Movie night was weird at first, but by the time it ended, Lilijoy couldn’t wait for the next one. There was something magical about watching an ancient video with a group of people who knew it and loved it beyond all reason. They laughed and cheered, and seemed energized by Lilijoy’s presence, happy to share with the uninitiated.

Anda had been there at first but left in a snit when the movie he wanted wasn’t chosen. Never mind that they had a long list of movies already planned out for specific dates. Still, this did little to diminish her enjoyment of the ridiculous knights gallivanting through increasingly silly scenarios in their quest for the holy grail. She loved how the rest of the audience had the old comedy memorized and didn’t even mind too much when they played the joke on her at the end.

They all sat together in rapt silence after the movie came to an abrupt halt and the intermission music played, as Lilijoy waited with increasing confusion for it to start up again. The fact that it never did was a ‘feature and not a bug’, and their laughter at her bewilderment was good-natured.

“Now you are initiated, my dear,” Marcus reassured her.

She had a moment after to meet with Savitri, a fine-featured woman with long braided hair and dark skin. She spoke with a lilting accent that reminded Lilijoy of Nandi. With all the exiles, it was understood that they wouldn’t talk about their past. Most of them wouldn’t even talk to Lilijoy at all, but Savitri was warm and comforting to talk with, and Lilijoy wished she could know her story.

The only thing she did find out was that Savitri had been a bioengineer with a major clan.

“I’m sure you can guess which one,” she had said with a look. Lilijoy had smiled and nodded, utterly baffled as to why that would be the case.

After a few minutes, Savitri had asked to see Lilijoy’s left arm, or what remained of it. She took hold of the stump and examined it from every angle, making little noises of approval and disapproval. When she released it she gave Lilijoy her opinion.

“It could be much worse. At least those cut-rate med bugs set it up properly for prosthesis. If you have any more med bugs, I can build you a decent enough arm, given our limitations here. You just need to be able to connect your nerves to the interface, which I cannot do for you.”

Lilijoy was effusive and had to be reassured.

“Oh, it’s really no trouble. I get so bored here anyway,” Savitri was forced to say several times.

The arm would be ready in a few days; Savitri had recorded all the data she needed when she examined her, so all she had to do was wait. She was far too excited to sleep, so she messaged Marcus.

“About those pods...”

***

As she dropped into the familiar dark, now plumbed and wired to a not especially new looking support capsule. Jiannu came to her.

“If you wish, I can activate your nervous system and muscles to imitate your motions on the Inside. It’s not perfect, because the muscles will be restrained or dampened to keep you from thrashing around within your support system, but you should see a decent correlation between coordination and movement skills you learn Inside, and an adequate reflection of muscle training and development.”

“That would be great! Why haven’t we done that before?”

“Without a pod, the risks of overtaxing glucose levels or hydration are simply too great. Now your body will receive nutrients and water as needed.”

That made sense. She was excited to spend several uninterrupted days Inside.

Soon, she appeared next to the pond. The sun had just risen on a steamy day. Some new kind of creature in the trees was buzzing and whining at an incredibly loud volume . She jogged up the hill, eager to start training.

***

Why did I ever want to be tortured like this? She thought. The first session of stances had been unbearable. Again, the club had come out as she squat-walked. Only now, she was forced to duck and weave from the incredibly awkward and strenuous position, while moving between the ground and rocks of various sizes. Rosemallow was in a mood, and expressed no remorse of any kind for the several times she pulped Lilijoy’s head, forcing her to respawn. Nor for the dislocated shoulders, the fractured legs, crushed knees and other injuries too numerous to mention.

“Walk it off!” She barked once, after turning Lilijoy’s left foot into a flattened pulp. “Do you think your enemies care if you have a little owie?”

Now she was moving rocks to platforms under double gravity, with Betty and Sweetums competing to see who could get in the most bites. Thankfully, her hands were now tough as leather, but everything else was as bad or worse than the first day. Until Rosemallow moved in with the club. Now she was attempting to dodge a club bigger than her entire body and two hungry marsh decapods, while carrying rocks that were far too heavy for her diminutive frame.

“Suck it up, buttercup!”

If it weren’t for the sheer rage she felt toward her trainer she would have collapsed from exhaustion already. That phrase had been one of Pinton's favorites too. At least now she had a system with pain management to make the ordeal bearable.

After several subjective years of hell, she finally moved enough rocks to the correct platforms to appease Rosemallow.

“Good job, Three Bites! I’m sure you’re getting bored, so tomorrow we’ll mix the stances and the rocks together! A couple days of that, and you might be worthy of holding a weapon.”

Lilijoy really didn’t want to cry, but her state of utter exhaustion let her tears flow anyway. Rosemallow ignored her student’s emotions and went on talking.

“Now I have some bad news. Your magic mentor just got back from the spa, or some other waste of time. He wants to see you while he’s in town, so we can’t do our next stances session. I’ll meet you by the pond in a few hours for Flash work.”

With that, she turned and strode from the courtyard, leaving a puddle of Lilijoy in her wake. Long after Rosemallow was gone, Lilijoy weakly called...

“Where am I supposed to meet him?”

***

A minute later she was on her feet and hobbling into the building. Cool air flowed out as she walked in, soothing her overheated skin. She had just enough understanding of the layout to make her way back to the front office, where she had first met Rosemallow. This time, instead of a huge blue-green, three-eyed woman, there was an utterly hairless white man. Not pale, but white; white skin, white suit. His face came to a sharp pointed snout, almost like a dog or a fox. Unlike everything else about him, his eyes were black, with not a sign of pupil, just two black disks in a sea of white. A pen was twirling in his long white fingers as he stared out the front entrance. She had arrived from a smaller door to the side, seemingly unnoticed.

“Um, hello?”

He slowly turned his head to take in the tiny disheveled figure at the threshold of the office. He blinked slowly, and the pen came to a stop between his fingers.

“Yesss?” he hissed.

“I’m Emily and I wanted to find my magic trainer, and if you’re him, just tell me now, 'cause Rosemallow let me think she was the receptionist and it was really embarrassing.”

A long flexible white tube rose up behind him, slowly undulating from side to side. She almost warned him but stopped when it was joined by two more.

“I see.” He sat there regarding her.

She rushed to fill the silence. “So, are you the receptionist?”

More silence. “Keeper,” he said and mumbled something Lilijoy couldn’t hear.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” she asked.

He pulled himself up and looked down his nose. “I said, I am not a ‘receptionist’.” His diction was clipped, tone cold. “I am Mumo, the guardian keeper...of the front desk.” He said the last four words as fast as he could, like ripping off a band-aid. The snake-like tubes shrank down behind him.

Lilijoy could tell he was not entirely happy with that portion of the title and she couldn’t help herself. “What’s wrong with guarding the front desk?” she asked. She might have blinked her eyes an extra time or two.

He stiffened and raised his voice. “First of all, it’s a desk. Furniture. That’s what I’ve come to, guarding a wooden object!” He calmed himself. “Are you here to steal this desk?” he waved his elegant fingers languidly in invitation. “No! It wouldn’t even fit out the door if you tried. But do you know how many years I have fended off student’s attempts? The brats try to steal my desk at least twice a year.” The tubes behind him danced and waved in agitation.

“Are those your tails?” Lilijoy couldn’t help but ask.

His face dropped, and he looked down. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Now Lilijoy felt bad. “So, you’ve been really good at guarding it! That’s something anyway.”

He returned to his former, haughty demeanor. “Can I help you with something, little girl.” He was obviously not buying her attempt to raise his spirits.

“Well, I’m kind of still looking for my magic trainer.”

“Name?”

“Emily.”

“No, the trainer’s name!” If he had pupils, Lilijoy was sure they would be lodged somewhere in his forehead.

“I don’t know?”

“You don’t know.” He stared at her as if she was, just possibly, the most ignorant student he had ever had the misfortune to encounter.

“Can you help?”

He sighed. “It’s your fault I was trapped under a boulder for six hours the other day, isn’t it?”

Lilijoy had a sinking feeling that ‘Told him to take the morning off’ translated perfectly to ‘trapped him under a giant rock’ in Rosemallow’s mind.

“That was the first break I have had from the soul-destroying monotony of guarding this huge piece of former tree in thirty years. I would thank you, except being crushed under a rock is only the tiniest bit better. Still...” He took on a distant expression. “… I’ve just told your magic mentor that you are here.” He gave her a big sharp-toothed smile. “He wasn’t happy.”

***

After her mentor had been summoned, Mumo had nothing more to say to Lilijoy, responding to any attempt at conversation with grunts and cold stares. Suitably silenced, she stared into space and imagined what her magic mentor would be like. Maybe he would be tall and mysterious, wearing a dark hooded cloak covered with mystical symbols. Or another kind of creature altogether, perhaps a dragon or a centaur.

She was so busy imagining her tutor that she didn’t notice his arrival.

“Young miss! Young miss!” came a small reedy voice.

She looked around in a panic. The figure in front of her was short and round. As she took in more details, she noted the spiky fur, the small eyes behind thick perfectly round lenses and the narrow snout covered in soft gray fur. He was wearing a fine red satin vest, which was curiously tattered with hundreds of small holes. She had taken several seconds to find him, because she had never before had the experience of meeting a being shorter than she was.

A strange sensation rose in her as she looked at him. His roundness, his littleness, the soft fur on his face and his cute little button eyes. She began to tremble. Unwanted thoughts began to run through her mind. So cute...must grab him and give hugs. He even has a little bow tie!

The bow tie broke her and before she even knew what had come over her, she was reaching to take him in her arms and hold him.

Quick as a flash he avoided her covetous lunge and rolled up into a ball with thousands of sharp spikes pointing in every direction. She barely managed to abort her ill-considered attempt to snuggle her magic mentor and fell to the floor, breathing heavily.

A muffled voice came from the spiky ball.

“Mmph mm mm and if you ever do that again I will see you in purgatory! Is that clear!”

He unrolled in the middle of his admonishment, came to his feet and regarded Lilijoy with anger. Smoke was literally coming off his head and the temperature in the small office had spiked to an uncomfortable level. Waves of heat rolled toward her from his small form, making her eyes water and throat dry.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry! Please, please forget that happened,” she begged from her sprawl on the floor. Why did I do that? Was that an Emily thing? Oh god, was she an idiot?

“Unlikely, young hooligan. Many are overcome by my majestic presence, but few have ever dared to attempt an unwanted embrace!” He adjusted his vest, now more tattered than ever, and pulled himself up to his full height.

“This is a most inauspicious beginning to your studies. Most unfortunate!” He walked from the room in an awkward waddling gait, turning to say, “Follow me. But keep your distance human!”