Had I been the settlement owner for a more legitimate settlement, the improbably loud gryphon rider would have been a problem. I couldn’t, after all, imagine that kind of behavior being tolerated in a place like Ftheran.

In truth, though, I expected that this was decidedly not my problem. An outpost like this didn’t have a guard or a formal set of laws. If it came down to who was better equipped to shut the guy up, most of the fighters would be a better pick than I was.

And in any case, it was likely that this was the result of some personal quarrel of some random inhabitant. Weird and slightly annoying, but ultimately not overly concerning.

Didn’t mean I wasn’t kind of curious though.

I honed in on the guy, taking him in. He looked to be somewhere in his 40s, with close-cropped black hair and a particularly stern face. His skin was a light brown, almost bordering on a dark tan, and he bore a very gruff stubble that looked like it’d be unpleasantly prickly.

While, save for the fact that he was riding a gryphon, there was nothing about him that really stuck out much, God’s Eye had a different opinion.

Fudunkerexelesterioastorious the 16th*: Level 31 Grand Washer Wizard, 1000/1000hp

*Target is Obfuscated. Obfuscation bypassed with Illuminated Sight.

I blanched. The fact that the guy had some sort of obfuscation ability was already eye-catching enough, but his level was absurd. If God’s Eye hadn’t already leveled up a few times, I wouldn’t have even been able to see the man’s level, as it was over my Perception.

Even more than that though, something about his name felt familiar to me, but my head chose that moment to have a brain bubble — even with God’s Mind helping my memory out, for the life of me, I just couldn’t remember why.

Ah well. Will probably come to me soon enough. What’s with that class though? Washer Wizard? What sort of stuff is he washing?

As if waiting for that very thought, the man procured a gigantic scrub brush seemingly out of nowhere. He then brought his gryphon lower and lower until it came to rest on a section of the city’s domed barrier.

Then, as I watched incredulously, he hopped off the gryphon’s back and began to scrub.

At the barrier.

Suds appeared at the tips of the brush, and he took to his task with gusto, rubbing the brush back and forth on the barrier.

He’s not about to actually-

Sure enough, as if the protective dome around the city was nothing more than a pesky grease stain, the section he scrubbed at slowly faded until it was gone completely. Somehow, he’d cleaned his way through. He kept at it until there was room enough for his gryphon to pass through, and then jumped back onto its back.

“ALL RIGHT, BOY!” he boomed. “I’M COMING IN. AND YOU BETTER FIND ME BEFORE I HAVE TO COME FIND YOU, OR YOU WON’T LIKE THE CONSEQUENCES!” Without further fanfare, he and the gryphon descended through the opening and swooped down to the ground.

It would have been nice and dramatic had he chosen to land right beside me, but of course, he did not. I was, after all, not the person he was looking for.

Instead, he landed a good distance off, closer to the main dining area. Mainly out of nosiness — and to a lesser degree, because I was the settlement owner — I started jogging towards him.

As it turned out, I wasn’t the only one who wanted to know what was going on. By the time I neared the gryphon’s landing site, a small crowd had started to amass on the opposite side of the man.

For his part, Fudunkerexelesterioastorious the 16th folded his arms and, still seated on his gryphon, gazed down imperiously at the assembled fighters. I heard a question or two shouted his way, but he steadfastly ignored them, and no one had yet dared to approach him.

Until someone did. Three someones, actually.

Honestly, I’d imagined it would be some random fighter who I hadn’t met. Failing that, maybe Rock or Amak would try to take charge and talk to the guy.

It thus came as a fairly large surprise as I saw who actually walked out.

It was Barb.

He pulled himself from the crowd and made his way towards the gryphon rider, Kex and Jason trailing behind him.

The moment I saw Barb, everything clicked, my brain bubble finally popping. I examined him with God’s Eye, something that I’d only done once before.

Fudunkerexelesterioastorious the 17th (Barb): Level 17 Battle Barber, 500/500hp

That’s right. He had a bizarre name that I never really thought about. More important than the name, though, was the number.

That can’t be right, can it? If he’s the 17th, and the guy up on the gryphon is the 16th, then-

In a weary but casual voice that would have been too quiet for me to hear without my Perception, Barb sighed out a greeting to the man before him.

“Hello father.”

Ac… Actually? In what world could that guy be Barb’s dad? Barb looks like he has multiple decades on the guy.

I mentally slapped myself, realizing how dumb the question was. This world. Evidently, the “Grand Washer Wizard” had a good bit more Constitution than his son did, and his aging had been slowed as a result. I idly wondered how often kids with high-leveled parents ended up eventually looking older than them.

As Barb neared his father, he caught sight of me and his eyes lit up. Surprisingly, he beckoned me over.

I was somewhat wary to get involved in what seemed to be a family affair, but if Kex and Jason were there, it would probably be fine. And the guy was in my settlement, after all. I started forward to join them.

This, as it turned out, might have been the wrong move.

Barb’s father swiveled his head in my direction, and as he saw me approaching, he scowled. Turning towards the crowd, he shouted out.

“I didn’t come here to put on a circus act,” he boomed while turning towards Barb, “and I didn’t come here to entertain your little pals, boy! Now get!”

He raised a hand up, and without further warning, a ring of water formed around him. A second later, it practically exploded into a deluge, flooding the area.

And in this case, I truly meant flooding. Enough water poured out to practically form an omnidirectional tidal wave, which I had no doubt would sweep me away.

Before it could reach me, however, I had a brief moment to see it collide with Barb, Kex, and Jason. For Barb’s part, the water seemed to effortlessly part around him, leaving not a drop of water on the barber or his carefully maintained mustache.

The other two were not likewise spared. Kex, at least, was able to weather the flood, however. With dirt beneath her and plenty of water to spare, she was very literally in her element as she appeared to sink down knee-deep into the ground. The water covered her completely, but failed to move her.

Jason was not so lucky. Despite his gator-like appearance, it seemed he had no answer to the water, and he was carried away. Rather than letting himself be submerged, however, he somehow managed to float atop the wave.

I imagined that such an experience would be jarring, but evidently I’d forgotten who I was dealing with. Right before the water hit me, I could hear Jason laughing.

He’s treating this like some sort of water slide, isn’t he?

Unlike Jason, however, I was not looking forward to getting swept away. Even while I watched the water hit the others, my mind raced to find a solution. While I wasn’t entirely thrilled with what I came up with, it would have to do.

It worked once, right? I channeled life mana into my boots, and vines poked out from the ground, wrapping around my legs. As I wasn’t in the forest, the earth here was still pretty barren, and they didn’t look like they came from the sturdiest stock, but it was all I had.

You are rooted!

The wave crashed into me, and for a moment, I thought I’d be ripped free from the vines, but blissfully, they held. Much as had been the case with the shower elemental back in Drawgin, the vines seemed to drink the water, rapidly growing greener and thicker.

Despite not getting washed away, the experience still sucked.

It wasn’t quite as bad as the full force tsunami of the shower elemental, but it made up for that fact by being much longer, and much colder.

By and large, the water managed to wash out pretty much all the thoughts from my head, save for one.

I don’t think I really like Barb’s dad, to be honest.

Eventually the water subsided, and I let out a gasping breath as I got my bearings. I looked towards the spot where the crowd had been to see if they’d all been washed away, only to realize that I was in some sort of barrier which blocked my sight.

It looks kind of like… a bubble?

A dome surrounded me, reminiscent of a soap bubble, with rainbow hues and reflections running across it. Unlike an actual soap bubble, it was completely opaque, and belatedly, I realized I couldn’t hear anything outside either.

The only things within were Barb, his father, the gryphon, Kex, and me. It quickly became clear that this was two more people than were supposed to be inside the barrier, as Barb’s father shouted out.

“What’s the point of casting a gods’ damned privacy spell if it’s not going to give me some gods’ damned privacy?” He started walking towards Kex menacingly, only for Barb to interpose himself between them.

“I merely thought to introd-” His words were abruptly cut off as a stream of bubbles began to pour out of his mouth.

Mouth Wash

Cleans the target’s mouth out with soap, silencing them. Floral scented.

“Bah! Not a word out of you, boy. I’m in no mood.” He closed the distance between them and deftly snatched Barb’s ear, yanking him away at such speed I was briefly worried the ear would be ripped off.

Kex was not particularly fond of this.

“Your fault,” she declared. “Being mean. I forgive you though. Gave me lots of mud.”

The ground beneath my feet began to shift as a bump formed in the earth in front of Kex. It sucked up all the mud inside the privacy bubble, growing and growing until it formed a mud elemental so large it had to hunch over to stay within the dome.

That feels like a bad idea, I decided. A very small part of me considered teaming up with Kex to try to teach the guy a lesson and make him treat Barb better. The rest of me realized that that would be a horrible, horrible decision for two reasons. Firstly, I’d seen the guy’s level. Even in a two on one, he’d win without breaking a sweat.

As for the second reason, Fudunkerexelesterioastorious the 16th seemed to pick up on it fairly quickly. Instead of stopping Kex from casting her spell or attacking her while the golem was forming, he watched everything happen before breaking out into a fit of giggles.

“Heh- Haha. HAH! Boy, you see this? Your friend is attacking me? With mud?” His giggles turned into full on cackling as Barb tried to respond. With the bubbles still flowing out of his mouth, however, his words were garbled and unintelligible.

“Ooooh. All right, I’ll admit it. I’m in a slightly better mood now.” He faced the golem, which, uncaring of the fact that he’d been speaking, had been winding back for a punch. He grinned widely up at its mucky face before bringing a single finger up to point at it.

“Wash.”

A surge of water enveloped the golem.

And then just like that, it was gone.

The entire golem vanished.

All that remained was a subtle floral scent that filled the bubble.

Kex stared up at where her creation had been only a moment before, both her human and lizard-like eyes wide and uncertain.

On seeing her expression, Barb’s father simply chuckled. “Hah! Well, good on you for trying to help out the boy. Doesn’t mean you’re not dumb as all hells, though. Now get!” A geyser of water formed beneath Kex, instantly clearing away the mud she was using to root herself in place. Another geyser formed in front of her at an angle, blasting her backwards before she had so much as a chance to blink.

“Gah!” she ignominiously cried out. She was catapulted backwards by the force of the water, and in an instant, she connected with the barrier. Instead of slamming into it, the bubble gave way, and she sank through it.

With Kex gone, it was just the three of us.

I made my decision quickly.

“So. I’m just going to go…” One way or another, it looked like I would be leaving the bubble. I preferred the scenario where I did not get blasted out. I waved to Barb and grinned sheepishly before starting to shuffle over to the barrier.

Barb’s father looked over to me, making no move to stop me. He seemed to be about to say something, but after examining me for a moment, he stopped.

Instead of his words, he used his magic. A geyser appeared.

Thankfully, it did not slam into me, but the result was almost worse. It shot up in front of me, barring me from leaving.

“Wait a second.” Fudunkerexelesterioastorius the 16th began walking over to me, his sudsy-mouthed son following while gargling out a protest indignantly. “What the hells are you?”

I froze. Not who the hell was I, but what the hell was I.

“I don’t know wh-” I tried to stammer out a response, but midway through, I found my mouth filled with bubbles. The taste was horrible, only magnified by my Perception, and I scrunched my face up in disgust.

“My identification skills are going nuts on you, kid. Way too much Prestige for someone at your level. What are you, some sort of demigod?” He inched closer, frowning as he studied me. “Nah, too weak, and not godly enough. Maybe some sort of summoned hero? Except what kingdom would have summoned you and dumped you out here? Doesn’t fit.”

I felt an urge to run from the man’s scrutiny, but I sincerely doubted even a jet step would help me against someone of his level. And besides. This is Barb’s dad, right? I’m not going to get murked by Barb’s dad, am I? Not right in front of Barb.

I consoled myself with that as he continued to tisk away at me.

“See, you look bizarre. They don’t make ‘em as pale as you, except way up north, but your face is all funny. Features don’t look like any of the kingdoms I’ve been to up there.”

Okay, possibly true, but definitely a dick thing to say. I took a break from being worried to being angry.

“Nine to one odds that you’re an outworlder. Except if you’re not a summoned hero, what the he- Oh! I know!” He donned a goofy grin, turning to his son and snapping his fingers.

“Boy! You know what she is? She’s a gods’ damned Protagonist, isn’t she?”