Sebastian wasn’t sure what he should do. Should he call for a halt? He could have just miscounted, it’s not like he was actually focused on the random counting, for all he knew he could be completely right, and one of them went to talk to Kyle or his scouts, or maybe stepped into one of the side passages to take a piss. Not wanting to look like a total idiot by making an unnecessary fuss he leaned closer to Sarah and whispered, “Hey, how many guards did we have a few minutes ago?” When she gave him a skeptical look he shook his head, “No trick or anything, I was bored and started counting things, and I think we might be short a guard. I just wanted to double check and make sure I have a reason to panic before I start, well, panicking.”

She nodded, and Sebastian immediately knew he had made a mistake when a sly smirk spread across her face right before she called out, “Kyle! We need to stop! Our fearless enchanter is afraid someone might have wandered off!” she continued in a more conversational tone after giggling, “There you go Seb, problem solved! Do I get a reward?” she started batting her eyelashes at him.

Sebastian tried out his very best death glare, but it just got him another giggle, which drastically reduced his confidence in his death glaring abilities, and he gave up with a huff as everyone gathered round. He was relieved that Kyle didn’t bother asking why he thought someone went missing, and simply started doing a headcount. While he did that, Sebastian heard an all too familiar grunt behind him and he groaned, “Hi Greg, is it already that time again?” He offered up his hand to the man though, complaining about the man’s presence had become more of a habit than anything else, and he had grown to respect his abilities.

He winced a few times as Greg squeezed, prodded, and pulled at his hand. Greg signaled his approval of Sebastian’s recovery rate with a grunt and a gruff, “Lucky.”

Sebastian watched him stomp off to brutalize the other poor injured bastards before turning to face Sarah again, “Would you count that as two syllables or three?” he asked her.

Kyle’s arrival interrupted any response she could have made, “Everyone is here and accounted for, but I’m going to be ordering a closer order of march anyways.” He waved away Sebastian’s attempt to apologize, “Losing sight of someone is a perfectly reasonable cause to call for a stop. I want everyone closer together because these tunnels are bloody unnerving. We may be woodsmen with limited experience in caves and caverns, but even the dimmest witted of creatures knows that tunnels like these didn’t dig themselves, and I don’t care to run into whatever may be living in here.”

“Bloody lucky we haven’t run into sumthin already cap’n!” one of the guards nearby said, before spitting on the ground in disgust, “Whatever it is, it’s bloody huge, and bloody strong, with great big bloody claws of some sort.”

Sarah and Sebastian both just gave the man blank stares, his weathered skin and scraggly hair and beard didn’t really inspire much confidence. The crooked nose, clearly having been broken more than once, and mismatched eyes rounded out the whole ‘town lunatic’ image the man had about him. Kyle pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a long-suffering sigh, “Legs, what did I say about speaking around important people?”

The madman puffed up his chest proudly, “Don’t do it! But they’re jest whelps cap’n, whelps isn’t important people cap’n, whelps are whelps!”

Kyle looked like he was going to lose it, while Sebastian was rather dumbfounded, and Sarah looked like she was desperately trying to keep from laughing. “They’re mages you bloody idiot! Mages are important people by default! Just be quiet, please!” He turned to face Sarah and Sebastian, “Please don’t take offense at anything he says, he usually means well, but, well, you heard him speak already. Despite how he looks and talks and sometimes smells, he is easily the best scout and pathfinder I’ve ever come across.” He actually looked a bit sheepish about having to defend the man.

Legs just snorted, “Bah, these’re good whelps, they won’t get all bent up over little old me talkin to ‘em. I tell ya what, you whelps promise the cap’n here that ya won’t get all fussy, and I’ll teach yeh what I can ‘bout trackin and pathin, whad-a-ya say?”

Kyle looked horrified, but before anyone else could say anything Sarah burst out laughing and said, “Deal! Sebastian loves to learn new things!” it was Sebastian’s turn to look horrified as she wound down from her outburst. When she caught her breath she added, “I’m afraid I can’t take any lessons from you right now though, Greg here is going to teach me about healing.” She gestured behind them, and Sebastian heard a grunt that was in no way a confirmation of what she had just claimed.

Legs nodded seriously, “Tis good to know how to fix yer man when he breaks, missy. Don’ worry, I’ll teach him good, so’s he ain’t easy to break.” He spat to the side again, “Course, yeh’ll be walkin wit me up front for a time lad, can’t really learn ya nuthin if yer not nearby. Don’ worry though son, I’m still a guardsman and I’ll be keepin ya safe from any critters.”

“Fantastic.” Sebastian deadpanned, well and truly caught in Sarah’s spontaneous trap. I suppose it might help keep me busy, I just hope his brand of crazy isn’t catching. Although that could be a wonderful way to get a bit of payback. Sebastian lapsed into thoughts of petty revenge, while Kyle went about rearranging the marching order while muttering something about a half-crazed hillbilly getting them all killed by angry mages.

When it was time to set off again, Legs latched onto Sebastian’s arm and drug him off towards the front, ignoring his protests and complaints. Sebastian was only slightly mollified by the fact that Greg had done the same thing to Sarah, albeit with less of a struggle. When they got a good distance from the others Legs finally released him. “Yer first lesson is paying attention to yer surroundings. If’n you don’t, nasty critters might sneak up on ya, or ya might stumble into a nasty critter and get yerself eaten.” He proceeded to point out the signs he had been finding while explaining the basics of scouting, how to keep track of where you are and how far you have traveled, how to track and either hunt or avoid things.

Once he actually started Sebastian had to admit that it was actually pretty interesting stuff, and despite all evidence to the contrary, Legs was far more knowledgeable than Sebastian would have ever expected. A few things he still found aggravating of course, like the man’s methods of teaching him to pay attention, he set Sebastian to watching for signs of whatever it was that had either dug these tunnels, or used them and left those gouges in the stone. After a while of quietly pointing out the signs he had been told to watch for he was suddenly walloped across the back of the head and sent stumbling. When he caught his balance and spun around, sputtering in outrage, Legs just said, “If ye were paying attention to yer surroundings like I told ya to, I wouldn’ a been able to walk up and bash ya now would I? Ya gotta pay attention to all of yer surroundings not just what ya are tryin ta find. Any fool can learn to look fer something specific, and only a fool looks fer only the thing he is lookin fer.”

Sebastian had to mull that one over for a while before he deciphered what the madman was trying to tell him. Makes a crazy sort of sense I guess, if you are only looking for a specific thing you might miss other important things, like a crazy old head-bashing bastard sneaking up on you for fun. He had started scowling again after the sneak attack though, and the two times he actually managed to catch the old bastard sneaking up on him didn’t make him feel any better about his lessons, since he missed him half a dozen times.

As the time dragged on, Legs continued to lecture Sebastian about the arts of tracking and pathfinding. Towards the end of the day, he decided to offer up some encouragement though, “Don’ worry bout not bein able ta catch me sneakin up on ya all the time ma boy. Yer doin well just ta have caught me at all. Takin to yer pa’s learnins like a fish ta water.”

Sebastian’s horrified gaze snapped towards him, “No, you couldn’t possibly…” the mere thought that his father had disappeared into the forest to turn into a head bashing old lunatic with no sense of social self-preservation sent shivers of absolute terror down his spine.

“Yessir, yer pa learned me a goodly number o’ tricks, I’ll never forget what he said all those years back. ‘Legs,’ he said, ‘learn yer trade well, cuz if a man what talks like you ain’t damned good at an important job, he’ll be swingin by the neck the moment he bumps into da wrong noble.’” He hocked and spat before continuing, “Truth be, them kingsmen know some mighty fine tricks, an’ its only right I try ta teach em to his kin. Woulda done it sooner, but da cap’n keeps me busy, and yer mother be a fierce woman what didn’t want me round you, on account of thinkin me a bad influenza or somesuch big word she liked ta use, bless ‘er heart.”

“Oh, thank the gods, all of the gods, that you aren’t, wait, you knew my father? He was a what?” his guilty relief at getting a confirmation that Legs was most definitely not his long-lost father was immediately forgotten the moment his brain caught up to the bit about his father being a Kingsman. His father being a former member of the king’s elite unit of soldiers, spies, and assassins was definitely something he should have been told. Publicly they were his personal guards, always by his side, and some of his closest confidants. Secretly, well, nobody was really sure of all the things they did for him, but rumors abounded. It wasn’t possible for one of them to have ended up way out on the frontier living as a hunter and scout, was it?

Sebastian eagerly started to ask questions, desperate to learn more about his father’s hidden past, but Legs just gave him a gap-toothed grin, “Time to call it a day lad, we can talk about yer pa tomorrow if ya like, but I gots ta report to the cap’n now. Go spend some time with yer little lady friend and get some sleep.”