The scarred man smiled.

“Well I’ll be the first one to welcome you to our little settlement, the village of low hanging bathroom lights.”

Michael paused for a moment, “Y'all sure have some great naming sense.”

“Look, I know it sounds dumb, but certain sections of the store have higher concentrations of certain items. Naming towns after the item helps people navigate better. It’s what every village in this place does.”

That said, he eyed Michael’s gear up and down.

“Where’d you get all that fancy stuff, can I assume that explosion we heard was from you?”

“Yeah, it was me. I’d actually be willing to trade some of my stuff if you’ve got anything worth offering.”

The man got excited before immediately deflating.

“We honestly don’t have much worth while.”

“No magical artifacts or anything?”

“No.”

“Any idea where some might be?”

“Well, if you're looking for special items, your best bet in the staff's den. No ones ever gone in there and made it out, so there could be pretty much anything down there.”

Michael pondered what he said.

“Anyways, you can stay for as long as you want.”

The man stared at Michaels shotgun.

“We’d love to have someone with your...talents.”

Michael was beginning to get, ‘I’m going to rob you’, vibes from this guy.

Whatever, I’ll just keep an eye on him.

The man motioned for Michael to follow him into the town, the other guard staying behind to keep watch.

As Michael walked deeper into the village, he noticed more and more people coming out of the woodwork.

The whole town seemed to be shoddily put together, the walls being the only thing that looked structurally sound.

Housing seemed to be put together with whatever they could find, usually being pieces of wood cannibalized from furniture.

“If you want to make any sort of deal with us, you’ll need to speak to our leader, Samuel. He makes all our big decisions, it’s what kept us alive for so long.”

He leads Michael to a small building, watching him enter before returning to his post.

That explosion had riled up the staff, they’d need him back on watch.

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Walking into the small hut, Michael spotted a short man wearing glasses. He had long slicked back hair, and he wore a well worn lab coat with jeans.

The man immediately noticed the foundation symbol on Michael's armor.

“Well if it isn’t a member of the SCP foundation, what can I do for you?”

“You recognize the symbol?”

“Well I’d better. I worked for them for twenty years.”

“So you were a scientist?”

“Yeah, sadly they had me doing field research. Which is how I ended up here.”

“How long has this town been here?”

“Well I’ve been here since the foundation first sent us in to investigate this goddamn IKEA eight months ago, but some of my people have been trapped in here for years. The exits move constantly, they’re unpredictable.”

Michael began to see the chance to make a deal.

“What if I could offer you and your people a way out?”

The man looked interested, “How?”

“I’m what’s known as a dimension hopper. I’m only going to be here for a little while before I’ll eventually pop back into my dimension.”

“And your saying you can take us back with you?”

“Yes, for a price.”

“Name it.”

Michael simply smiled, that’s what he’d wanted to hear.

“Before we get down to it, we should properly introduce ourselves first, you can call me Tommy.”

They shook hands.

“Call me Dr. Samuel.”

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After several hours of negotiation the deal was made, in exchange for helping him raid the staff room, Michael would grant them their freedom from this dimension.

That’s assuming he didn’t get yoinked back to his dimension beforehand. He didn’t tell them that though, It’s better they believe he has some control over his ability.

He didn’t want them to try and hold him hostage until he shifts or something.

He also found the IKEA in his laptop. Although the only new thing he learned is that it's called SCP 3008, that's it. Apparently the foundation never really put much effort into learning about this one, content to put a fence around it and call it a day.

Anyways, the preparations went along quickly. Once the people were offered a chance to escape this place, they eagerly took it. Someone with firearms leading the expedition probably helped quite a bit too.

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After a few nights had passed, the town was finally ready. Michael had fifteen men and eight women to work with, roughly half the town.

Alongside hand crafted spears, crossbows and armor.

Michael knew that this whole plan was a risk, but he needed to keep his momentum going.

The last shift had been a disaster, he’d only lived because he was lucky enough to be wearing the right piece of jewelry.

No more of that, he was going to take the initiative to do what he needed to survive.

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After a few hours of walking, they’d arrived at the monster’s den. Despite them calling it the staff room, it would be more appropriate to call it a pit. It looked like it used to be covered up by shelving, but for whatever reason it had been uncovered.

Dozens of the staff surrounded the entrance.

The lights were still on so they shouldn’t be hostile yet, but Michael wasn’t risking it.

He had everyone ready their crossbows before signaling them to fire.

More than half of the monsters dropped immediately. The ones who weren’t hit seemed unbothered, not responding in the slightest to their comrades' deaths.

A moment later the crossbows were reloaded and the rest of the staff were killed.

Michael pushed forwards, his shotgun at the ready.

He shined his flashlight down into the darkness of the pit, revealing a long stretch of ladder leading downwards.

Michael and his crew began to descend the ladder, with him in the middle of the group.

It didn’t take long before they made it to the bottom, a small illuminated hallway making up the interior.

Soon after a member of the staff rounded the corner, it’s body contorted and limbs sharpened.

“This area is off limits to customers. Please leave and return to your shopping.”

Before it could advance, it was riddled with crossbow bolts, killing it immediately.

But down the hall the same phrase echoed repidiently, overlapping hundreds of times.

“This area is off limits to customers. Please leave and return to your shopping.”

“This area is off limits to customers. Please leave and return to your shopping.”

“This area is off limits to customers. Please leave and return to your shopping.”

“Well this isn’t good.”

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Progress was slow, Samuel had ordered his men to barricade the ladder to keep the staff off their backs for now.

Each monster they killed gave way to a new one, luckily the corridor was narrow. It made a good choke point.

The preparations worked well, the spears and bolts piercing deep into the bodies of the workers.

However, despite all of this, they would have been overrun many times by now if they didn’t have Michael’s firearms. Primitive weaponry can only do so much after all, especially against monsters like these.

With each worker they killed, they made it a bit further down the hall. Step by step they went.

This went on for hours, until they eventually made it to the end of the hall to a door labeled ‘Manager’s Office’.

Here's to hoping there's useful stuff inside.

Samuel took the lead, carefully opening the door.

What’s inside was a large workshop, with hundreds of thousands of half-completed items covering various tables.

Michael moved with the group, shotgun at the ready.

His eyes scanned the nearby tables, but all he could find were things you’d find at a normal IKEA.

Not very surprising, but disappointing nonetheless.

Suddenly a femenine voice could be heard, “Attempting to steal from me, eh?”

*Snap*

Everyone around Michael fell to the ground.

They writhed and screamed as their skin began covering their face, their bodies stretching and changing. Slowly shifting into the same abominations he’d seen in the tunnel.

Wide eyed, Michael moved away from them, looking for the source of the voice.

When he saw her, he couldn’t help feeling a bit of disgust.

Her body was similar to the workers they’d been slaughtering, except she had no form, it constantly shifted. It was a disturbing sight to behold.

She wore the same IKEA uniform as the rest, except she had a name tag simply labeled ‘MANAGER’.

She studied Michael for a moment, probably confused why he wasn’t being reconstructed like the others, before chuckling to herself.

“An apostle of order wearing the crown of an exiled god? How peculiar indeed.”

Her body moved impossibly fast, appearing in front of Michael within fractions of a second and pinning him to the ground.

“What an interesting creature you are, now please tell me what you’re doing in my workshop.”