation. From what the Bone Father has said, you’re not yet ready for that in either case. But, the lowest rank, little boner, is open to new, prospective members like yourself.”

“Little boner,” Fenfang repeated.

“It’s a position for someone looking for an opening.”

Fenfang blinked. “And, uh, what are the requirements?”

“You’d need a proper set of all-black suspenders, of course, and a nice bow-tie. White, or beige is traditional,” Seventeen said. “Ah!” He pulled an outfit off of a rack. It was a beautiful gown, white with jade inlays. He shook it, then pulled a rotting hand out of one of its sleeves. “Hmm. I will have to go over the inspections again. This ought to do as material though. I’ll give it to the Death Butler later, if he isn’t too busy and doesn’t mind rendering assistance.”

“I’m sure Alex wouldn’t mind,” Fenfang said. She wasn’t sure if she would mind wearing suspenders, but it was a small price to pay. “Should we do some training before that, though?”

“That’s not a bad idea!” Seventeen tossed the gown over an arm and led her back out of the building. “We have a training area at the back. And I ordered some troops there. Practicing ordering them will help you later. Simple things, like facing, formations, and how to order your troops into specific positions are very much required in order to control an army.”

Fenfang nodded along. She was truly looking forward to it. “Brilliant! So, will joining the necromancer’s union help with that kind of thing?”

“It will certainly give you some legitimacy,” Seventeen said. “Even if you don’t have a rank in the Bone Father’s army, you could become a respectable necromancer.”

“Did that happen a lot?” she asked.

“On occasion. We even had step-boners. That is a rank given to necromancer-adjacent people. They would help a necromancer if they were stuck with some strange and esoteric magic, but they were never truly part of the family.”

“Right,” Fenfang said. “What are the, um, ranks in the union?” If she could use it to get stronger, then she would. Any path that gave her more power was a good one.

“The smallest, least impressive rank is little boner. Then you can grow to become a big boner. With time and experience, you can become a master boner.

“Aren’t those a little, uh, phallic?” Fenfang asked.

“What do you mean?” Seventeen asked.

“Well... boner? What’s that mean, exactly?”

“Someone who plays with bones? A necromancer.” He continued as if she hadn’t asked anything. “We’ve covered step boners... someone who supports the union is called a sugar deady, of course.”

“Why?” Fenfang asked.

“Because it’s very sweet of them,” he said as if it was obvious. “Someone who convinces a lot of people to join is given the special rank of master baiter, of course. Perhaps if you’re joining counts I could be one step closer to that. Regardless. After master boner is the final and highest rank, one that’s very difficult to rise up to, elder boner. You need to work hard your whole life to become one of those.”

Fenfang nodded. “There weren’t a lot of girls in your union, huh?”

“Now, what could you mean by that?”

“Nevermind.” Her master knew. He had to know. He loved wordplay, and there was no way he wasn’t responsible in one way or another. “What’s master’s rank?”

“The Bone Father? He was merely called the Bone Father. When he joined the union, he was one of those that reshaped it. Can you believe the old uniform had every member dressed in garish robes with skulls all over?”

“That sounds a bit more intimidating than a bowtie and suspenders,” Fenfang said.

“Exactly. Our goal was never to intimidate, it was to seek great knowledge of the necromantic arts.”

“You’ve done a great job of presenting that with your current uniform,” Fenfang said.

“Why, thank you,” Seventeen replied. He snapped his suspenders. “I’m merely at the Master Boner rank. One day, perhaps, I will rise higher, and my reach will grow longer. Though I must say, that from what I recall, the early days were rather hard on me.”

“How’s that?” Fenfang asked.

“You need to perform very well. Otherwise you risk premature ejection from the union.”

They arrived at the walls of the fortress, and Seventeen knocked on a few bones which shifted aside a moment later.

Beyond the fortress, at least on this side of it, was a field clear of any stones and without any coral around it. The seaweed below was no higher than Fenfang’s ankles, and she could almost imagine it was a grassy field at night, if she squinted a whole lot.

On said field were some two dozen skeletons, all formed up in neat rows.

“There’s a stand to the side over there,” Seventeen said, pointing off towards a raised platform made of old timber and bones. “We’ll have a better view from above.”

She didn’t argue, and followed after the skeleton as he climbed up the ramp next to the viewing platform. With the added vantage, she could see across the entire field, not that there was much to behold. A few glowing undead fish swam in circles, marking the edges, and beyond that, the ocean which looked very ocean-y.

She wasn’t well versed in that sort of thing.

“Ah, to think that I would one day be training the Bone Father’s own limpet.” Seventeen sounded quite pleased with himself.

Fenfang looked up to him. “Is that really something to be proud of?”

“I’m certain plenty of necromancers would dream of being in our position.”

“You mean under the ocean with a lot of undead?”

“It is perhaps a bit of a wet dream, yes, but a valid one nonetheless. Now! Enough chit-chatting, I think it’s time to train you on how to handle some old bones.”

***