I won't accept that I can't do this. Afraid of heights? How weak! How ridiculous! The spirits wouldn't have given me wings if it were impossible for me to use them. If it’s just for use as a blunt weapon, tentacles would have been fine instead.

But they gave me wings! So fucking jump you worthless trash!

I brought myself closer to the edge of the wall by crawling on my hands and knees. My limbs are shaking so badly I can barely control them, and my wings are dragging limply behind me.

It’s an irrational phobia. I won't be beaten by something as stupid as that!

Yet my head peeked over the edge of the wall, and I saw the ground far below me. A sensation of dizziness swept over me, and I quickly retracted my head, vomiting onto the clean stones. My head was swimming from the various chemicals my synapses were flooding into my brain.

I can't do it? Bullshit…

Dragging myself onto my knees, then shakily onto my feet, I started back down the steps. Installing a handlebar was the correct decision. I'm only able to keep upright by gripping it.

By the time my feet are on the soil again, my breathing has more or less stabilized, and I determine myself to look for a certain somebody. Using , I track down momma and ask her to come atop the wall with me. I don't explain anything to her, she just follows me. Her peaceful smile helps keep me grounded.

I know momma would do anything to help me, especially if it’s help to make me stronger. She would do it even if it might not be the best for me, even if it might be bad for me. When we get to the top, I stand in front of her and watch the fledgling city of Babylon for a moment. It’s more empty space than city. I have a lot of work to do…

Turning to face my momma, I force my voice to come out in something like an even tone.

“I want to practice flying, but I can't jump myself. Would you,” I know what I'm asking. As the fear of death grips me, tears well up, “push me, please?”

Momma just smiles brightly, ignoring my tears. “Sure, baby. Turn around so you is facing the right way while falling.”

I turn around and spread my wings wide. I want more time to prepare myself mentally, but I know that no matter how long I take, the fear won't go away. It’s inevitable that momma’s shove feels sudden. My body automatically lowers its posture. My feet gather as much friction as they can. I instinctively do everything possible to keep from falling off the edge. When I've almost stabilized, a heavy kick strikes me from behind.

I'm not usually one to squeal, but I squealed like a pig in the slaughterhouse at that moment. Thoughts of flying? They seem to have disappeared in this moment of crisis. My wings level out from some natural instinct, but it isn't soon enough to stop my fall. With a boom, I collide heavily with the ground.

Let’s see. From taking a quick inventory, it seems that my collarbone is broken, as well as my left wrist and wing. My hip is also severely bruised.

What happened to ? Isn't this the kind of damage a human would receive? … It’s because I weigh so much, right?

Quickly channeling and , I restore myself to normal. is doing its job for once. Once I've recovered, I start back up the stairs without allowing myself time to think about it.

Look. I didn't die. That much isn't so scary, right?

It seems to be a little bit less intense, but fear still assaults my mind and body when I look down from this height.

It’s just because I'm too convinced I'll fall and get hurt. If I can just reprogram myself by experiencing something different, like not falling, or not getting hurt, I can get over this.

I spread my wings wide, and a heavy shove comes from momma behind me. This time, I remember that my goal is to fly, but I'm too panicked to act on that goal properly. I catch myself with my wings very briefly, but this just causes me to get some forward momentum and skid upon landing. No broken bones, but bruises and abrasions aplenty.

Feeling embarrassed of my frightened squealing after landing relatively well, I applied some healing magic and dusted myself off, trotting back up the steps.

“I-I-I w-will try it th-this time,” I told momma at the top. I try to face the edge with courage, but my heart beat is making my head pound. My body breaks into cold sweat with the understanding that “there’s only air there,” and I timidly slide one of my feet back.

Perhaps sensing my weakness, momma suddenly pushes me from behind.

The only rational thing I manage to do is spread my wings out, but I catch the air wrong and flip over, and from there I spiral into the earth head first.

I feel like I blacked out for a minute, and when I come to, I'm greeted by this message from the spirits.

[[’s additional effect, 50% chance to ignore instant death attacks, has activated successfully.]]

Instant death. I see. Did I split my head open on impact, or did I die from fear? With nervous, shaky legs, tears streak down my face as I climb back up the steps. Momma’s waiting for me at the top with a peaceful, cheerful smile on her face, as always.

I'm afraid. I don't want to fall anymore. I don't want to die again.

But even more than that, I (my consciousness) refuse to yield to myself (the chemicals in my brain). There’s no way… I could be that damn weak.

“Momma,” I murmured softly.

She tilts her head and looks at me encouragingly. “Be strong, baby. The spirits is watching.”

Right… the spirits. Have I really not earned something by now?

[[Conditions met. acquired.]]

[[ allows the user to suppress feelings of fear to a certain extent. It is listed as a first level resistance skill: state passive.]]

Right. With that, surely I'll be oka--

The ground disappeared from beneath my feet once again, and my illusory sense of security disappeared in a flash. Is “up to a certain extent” only this much? Or is it like in that it doesn't work well on certain kinds of fear? No matter how many times I jump off and live, I feel so certain that I'll die the next time.

If I were to land on my head again…

As if my brain has run out of high-tension chemicals, all I feel now is a strength-robbing depression. I land on my back, and the wind is forced out of me. I wait quietly for it to recover. In a deadpan voice, I mutter, “... .”

I shift myself to my knees, but standing up again is… No, I won't be beaten by this too. Gritting my teeth, I haul myself up and trot back up the stairs. Refusing to even look as I run, I leap off the edge of the wall. I spread my wings, hang for a moment in the air, and fear grips my heart like a vice. It quickly surpasses what can account for, and I draw in all my limbs for comfort, including my wings. I drop like a rock out of the sky. My balance tips, and I flip vertically with my head on the bottom. At the last minute, the burning will to live races through me, and I make an attempt to save myself. I turn horizontal with the help of my wings, and gain a considerable amount of forward momentum. My body drags and skips along the ground, until I'm covered in scratches and bruises.

Tired after the emotional roller coaster, I get to my knees and hyperventilate as I resist crying like a frightened child. I'm aware of a set of heavy footsteps approaching, but I don't have the current mental capacity to acknowledge them. However, a pair of hands grab firmly onto my shoulders, lifting me up. My unfocused eyes see something like an Orc, and I'm pulled into a close embrace.

“Just stay down here for a minute, with your feet on the ground,” I heard my father’s voice in my ears. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

[[Conditions met. acquired.]]

A heat blossomed in my chest, and, like a child, I cried.

***

Dad convinced me to just stay with him for a few minutes, doing nothing but holding each other. Comforting words have settled in my heart. I don't have to go back up. I don't have to jump back down. I can stay someplace warm on the ground, and it’s okay.

But, I can't do nothing forever. I can only go a few minutes before my mind and body start to fidget.

“Are you feeling better?” Rigdam asked, loosening his arms so I could move more freely.

“Yes. Thank you.”

He snorted warmly. “Hmph. You’ve been an erratic child as long as I've known you. You ought to take a few minutes every now and then to rest so you don't become stressed.”

“Yes, I'll try to follow that advice a little better.”

But since break time is over, spirits, what is ?

[[Information is accessible. increases the user’s Courage stat in proportion to the affection they give and receive. It is listed as a rare status skill: state passive.]]

Is it a skill designed to help people protect their loved ones? I didn't know this type of skill existed.

Standing up, I took a few steps toward the stairs.

“Vyra,” my dad called out cautiously.

I looked over my shoulder at him and smiled. “Don't worry. This time, if it’s too scary, I'll come back down the steps. I have other things I need to do anyway, and this can always wait until tomorrow.”

Father nodded, so I made my way to the top of the wall. Momma was still waiting for me patiently.

“This time, I'll do it. And if I can't, I'll take a break for today. You’re welcome to watch from up here though.”

“Momma’s proud of you, baby. Always,” she grinned.

… I know you are.

The view is worrying, but the drop doesn't look as far as it did before. I think I can grit my teeth and manage it.

Spreading my wings wide open, I crouched against the edge of the wall. I pushed off hard with my legs. Somehow, I got myself somewhat stable in the air. I don't know how to move my body without causing myself to plummet to the ground, so for now I'm gliding at the mercy of the wind. The view is scary, and the thought of falling again is scary, but the wind is cool, and the sun feels warm on my back.

After several seconds without having lost control, I decided to take a risk. Doing my best to feel out how the air current reacts, I shifted my wings ever so slightly. To recover, I shifted them the opposite way. By leaning my body slightly, I was able to glide in a simple circle above the city.

I didn't have the confidence to flap my wings at all, so I'd been steadily losing altitude. Pretty soon, I ended up gliding just above ground level. I didn't know how to right myself, so I ended up dragging across the dirt, chest and face first. Honestly, I panicked and forgot I had hands for a moment there, which is why something unfortunate like that happened.

It was a simple flight, but my blood is pumped full of adrenaline. I feel like I just got off a particularly nerve-wracking roller coaster, and my legs are a little wobbly as a result.

But, even though it was scary... it was kind of fun too.

Ahh. I shouldn't overdo it too much in one day. I think I'll relax by reading those notes Balig took the time to write for me.