"I have eyes but can't see Mount Tai!"

"...Stop that."

"...what?"

"Look kid, I know you probably have some sort of [Knowledge] or [Instinct] skill with your class, but nobody really cares. [Lore] isn't perfect, okay? This is Arthos. Heck, I've never even heard of a "Mount Tai." And if I EVER hear you talk about some "carp" leaping over a "dragon's gate" again, I'm going to disown you. Blightmaw the Dreaded lives two mountains over there and I don't need that kind of attention in my life. Understand?"

"...yes dad."

--Overheard Conversation, Lenorian Market. [Knowledge] and [Lore]: A social primer, AC 872.

I decide to open up the notification on the race portion of my status. I'm immediately faced with a concerning message.

**************************************

Congratulations! You qualify for an evolution!

Current Race: Crab (Mundane)

Analyzing current [Title], [Lore]

[Analysis] complete.

Additional Options Found!

View Evolution now? Y/N?

**************************************

I leerily eye the message. I've had an exciting few weeks of life so far, and I'm a bit worried about what that might mean for an evolution. I can always get a new class... but evolution? That's me, Sir Crabby. That's a fundamental change to who I am. Oh well, no use worrying about it. It can't be that bad right?

Turns out, it very much can be.

Evolution Name: Ghost Crab Feat: [Sapience], Mistaken for Undead by [Royal] Description: You are the Ghost Crab. You walk unseen amidst the tidal pools, ethereal claws grasping for prey. Assume the [Undead] mantle as you [Drain Life] from your foes. Effect: [Undead], [Wraith], [Drain Life] Lore: "A... a g..ghost crab? Is it undead? I don't want to be a zombie!" -- Erica, Princess of Lenoria

I wince as I feel a twinge of heartache. Don't worry Erica. I'll come find you soon. Then we'll go on all the adventures you told me about... We'll fight dragons and ride unicorns. We'll mine with dwarves and go hunting with elves. We'll go to parties and I'll wear all the clothes you said you'd make for me. I remember how dashing you said I would look. I sigh, then push aside the memories as I strike this one from the list. I can't do any of that if I become a ghost.

The next one is.... underwhelming.

Name: Coastal Crab Feat: [Sapience], [Water] & [Earth Manipulation] Description: Become the Coastal Crab. An uncommon evolution found on the Coasts of Lenoria. Commonly used as fodder for new adventurers. Effect: [Medium-Size], [VIT-UP], [MAG-UP], [DEX-DWN] Lore: "Ya ain't goin' to the dungeon 'till you're level 10. Go to the beach and get to [Whack]'in." - Adventurers Guild Primer

This one gets a hard pass as well. I faintly remember the few times I'd come out of my hidey hole during the day. Wrangly young humans in raggedy clothes would be swarming on the beach, [Whack]'ing any crab they could find with a stick. That's not the life I'm looking for.

The next one should be better...

OH COME ON!!!

Name: Lucky Crab Feat: [Sapience], [Luck of the Crab] Description: You are the Chosen One. Your Dawning will bring a new Era to the [System]. Embrace your [Destiny] as you transcend [Fate] and bring [Luck] to the Universe. Become the enemy of the Gods. Effect: [Kaiju-Size], [ALL STATS-MAX], [LCK-MAX] Lore: "WHAT in the nine hells!" - Aethir, God of Intelligence & "This… this is Ridiculous." - Lira, Goddess of Wisdom

I barely finish reading before the [System] chimes in,

'ding'

**You have received a new message! Say "Yes" to accept!**

Sigh, "Yes."

Message: Aethir [System Architect] to Crabby McCrabbington I

Contents:

Don't do it Crab.

I see you eyeing that evolution with your beady stalks. I have to admit, this was an error on my part. I didn't think I had to [Patch] this out as the odds for it were astronomical. That being said, I have my finger on my [Smite] button. And if that doesn't work, I'll summon the Aspects to [Alter-Time] . I can't remove your FREE WILL but I can remove YOU.

Do this for me, and I'll throw you a bone.

Cheers

--Aethir, God of Knowledge

I grumble under my breath as I roll my eyes,

"I wasn't planning on picking it anyway. It's kind of hard to go on an adventure when you're the size of a mountain."

I remove Lucky Crab from consideration and look to my next option. It's not... terrible.

Name: Three Headed Crab Feat: [Sapience], [Triumvirate Unveiled] Description: You have seen the Triumvirate Unveiled… and survived. Now, your form mimic's their Divinity as you walk in their Shadow. Become the Three Headed Crab, and assume their aspects. Effect: [Three-Headed], [ASPECT: WIS, INT, CHA] Lore: "What is your choice?" - Lira, Goddess of Wisdom

I try to imagine myself with three heads. That just seems ungainly. And would I have three stomachs or just one? One consciousness or three? Best case scenario, it's just me in three heads. Worst? That would be three Sir Crabby's with different personalities like Toriana, Aethir and Lira. It would certainly be a massive pain. Plus, I like my personality as it is. This evolution isn't bottom of the shell, but it's pretty close. These have to get better right?

Name: Love Struck Fiddler Crab Feat: [Sapience], [Kiss from a Crab], Be the subject of a [Bard]'s [Masterpiece] Description: Your Legend Soars. Your love transcends the limits of Mortal & Divine. Embrace the Music in your soul and spread your story. As the [Bard] Pinniped said, "I like to think of myself as a people person." Effect: [Class Change: Bard], [CHA-UP], [Skill Mastery: Fiddle] Lore: "You'll always be my friend Sir Crabby." - Toriana, Goddess of Charisma

I wish I could say I was surprised. For a fleeting moment I consider asking Aethir if I could borrow his [Smite] button. I don't know who this Pinniped guy is, but a [Masterpiece] is a step too far. Ah, but murder is probably an overreaction. Maybe? I'll have to think about it some more. Moving on, I prepare to be disappointed.

Instead I am confused.

Name: {REDACTED} Crab Feat: [Sapience], Have two or more [System] entries attributed to {REDACTED} Description: When {REDACTED} {REDACTED} he {REDACTED} the {REDACTED}. Now, walk in his footsteps as you {REDACTED}. Fight {REDACTED} with {REDACTED} and embrace {REDACTED}. Effect: [Class Change: {REDACTED}]*, [{REDACTED}-Size]*, [Skill Mastery: {REDACTED}]* Lore: "{REDACTED}." - {REDACTED} *WARNING: May have {REDACTED} effects!

I look over my skills and titles and find the "two or more [System] entries," it mentions. They're both in the [Lore] Category, one for the title: Triumvirate Unveiled and the other for the skill: Eyes of Intent. They read:

Triumvirate Unveiled: "I may be blind, yet still I see." - {REDACTED}

Eyes of Intent: "My sight will end this age." - {REDACTED}

I'm... going to hold off on this one. Frankly, it sounds a bit ominous. I consider trying to tell Aethir about it, but I'm sure he already knows. It's in the [Lore] for this world after all. He probably keeps track of all of that. That, and I don't think he's very happy with me right now. I'm sure it'll be fine. Yep, everything will be fine.

I'll bring it up later.

Maybe.

I sigh and look to the last entry. My hopes are abysmal at this point. I hardly pay attention as I try to imagine what I'm going to do with three heads. I get halfway through the last entry before I stop. Refocusing on the screen in front of me, I start from the beginning.

Name: Elemental Crab Feat: [Sapience], [Mana Sense], [Mana Manipulation], at least two [Element Manipulation] Skills Description: Rarely Seen, the Elemental Crab is a study in anthropoid ingenuity. Commonly found by travelers to the [Elemental Planes], they ambush foes at the borders. Beware their Icy Claws. Fear their Earthy might. Effect: [Skill Mastery: Mana Sense, Mana Manipulation], [INT-UP], [WIS-UP] Lore: "Let's venture the planes he said! It'll be fun he said! Now I'm out three right toes and I'm missing my kidney." - Diary Entry of Lost Adventurer, Presumed dead by Crabs

There's actually a good one! Woohoo! I [Coast] around my tiny cave as I laugh in glee. I suddenly grind to a halt as I run out of breath and stamina. I sport a giant grin as my pincer reaches out and selects "Elemental Crab."

I immediately fall unconscious.