Chapter 02 — Responsibility

It was Christmas Day, and Josh Miller didn't want to spend another second in the Greywood.

He'd enjoyed parts of Cinza's birthday celebration that morning, but her family would never be his crowd. Josh wasn't even sure he really liked Cinza. They interacted constantly, and he respected her, but he wouldn't exactly want to hang out with her. Joe wasn't great company either, or the few newcomers to the Greycloaks. It pretty much just left him, Nikki and Ryan as a trio—and after a while, Ryan's constant complaining really got on his nerves.

But Josh had to stay. It wasn't like the world was getting any safer for people with magic, and he'd never fully trust Cinza not to go completely into the deep end without him. Josh was the longest-serving person in a position of authority among their whole community, all the way back to the earlier days of the Council before Rachel joined up, and the nagging sense of responsibility never let him rest.

One day won't kill them. Well, shit, it might, but what the hell would I do in that case? I'm not a fighter. I've never stayed for a fight in my life.

Now, though, Josh did feel like he was gearing up for battle. His weapons were Christmas presents, his armor guilt and self-shame.

"You'll be fine," said Nikki, rolling her eyes—she was the only one who even knew he was leaving. "Just get it over with."

Easy for you to say, Josh muttered, but not aloud.

It'd be far too cruel to say aloud.

He'd already contacted Kendra and Lily through their connection string—special thanks to Rachel and Will for helping them establish rudimentary long-distance communication. It was instantaneous, too, which broke all sorts of physics that worried him even more for the future, but Josh wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Another pull on the string. Seconds later, a neat wooden doorway wedged itself into the wall next to their bed. He pulled it open, and there the void awaited, cobblestone paths and web of eight doors surrounding the Laushire's home.

"Still freaks me out," said Nikki.

"You get used to it," said Josh with a shrug. "The Market wasn't as crazy, but yeah, being able to walk across the world like this is insane."

"I meant that black void," she muttered, gesturing toward it. "How do you not just feel like you're gonna fall off all the time?"

"You've never been inside?" asked Josh, glancing at her. "It doesn't give me any vertigo at all. I figured you must've visited the Market at least once."

"Never." She shrugged. "And you guys never invited me to any of your special Summits."

"Want to come?"

"Nah," said Nikki. She lay back on the bed and closed her eyes. "Bad day."

Josh was torn. On the one hand, the door awaited, a special favor to him from the Laushires, taking untold amounts of magical power and skill to create and maintain. On the other, his girlfriend, suffering side effects or strain or something from her own magical abilities, overstretched for the sake of their community.

"Fucking go," said Nikki, waving at him. "I can feel you brooding from here. You need this way more than I need you."

"You sure?"

"I'll be fine. I've got my meds," she added, waving a bottle of high-strength ibuprofen at him which sat perpetually by their bedside. "Get going."

"Okay." Josh turned and left without another word—he knew anything more would just irritate her. If she was having a bad head day, even sound was setting her headache off. Shit, she seemed fine through Cinza's whole party… I don't think I could keep that up.

Josh stepped inside. Normally, Kendra or Lily would be there to greet him, but it seemed today whomever wasn't controlling the portal was busy elsewhere. Another door was already open, and Josh hurried toward it. Every step took him further from the chilly air of the Greywood in deep winter. The void itself was a completely calm sixty-seven or so, forever, but as he got near the other open door, the air of his hometown started to filter in.

He walked through the door and stepped out into an alley behind a 7-Eleven in Norwalk. Even more than the change in the air, Josh was struck by the noise. The Greywood was so quiet now, since even airplanes couldn't come near it anymore. Suddenly, he was surrounded by engines, stores, industry. The world kept churning, even without them.

It was overwhelming. He felt dizzy before he even saw any of it.

...Well, I haven't been out of the forest since May, and Rallsburg wasn't exactly a loud place before, either. That's a long-ass time to stay out of the world.

Josh clutched the packages tight to his side as he walked out to the sidewalk and sat down on a bench, waiting for the bus. Every second, he got a little more anxious. The bus ride went without incident—he climbed on, swiped his long-neglected card for the fare, and remembered every stop along the way—but it didn't lessen the pressure building in his chest, the tightening of his throat.

The bus let him off only a block away. He had to force his legs forward with every step.

Why am I doing this? Why didn't I just call? Oh, right, because I'm trying not to be a coward or some shit like that.

Their car was in the driveway. His anxiety redoubled.

Just turn around. Go hang out at the park or something, shoot some hoops, go back to the Greywood. Nobody even knows I left besides Nikki. I don't have to do this.

Music was playing inside. Josh could barely hear the familiar sounds of Nat King Cole. He set down the packages and knocked. A friendly shouting match ensued over who had to answer the door. She ended it, of course, stating she'd answer it since everyone else was just being rude.

He tensed up. The door swung open.

"Hi, Mom," Josh choked out.

His mother froze in the doorway, steaming mug of hot chocolate in hand. It started to tip and fall.

Might as well get it out of the way now.

Josh reached out and caught it with magic, holding it in mid-air just a few inches below her open hand. Her eyes widened even further as he gently hovered it back to the end table near the door.

"B-Brandon!" she called out.

"Lunch is getting cold, Violet!" his father shouted back. "Tell them it's Christmas and they should go home!"

...Well isn't that just perfect. Josh's face cracked into a grin. To his relief, his mother's did the same.

The tension broke. They both burst into laughter—relieved, tearful laughter. His mother lunged forward, arms open wide, and buried him in a hug.

"I've been so worried," she whispered, wrapping him even tighter. "Why didn't you call?"

"I should have. I'm sorry," Josh choked. There it is. Own it. Be the responsible one everybody says I am. "I brought presents," he added, gesturing as best he could to the small pile next to him.

"My baby," his mother said, finally backing off.

"What's going on out here?" asked his father, finally coming to investigate. To Josh's relief, he wasn't holding any hot liquids, or anything for that matter—Josh wasn't sure he was in a state to catch anything else. "...Joshua?"

"Hey Dad." He brushed tears out of his eyes. "Merry Christmas."

His dad didn't rush him. Instead, he looked over his shoulder, back the way he'd come, and shouted as loud as Josh always remembered he could. "Mark! Luke! Get out here!"

"But Dad, it's getting cold!" cried Luke, the younger of Josh's two brothers.

"Right now, young men!"

Josh winced involuntarily—that voice was one he remembered. A scramble of soft footsteps as the two slid past each other, socks on smooth wood floors proving a challenge in their haste to obey. Within seconds, Luke came into view.

His jaw dropped. He slid straight into the staircase, completely taken aback. A moment later, the familiar dreadlocks of the middle child, Mark, appeared—and here, finally, Josh got the reaction he expected.

"Where the hell have you been?" his brother snapped, obviously annoyed.

"Long-ass story," said Josh.

"Language, boys," scolded Violet. "Let's get out of the doorway and let your brother inside already."

They let him in, his father helping with a few of the packages. Luke's excitement was already threatening to bubble over. "I knew you were alive!" he shouted, practically dancing in place. "You're awakened right? Can you do magic?"

"He already did," said Violet, gesturing at her still-steaming mug, which she seemed reluctant to touch. Josh grabbed it and handed it back to her. She smiled.

"Wow," said Mark, and the venom in his tone wasn't missed by anyone. Even Luke's face fell. "You're so cool."

"Mark," said Brandon in a warning tone, "keep a civil tongue."

Mark fell silent, but Josh could still see it, better than ever before—and damn, he looks like such a little kid now, trying to play at being threatening. He doesn't have a clue what a real dangerous asshole looks like. Wonder why Mom and Dad are still letting this go on.

"We just sat down for lunch," said Violet, brushing the last few tears out of her eyes. "Come in, please."

Yeah, I tried to time it for that, we always have lunch at the same time. Means we've got something to focus on besides me. Josh followed her in to find a veritable feast—and a place already set for him at the table. He froze again, overcome with emotion.

"I know it's not as good as last year," said Violet apologetically, not understanding Josh's sudden freeze. Everyone else had moved past already to take their seats. "I'm never as good without you."

Yeah you are, you're a professional and I learned my shit from you. Josh shook his head and took his seat at the table. "It looks amazing, Mom."

It was, too—Christmas ham centering a spread of all their favorites. Luke was already trying to pepper him with questions, but Brandon kept him occupied, letting Josh enjoy their mother's cooking. After a while, though, it became pretty obvious they all wanted to ask him about where he'd been and what he'd been up to—all except for Mark, anyway.

"Mostly keeping my head down," said Josh with a shrug. "I stayed in the Greywood almost the entire time. Had my own little cabin there. I just wanted to stay out of everything."

"We read those diaries so many times," said Violet. "Luke found them and saw your name," she added, as Josh raised an eyebrow. Neither of his parents were very technologically-inclined.

"He had a lot of explaining to do about the site he found them on," added Brandon sternly. Luke's burst of pride diminished visibly.

"Everybody knows what's been going on in my world," said Josh wearily. "I've been living without electricity for almost four weeks, totally cut off. Tell me what's going on out here."

"Well," said Violet with a shrug, "honestly, there's not much to tell. I'm trying to find a new client."

"I thought your schedule was really full already," said Josh.

"We lost the Rutherfords," said Brandon with a sigh. "Last month, in fact."

Shit, that was her best client… "What about—"

"Please, let's not talk about work today," said Violet, passing around the dessert—chocolate mousse cake. "It's Christmas. Let's just be together as a family."

"Yes," said Brandon, smiling as he took his wife's hand. "We're glad you're back home, Josh."

"Thanks," said Josh, infected by the warmth around him. His family had taken him back in, and except for a few speed bumps, it looked like a totally smooth road from there on.

Why the hell didn't I come home sooner?

The rest of the day sailed by in peace and joy, just like the good lord intended. Even Mark cheered up once the subject got away from Josh and where he'd been all year. Christmas went so well, in fact, that Josh ended up spending the night. He told Nikki it might happen, so she wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't back that night. Of course, by the next morning, it became clear—his parents were expecting him home for good.

"You don't have a school to go back to," said Violet, folding clothes in his room while Josh lounged in his desk chair, wrapped in a warm blanket and enjoying finally having access to his music collection again. From Josh's impression, she'd taken to folding clothes in his room as a habit now, and wasn't about to break it just because he was back. "What else is there for you?"

A white girlfriend I haven't mentioned yet, a cult leader who considers me one of her best advisors, and the last vestiges of a job I never wanted but can't stop doing. Josh shrugged. "I've still got friends there, Mom, and I've got a home, too."

"Nonsense," she scolded. "This is your home. You always come home to your mother."

"I was never going to stay here forever, Mom," said Josh, rolling his eyes.

"You will if I have anything to say about it," she shot back, smiling. "Why don't you go outside? Luke's been waiting to play ball with you for seven months now."

"Waiting to lose for seven months," he shot back.

"You be careful, he's getting good." Violet waved him away. "Don't go easy on him!"

Josh wandered downstairs. His father was out in the backyard, working on a project already—he could never let anything go, same as Josh, and it looked like he'd started on a new addition to the shed only a few days ago. Couldn't've waited til after Christmas, obviously.

Mark, meanwhile, was on the living room couch with earbuds in, and Josh could hear the pounding beat of the music from all the way across the room. He shot a glare at Josh, before turning back to his phone screen, volume audibly inching higher.

Idiot. Josh flicked his hand, throwing a spell across the room—unplugging his earbuds, and holding down the volume button as he did.

His brother's eyes widened. "What the fuck, Josh?"

Josh didn't say anything, just walked out of the room suppressing a grin. Mark would plug them right back in, obviously, but he'd probably let the volume sit where it was without realizing Josh had turned it down. Just saving your hearing. You'll thank me when you're older. Or not, since you already hate my guts.

He went outside, where his youngest brother was already dribbling around—and like his mother said, playing with skill. This wasn't the fifteen year old Josh remembered. Luke had put real effort in.

"Ready to lose?" asked Josh casually, trying to exude confidence.

Luke grinned and tossed him the ball. "No magic allowed."

"Like I need magic to stomp your ass."

As it turned out, Josh nearly did. The game was close—way too close—but he narrowly picked up an early two basket lead and kept it there. He never managed to expand it though, as Luke kept pace with him every step of the way. They were both heaving for breath by the end, which made the sudden phone ringing by the base of the hoop even more startling.

Nice to have phones again. Josh drained his water bottle and picked it up. Kendra. Shit. I forgot to tell them.

"Hey," he answered, while Luke recovered on the curb next to him. "What's up?"

"This is Lily," she said, answering his unspoken question right off the bat. "I wished to check in, and ask if you were going to want transport back soon."

Josh glanced at his brother, and reluctance filled his every rushing blood vessel. I can't go back now… but… if they need me, if Cinza starts going over the edge… "Will I be able to later, if I need to?"

"You wish to stay in Norwalk?"

"Yeah, I'm staying," said Josh. Luke's face lit up, and Josh knew right away he'd made the right choice. He shoved his brother good-naturedly. "I've got…" Josh trailed off awkwardly, but to his relief, Lily got it.

"Kendra and I have elected to remain in London. Our family needs us, and I suspect you have much the same reasons for choosing not to return. I understand."

"So you can still do it, if you need to?" asked Josh, while Luke looked on with more curiosity than ever.

"If you require a way back to the Greywood, all you need is to ask."

"Thanks, Lily."

"Thank you, Josh." She hung up.

"Who's Lily?" asked Luke, grinning. "She your girl?"

"Nope," said Josh. Just a woman in London who doesn't exist. He grabbed the ball and stood up. "Come on. Best of three."

Luke was on his feet in an instant. Shit… he's not tired at all. It's gonna be harder this time. "You're on."