When you’re in jail, one of the most important things you can do is reflect on your actions. Ah? Why am I in jail? …That’s not important. What’s important is reflecting on how I even got here! Where do I begin? Mm, it all started when I volunteered to join a prince’s expedition to search for the Godking’s legacy. That happened so long ago that I don’t even remember the prince’s name! Well, he was unimportant anyway because he died a tragic death involving his head separating from his body; however, as my friend Ilya—a demon who loves turning dead people into weapons and blood jellies—says, when one person dies, another person profits. The prince died, and I profited by obtaining the Godking’s weapon spirit, a sword named Durandal. He’s a bit of a butt, but I still love him. Alright, he’s not just a bit of a butt; he’s a huge asshole at times. In fact, he’s the reason I’m in jail in the first place!

If it wasn’t for Durandal’s inability to settle down and appreciate life, I wouldn’t be in this situation! When I first met him, the first thing he wanted to do was throw me into the wilderness under the guise of training. Then, after a series of events, I became the strongest person in the world—through my own hard work and no thanks to him. I was enjoying my life of good ol’ debauchery when Durandal found out there was a bigger world above us with stronger people inhabiting it. So, what did he do? He forced me out of my peaceful reign as a benevolent ruler by transporting us to the bigger world: the Immortal Continent! After a lot of suffering and hardship, I once again became the strongest person there: I was the leader of the most powerful sect; I had all the riches and delicious foods I could ever want; I even got my concubine, Softie, pregnant—not on purpose—and had a cute daughter named Sophia!

…And as Durandal does, he found out there was a place called the immortal realm, an even bigger world than the Immortal Continent with even stronger people. The number of bigger worlds never seem to end, does it? It’s so frustrating! The jail I’m in right now is located somewhere in the immortal realm. Although Durandal wasn’t the one that forced me to ascend out of the Immortal Continent, it’s still his fault that I’m here! If I had never met him, would I be stuck inside this tiny little room? Nope. Clearly, it’s his fault.

“What’s on your mind, Lucia?”

“You.”

Durandal raised an eyebrow. “Me? Not our situation?”

“I thought about our situation, and I came to the conclusion that you’re the reason why we’re here.”

Durandal rolled his eyes. “As usual, your conclusion is wrong,” he said and crossed his arms as he leaned back in his seat. “The instant we approached the city, the guards apprehended us and rushed us to jail. During our whole time here in the immortal realm, the only people we’ve encountered were those that you thrashed and Soul Scoured upon our arrival. One of them must’ve squeezed out a message to someone—law enforcement, perhaps—before we silenced them, causing a bounty to appear on our heads.”

Before I could explain to Durandal how he was wrong, there was a knock on the door, which was really weird because all the cultivators from the Immortal Continent didn’t know knocking was a thing. Are the people here more sensible? Nah. If they were sensible, they wouldn’t have brought me to jail in the first place! If the guards hadn’t treated me with as much respect as they did, I wouldn’t’ve even followed them here. I would’ve taught them a lesson in etiquette with my hammer and collected some tutoring fees from their interspacial rings. Alas, they didn’t try to use force, and they didn’t even ask me to put away my weapons. Ah? I’m not disappointed they were polite. Who said that?

“Excuse me,” a feminine voice said as the door swung open. A woman dressed in silver robes walked into the room and took a seat across from us. The woman cupped her hands and bowed her head at me with her eyes closed. “I apologize for making the two of you wait; some ruffians were acting up.”

People are awfully polite here, huh? For some reason, I feel a bit nervous. This place is supposed to be even more dangerous than the Immortal Continent, and everyone down there had mental problems, killing people left and right for no reason at all. My subordinate, Claw, even got stronger every time he cut someone’s head off. Ah? I’m part of the problem? Nonsense! A leader can’t be blamed for their subordinates’ actions. After all, what’s the point of having subordinates if you can’t even use them as scapegoats? Ahem, moving on, it seems like this lady’s expecting me to say something. “Right, uh, why am I here?”

The silver-robed woman raised an eyebrow. She glanced at Durandal, and seeing his lack of reaction caused her brow to wrinkle. “You don’t know why you’re here?”

“Nope.” It can’t have anything to do with those people I beat up and Soul Scoured. They tried to rob my hammer first! A thief reporting someone to the authorities? It simply doesn’t happen. Unless the authorities are the thieves…? Hmm. “But whatever you think you detained me for, I didn’t do it.”

“We’re not detaining you….” The woman stared at me before turning towards the guard by the door. “Didn’t you brief them about the situation?”

What’s going on? There seems to be some kind of misunderstanding, and that’s me not understanding anything going on at all.

“I assumed she was here to bail him out,” the guard said, his face turning red. His voice turned into a mumble. “Why else would an immortal squirrel come this way?” His gaze shifted towards the ground as the woman in silver glared at him. After a few seconds, the woman let out a sigh and turned back towards me.

“By any chance,” she said, “did you come to my city to pick up a runaway squirrel?”

“Uh…, no?” That’s not why I came here at all. I came here because it was the first sign of civilization I saw! But…. “Oops, I mean, yes. Absolutely. I came here to pick up the runaway squirrel.” Right! Clearly, these guys recognized me as a squirrel, and they didn’t want to kill me right away. Doesn’t that mean squirrels aren’t persecuted down here like they were in the Immortal Continent? Hmm. Why didn’t Baldie and Scarry recognize me as a squirrel then? Eh, who knows! That’s not important. What’s important is I know absolutely nothing about the immortal realm, and the best way to survive is to pick up a fellow squirrel who knows more than me!