Chapter 8: Growth (Or Why I Chose To Commit Suicide)

Upon returning to the keep, we were guided to the resident holy arch magi, Krewyn to be healed. Before moving straight to care for the man with the broken leg, she cast an area of effect holy spell to quickly fix up any light wounds we may have had.

We quickly noticed something was strange, as many of us were having difficulty seeing. It didn’t take us long to find out that the magic had healed not only our cuts and bruises, but our eyes as well – a considerable relief, when you consider that this world didn’t have the technology to replicate our glasses, should they be broken.

Our glasses, which then brought our vision out of focus instead of fixing it, were summarily discarded, and everyone was excited to be able to see the fullness of the world once again.

A few weeks passed, and we were on another hunt. The last one had gone well, so well that the captain decided to make everything harder for us by forcing the magi and warrior teams to switch places.

The result was that we magi were taking minor injuries left and right and a few of the warriors were fainting from mana exhaustion.

Blocking the claws of a pouncing wolf with my shield, I pushed it back and, almost without thinking, slashed at the face of another wolf that was haring for my legs.

It reeled back in pain as its sensitive nose took a deep cut, and fell over a second later when I stabbed it in the throat. By then, the first wolf had already recovered and bit deep into my leg.

I collapsed to the ground, my leg suddenly unable to carry weight. Grimacing against the pain, I pulled my sword free from the corpse of the other wolf and cut the neck of the wolf biting me. Thankfully, I was wearing leather armour, or it might have taken a piece off of me.

Even in death its jaw was still shut tight, and my attempts to wrench it open were in vain. Shuffling backwards with the wolf still attached to me, I made room for others to replace me while I dealt with the problem.

Gritting my teeth, I smashed the pommel of my sword against the jaw of the wolf, hissing as the impact shifted the teeth in my wounds. Despite the pain it caused, it did as intended, breaking the jawbone of the wolf and allowing me to pull its teeth out of my leg.

I reached for my grimoire, intending to act as support for the rest of the battle, before remembering that I have holy affinity. Putting my hand to the bleeding holes in my calf, a soft white glow emanated from my palm and moved into my leg. Within seconds the bleeding stopped, and the wounds shrank slightly.

Gingerly standing up, I tested the leg. It twinged with pain as I moved, but not nearly as much as before. It would do. I returned to the front line and sliced at some wolves and boars for a while longer.

Within another few minutes, the soldiers decided we’d had enough and came in to slaughter all furry creatures in the vicinity.

It wasn’t long after that that I enacted my elaborate suicide plan.

And that brings us back to the present: New body, new me.

Well, technically it’s the same body, just modified a bit. I didn’t want to create one from the ground up, just in case it wouldn’t have mana. I could fix that, of course, but that would require me to take shortcuts on paths I’d rather walk the long way.

Why, you ask? Why did I decide suicide was the only option?

I must admit my reasons are hardly typical.

After all, I had it all.

People generally quote the big three: Money, Fame, Power.

Me, well, I have so much power that money and fame are meaningless. I could create gold and diamonds from thin air, or start an entire religion in my name. Since I could create miracles, it wouldn’t be hard.

But then again, why would I? As I said, money and fame have no meaning to me. The bigger question is, what does?

Simply living would have been enough for me, at least for a few millennia, I would think… Had I not used an ability that imprinted the collective memory of the earth and everything that was or ever had been on it into my brain.

After that, much of life lost its lustre. Building a career, finding love… Much of what people viewed as the core parts of life, I had done a million times over. A billion times, and even more.

I was born, much like everyone else, but my own curiosity had ruined my enjoyment of life.

There were a few things that were still worthwhile. Things that were new, at least to some extent. Fortunately for me, society at the time was gaining increasing amounts of free time, time that many people spent on consuming, or more importantly creating, entertainment of all kinds.

Books! Movies! Comics! Animations! Games! Of all shapes and sizes!

At the rate humanity was expanding, physically and socially, they might have created enough forms of entertainment to last me… Maybe a couple of centuries… Before they would most likely reach their demise at their own hands.

Still, that was assuming I didn’t use any of my abilities to speed up the process of enjoying that entertainment. And as for obtaining them, I could use my powers to make a perfect replica of anything, so it wouldn’t have been difficult for me to get any of those forms of entertainment.

But that’s just the thing – it wouldn’t be difficult. Nothing ever was.

There is a saying, ‘Nothing good is ever easy’. The reverse is true, as well. Nothing easy is truly satisfying.

Using my abilities, I could become the top expert in any and all fields. But while such a thing is truly beyond imagination for an ordinary human, something worthy of going down in the history books to remember forever… For me, it would just be a matter of course. A foregone conclusion. Of course I could. After all, what couldn’t I do?

I knew that to truly enjoy myself, everything would have to be gained with difficulty. With real effort.

Easier said than done when you’re the most powerful being on the planet, perhaps the entire universe, but I found a way. I sealed my powers and my memories and made a life for myself as a normal human.

Things weren’t quite the same, it wasn’t quite as… vibrant, as it was for everything else. My high times were lower, and my low times, higher. I never felt despair, but I never experienced euphoria, either.

There was school. There was work. I even made some friends along the way. It… wasn’t a bad time for me, but that part of me that was sealed away knew it wasn’t as good as it should be.

Then came this. New rules, new people, new world, new powers, new animals, everything was new.

‘Great!’ I thought. ‘This should finally make my life good.’

But it wasn’t, not quite. The wonder of a new world was still there, but it was going all too fast. I was getting stronger too fast. Taught by some of the strongest people in the world, as far as I could tell, practically the best magical affinity you could possibly get and a batch of similarly talented allies.

Before long, I would be back where I started. And then what? It would be a waste.

I decided that, again, the solution was to make things harder for myself.

Without the teachers, the overpowered allies and the resources of the kingdoms behind me, it would be much harder. But to simply leave… I knew that the kings would have people keep an eye on me.

If I just went, I’m sure Greg would insist on coming with me. And Boris. And if all three of us were leaving, then there would be others that would come as well.

The simplest way to avoid all that trouble was to convince them I was dead, and the simplest way to do that was to actually die. Irreversible though that may be for others, for me it is just a state of being, one which I can move to and return from with ease.

Still, the form of death was important. A suicide would discourage the others, and inciting my own murder would be in terrible taste. I wanted the others to continue as they were – competition is something I’d like to experience, as well.

Having a monster kill me would make them realise just how dangerous this world was, and thus fight harder to survive… Or fall into despair and give up, but I’m confident they’ll be able to fight through it.

And now here I am, alone again.

I have a plan, of course. In the last week, I had a look at some maps, and there’s a nearby river that will lead me to a nearby town.

Looking to the edge of the clearing, I see that the carts are still there. Evidently, everyone was in too much of a rush to get away to bring along the unwieldy carts, but that’s good news for me. Inside the carts should be some light rations that I can grab, enough to last me until I reach town.

Salted jerky, huh? It’ll do.

As I begin heading east, towards the river, I think about what I’m going to do from now on. I’ll be an adventurer, of course. I want to go places I’ve never been, do things I’ve never done, and adventurer is the best profession for that.

I have a weapon. No armour, but so long as the wolves and boars aren’t swarming me like they did in the hunts, I should be fine to face one or two without it.

…Speak of the devil, and he shall appear. Four wolves stalk out of the trees, perhaps too many for me.

I miss my shield.

On that thought, I try making one out of earth mana, but the result is a disc of dirt, not hard enough to block anything.

As one of the wolves leaps at me, I slam it into the wolf’s face. The impact itself has practically no effect, but some dirt does get into its eyes, which gives me enough space to cut its neck.

Noticing the others attempting to circle around behind me, I put my back up against a tree. The last thing I want is to get attacked from both sides.

…Hold that thought.

Summoning forth a large portion of mana, I change it into earth and form two walls on either side of me, artificially creating a corridor. Now they can only come at me from the front, one at a time.

And I can deal with one wolf easily, even if I have to do it three times. It would be even easier if I didn’t have to worry about starting a forest fire, but it is what it is.

The first two wolves I cut down as they came at me. The last one ran.

Letting out a deep breath, I let the mana disperse. Kneeling down, I wipe my sword with some grass – cant have it getting rusty.

Putting my hand to the pouch of jerky at my waist, I retrieve one and chew on it as I continue on my way, leaving the corpses of the wolves where they lay. Even if I skinned them and cut them up somehow with my sword alone – more difficult than it sounds – I wouldn’t have a way to carry any of it.

I find the river just as the sun starts to set, blobs of slime bobbing here and there on the surface of the water. I’ll need to find some shelter soon, or I won’t be safe enough to sleep tonight.

Luckily, I happen across an overturned cart before it gets seriously dark. It may not be conventional, but shelter is shelter. Ignoring the various items strewn over the ground, I lift up the edge of the cart enough that I can slip underneath it.

The result is an enclosed, if a bit claustrophobic, shelter for me to spend the night in. And with that, I simply closed my eyes and fell to sleep.