“My children,” Yahweh announced, floating down from the overdramatic soapbox of his own ridiculous making.

I took the opportunity to steal a glimpse of our angelic escorts, who gazed upon him in undisguised rapture. The extraneous one kept bringing its hands up as if to applaud only to drop them again, making it seem like he’d developed the skip in a vinyl record, but kinetic. The longer I spent around them, the more I suspected some members of the cluster had had less effort put into their creation than others.

The self-styled bookends of the Greek alphabet smiled at the five of us, the complete executive leadership finally together in the same room. Five, because the light show had revealed Enki staggering up behind us from the general direction of the lift. Drunk again. A third angel accompanied him with the same features and vacant expression as the first two.

“I grieve for the events that have brought us here,” the tyrant said sadly. His feet touched the floor and continued seamlessly on towards us. The lights followed him, which both achieved their intended effect but also had us looking straight into blinding illumination.

Thankfully, it seemed Yahweh didn’t plan on making us squint for the entire session. With a small gesture the beams softened and died down into glittering spider strands connecting their subject to the countless stars above. The air was thick with them, and they moved as he walked, making the level shimmer with intangible needles.

“We are the shepherds of the world,” Yahweh continued. “And we have failed our flock.”

I held myself very still. The remaining demonic energy at my fingertips had dwindled to nothing. This was it, then. I was about to be rumbled. The pact would kick in, eat my memories, and send the entire revolution back to square one while I got sent to Facility L, wherever it happened to be.

Yahweh gazed at each of the executives in turn. “Apollo’s treachery had been kindling for some time,” he said to Vishnu, who stared back with a mild frown. “Yet you did not pick it up. You allowed a manager enough unchecked freedom that he grew to believe he knew better than the company. That he stood above the sacred Rules defining all we hold dear. This is inexcusable. There are delicate balances in this world that must be preserved. And if you cannot fulfill your duty I must find someone who can.”

He moved down the line. “Hera.”

“Yes.”

“You were well aware of Apollo’s character. Your troubled history with him is well-known. Yet you, too, failed to pre-empt his actions.”

“Yes,” replied Hera again, meeting his stare. “There are few realistic courses of action against a seer of Apollo’s calibre. This is why I advised in favour of Odin’s inclusion on the committee, among other contingencies.” She glanced in my direction, as if willing me to step in.

“We’ll get to him,” Yahweh said dismissively. “More than one person in this room has been keeping secrets from us.”

The sinking feeling in my stomach deepened. He knew. Adrenaline, no longer kept in check by my powers, pulsed through my body. My fingers shook. Just slightly. No one was looking in their direction, not even the angels. But the tyrant’s eyes turned briefly towards me, and he smiled. The reality slice saw all. At least up close.

Yahweh’s eyes slid past me to a more distant focus. “Enki.” He stepped forward, threading his way through the group. The light needles danced with him. “It is, I am afraid, exactly as I expected of you. As I have always instructed you, he who poisons his body also poisons his mind.” He sniffed and made a disapproving noise. “But we do need you.”

I was next in line, but he walked past me without so much as a glance, the taps of his shoes almost lost in the seeming infinite of the hall. Saving the one he wanted to make an example of for last. I held my breath despite the tug in my chest.

“Legba. I must say I am disappointed, but alas I cannot say that I am surprised. I have indulged your attempts to court modernity and yet you have neglected the teaching of my holy word where it matters most. If I cannot rely on you to conduct the most basic aspect of your job, I can hardly rely on you to accomplish the rest. Your recent actions betray complacency and disregard at its worst.”

He stepped back, regarding the executive as a whole. “I am a god of love, and I love you as I love all of my children. But I am also a just god, and therefore justice must be dispensed.”

“We prevented the issue from becoming a problem,” Hera said, stepping forward. “Apollo has now been removed from the equation, with a more controllable candidate being installed in his place. I admit it was a mistake to allow him his side projects; we believed it would keep him agreeable and compliant. Clearly, we were mistaken.”

“Yes,” replied Yahweh, his tone riddled with pity. “I blame myself for this. Despite my misgivings I have allowed you too free a reign, and as always, I have been disappointed as a result. It is a terrible curse, to understand what it is that ails the world. The sickness that lies in its heart, writhes in its roots. Disharmony plagues my children. And the cure is a basic truth that apparently only I am capable of seeing.”

“You’re not the only one who sees it,” Hera interjected.

The temperature in the room seemed to lower by a few degrees. A few of the feathers in the angels’ wings fluttered in some unseen breeze.

“My apologies,” Hera said, talking a step back, and lowered her head slightly. “I did not mean to interrupt.”

The tyrant smiled tightly back at her, but his eyes were slightly too wide, and something dangerous glinted in them.

“Every problem in the world can be boiled down to conflict,” he stated, addressing the group again. Great – now I had to suffer through a monologue before being consigned to my fate, just to add insult to injury. “People claim to desire peace, but fail to understand what it takes to achieve it. Conflict arises from disagreement and difference of opinion. Power struggles between defective individuals unable to accept the sacrifice necessary to reach paradise. I had it, once.”

He looked into the middle distance, as if remembering the glory of his previous Eden.

“But rather than let me fix it, I was opposed at every turn.”

Turning his attention to the stars above beaming their lights onto him all at once, he made a small gesture. The filaments dimmed, becoming just stars once again. “Look at them. My children, finally accepting that one simple truth, supporting it with millions upon millions of prayers. Imagine how it pains me when my most trusted lieutenants fail me.”

Technically-speaking, I supposed he was right, although in all my years I’d met almost no one who really wanted their decisions subsumed into another’s. It was all sunshine and roses until someone realised their vision of paradise didn’t match up with their idol’s; that its promised blue skies and pastures looked an awful lot like chipboard and astroturf from the inside. Or that they could pretend all they liked, but maybe they just craved rain. When you added in the not insignificant detail that the tyrant’s idea of paradise included a very lopsided hierarchy, it became harder to swallow again.

The world Yahweh described was, simply put, inimical to anything with a soul. He didn’t want mortals, he wanted angels mark two. Creations truly made in his own image. So much so that even their minds became an extension of his. Whoever they once were, truly gone.

Aware of the reality slice in operation, I tried very hard not to think about it. I hadn’t been sent off to a demotion facility yet; no point hastening my trip there while there was still a chance.

That chance rapidly waned when the chief executive finally looked in my direction. “And there we have it,” he said, striding towards me until he stood within arm’s reach. “You haven’t told anyone, have you?”

I braced myself to run, though I didn’t fancy my chances. The angels might have been glacial around the office, but I’d seen them move at speeds to rival high speed police chases.

Before I had a chance to react, Yahweh’s palm slammed into my chest, right over the wound. I couldn’t help it; I winced.

Without my powers constantly refreshing the applied anaesthetic, it had been starting to wear off. And with everything I knew about magic spear holes – a field in which my knowledge had recently, violently grown – it might be what I’d have to look forward to for the indefinite future. But instead of twisting his thumb in, the pain dissipated.

“Odin. We have had our differences in the past. But I must admit, you alone have exceeded my expectations this day. That you uncovered Apollo’s treachery is merely acceptable. But you also suffered a grievous wound in my service without complaint.” Retracting the hand, the tyrant turned back from me to address the C-Suite once more as a whole. “Perhaps I have misjudged the depths of your loyalty.”

Flesh I thought irreparably damaged knit together. Organs bumped out of shape realigned themselves into more standard configurations.

I tried to keep the shock off my face but only partially succeeded, letting out a silent breath between tight jaws. Bumba’s puke, he hadn’t figured it out. Unless he was feeling particularly sadistic, trying to lull me into thinking I’d won. But that was more Odin’s style, not his. At this point, I felt more in danger of losing my memory to the pact.

Even more troubling, it seemed to confirm Yahweh could overrule any divine power he put his mind to. Even his own spear.

Everything except Lucy, apparently. Although Lucy had shown himself to be similarly inclined. The whole accursed pantheon had roots in control. I wondered if the pact would have even held up if it had come from anyone else, or if Yahweh would have sliced through that, too.

And as far as ‘winning’ went, I was far from the victory line.

“Ask yourselves if you would have done the same,” the tyrant continued. “Plenty of platitudes drip from your tongues –”

From the corner of my eye, I noticed Enki pulling a face, stopping just shy of outward disgust.

“– most of your tongues,” Yahweh amended, “but the more time passes, the more it begins to resemble empty lip service.” He swivelled on his toes. “Apollo’s gambit had no possibility of succeeding, but I find myself concerned, questioning what would have happened if he had. Would you have truly taken back my throne, or whored yourselves into the employ of the usurper? Are you sincere about your loyalty, or just telling me what you think I want to hear?” He spread his hands to the stars once more. “Every one of my loyal lambs has enough faith to take a bullet for me, despite their fragile little lives. How many of you would do the same?”

Hera’s face twisted. “I gave up my children to you.”

“Yes,” said Yahweh, dismissively. “How many hundreds of years ago? Time enough for wounds to heal and memories to dim. Even for you.”

“I will never lose that pain,” countered the goddess of family. “I gave up my most precious treasures to prove my faith in this cause. Their value has not diminished and nor has my dedication. How dare you suggest I would ever throw away the weight of their sacrifice.”

Yahweh gazed at her for a long moment, a less-than-heavenly vein throbbing in the holy neck. She met his gaze with steel in her eyes.

Soundlessly, the three angels rotated in her direction. Waiting. Then Providence’s chief executive waved a hand. “So it hasn’t. The reminder will keep you focused.”

“I have never forgotten,” Hera insisted, but she bowed her head.

“As for the rest of you,” Yahweh resumed, seeming to forget about his CFO, “I suggest you learn from Odin’s example. Ask yourselves if your hearts are righteous or drifting away. And if they are righteous, how you might better dedicate yourselves to illustrating it. Faith without deed is meaningless, and there is no room in this organisation for the weak of faith.”

I shot another glance at Enki. The Sumerian had dropped into an undisguised, sullen glower in stark contrast to the others’ diplomatic stances. Interesting. I felt a sudden pang of kinship despite our enormous difference in blood alcohol levels.

Hera, on the other hand, I had no sympathy for. Having your children ripped away from you was one thing. Giving them up willingly was another entirely. And for what, some ridiculous hierarchy? Some noble belief Yahweh could do a better job at rulership than her husband had? Zeus might have been – well, Zeus – but no matter how abysmal a relationship, it was no reason to punish the rest of the family. The only one worse was the tyrant himself, for demanding she do it.

Marriage might have been Hera’s domain, but based on her own personal and business arrangements, she was practically a walking advertisement for divorce.

Yahweh’s head turned. The angels turned with it. “Vishnu. I understand change is not your strong point, but do not flout my instructions again.”

“Under our current circumstances, stasis was the simplest way to solve the tsunami problem,” Vishnu responded. “It prevented both considerable loss of life and damage to valuable infrastructure.”

“How many times must I tell you, Vishnu, we guide the world with a gentle hand,” Yahweh said impatiently. “If we solve every little problem for the mortals, they grow lazy and decadent. Only through toil can they truly develop faith and virtue.”

“I sought only to continue the established system of damage minimisation -”

“Perhaps you should spend less time following the wisdom of traitors and more time listening to mine.” Yahweh’s voice had gone dangerously quiet. “Otherwise I might find the recent depletion of your department cause enough to merge it into Odin’s. He seems to be doing half your job for you already.”

Vishnu blinked back at him. “Understood. I can also amend department operating procedure to prevent further unsanctioned interference, though I caution it may result in long-term reputational loss.”

“Apollo did more for Providence’s reputation than his entire department,” Enki slurred in interruption, pointing a wavering finger in Legba’s direction. “No offence, Leggy.”

His quarry’s eyebrows rose a little. “None… taken.”

“It’s a fucking terrible idea,” Enki continued. “Vishnu’s bit, I mean. No one will thank you.” He swayed slightly on his feet. “That is my official advice in my official capacity, which you may choose to ignore as usual.”

“That’s enough,” Hera commanded in a warning tone.

I half expected Enki’s head to explode in underwhelming grayscale then and there, but other than looking supremely irritated, Yahweh seemed to let it pass. “There will be no amendments to procedure,” he stated. “But you are not to interfere. Business is to continue as normal. Oh, and remove the pretender in Italy. It’s only a matter of time before he does irreparable damage to my name.”

Hera nodded, and from the look on her face I gathered the instruction came as a relief to her. “Immediately.”

Mayari had called it, I thought in dismay. Lorenzo the accidental messiah wasn’t looking long for this world – along with our convenient distraction. Now that my own name was in the clear I was feeling up to some bolder decisions, and stuffed my hands up my sleeves to hide the adrenaline still shaking through them. Then I cleared my throat.

“Yes, Odin?” The tyrant frowned slightly, a reminder his goodwill would only extend approximately twice as long as the memory of a goldfish.

“It’s a waste,” I argued. “It’s been a long time since you gave the public a sign of your leadership. Word’s only just starting to get out, but already people the world over are catching on. They’re holding their breaths waiting to find out if it’s true.”

“Of course it’s not true,” Yahweh responded in an irritated tone. “It was a staff member defying my rules. A rogue shapeshifter pretending to be an angel. In case it wasn’t clear, I want them demoted.”

Despite it being common internal knowledge Yahweh wasn’t really omniscient, he still clung to maintaining the illusion, throwing out bits of gathered information to make it seem like he knew more than he actually did. Being the dutiful, backstabbing vizier, I took it for granted I was expected to play along. Anything Odin didn’t already know, he soon would later, after all.

“Of course,” I said, dialling up the smarm. “And since it’s too late to undo that particular blunder, we can capitalise on it instead. People adore you –” unfortunately, “– but in terms of growth potential, a beautiful opportunity has just parked itself in our lap. As cathartic as it might be to pretend it never happened, disappearing Lorenzo now will just make people write him off as another disappointing lunatic. Forgotten about in tomorrow’s news. What we want is another Joseph Smith. A name people remember. Except this time we can send down a company representative to tell him what to say and make sure he doesn’t end up on tangents about magic underwear.”

“I like it,” Legba chimed in. “Enki thinks we’re not doing enough? My team will jump at the opportunity. Fan some new flames.”

“Seems to me the world could use a reminder about exactly who they should be thanking for their lives,” I added. “Build him up a bit. He won’t be a pretender if the messages really are coming from you.” I gave it a moment for dramatic effect. “Then we can kill him.”

“It’s clear Apollo was holding us all back.” Legba’s follow-up was seamless. Minutes earlier he’d literally signed my death warrant, only to jump ship the moment I was back in the good books. “Indirect sabotage, anyone? His greatest crime wasn’t even in plotting an uprising. It was fooling us into thinking it hadn’t already happened. This whole time we could have been erecting mountains in your glory. Instead, we quietly maintained the status quo. Let us make the whole world praise Providence and its glorious leader.”

Damn, he was good. So good, I found myself wondering if it wasn’t in fact true. If Apollo had in fact had more on his agenda than prolonging lives, and had single-handedly prevented the world from descending completely into totalitarian theocracy.

Nah. Well, he might have. But by accident.

Yahweh’s gaze flicked from myself to the Chief Marketing Officer and back again, his angels inching slightly closer. He had the look of someone suspecting they were being played but unable to put his finger on how. I focused on making my body language sincere. Grateful for Yahweh’s merciful healing and eager to repay the favour. Legba could draw the heat.

Flattery, as ever, remained the tyrant’s weakness. “Perhaps you deserve a chance,” he said eventually. “My existing spokesperson has proven himself a disappointment. Sacred tradition is no longer afforded the respect it once commanded, even among the faithful. Legba, you will oversee this latest campaign.”

“Of course.”

“Chief Executive,” Vishnu spoke up, somewhat hesitantly. “Urgent information has come to light in the Siphon investigation.”

“You’re behind, Vishnu,” Yahweh spoke in a bored tone. “It’s only new to you. I’ve known about their game plan for some time, and they pose no threat to me. As long as they continue to weed out the chaff in this organisation, I consider them a company asset. One which operates for free.”

“But Themis –”

“An unfortunate loss. You may promote a replacement.”

“They are no longer simply a threat to individuals,” Vishnu persisted. “Their risk to Providence elevates them to at least a class Gimel.”

“Then by all means, mobilise your resources to shut them down.” Yahweh sounded utterly unconcerned. “You have everything you need at your disposal. But this is your battle, not mine.”

Vishnu pursed his lips. “Then under crisis management protocol Gimel, I submit a formal request to requisition an edict.”

Enki’s head, which had been lolling to the side, blearily rotated towards the COO. “Next available slot isn’t until November,” he said.

“I will make time.”

Enki brought a hand up and attempted to snap his fingers. The tips of his digits slid off of each other with a clumsy rasp. “Darn.” He gestured to the rest of us. “See you in several years, I guess. Or however long it ends up being for the rest of you.”

And then Vishnu glitched.

Something wet covered my face and hands on the other side of it, like the tsunami all over again, but sticky. Far too slow, I raised my fingers and looked at the dark grey goop sliding down them into my sleeve. I looked to the rest of the executive team, who were also covered in the same material. Then from them to the floor, where the material radiated out in an explosive pattern from the spot where Vishnu had been standing. It smelt like blood and viscera. The centre of the explosion was marked by a mess of chaotic smears that might have been hands and feet struggling to find purchase.

Vishnu was not in the centre of the mess, but rather standing off to the side in a new robe of pure white matching the ones worn by the angelic host. He stood crookedly, hunched, and stared out at the splatter with a hollow gaze reinforced by skeletal gauntness. He looked exactly like I would expect someone to after spending months regenerating from total oblivion.

“Request,” said Yahweh, in a clipped yet strangely satisfied tone, “denied.”

For several moments the only sound in the room came from the irregular drip of wet chunks hitting the floor.

I watched Hera carefully wipe her face with a sleeve as Yahweh spoke. His voice sounded perfectly calm, bearing no further trace of his momentary outburst. “After the performance appraisal I’ve just provided,” he uttered, “and in the face of your advisor’s bald-faced defection, how could I possibly trust you unattended with my most valuable asset?”

No one responded immediately. “Oh,” Enki said eventually, breaking the silence.

“We’ll take care of Siphon without Enki,” said Hera. She lowered the sleeve. “Failing that, we’ll make a booking for November. Otherwise it will be business as usual. As you say.”