I settled down in the first alleyway I came across, hunkering down over my hard earned bread to catch my breath. The croissant had cooled down quite a bit, but was still fairly warm on the inside. Small wisps of steam floated out from where I had bitten into it while running, swirling slightly in the air before disappearing.

I never thought I’d be so happy to have a meal of exclusively bread. I savored the croissant for the first few bites, letting the soothing taste fill my mouth and my stomach at a slow and reasonable pace as I enjoyed the meal for as long as I could. Proper pacing was boring though and I hadn’t eaten all day, so that got old about a third of the way through the meal. I quickly picked up the pace and hastily scarfed the rest of the croissant down, feeling better because I ate something, but not full in the slightest. I had really expected the croissant to be enough to satiate me completely, given my far smaller body, but I suppose some food was better than none. Even if I would have preferred a steak, I wasn’t going to starve to death tonight.

Speaking of night, the sun had gone down completely as I finished off my croissant. I really didn’t want to wander around an unfamiliar city during the middle of the night, but staying in an alley hardly seemed smart either. A dark, ominous alley was the number one place for thugs, muggers, and generally unpleasant company to hang out in according to every book, movie, and comic I’d ever seen.

Then again, this was hardly the most dark and ominous alley out there. Sure, there was a slight drip of water from the rooftops, making the ground slightly damp and unpleasant. Sure, there was a slight red stain on one wall. Sure, there were small pieces of trash, mostly decaying food scraps, scattered about everywhere, and if those and the constant stench were anything to go by, the alley hadn’t been well cleaned in years at the least. That being said, a constant stream of chatter and mirthful laughter floated through the wall of one of the buildings and there was a lovely view of the night sky with the stars shining between the rooftops. As far as alleyways go, this one almost felt like it could be a home.

It seemed safe enough to spend the night undisturbed, or maybe the threats were just really good at hiding and ambushing. Hopefully not the latter though. Well, if there were threats waiting to kill me they were stupid. Not like I’d be able to stop them anyway, so ambushing would make no difference. I should really learn how to fight back a bit if I was going to be sleeping outside, but one night probably wouldn’t hurt.

Finding the optimally comfortable place to sleep was incredibly important, if I couldn’t have a bed I’d get as close as possible with what I had. Even if my humanity, ability to speak, and hero’s welcome into this world had been taken from me, I refused to wake up tomorrow achy and grumpy from a poor choice of sleeping locations. I looked around the only slightly dingy alleyway that would serve as my (hopefully temporary) home. The ground was wet and uneven, I wouldn’t be able to find a good position on it and I’d wake up lethargic and covered with detritus at best. There were a few perfectly me-sized wooden crates on their sides that looked rather cozy, although they were tragically slatted. The gaps in the wooden planks would make the crate dig into me and my side would be all sorts of messed up in the morning. A blanket would fix that problem, but those aren’t exactly lying around in alleyways. If only I had stolen the baker’s tablecloth too…

Putting aside my regret for not being a worse person (worse cat? Neither really felt right), I looked further down the alleyway, my eyes lighting up when I saw a dark box covered in faintly glowing runes. It looked similar to what the baker had been using as an oven, although it was bigger, and the runes seemed to be a darker red by a few shades. The ground around it didn’t have the same annoying dampness as the rest of the alley, and standing next to it revealed why. The box radiated off a steady amount of warmth. This was it! I could curl up next to this and keep my fur dry through the night while basking in the box’s welcoming aura. I’d still get stuff stuck in my fur, but I’d be comfortable.

I shuddered in discomfort as I came to a terrible realization; Cleanliness was not an optional quality for my sleeping place.

This alley clearly wasn’t very well maintained, the ground here could have been stepped on by anyone in the past decade and still not have been cleaned. And the ground being stepped on was the best case scenario. What if someone had pissed on the ground around the warm box, or thrown up on it, or whatever other gross and unspeakable things people do in alleys? After sleeping on a possibly unfathomably disgusting spot, I’d have to get all of the dirt, sand, and pebbles out of my fur in the morning myself. How do cats typically groom their fur? They lick it. Repeatedly.

I wasn’t NEARLY stupid or insane enough to lick decades worth of absolute filth. I could be offered a human body right here and now if I licked the ground of the alleyway, and I’d say no. If I wanted to sleep warm tonight and not die of 20 new diseases tomorrow, I had to get on top of the box.

Trying to just jump up wouldn’t work, it was a few inches bigger than the table from earlier, and that hadn’t exactly ended in an ideal way. Such a minor obstacle wouldn’t stop me from achieving my ideal sleep though.

I got behind one of the slatted crates and put all of my pitiful body weight behind it, managing to topple it onto it’s open side, creating a decent step stool. Success! A few minutes of pushing and slight humiliation due to barely being able to move a small box, and it was in position. I climbed on top of it, leaned back onto my hind legs, and after a moment of psyching myself up, jumped.

A sharp pain jabbed through my left rear leg as I jumped, but I didn’t let it throw me off. I sprang through the air with precision and speed, and this time, all four of my legs gracefully touched down on my target. I’d made it on top of the box and scaled the impossible height of about 4 feet.

My paw screamed out in pain as I put weight on it, what even happened back there? Still not fully used to my body, I struggled a bit to bring it into my view, but once I did the problem was clear. Part of the box I had jumped off had come with me uninvited. Stupid splinter. Biting at it proved to be useless, using my claws was impossible, it was firmly stuck in my paw with no way for me to remove it. How convenient.

“What a fitting end to the day.” I muttered to myself as I curled up on the box, almost instantly beginning to drift off. It was warm to the touch, and did make for a rather cozy spot, but the achievement of getting into the perfect place to sleep didn’t feel quite as triumphant as it would have if I didn’t have a dull, stinging pain in my paw. Mess ups aside, it was time for the best part of the day: Sleep.

I was back in Radia’s room, because a peaceful dream would simply be too much to ask. The goddess did not seem particularly happy, although she was hardly the only one.

She slowly began to speak in carefully measured words. “So, I admit that there may have been an error in the summoning process.”

“Oh, wow, really? I’d hardly noticed.” I spat back.

Her brow furrowed a bit in annoyance, but she continued. “Your soul was supposed to occupy the body prepared for you, it searches for the best fitting vessel near the summoning arch. Generally, precautions are taken that the only body with room for you to occupy is the one prepared. Someone got lazy and failed to notice the corpse of a cat nearby, which was apparently a better fit for your soul.” Okay, so I was like this because someone didn’t clean the site of the weird cross-dimensional soul stealing necromancy ritual. Great.

“And can you fix this?” I demanded.

She shifted a bit in her throne. “My power over that world is greatly diminished for the time being, that was a very important and costly ritual. I can appear in dreams occasionally, but doing something like transplanting your soul to another body is beyond me.”

“So I’m stuck as a cat with no way back in an unfamiliar world. Cool, thanks a bunch.”

“I truly am sorry that this occurred, it’s rare but it unfortunately happens. However, we do not have much time, and you missed a lot of needed information.” She seemed genuinely sorry, and I wanted information, so I listened closely. “Much of the world you now reside in revolves around skills and levels, which you may check by focusing on your status. You can gain skills through performing certain actions, and strengthen them by repeated usage. Different skills can lead to different classes for you, and both skills and classes can evolve under the right conditions. Just as your skills level, so do you. A higher level will correlate to more and stronger skills. It’s essential for you to improve both of these if you’re to slay the Demon King, so-”

“Wait wait wait wait wait.” I cut her off, was she serious? “You still want me to kill the Demon King, stop the war, all that quest stuff? After all of this? What the actual fuck?”

She narrowed her eyes, looking at me coldly. “Indeed. You received the gift of another life, even if there are some complications, and you will stick to your agreement.”

“And what if I don’t?” I challenged her. She was in the wrong here and we both knew it.

She had the audacity to smirk. “You will cease to exist when your life ends in this world. No more second chances.” She said smugly.

Jokes on her, I could be just as smug. “Alright, that’s fine.”

“Excuse me?” She sputtered.

“Wasn’t I going to ‘cease to exist’ or whatever if I didn’t do this? I’ll just live this extra life you’ve given me out, preferably comfortably, and that’ll be that.” Ceasing to exist sounded scary, sure, but I wouldn’t have to deal with it once it happened. My favorite part of the day was sleeping, and that was essentially a free trial of nonexistence.

Radia stood up from her throne, towering over me. “No. This is not allowed. I revived you, mortal, you must defeat the Demon King.” I really think she was overestimating how a fight between a cat and the Demon King would go. “That’s the rules, that’s how this all works. This isn’t some free post-death vacation for you, lives are on the line. Do Not make me intervene.”

“But you just said your powers were weakened, right? And that you couldn’t affect the world? Go on, intervene. I dare you.”

I felt a slight shaking, and Radia faded out of view for a second. Was something going wrong? Had I been too cocky with my rudeness towards a literal goddess?

“Are you kidding me? You haven’t even been out for two hours! Why now?” Radia complained.

Of course! This was a dream, and my body was about to wake up! I didn’t have to argue with my new least favorite person anymore!

“Well, it’s been nice chatting, really eye-opening, glad we could meet up like this. Anyway, I gotta go now, seeya!” I excitedly told the goddess as she began to fade more and more, her and the surrounding room becoming translucent.

“No, stop this! Do NOT just leave like this mortal. We have MUCH TO DISCUSS, you hear me?”

I did hear her, but she didn’t need to know that. I waved goodbye to her enthusiastically as my dream faded and I woke up, leaving Radia and her (hopefully) empty threats behind.