Now, how to singlehandedly steal a slime princess I know nothing about, in an area I know nothing about, without the people who live here getting suspicious of the strangers in the area?

Calvin opened up a leather bound case of vials, with each of his mutations clearly labeled on the glasses, running his fingers over it to remind himself of his options in a visual way and possibly spark some idea.

Hmmm… Mesmerizing Eyes, Heart of the Swarm.

Calvin could turn into a Lure, actually. They had the ability to focus their effect on a specific creature, which would be perfect for luring the princess into an accident.

And it would have to be an accident. Calvin had briefly considered manufacturing a way to turn into an ooze weaver and kidnapping her that way, to completely throw off the scent, but Calvin realized his ignorance about Ooze weaver culture and physiology would throw up red flags faster than anything.

What if there were rival tribes of ooze weavers and he started a war? What if there were none, and everyone noticed an extra ooze weaver in a matter of seconds?

A simple accident would be ideal. Witnessed by everyone would be even better. Can’t blame the humans for her tripping and falling into the river can you?

Calvin pulled the Mesmerizing Eyes mutation out of the case and sloshed the fine crimson powder back and forth in front of himself.

Now this can cause some workplace accidents.

***Ykuingi***

“You must be terrified,” Ykuingi’s friend, Gyintingu said as they tossed Bindings out into the river, aiming to supplement their fish pools with more fish to eat, and extra nutrients for the algae scum. They were resting in the thick branches of the lower canopy perched out above the river, the murky water

“Don’t remind me,” Ykuingi said. “I haven’t even spoken with their leader yet.” She hadn’t spoken with him yet, but she had been present while her mother spoke to him, and he seemed…erratic, at best, his attitude changing on a dime.

Promising to breed her.

Ykuingi’s shell itched uncomfortably at that. She sincerely hoped that was a joke, because humans were disgusting with their fleshy lack of carapace, bone dry bodies, and moss-heads.

“I heard they use fire.” Gyintingu said with an audible tremor in her voice. “I pray to Mother Hagfish that you don’t come back to us with yellow mucus.”

“That’s just a myth. Yellowed mucus isn’t permanent, as long as you don’t actually get burned.”

“Thank the mother for the humans, though, even if their leader does look stupid. We can finally retake the shrine and properly worship once again.” Gyintingu said, making a habitual sign of obescience to Mother Hagfish.

“Don’t forget the fish.”

“And the fish!” Her friend responded. “I know the great Ynkingi invented the fish pools a generation ago because we were denied access to the lake, but now we have it back! Once those unnatural humans stop marring the air with smoke, we can retake the shore and finally stop making the pools.”

“I don’t think that’ll be the case.” A voice came from behind them with a strange, stilted accent.

It couldn’t be. Ykuingi and all the People for a hundred feet along the edge of the river turned to stare at the human standing on the branches, clinging to the branches as easily as one of the People with the little arms at the bottom of its lower arms. The leader of the humans looked quite comfortable in a tree.

“How…”

“I spent a lot of time in a tree as a child,” He said, baring his immobile teeth at them in a strange warping of his face. “Although I never tried fishing from them. When you think about it it’s a great way to avoid norlocks.”

“What did you mean by not thinking that’s the case?”

“Your people spent a generation making ends meet in a horrible situation and you’re about to have more food than you could possibly need. I wouldn’t be surprised if you experienced a population explosion.”

Gyintingui gave a chortling laugh. “You’re not far off, human. I heard when Tiyingu got word the demon was defeated, she dropped a clutch, right there on the spot out of sheer surprise.”

The human gave his own grunting laugh, baring his teeth again. Perhaps teeth baring is a good thing for humans?

The human leaned forward, peering down at the river before he raised his eyes, scanning the opposite bank with an oddly critical eye.

“I’ll tell you right now, you wouldn’t get human fishers doing it like this, we’re horrible swimmers, on average. Falling into the river would be half a death sentence.”

“The people are very strong swimmers,” Gyintingui said, waving one of her forelegs, bringing attention to the stiff paddles along the sides.

“I see.” The human said with a nod, raising his weird leg with legs. “Us, not so much.”

The human stayed there with the two of them for a few hours, chatting about all sorts of things, from competing over the number of times they’d fallen from a tree, to a brief diatribe on human social structures. They were astonished and terrified at the sheer number of humans, mostly concentrated around the coasts.

Millions? Ykuingi could comprehend a thousand, which was enough fish to feed someone for a year, requiring several pools to keep them fed. But a million? A thousand thousands?

The number seemed to lose meaning entirely, becoming simply so large that she couldn’t comprehend, so she shoved the information into the back of her mind.

Her friend replied that there were no other tribes of People. They had come from the mother hagfish in the center of the lake upsteam, and none had ever left the cradle that was the river since the beginning of time.

Their entire existence revolved around the lake and the river that ran through it, which was why Ykuingi was so terrified about being the first of the People to leave that safety.

Her mother had the right of it, though. The aged People was wise with age and thinkmeat size. They needed someone to assess the risk that the humans posed in order to make more informed decisions about the fate of the tribe as a whole.

The humans obviously had the power to destroy them if they wished, and it was Ykuingi’s duty to make sure that never came to pass.

After the conversation eventually ran short of topics, The human excused himself, preforming an odd motion with his arm before turning to go.

“Oh, I forgot. What’s your name?” ykuingi asked.

“Oh, it’s ‘Calvin’,” He responded.

“Kuaribin?” Ykuingi asked. It was an odd name, that was for sure, with an uncomfortable ‘ah’ sound right in the middle of the word that made it difficult to pronounce.

“Close enough.” Calvin said, nodding.

“Thank you for going out of your way to speak with me. It helped put my mind at ease regarding our trip.”

“No problem,” Calvin said, “And thank you for your hospitality.”

Following that, he swung down off the branch and to the beach, showing a strange sort of swing-y dexterity as he did, using the thick wood to create lurching momentum, rather than a People’s smooth movements.

Those creatures are odd, Ykuingi thought, twitching her teeth in a dismissive gesture before getting back to work. They’d been distracted by conversation so long the other fishers had far outstripped them.

***Calvin***

Playboy has reached level 12! 60% Correction.

Oh, look at that, it works with all sapient races.

Calvin reviewed the information he’d managed to pump out of the pair of fishers as he supervised the finishing touches of his Barge flask. Once that was done, they would start feeding undifferentiated mass into the creation.

So, there’s only a few hundred ooze weavers in the world, by their account. Definitely can’t go in disguised as another. That leaves accidents. From what they told me, it’s uncommon for one of them to fall, but not unheard of… so that’s looking like the way to go.

Now, I don’t know what the exact definition of ‘kidnapping’ that the System uses is, but I would wager it involves the princess being under my custody, the inability – or unwillingness, in Kala’s case – to leave should she choose and an inability for her guardians to reacquire her.

Now let’s get to work.

***Ykuingi, Daughter of the Chief***

Two days went by uneventfully and Ykuingi was once again trawling her Binding through the river, when a subtle reflection of light caught her attention across the river.

Just at the edge of the water, she could make out a fin.

Not just any fin, the fin of what had to be an enourmous log-fish, so called because they liked to pose as bits of wood on the floor of the river. They were particularly tasty, and upon closer inspection she could tell that this one was pregnant, swollen with eggs. If she could bring it in with a male, she would be able to stock their pools for the remaining wet months. if not, well, the eggs were a delicacy.

Win-win.

Ykuingi weaved her Binding carefully. It would be difficult to make a throw across the entire river, but she had to try. She climbed out to the farthest limb, balancing precariously as she whirled her binding twice to get inertia before releasing it toward the huge log-fish.

No such luck. Her Binding fel just a bit short of reaching the opposite bank.

Others could see the fish too, and the surrounding People tried their luck at snaring the oversized log-fish, but Ykuingi’s snare was the longest, a result of being the largest People, save her mother, who was too old to fish.

Strangely, the log-fish didn’t flee. Bloated with eggs as it was, it simply swam a lazy circle and returned to where it was when she first threw the Binding.

Stupid fish. She thought, her teeth wiggling in derision at the dumb animal’s inability to see it was being hunted and respond accordingly.

She tried again.

Miss.

She tried once more.

Still, Ykuingi wasn’t able to get her Binding to cross the distance, falling just short of its target. Still the log-fish swam in lazy circles, taunting the People.

You’re not worth it, Ykuingi thought, glaring in irritation. Her mother had long ago taught her when to give up on something.

That was when the male logfish approached. An adult male, seemingly interested in the gravid female. The chatter amongst the People redoubled.

I have to try!

Ykuingi clambered forward and stretched out, her claws clamping down on the slender branches as she precariously balanced over the river, cheered on by her people. She whipped her Binding around, aiming for the two fish, then released, sending the line of Binding out over the water.

It sailed out, trailing the thin, strong trail of clear Binding wobbling behind it, ready for her to pull in as soon as the stickier Binding at the front snared her prey. It flew up and over, arcing in the air beautifully.

This is it. She thought. This is the one!

Crack!

Ykuingi howled in dismay as the branch supporting most of her weight snapped beneath the tight grip of her claws, sending her tumbling down into the water.

She slid into the water with ease, her mucus coating making the water part around her as easily as the air.

Stupid fish, She thought as she tried to differentiate down from up in the chaos of churning water. I’ll get you next time.

Then everything went black.

After fifteen seconds of watching the water, the People began to grow nervous. Why wasn’t Ykuingi resurfacing? After a full minute, they became alarmed, fearful that she might be being attacked by a norlock.

As such, dozens of People jumped into the river to search for her and fight the underwater creature if they had to... but they found nothing.

In the confusion, nobody noticed the two log-fish blinking out of existence.

***Calvin***

Your Princess Is In Another Castle has reached level 19! 95% Correction

Your Body has reached 35!

“Paydirt.” Calvin said, still wringing the water out of his clothes as he dried off far downstream. He took Ykuingi out of his pocket and nearly dropped the unconscious slime monster’s body when his fingers slipped.

Careful, careful. Calvin thought to himself as he cupped his hands under the unconscious creature, taking extra care not to damage her many, many, moving joints.

Calvin laid her carefully on the ground and twisted off the wingnut on the shrinking bracelet, allowing the technical princess to regain full size.

Calvin knew that his best bet for total anonymity was to simply leave her there, passed out on the side of the bank with no explanation, but that seemed…rude. Not to mention, it would leave an unexplained blank in the girl’s memory, and holes like that had a tendancy to erode into larger ones over time.

It wouldn’t do to have damaged a princess in the process, even mentally.

Is that my thinking or the Skill thinking? Calvin wondered to himself. And when did I start thinking of her as a girl?

I could bust out the Captain Kirk Mutation for you if you get another level in YPiiAC.

No thanks, Calvin thought, glancing down at the many mouth-bits the creature’s had. Calvin didn’t consider himself particularly appearance motivated, but that was far beyond the pale.

Ykuingi began to stir as the Somnovore extract began to wear off, climbing to her feet and scanning the treeline, settling on Calvin as he twisted his shirt into a tight knot, dribbling river water over his knuckles.

“You fell out of the tree,” Calvin said helpfully. “You must have hit your thinkmeats on a rock in the river or something, I saw you floating by, not moving. I fished you out of the river just a minute ago.”

“That’s impossible,” Ykuingi said, her mouth-parts tight and pointing down, almost like a mustache. “If I had hit something hard enough to damage my thinkmeats, there would be a hole in my carapace. Also, the People have long since trawled away all the stones at the bottom of the lake big enough for a norlock to attach themselves to.”

“I’m sure I don’t know what could cause a People to lose consciousness like that,” Calvin said with a shrug. “Just throwing out ideas.”

Ykuingi looked him up and down with an exaggerated movement. “I find your presence here highly suspicious.”

“You try to be nice to someone,” Calvin muttered, shaking his head.

“Ykuingi!” one of the fishers cried as they barreled dowriver. “There she is, with the human!”

Damn. Calvin needed to get her on his side and make himself look squeaky clean in in the next couple seconds.

“Look, make an excuse and say I helped rescue you, and I’ll pay you anything you want.” Calvin said quietly, pulling out the big cannons.

“I want one – no, make that six – gravid log-fish and a male to fertilize their eggs for our farming pools,” Ykuingi shot back.

“Deal.” Calvin agreed instantly.

The bug princess turned and waved at her rescuers. “here I am!” She said. “My lung connectors got misaligned when I hit the water, but Kuaribin managed to fix them before I suffocated! I’m fine now!”

The big princess leaned back toward Calvin, studying his expression carefully. “Humans don’t have lung-connectors where you’re from, do they?”

“Not as such, no.”

Turns out a good bribe is just as good as doing extensive research on the target. If not better.