Chapter 66

Snake Report: Life as an ascended being, Day 3

Wow! So soon? Where was the rest of day two oh great snakey-one?

I can hear those questions being asked, even without ears.

I'll tell you where they went.

Down the insatiable appetite known as the [Voice of Gaia]

It's a greedy, greedy bastard.

As a result of my unavoidable ignorance, the rest of the day went together with no small fortune of points and mana.

I'm honestly starting to think it's toying with me, telling me just enough, timing the market and prices... Rigged. It's a rigged game.

[Human Language - Northern Continent Dialect: Comprehension] - 2,000 points

Purchased. All was well.

Still didn't understand what Miss Paladin was saying.

Oh. That's right. Even in my last life, there were HUNDREDS of human languages.

Hiss...

[Human Language - Southern Continent Dialect : Comprehension] - 2,000 points

Next on the list, and mind you: It's a long list.

Purchased.

All was well.

...

This time it worked.

I'll admit it.

But tricks.

Like making deals with a genie. It's a lot like that. I feel like I should have been given this sort of thing from the start. I feel like I'm trying to buy a car at a dealership, and they keep tacking on more fees.

Also: Each purchase costs points, costs mana, costs time.

Time?

Yes. Time. That thing I actually think we're running out of considering neither of us have eaten anything but some tiny bits of dried Eel-steak Miss Paladin had in the pouch on her belt.

Each purchase knocks me the hell out. Poof, done. I wake up some ambiguous quantity of time later with a terrible migraine.

But, it's not just that- notice the fine print: Comprehension.

See, I'm still a snake.

Snakes can't talk.

"Hiss." That's what I sound like. Even after buying these outrageously expensive things, I still sound like "Hiss."

Fine print.

Tricks.

Yes. It's a total rip-off.

A rip off that forces me down a desired path, leading me now on the concept of a sunk-cost to my last intended purchase.

[Knowledge Element]

[Spirit Attendant] - Bonded Spirit of the Earth, a tool for its master. Known to accompany Divine Beasts of Legend. [8,000 Points]

Hissssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

That means: "This game is rigged" in Snake Language.

Somehow- SOMEHOW, I don't have enough points.

Starting at 10,000, I never would have considered this possible.

Rigged.

Hisss...

I'm complaining.

Too much, I think it's all I seem to do recently.

Gotta cut that out. Honestly, I don't have a right to complain.

I died a mediocre person at best, and I came back to life as a Snake. Instead of disappearing from existence forever, or going to hell, or being reborn as a sea-barnacle, I came back with my mind still present.

Fucked-up reality filled with danger and death, not even possessing arms and legs: Everything is gravy. This is another shot at life, and I really shouldn't be here at all. It's important to remember.

I have no rights to complain.

None.

But I'll say this: I almost wish I couldn't understand Miss Paladin.

Snakes can do okay without food and water.

People can't.

Trouble.

We're in trouble.