Chapter 13

The way Ben would tell the story, the first thing he did was fly into the air, getting above the Ax-Beetle. The real first thing he did was scream like a little girl and, unfortunately, piss his-. . .

Well, no pants, but he did urinate in fear.

Then he flew into the air and across the room, getting away from the dangerous monster with the large, sharp, shiny, metal ax.

“Ha!” Ben pointed and laughed in the unique way reserved for winged creatures looking at something that couldn't fly.

The beetle skid and turned around like a fucking Tokyo drift race car, then flung its massive ax in a cinematic, overhead throw. Ben was very fortunate he hadn't been in the middle of a blink, or he'd be missing an arm, or have been cut in half.

He hadn't even felt himself dodge, and he didn't have time to think about how the unconscious mind must have a bunch of pre-programmed reactions-

The ax was lodged into the wood behind Ben, and he watched the warrior insect raise one of its huge arms, pointing a chitinous, segmented hand at the ax, which started to quiver.

“I've seen enough movies you fuck!” Ben shouted, then opened a utility pocket in front of the ax just as it started to fly back to the beetle.

“[Whap]!” Ben shouted, breathing hard, once again pretending his sound effect was a real skill, as the ax was successfully stolen.

The beetle stood there for a full two seconds, arm still outstretched. Something about its body language made Ben think it was thinking to itself 'Oh my God. He stole my ax. That's against the rules.'

In reality, the insect was feeling slightly foolish about throwing its ax in the first place, when it should have just done this instead.

The beetle flexed its powerful, powerful legs and exploded off of the ground like a firework, tearing up the floor as it shot straight at Ben.

“Stop!” Ben cried, blasting himself away with a speed ring, the resulting wind catching along the walls and circulating around the room, kicking up dust and debris in a gentle cyclone.

“That's illegal!” Ben shouted, very aware that he could either say a bunch of stupid stuff to keep his morale good, or he could start screaming about how he didn't want to die.

The slightly put out armored beetle mini-boss did not heed Ben's calls to law and order, and instead flipped midair with a flutter of insectile wings, caught the wall with its legs, and shot itself like a living bullet at Ben once again.

Ben dodged, this time blasting the thing with a thick, pressurized beam of sea-water, which knocked the beetle off course. It was not able to flip, and instead crashed into the somewhat soft wood of the dungeon's wall, where its gigantic horn got stuck. It hissed and clacked in frustration. Surging its powerful body away from the wall the beetle attempted to pull itself loose.

“Aaaaaahhhh!” Ben screamed, launching crates, and rocks, and pretty much anything that he could think of that might hurt the beetle.

The crates, which were the largest and heaviest items Ben had, did the most damage, which is to say, not much at all. The shell was just too strong, and there was no way to pull it apart.

With a tremendous tear, the beetle pulled itself loose from the wall and leisurely picked the wood stuck to it off. Ben knew in that moment that the beetle warrior was intelligent, and that it had dismissed him as a credible threat.

Ben didn't have much left in his utility pouch; a few more rocks, a shitty spear, a nearly broken sword, a bunch of armor that better qualified as scrap metal, a bunch of salt water, some fish chunks, some sand, some salt, some iron dust, a snail corpse; basically, Ben became instantly aware of everything he was holding, and none of it was useful, because none of it could break the beetle's armor and reveal what Ben hoped was a vulnerable, soft inside.

‘The ax’, Ben thought to himself, then slapped his own face, why didn't he use the ax!

'Dammit, because he can recall the ax! Focus Ben!' He berated himself as the physically superior warrior finished dusting off wood chips and turned to face him. Not wasting any time the beetle blasted off again.

'He's going to tire me out’, Ben realized, 'he doesn't even care I can get him stuck in the wall, because he knows I can't hurt him.'

Ben merely dodged, watching for something, anything he could use. The monster fluttered its wings again, turning around and shooting with eerie accuracy at Ben once more. He noticed it would use the wings once or twice while shooting towards him, the thick shell of its back opening, then closing.

Ben managed to get away, his mind working in overdrive trying to figure out how to use what he had to kill the monster. Nothing he had would be able to take advantage of that brief vulnerability. Ben attached a utility pocket to the beast's face and created the most powerful suction he could, trying to rip an eye out or do any kind of damage.

It seemed to be working for about half a second, until the monster realized what was going on, and then Ben learned a neat feature of the utility pocket; the cost of using it went up dramatically if it was attached to someone or something that didn't want it there.

Ben canceled the pocket, and nearly got hit by the monster's next jump. He scowled and used another speed ring to get into a more advantageous position, then repeated the sea-water trick, but this time, also added in a speed ring to really mess with the beetle.

It worked spectacularly well. Ben heard a crack, and saw that its horn had lodged deep inside the wood of the dungeon wall, and that a hairline crack had formed along the head and down the chest of the monster. It seemed stunned for a moment, then it started moving; its extremely powerful body pushing and prying at the wall, trying to get itself loose once again.

Ben and the beetle had the same thought at about the same time; this wall trick wasn't going to work a third time.

“Shit shit shit shit,” Ben spat the word rapid-fire, repeating it over and over while he desperately tried to think of anything that even might work. He wanted to just jump on the thing's back and pry the wings open, but if he got that close, he'd be in range of its arms and legs, plus, he was pretty sure the shell that concealed the wings could close with enough force to cut his fingers off.

Ben tried to make a utility pocket inside of the monster, but just the act of doing it gave Ben the sense that trying what he was about to try would completely drain his mana, and that it wouldn't kill the brute.

His eyes carefully studied the shape of the wings, trying to find any vulnerability at all, but the shell sat pretty much snug together, without any gaps.

“Fuck this,” Ben growled, then stopped thinking about it and wasting the last moments of his life. He'd rather go down doing something, rather than standing there like a naked moron with a shitty crown on his head.

With an effort of will, Ben created a very tiny utility pocket, just a very small hole, then started blasting air at the hairline seam where the backshell met to protect the wings.

The left side of the shell flapped open for just a second, and as for who was more surprised, Ben or the Beetle, nobody could say. They both paused in their efforts for a second, then the beetle restarted its efforts to get free, and even seemed to have doubled them.

“Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit!” Ben was yelling, the mini-boss chamber music was blaring, along with a sound like a really powerful can of compressed air through a straw, like a keyboard cleaner, filled the area with its signature 'SSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHH'.

The beetle was flexing its wings shut now, Ben could tell. He realized that if there was any time to start burning his entire mana pool at once, it was right-fucking-now, because there wasn't a fight once the bug got loose.

“AAAAAAAHHHHH!” Ben yelled, feeling his brain practically shrink from the sudden mental load. The shell was blasted open and held open for one long crucial moment.

Ben shot the ax out of a large pocket, and it lodged itself between the soft inside, and the hard outside of his opponent. For the first time, Ben heard the beetle cry out in pain and frustration. Its efforts to get free paused just for a moment, before it started working even harder to get loose. Ben heard some ominous snapping and cracking noises, and realized the monster was going to snap its own horn off.

“No time!” Ben yelled, then ran towards the beetle's body, pulling the rusty short-sword from his utility pocket and jumping onto the things back. He plunged the blade deep into the monster while it bucked and kicked; the sword snapped in half inside its back and Ben was kicked off.

He flew through the air. Luckily the kick hadn't broken anything, but it had gouged an oval scrap of flesh backwards on his side. Ben crashed into the wall and looked down, then looked up and felt sick, the image of his own ribs and the accordion-like wrinkles his skin had formed burned into his mind. Blood started seeping freely, and it felt strangely nice against his cold, clammy, sweaty skin.

The beetle was still struggling to get loose, but its movements were getting slower and slower. It struggled with one last, utterly mighty exertion of strength, then collapsed with a huge sigh.

Ben only then realized how hard he was breathing, full lungful in, full lungful out, practically a full second per cycle. He felt light-headed, and he felt good. No pain at all, just a little tired. The exits to the room opened themselves up once again, proving to Ben beyond a reasonable doubt that the Ax Beetle really was dead.

His immediate impulse was to try and store the body away in his utility pocket.

“Whap- Ow, no, ok. No thanks, I'll wait,” Ben said, feeling a sharp, splitting headache come on the moment he tried to use any mana.

'Yeah, just gonna sit here for a few minutes,' Ben thought, then shut his eyes.

-

[You have advanced to Level 3!]

[Skill Gained!]

[Lucky Dodge]

[Crown Skill: The Prince Has No Clothes]

[You have advanced to Level 4!]

[Skill Gained!]

[Short Sword Proficiency: Apprentice]

[Royal Antique Restoration: Left Hand]

[Mana Burst]

[Utility Pocket Skill Gained!]

[That's My Sword!]

[High Pressure]

[Prince Lv 4]

-

Ben started back awake, and felt a dull, painful ache in his side. He looked down and saw the still seeping wound that had been gouged into his flesh. He scrunched his nose, prayed that the Ring of Sacrifice would make him lucky, then began launching crates at the ceiling to break them.

He got a few more of the strange money crystals, and on the very last box, a paper heart glided down like a leaf, landing perfectly on its point and floating in the air. He reached for it, then got a strange sense that he should pull his scrunched up flesh where it was supposed to be before he healed.

Ben, if he were to ever re-tell the story, wouldn't hide the fact that he vomited when he pulled his skin into place like he had. It sat like a bruised up, ugly, wrinkled, bloody skin bandage, but it covered his ribs and was about where it was supposed to be.

He grabbed the heart and as it vanished a heat rushed up his arm and poured through, into the places that hurt the most. It warmed his flesh for moments, then disappeared. When Ben looked down, the gouge was visible as only an ugly blue and black bruise; it looked like someone had taken a large, round-headed paintbrush, and painted a bruise onto his side, an oval smear.

But, the skin was whole, attached, and smooth. It hurt if he twisted or moved, but it didn't make him feel a sense of sickening dread when he saw or thought of it. This was something that was going to heal, which was more than he could have said before the paper heart did its work.

Ben stood up, gingerly probed his mana pool, and was relieved to find it had recovered about. . . sixty percent? It was more than half, and less than three quarters; right about now, Ben would have appreciated a little blue mana bar that told him exactly what he had in the tank, but he'd selected the utility pocket instead of the perk that would have given him stuff like that. Knowledge was power, but the ability to steal and store anything was also power, one that Ben had never before possessed.

With a mad grin, Ben swiped his hand in the direction of the dead Ax Beetle.

“Whap,” he said, his cadence fast and abrupt, his tone light. A utility pocket appeared at the tip of the still lodged horn and then rushed down the length, the horn vanishing as the utility pocket stowed it away. As the body fell from the wall, the pocket raced forward, opening wide like an enormous bag.

The body never even hit the floor.

“I'm getting really good at that,” Ben said, staring at his hand in wonder, then feeling at his brain. It would be like if someone suddenly started curling forty-pound dumbbells when before they could only do twenties, and then grabbing a bicep.

“[Mana Burst]?” Ben mused out loud, then shrugged, “it sure would be nice to have a window that told me what these skills did.”

But, again, Ben had chosen the Utility Pocket as his Plus Perk, rather than the [Ever Piercing Eyes]. If Ben had been the kind of person who was good at planning things out and min-maxing a character in games, sure, but he knew as well as anyone who watched him play that he wasn't a very skilled gamer.

Still, the [Tools of The System] ability that came with the eyes had tempted Ben more than anything.

“Must be [Mana Burst],” Ben said, and nodded, agreeing with himself for at least the second time in a day. He stood up and tried to stretch out in a way that didn't hurt.

Then, he gave up on that and just tried to stretch out in the way that hurt the least, and more or less succeeded.

“God that smarts,” Ben said, trying not to wince every time the skin on his side moved and aggravated his bruise. Fun fact about anatomy, which Ben was getting first hand, pretty much every movement tugs on the skin on the sides of the ribs one way or another.

“I am the champion,” Ben said quietly, his voice strained with discomfort, “Ow. I beat the bug, I'm the best, ow.”

Ben stopped congratulating himself and started focusing on his surroundings. There were two unexplored tunnels in the Ax Beetle's chamber, one of which was a bright silver door with a keyhole, and the other of which was just another dark tunnel.

Ben looked at the darkness, felt the pain in his side, then looked at the shiny, beautiful, silver door. It was circular, like a hobbit house door, and the keyhole was large, and in the center.

“By all that's holy, I hope there's treasure behind that door and not another fucking Ax Beetle,” Ben said, then pulled out his silver key and approached the locked door.

He tried walking for a bit, but his feet were completely bare, and the ground was a little on the rough side, so he floated a few inches off the ground.

When he tried to put the key in the lock he encountered the oddest resistance, like trying to put two north poles of magnets together. It wasn't strong, but it did mean he had to really focus. Ben gripped the key with both hands and pushed past the resistant force. When the key actually entered the keyhole, it also behaved as though magnetized, snapping into place and turning on its own. The door's internal mechanisms sounded complex, a series of clicks and pops that went on for about three seconds, then there was a soft hiss, and the door started evaporating like dry ice.

“[Key Key-per]!” A voice sounded from the door. It sounded like the host of a game-show announcing a prize.

“Nice,” Ben said, catching the key as it fell, and noticing it now had a visible '1' impressed into its shaft. “I really wanted to try and get that door though. Would have been nice to launch something that big and heavy at a monster.”

No gas was released as the door vanished, and the process was reasonably quick, so Ben kept his eyes on it as it went. Little holes appeared and got bigger all over the door, pieces falling off and evaporating before they hit the ground.

Then, the whole thing collapsed in on itself, and Ben got a peek into the next room.

Three chests sat next to one another. They were made from rich, red-painted wood, with golden highlights. The one on the far left had no lock, the one in the center had a silver lock, and the one on the far right had an ornate, golden lock with little horns on it.

A little wooden sign sat in the room, made from the same green wood as the rest of the lair dungeon, and painted on its face was a single word.

'Choose'

“Well, none of them are mimics,” Ben said, his [Mimic Sense] telling him that the chests were for sure chests, and interestingly enough, also telling him that they were real chests with real treasures inside them.

He glanced down at the silver key he'd gotten to keep from his [Key Key-per] perk, and had the thought that it was his only silver key. How rare were these things? How useful were they? Treasure would be nice, but there was no guarantee the bigger chests would have what he needed.

Ben had to ask himself too, what if he couldn't clear the dungeon? The Ax Beetle had been dangerous and smart, and luck had played too large of a role in his victory over it. Would the next room in the dungeon be even more dangerous? Could he survive a fight if there were, God forbid, two of those things? Hell, could he win if there was just one beetle, and only one other monster in the room?

He didn't know. He did not know.

“Choose. . . ?” Ben raised an eyebrow, his mind trailing off into a silent question, examining the room critically. He didn't see any traps, no hidden compartments monsters might be hiding in, no faintly etched magical runes, nothing.

He walked into the treasure chamber, and his eyes immediately went to his exit, which remained open.

“Good sign,” Ben said, then started walking around the three chests one by one. He looked at the ground then examined the woodwork, trying to find any indication of what would happen once he ‘choose'd’ a chest. The chests each seemed to have a little button on the front, which was how he assumed they opened up.

“It didn't say choose a chest,” Ben said, already edging out of the room, “it just said choose, so. . . I choose. . .”

Ben, once he was at maximum range, and outside of the treasure room, opened a utility pocket wide enough to grab all three chests. It spread across the ground like ink on paper, a solid black shadow with purple edges that seemed to wiggle with anticipation.

“W-w-whap!” Ben snapped, both with his voice and with his fingers, feeling his mana take a sharp hit from the distance, the size, and the force by which Ben stole all three chests.

He succeeded, and Ben crouched low into a ready position, eyes sharp and ready for. . . pretty much anything but what actually happened.

The sign vanished slowly, and then was gone.

Mentally, Ben checked his utility pouch and found all three chests were still there.

“Ha, beat the system,” he said, though he wasn't talking about The System so much as rules in general anywhere. He sat down cross-legged and released the first chest, the one without a lock.

“This was a no-brainer,” Ben said, and pressed the button to open it up without ceremony. The chest however, was big into ceremony. The lid slowly opened and soft white light was released. The light smelled like lavender and fabric softener and all the other nice smells that put people at ease.

The contents were obscured by the light until the chest was fully open, and what Ben saw was. . . well, he'd been hoping for a sword, or a pair of pants, or even a bathrobe... he'd settle for a bathrobe.

What he got was a small pile of the white, probably money, crystals, and a large clear octahedron; an eight-sided piece of clear glass that looked like two pyramids stuck together base to base.

“Oh well,” Ben said, taking the money and brushing his finger against the novel crystal.

[You have found a disposable Town Crystal, one-time use. Would you like to activate it now? Service will be available for four hours after you leave the crystal unattended.]

Ben thought about it for about two seconds, then realized holding onto this thing wouldn't do him any good if he died in the next room, and that running from the dungeon wasn't a real option for him. He felt, through his class as a [Prince], that if he abandoned his tree he would lose his royal title and all the skills associated with it.

“Yes,” Ben said, and the crystal rose into the air and floated to the center of the room he was in, the room he'd fought the Ax Beetle in.

For the first time, Ben saw an actual menu appear in front of him, like he was really in a game.

[Temporary Town Crystal, Lowest Grade, Located in The Lair of the Aeon Slug. Time Remaining: 4:00:00]

[Features available:

Shop

Gamble

Full Heal (1 Remaining)

Suggestion Box]

Ben selected the Suggestion Box, then un-selected it, because all he was going to do was write a really profanity-laden, pissed off message.

[Congratulations! For exercising good judgment in the use of the suggestion box, you have been granted a shop voucher!]

[Shop Voucher: A gesture of goodwill merits goodwill in return, allows the purchase of any item for free. Like goodwill, this is short-lived. One hour until expiration.]

Ben rolled his eyes, and accepted the free gift, then selected the Shop option.

[You have 63c]

“More than I thought I had,” Ben whispered.

[Please note, higher grade crystals will have a larger selection of items available, and at better prices. As with all shops, the number of purchases per week is limited. The Sell function is unavailable, grade too low.]

[Healing or Mana Potion x1 – 1,500c]

[Basic Outfit Piece (pants or shirt or boots ect) x1 – 100c]

[Perk Lottery Ticket – 10,000c]

[Perk Removal Sponge – 10,000c]

[Basic Ration x1 – 10c]

Ben eyed the options, thought about his shop voucher, and decided again that now wasn't the time to be holding things in reserve.

[You have redeemed a shop voucher and purchased a Perk Lottery Ticket! Good fortune, adventurer!]

[This shop can support only one more purchase, would you like to continue shopping?]

Ben swiped the shop away then selected Gamble.

[Only the most basic Gamble is available. Seek out higher grade town crystals for more exciting games, with more esoteric wagers!]

[Coin Toss 50c wager. Heads, you win and double your money. Tails, you lose. Would you like to play?]

Ben really wanted that basic outfit, so he took the gamble, and lost most all of his money.

[Ooohh, Bad Luck! You only have 13c remaining, no wager is available!]

Ben sucked in some air through his teeth and softly swore, and then cursed his nakedness, and then cursed gambling everywhere, and then pulled out the perk lottery ticket and proceeded to gamble again.

[You are redeeming x1 Perk Lottery Ticket!]

[You will be given between one and three choices]

[Rolling. . . 2!]

[Rolling for the number of perks revealed. . . 1.]

[You have two perks to choose from, and one of them is hidden. Please note that you must choose a perk.]

[Legendary, Blood Perk]

[HIDDEN]

[Create Minor Elemental]

[Very Common, Special Perk]

[This is a one time use perk. A wand of Create Minor Elemental will be given to you. This allows you to create a permanently bound minor elemental that will level independently of you. It must have a powerful source of its element nearby at all times, or it will die.

Don't give it a name, it's not going to survive long enough for it to matter. Seriously, go to a town crystal and send The System a message, he'll give you the sad, sad stats.]

Ben frowned and focused on his two options. If he hadn't already redeemed a perk lottery ticket and seen [Mind Horror], he would have already selected the unknown, legendary blood perk.

He was still considering it.

On the other hand, [Create Minor Elemental] sounded. . . well, the description basically said it was shit. Ben had doubts about that, because the elemental could level, and therefore, probably get stronger. Further, no matter how weak it was, right now he was fighting literal bugs in an [Extremely Tiny] environment.

No better place to level up a weak creature, Ben thought.

Plus, it was a known quantity, whereas the unknown legendary perk was. . . well, it could do anything. Plus, his luck had been kind-of shit when he was gambling just a few seconds ago, and the sore feeling of losing still hadn't faded.

[You have gained a Wand of Create Minor Elemental!]

[Hidden Perk revealed!]

“That's just cruel,” Ben said before he saw what he missed out on.

[Worm Blood]

[Transforms your blood into billions of tiny, living worms. They will stitch your body together from even the most grievous of wounds, and only fire will be able to kill you.

See if you can last a week before screaming 'They're Inside Me' and then lighting yourself on fire. So far, nobody's made it a week.]

“Well that sounds fucking horrifying,” Ben said, eyebrows all the way up. Then, interrupting his ability to imagine in horrifying, tactile detail the feeling of having a billion tiny, living worms for blood, a wand appeared in his hand with a dry, dusty 'Poooooof'.

The wand looked like something someone would have bought at wal-mart for a friend's kid who was also kind of a brat. That is to say, it looked like a cheap plastic joke. The shaft of it was too large to comfortably fit his hand around, and the end of it was a pastel yellow star.

“Ha,” Ben snorted when he saw it, the laugh entirely involuntary. It was just too funny, really. He pointed it at the wall of the dungeon, and a prompt appeared in his mind.

[Create Minor Dungeon Wood Elemental?]

Ben declined, because he doubted he would encounter much Dungeon Wood in his travels, and he sort of wanted to spite The System by having his minor elemental succeed.

Ben focused on the air in front of him.

[Create Minor Air Elemental?]

“Nah,” Ben said, declining. He would doubtless be surrounded by air for most of the rest of his life, but he couldn't see the added value of having an air elemental, when he already had a utility pocket that filled the same function. Plus, it just seemed a little basic.

Ben opened a pocket in front of him, then dropped the ax he'd stolen- wait, the monster was dead.

He dropped the ax he'd lawfully and rightfully looted, then pointed the wand at the ax.

[Create Minor Metal Elemental?]

Ben repackaged his focus to see how abstract he could get with this.

[Create Minor Ax Elemental?]

“Ha!” Ben said, then declined. He began to cycle through everything in his utility pouch, trying to come up with more and more abstract and esoteric elementals, just to put the wand through its paces.

Water Elemental? Sand Elemental? Iron Elemental? Salt Elemental? Crown Elemental, and Ben had to suppress a dumb, class-based urge to select that one; Portal Elemental?

[Would you like to create a Minor Portal Elemental?]

“Uh, what?” Ben asked, realizing he'd accidentally pointed the wand at his utility pocket. “Oh,” he said, then his eyes widened, “OH!”

Ben tried different angles and different ways of thinking about the utility pocket, just to see if he could shake a slightly rarer and more exotic verbiage out of the wand. Nothing worked, until he focused on the little purple tendrils that seemed to wiggle and wave at him in a friendly way.

[Would you like to create a Minor Utility Pouch Elemental?]

“Yes!” Ben shouted, more in triumph than anything else.

The wand started to glow, and suddenly Ben was aware that he was holding an object of real magic, and that he was completely wrong about how cheap it looked.

The star at the end became bright like an actual sun, then it cracked, the whole wand snapping in half longways, and purple and black energies rose from the broken pieces.

They coalesced on the ground into a little blob creature with four distinct, blobby limbs. It was the dark space of the utility pocket's portal given life. It tested one limb, then the next, and took a gentle step forward.

Then, it opened a portal, went through, and vanished.

“Frankie?” Ben called out, “Where'd ya go, little buddy?”