Chapter 52 — A Place of Her Own

Thunder rolled in the distance, low and rumbling. Rain still pounded on the turret roof high above their heads, but inside the library, everything was quiet. They could barely hear shouting and the piercing crack of gunfire out in the town beyond, but for the moment, all Natalie could see, all she could hear, every sense in her body was focused on her father.

What do we say? How are we supposed to talk to him after… after all this?

We are here to protect him. Let nothing else distract us.

Another gunshot outside punctured the silence as a pointed reminder of what she'd left behind. Aulikki still fought to keep everyone else away. Natalie had no idea how many people Cinza may have brought with her, nor how long a single woman with a rifle could hold them off. She didn't have time to waste.

"She's…" murmured the rat-faced man in the back, but he trailed off again.

Natalie didn't look at him, but her father did, for the briefest of moments. He broke their stare, and that, finally, pressed Natalie to act.

"Dad, we need to leave," she said, as calmly as she could.

"...What?" he asked, dazed.

"There's people outside who want to kill you. We gotta go."

"No…" he murmured—and it tore at Natalie, but she held on. She told herself he just didn't want to leave, which was plenty reasonable. There was gunfire outside, and an approaching thunderstorm. The library was solid and safe. Comfortable, even.

Do not delude yourself.

Leave me alone.

You saw the look in his eyes. You know what he thinks. This is not the time.

It'll never be the time.

"Dad…"

He cleared his throat, and for a moment, he didn't look exhausted anymore. He looked… like her dad again. "Natalie," he said, and hearing her name in his voice felt so comforting, so welcome after all her months alone. "I can't go."

"You have to." Natalie looked away, finally, toward the outside wall, where another gunshot pierced the heavy rain. "They're going to kill you, Dad."

He winced. His hands shook, still gripping the spikey golem rod tight, but he simply shook his head. "They won't. They don't have the conviction."

"The what?" I thought that word had to do with trials, like Hailey talking about getting convicted.

Her father smiled, in a strange and terribly sad way. "It means belief. They don't believe in their actions. They have never tried to kill me before."

Natalie shook her head. "You're wrong. They already tried. It was last night."

"...What?"

"I stopped them, Dad, but I dunno if I can keep doing that. They're outside right now." Another gunshot, and everyone in the room winced, though the previous gunfire hadn't bothered them. "That's my friend keeping them away."

"...You have a friend with a rifle?"

Something about his tone… how normal, how it leapt out of her past and into this insane situation, nearly brought her to tears. He was still her father, still caring about who she hung out with, getting in her business. If it wasn't such a horrible time… Natalie steeled herself, focusing on what really mattered—saving his life.

She nodded, though her patience was wearing very thin. "She's… she's a good person."

"Who is this person?"

Too much.

"Dad, stop!" she cried. "We don't have time!"

Gwen growled, and that suddenly snapped her father out of his old tone. He was back to the cold, angry man, the one she'd heard shouting in the forests in Rallsburg seven months ago, and at the pilgrim camp only the night before.

"Why did you do this?" he asked, and his voice was wracked with suppressed rage and pain. "Why are you…"

"That doesn't matter right now," said Natalie, glancing nervously over her shoulder. Aulikki couldn't hold them off forever, no matter how good she was. "Just come with me, okay?"

"I can't."

"Yes, you can," she snapped. "I'm trying to save your life, Dad! Just listen to me for once!"

"He's not going anywhere with you, witch," snarled the one-armed woman nearby. She took a step forward.

Instantly, Scrappy tackled her. The huge bronze-colored cat pounced, and his weight was more than enough to take the woman down. She screamed and thrashed, but Scrappy's claws were out, and she was unarmed. He'd win, if Natalie let it keep going.

Natalie shouted.

Scrappy leapt off, licking a wound she'd managed to scratch in his own face. The woman stayed on the ground, panting, her face and arms covered in claw marks, but she'd be okay. Scrappy prowled around between her and Gwen, where Natalie still sat. The wolf growled, reinforcing the threat posed by Natalie's friends.

"You can control them?" asked the rat-faced man.

"No," said Natalie. "They're my friends."

"Because you force them to be."

"No!" Natalie shook her head. She turned back to her dad. "Who are these people?"

"...Believers," said her father. "Warriors."

"Something like that," added Rat-face.

"Quiet," her dad snapped, and Natalie was grateful. Rat-face seemed like an awful person. She couldn't figure out why her dad was with him… but then again, she couldn't figure out why he was doing all of this in the first place.

"Summon a golem," muttered the one-armed woman, painfully getting to her feet again. "Deal with her already."

"She's his daughter," said the heavyset guy. "Give him a minute."

He wouldn't.

We do not know that. Be on your guard.

Or just… disarm him.

Natalie reached out with her mind, grabbing for the golem rod—only to find it completely blocked. It felt like the same wall she'd run into with Omega's hideouts in the forest, but this couldn't be the same thing. There was no way it could be tied to a cache of gemstones, when her dad moved around so much.

Her dad's eyes narrowed. "What are you doing?"

He noticed? But how? He's not awakened.

Guard yourself. He may retaliate.

"Can you put that down?" she asked.

He shook his head. "I can't, Natalie."

Again, that burst of warmth and familiarity, but it was tied to so much pain now… both for him and for herself. "Dad, you don't need it anymore. We're leaving, okay?"

"Why did you—"

"We don't have time," said Natalie again, for the third time. She half-expected someone to burst in right as she did, because that was her luck and her life, but no one did.

The rain continued to pound on the turret high above, another gunshot cracked in the town outside, and another roll of thunder—but still they waited. Three of her dad's people, herself, her three friends, and… her father.

I just wanted to find him. I never…

Focus, Natalie.

"Does it matter?" her dad asked. "You said it yourself. They're willing to kill me. Will running escape their evil magic?"

"...Evil?" she asked, her voice catching a little.

Her dad frowned. "Yes, Natalie. It's evil."

Natalie shook her head. "Don't say that."

"Look, kid—" started Rat-face, but both Natalie and her father shot him a look. He fell silent immediately, cowed.

"I can protect you."

"How? Against the whole world?"

"If I have to," she said, her voice rising a little. "I'm really strong, dad. Everybody thinks I'm the strongest besides Grey-eyes herself." She said it with a touch of pride, hoping her dad would feel the same. Hoping he could take some measure of satisfaction that his daughter was doing well, that she could take care of herself.

If anything, it only horrified him. His eyes widened, and the rest of his face twisted into something ugly. Something painful. Something… afraid.

He's afraid of me.

He will under—

My dad's afraid of me.

"Dad… please," she whispered.

Slowly, he shook his head, shaggy unkempt hair brushing against his eyes. Every movement was another painful blow to her heart. "I can't go with you."

"I miss you," Natalie blurted out, caution thrown to the winds, her voice on the verge of tears with every passing word. "I looked for you every day after you disappeared. I had Gwen and Scrappy searching all over. Me and Lily too, we went all over the forest. I never gave up."

"Nat—"

"And then when we had to leave, I told Rachel I'd come back to find you. I waited for months. I went to school, I made friends, I lived in a bunch of places, I got hurt, I got in fights, but I made it," she choked out. "I made it 'cause I knew I was gonna find you eventually. That we could go back home. You know, go back to—to normal."

"You're one of them," said her dad, his own voice raspy and broken. Another burst of thunder, with a flash of light accompanying in the window high above. "You can do magic."

"Yeah, Dad, I am. And that's okay," said Natalie, nearly on the verge of shouting. Her hands clutched Gwen's fur so tight, she might have torn it out. The wolf pawed uncomfortably beneath her, but Natalie couldn't let go. "It saved my life so many times… It saved your life, too."

"It kills many more," her dad shot back. "It destroyed our home. It killed your best friend!"

A dagger to Natalie's heart, but she didn't back down. She'd expected her dad to bring it up.

"It was an accident, Dad. Jenny could have died with or without magic. She was hanging out with college kids doing stupid things. I…" Her voice caught again, feeling awful for what she was saying about her best friend, but she'd gone over the words so many times in her head leading to this day. "I miss her too, but… she wouldn't want this. What you're doing is wrong."

"No!" shouted her father, and Natalie recoiled.

Her dad never shouted at her, not when they were so close to each other. She'd never seen him so angry. Even when she broke the rules, like when she invited Jenny over, he was always so calm. This was… so much worse.

"You can't be this. You can't be one of them. Don't do this."

She felt like she could barely breathe. Natalie's throat tightened up, raw and painful. She tried to open her mouth, mostly to breathe rather than anything else, but her dad took it as attempting to speak.

"I said no, Natalie!"

"You left me!" Natalie screamed, tears streaming down her face. "I was alone for days! You didn't tell me why! If I hadn't met Kendra and Lily 'cause of magic, I would have been all alone!"

"Stop—"

"No, Dad!" she cried. "I haven't seen you in seven months! I got beat up. I got attacked. People cut me, people hurt me, people shot at me. They did even worse things to me. None of them were awakened. What makes your world so much better?"

"I—"

"Just stop, Dad," said Natalie, trembling, tears dropping onto the black funeral dress, already soaked by the rainstorm she'd plunged through to get to him. Natalie would be freezing right now… except for magic. "Please, just stop. Just come with me. Nobody has to hurt us anymore. Not normal people, not awakened people, not Mom or Omega or Tom or Cinza or the rest of the world. I can protect us."

She trembled again, as another huge roll of thunder rumbled into the library. Gwen was uncomfortable, and Scrappy still prowled around her, while Percy shifted and kept looking up at the bursts of lightning far above. Natalie couldn't think about any of that though. She barely even remembered what was going on outside.

All Natalie could see was her father's face… and that he was terrified of her.