I walked into my digital apartment and messaged the group that I wasn’t up for the café tonight. I was just too drained, from the Steele Legion fiasco to someone already trying to keep tabs on me, I needed a break. I needed something to keep me busy, so I decided to just cook something absurdly elaborate for only one person. So I spent the next hour and a half or so making the perfect beef wellington, and just savored each bite as it melted on my tongue. I went to bed early and left off the alarms. I wanted some uninterrupted sleep now that I wasn’t on a dungeon schedule.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Emily was debating leaving early for the day. She had all her work done, and that unpleasantness from the Steele Legion was behind her. As she was logging out of all her monitoring programs, her desk phone rang. Damnit, you couldn’t have just waited five more minutes, could you? She mentally berated it. “Hello?”

“Emily, you coming or what?” A voice she just couldn’t place asked.

“Sorry, coming to what? And I’m sorry to say I don’t recognize your voice.”

“It’s Mike! Frank brought some popcorn and I’ve got a few bottles of beer that are at the perfect temperature. We’re going to watch a good bit of what we’re calling Marty’s Montage, see how he took down so many higher leveled characters.”

“You know what? I think I could use a bit of something fun. I’ll be down in a few.” She had spent enough time around her boss recently that she was no longer nervous, and honestly the two of them were bound to be entertaining.

She didn’t bother knocking when she got there, as they wouldn’t hear it over the boisterous laughter. Looks like they started early. “There she is! C’mon, grab a beer. Mike’s got the video all queued up, says we got at least ten minutes of solid adventurers dying.” Taking a chair and a cold beer, Emily took a long drink as she leaned back in a chair.

“Wow, this really hits the spot. You know guys, we should have one Friday a month where our departments get together in the afternoon and just have a party. Give people a chance to just relax for a paid afternoon, let them talk about the worst customer service stories they got that month. Heck, maybe even give a show like this of oddball bugs and characters doing crazy stuff.”

“Hmm, I’ld be ok with that, what about you Frank?”

“Brilliant! I would never turn down a reason to have a few cold ones. Hell, we could even see if we could swing the company to pay for a few packs of beer.”

“Well, let’s leave the planning for some other time, we got us a movie to watch!” Mike turned and hit a few buttons on his computer, and the wall was replaced with Marty’s view of the Kobold Warrens. Some of the earlier deaths they had seen before, but there were quite a few that got laughs out of all of them.

“Wait! Wait! Go back!” Larry protested. “I want to see what’s on the other side of that hole! You can’t just show me an adventurer sticking his head through a wall and expect that to be it?”

Mike played with his computer a bit, and split the screen. On the right, they could see things through the hapless adventurer’s eyes. “BWAHAHAHA! WISDOM WILL DESCEND FROM ABOVE THAT’S GLORIOUS!” Larry cried out as he read what Marty had carved on the wall. “Here’s your bit of wisdom, don’t stick your head in strange holes in the dungeon! HAHAHA!” Everyone got a kick out of that, as well as the third eye spear stab.

“Wait, what’s he building in the ceiling there?” Larry asked, as Mike had left that part in to build suspense.

“Honestly it is one of the most devastating traps I’ve ever seen.” Mike replied.

“And one that the Steele Legion kept complaining about” Emily added. “They couldn’t comprehend the fact that they had gotten one-shotted in the dungeon.”

Larry was glued to the screen as Marty built his mammoth trap. “Is that a swing arm? What the Hell would need a swing arm that massive though? Besides, it’s still connected to the. . . oh. That’s why it’s still connected. That’s going to. . . yep. Completely splatter whoever it hits. Mike? Can you do me a solid and send this clip to my email? I need to have a talk with some of our developers, this is getting put into a few high tier dungeons.”

“Hah, I figured you would want that. Yeah, I’ve already got the clip sorted along with the game identity. Yes, it is officially a game object, and this unrefined one does three to four thousand damage when it hits.”

“THOUSAND?! That’ll kill some level 50 players! I wonder what they would rate it if we spring loaded it and made it out of mithril? We do have that ancient dwarf dungeon we can unlock in the next patch upgrade. This would be perfect to add.”

“Aaaand we lost him. Don’t worry, he’ll be back in a few minutes. He’s just going through a mental list to see where he can add his new favorite toy.”

“No worries, I’ve known quite a few people who were like that. Hey Larry. LARRY!” Emily had to almost yell the last part. “How much of someone’s body do you need to cast a resurrection spell?”

Larry looked at her with a blank face. “I don’t honestly know, it’s never come up. What have you hatched in your devious little head there Emily?”

“Well, it’s a combination of a few things. See, Marty has this move where he slams two hammers on opposite sides of someone’s head, and they splat like a watermelon. I was just wondering what two of those massive hammers would do to a body if they collided like that, and how epic the splattering would be. We could probably destroy a body so thoroughly that resurrection would be impossible, and it would truly enrage quite a few raids.”

“My dear, you should transfer to my department. It’s obvious your talents here are going to be wasted solving bugs.”

“Larry! No poaching! Besides, there’s a better way.”

Emily looked back and forth as the two bosses tried to barter her employment.

“You mean the way where I get my way every time? Glad you saw things my way Mike!”

“No damnit! Listen for a second. What if we had her keep working where she is now, but offer her a big bonus for any ideas like that? We can give Marty a cut too, since this is derivative of his gameplay.”

“Ok, fine. That’ll work. Emily? You aren’t going to turn down any big bonuses for when you have ideas like this again, are you?”

“Larry, if you want to give me money for my ideas I will never tell you no.”

“Excellent! Ok, I’ve got several ideas squared away, lets watch the last little bit.”

“Sure, but one last thing before we do. The last clip is an edited possibility for us to advertise the new monster races. It’s a slightly altered ending of the last group of adventurers to challenge Marty.” Mike hit play, and everyone watched a splitscreen view of the group walking up to a darkened hallway. Nobody from the group side could see the third orb Marty released over the flash of the other two exploding after being shot by the archers. The explosion from Marty’s view was awe inspiring, the adventurers disappearing in a column of expanding blue-white light. “Ok, here’s the edited version.”

The screen was filled with close ups of adventurers doing a final check of their gear. Daggers were slammed into secure positions for easy reach, chainmail tugged so that it fit properly and didn’t hinder movement, and the orb at the end of a glittering white staff was polished so that the mage’s reflection was visible in it. No words were spoken as the adventuring team wandered through the halls, cutting down kobolds with ease. Until they turned into a darkened hallway, and two glowing yellow eyes opened and stared at them. “Ah, you smell of conquest, and the blood of my brethren. Perhaps you shall become worthy challenges.” As he spoke, the monster pulled two spheres from behind his back, smiling as he threw them forward.

“I’m on it” the mage cried, stepping forward. “[Mana barrier]” at his words, a translucent blue sphere formed in front of the group, taking up the entirety of the hallway. Before the orbs struck, the monster pulled a third one from his inventory and slammed it into the ground. As the flash receded, the mage taunted the kobold. “You’ll have to do better than that, spawn of darkness!”

Haunting laughter filled the hallway. “Haven’t you noticed it, dear mage? You’re already dead.” The view switched to that of the kobold, as the entire party’s eyes widened in horror. Blue flames erupted from underneath in slow motion, spewing stone shards in all directions. Faint clawing hands and tormented faces appeared in flashes of the expanding flames, but they were so fast you couldn’t tell if they were truly there or just your imagination. After the explosion the view shifted as the kobold stood up, and a blue pop up appeared in the middle of the screen as it faded to black.

All invaders slain.

“Damn Mike, you went all out on that. I think it’s fantastic, what about you Emily?”

“Honestly? I want to sign up as a monster race right now if that’s what I think I can do. I would be willing to bet we get a good boost to subscriptions after releasing this.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

I woke up just before noon. Stretching, I was so thankful that I got to sleep in on a weekend for a change. Usually I would be prepping for a brunch at work, as Arctic Storm headquarters never really slept. Though the majority of the businesspeople stayed at home, there was no way that the technical staff could afford to have empty shifts. I felt really lazy after sleeping so long, so I just had an automatically created Danish and some juice for breakfast. I entered the Oblivion door, content on just doing a short day to get some things prepared before really starting with questing.