Volume 3, Chapter 1: Reflections of my Heart and More Tidings

Discourse #13

Mine has been a life of many false pretenses.

For example, if I was asked by someone of this elusive and ephemeral concept, this ambiguous question—

What is happiness?

I would merely reply with a logic of my own making, and yet in another sense, of others' making. I would say that happiness is a state that is derived from many factors such as a good life, freedom from suffering, prosperity, pleasure, friends and family, and with it, bonds.

In my human life, I have been told many times, even as a child, that I was different from others. That I was too cold and unfeeling. Even my father, who was the closest to me, was kept at a distance, a distance forged from my own making and his making.

One time-forged concept is that the environment in which you are brought up in is a huge factor in your personality and life. Likewise, I was no exception to this.

Thus, this was how my personality—if my natural-born dampened emotions and somewhat feigned interactions could even be called a personality—was influenced and made.

I already knew, from the very beginning, since I was just a mere child, that I was different. That I was lacking emotions. The ones that I did have in an extensive sense—curiosity, for example—could not even be called an emotion.

I knew that I was not human.

In fact, I was more of a spectator observing the humans' interactions than I was a human. It was through these observations that my false pretenses were forged.

I was a deceiver, a liar.

Through the years as a human child, I learned. I could fool almost everyone except the ones who were closest to me and sharp enough to see through my false interactions and somewhat dampened emotions.

I could give out a smile that could mask my underlying indifference. I could form an expression that could tell you I was somewhat sad, or somewhat happy. Sure, I was lacking in certain areas—it was hard to make up false pretenses for the wide range of strong emotions humans have—but I tried, regardless.

These false pretenses of mine, however, were sometime seen through by the occasional sharp humans, especially the elderly and the tragic or outcast ones. Some of them were experienced in matters of emotions and closely attuned with themselves, having been through many experiences. Thus, they could somewhat see through me.

I will give you an example of one such person. Rhea, for example, the slave I had, was a person who had become quite close to me before her death. She could see through me after I had spent some weeks as her owner.

That desert nomad had been through quite a lot, which I learned from her story. Perhaps I will write it down or speak of it to you someday, or perhaps I won't. Regardless, she was a perceptive person. This was one of the reason why I continued to be intrigued by her.

To this day, I still do not know why she liked me, perhaps I will even go as much as loved me.

Anyway, let me continue on to a different matter, since I do not want to dwell on her too much.

Being a merchant and traveling with my father brought me to many different places, poor villages and towns, and prosperous cities and towns. In one such town—the name is not so important—I would see a few bands of orphans with dirtied and ragged clothing walking around, begging for money, some even resorting to stealing.

The first thing that came into mind when I see them would be something akin to an indifferent curiosity, if that was even a concept. I would wonder what their stories were and how they had gotten to be here at this point of life. Then after they were out of sight, I would realize that I had forgotten to feel pity for them.

If I was with Falin Mead, my father, during those times, I would see him go and give them a few coins. At those times, I would observe with curiosity why he would do that. It had become something of a ritual to me by then.

I would wonder—

Did my father feel pity? Did he feel an emotion such as “my fellow humanity.” Or was it something selfish? Something like a need to self-consciously promote yourself, to reinforce and better your self-image.

That said, my conclusion of myself and what is happiness?

I was just me. Human or not human, monster or not monster. I was myself. My false pretenses were all aspects of me, granted, they were observed and taken from others.

Hah.

So in a way, having been reincarnated into a dragon after my human death, was suitable to me.

I was still me, my indifferent and dampened self, and perhaps no longer human, if I was even one in the first place.

<><><><><>

{95 Days Remaining}

A month, to be precise, thirty days, after Calina had departed for King's Bastion, the enormous castle where King Balan would hold court, I was at the northern garrisons place, to which a large section of Asolance was devoted to. It was in this place that I was meeting up with the three thousand soldiers I commanded as a Gold Knight Commander.

Beside me were three people: Lana, the other Gold Knight Commander, my vice-commander Orik, who had a plain looking appearance with short-brown hair, and Sir Rown Valterio, a knight captain serving under me. Rowan Valterio was also known to others as the Silver Knight and he was also the opponent whom I had faced in the tournament.

“I trust everything went well, Rowan?” I said informally, not bothering to add a “Sir,” or “Knight” before his name. We had become fast friends during the turmoil period and especially after I had been promoted into a Gold Knight Commander.

“It did, Verath. The goblins were no match, especially when I was full of love for you,” Rowan said while directing the full force of his dog-like eyes at me.

To this, I simply replied with an, “I see.” His words and appearance were far too much for my comfort. Then again, I was beginning to get used to his antics.

“In another note, Commander Verath,” Orik butted in. “I have received news from some of the squadrons you sent out to rid the dark elves and goblins near Asolance.”

“Good news, I hope?” I asked with some interest.

“Yes. There were some casualties in some of the squadrons, but all of the dark elves and goblins have been eliminated. Still, it is strange that their hideouts were so close to such a populated area.”

It was done. I had killed the ones who had been involved with my death and my father's death. Merchant Zafer, the baron of the eastern region, and the mercenary goblins and dark elves were all dead now.

Now, there was only Veena's father left to deal with. I had learned from my the two spymasters and Ministers of War that Veena's father, Celdric Shadow, was hiding out in the western region after causing many troubles. His organization, Malice, had been almost all but obliterated after the failed revolt in the kingdom.

I silently observed the sight in front of me.

Out in the large courtyards, there were soldiers from Lana's side and from my side drilling and practicing different maneuvers. Beside the multiple courtyard and training grounds, I saw a hooded and cloaked figure frantically running toward me while going around the group of soldiers training.

The cloaked figure seemed to be a male and was dressed in the light green uniform the official messengers wore; on the side of his arm, he had a winged emblem attached showing his official capacity as a messenger.

It took some time before the messenger stopped in front of me, taking some time to catch his breath, which came frantically at irregular intervals. Then he straightened his posture and I saw serious-looking eyes underneath his hooded face.

“Under orders of King Balan Shail, the behest of Grandmaster Kizam Vulcram and his elder brother, Grandmaster Rineal Vulcram, I come to bring news of Baroness Calina Serle's death. The three offenders, named by witnesses as Gwen, Ilana, and Kal, have been caught and were immediately executed by the grandmasters, but the fourth unknown offender, however, escaped. In regards to her untimely death, King Balan offers his sincerest condolences and will allow Grandmaster Rineal Vulcram and Kizam Vulcram to substitute for her in court.”

“Also, King Balan Shail has deemed Lord Gustav Serle, the only survivor of the Serle family and the closest relation, as the new baron of the northern region. Once again, the king offers Lord Gustav Serle his greatest condolences and to all the acquaintances and friends of Baroness Calina.”

The messenger took a deep breath to catch some air. “I offer you my condolences also. The other messenger, my partner, is at the moment also delivering these news to Baron Gustav Serle and any other persons of importance.”

The cloaked green figure then turned around after imparting those words.

Around me, I could feel the grave silence in the air. There were solemn looks on the faces of the people around me, especially on the face of Gold Knight Commander Lana. She looked as if she was about to cry, and I suppose it was only natural, since I knew that Calina and Lana had been close to each other. Lana, I had learned, was a person who had taken care of Calina as a child. She was also a person who was greatly indebted to the Serle family.

Lana's voice was shaking as she broke the silence around us. “I think I will go inform General Ochram and Lavok, if they have not already been notified. I will see you all later...”

“Ah...” Rowan said hesitantly, “I will go back and train with my squadron. Farewell, Commander Verath.”

Just like that, only Orik was left standing next to me. “It seems, Commander Verath, that this morning and today will be an unfortunate and solemn day. It is surprising to me that the three offenders turned out to be the three bodyguards you hired. I do wonder who the fourth offender was though.”

Orik's voice was soft as he said those words. There was no reprimanding tone behind them, but I could feel the measured words and Orik's careful voice. I knew and he knew that it was my fault for sending those three assassins along with Calina. Being my close confidant and vice-commander, Orik truly knew who the three assassins were. But even then, he did not chose to point out my fault. There was no need to. He was a cunning person who could see through my actions.

“I will leave things here to you, Orik,” I replied back in a voice as soft as his.

“Of course, Gold Knight Commander Verath. I shall serve you to the best of my capacity,” Orik said amiably.

At that, I quickly left the northern garrisons, leaving the place to go see the new Baron and now the only remaining survivor of the Serle family—Baron Gustav Serle, a ten year old boy.

As I walked on the path beside the courtyards and training grounds, I was greeted by many of my soldiers. They still did not know of the news, but it would soon be announced throughout every region of Shail Kingdom. Everyone would know of the incident then.

Thus, it was beneath the somewhat cloudy grey skies twinged with a little red that I received news of Calina's death, a month after her departure. It was beneath these skies that I was weighed down by my small regrets and by the reflections of my heart, and perhaps a little sadness.

I was still me, though, if perhaps a little troubled by the news of Calina's death. I had, after all, spent more than half a year in close proximity with her.

But no matter what happened, I would still be my indifferent and curious self, though my present self is a little different from my past self now.

Many events, after all, would occur that would change me a little.

<><><><><>

{70 Days Remaining}

Time is a slow poison, I thought to myself of something I had heard before. One poison can counteract another poison, even working as medicine.

“Good morning, Baron Gustav Serle,” I said, bowing a little toward the ten year old who had short, jet-black hair and the characteristic grey eyes of the Serle family. Judging from his handsome, yet somewhat beautiful face, I could tell that he would grow up to be quite charismatic. Beside the boy were the two Ministers of War, Gria Tearon and Lia Tearon. Due to the baron's young age, they were acting as close advisers.

“Morning, Verath,” Gustav said in a voice that was still somewhat sad. It was only natural since not even close to a month's time could eradicate the overhanging sadness of Calina's death. And to add to that, his father and four sisters had been killed only a while ago.

Yes, time could not work its numbing poison that quickly, nor perhaps ever fully. Baron Gustav Serle would always be marred by these deaths. Thus, the boy still had a somewhat haunted expression while sitting on the extravagant and cushioned red chair, which seemed out of place in comparison to him.

“I bring news from Castle Bastion,” I said toward Gustav, though it was, in reality, toward the two Ministers of War standing beside him.

“Very well, continue Commander Vearth,” Gustav said in a high-mannered tone, trying to adjust to his role as the baron of the northern region.

“We are ordered to prepare defenses against an attack from our northern neighbor, Falinor Kingdom, while the king prepares to gather his forces,” I said in a serious voice.

Baron Gustav Serle only looked lost and a little dazed from my words. “War?”

I nodded at that.

“Indeed. It seems like the king's spymaster has finally made a move. No worries though, we have already been preparing some defenses,” Gria said in an informative voice.

Lia, his twin brother, smoothly continued for Gria. It was somewhat alarming to see the two people so in sync with each other, almost as if they knew what each other was thinking. “There is an army gathering at the southern borders of Falinor Kingdom, but it is still missing some hosts and nobles. From the reports I have received, I would estimate that it would take a little over two months before they reach us.”

“Anyway,” Gria said, continuing for his twin brother, “this will give King Balan enough time to gather the Royal Army, soldiers from the southern and western region, and prepare the Mages Corps. I suspect, however, that they will still be late to reinforce us in time. There seems to be some secret plans in motion.”

“Very well,” I said, already knowing a little of the twin brothers' defenses. “I shall go meet up with General Ochram and General Lavok.”

“Oh, by the way, Gold Knight Commander Verath, we have decided, with Baron Gustav's permission, to promote you into a general. And though stranger you are, you have been a valuable, competent asset to the Serle family and the northern region,” Gria smoothly added in.

I nodded a little at the two Ministers of War. “I shall endeavor to do my best.”

To the right of Baron Gustav Serle, Minister Lia said, “I trust you will do fine, now that the organization Malice has been destroyed.”

I gave a half bow toward the ten year old boy who looked out of place in the large living room and a little nod toward the smiling ministers.

Then I turned to leave, all the time thinking that the two twin spymasters were not to be underestimated. They had extensive connections everywhere inside the kingdom and had destroyed Malice in the western region after working in concert with the king's spymaster.

I suppose that was another matter laid to rest—Veena's father, Celdric Shadow, who had been secretly working with Falinor Kingdom, had finally been killed. An anticlimactic occurrence, but dead was dead.

Having exited the First Manor House, I walked toward the Fourth Manor House where General Ochram and General Lavok were waiting in the meeting room. As I passed the one of the many gardens and pathway connecting the Third Manor House and the Fourth Manor House, I sensed the threads of magic forming from above me.

They were powerful and felt familiar to me.

My thoughts of the magic were soon confirmed when two naked women fell from five feet above my head.

I quickly backed up a few steps, dodging their fall. Then I observed the two women hit the stone pathway to the front of me with a loud thud, their bare legs tangled together due to the fall.

“What the hell!” Eden, the taller and delicately tanned female shouted. Then she untangled herself from Kiara, the other female, before standing up, her fairly sized breasts displayed proudly before me, though it was smaller than the other female.

I looked with calm indifference at Eden while Kiara also stood up. My outward calm indifference, however, masked the surprise that was running through my mind. Never would I have expected two of my dragon peers I had met after my first tribulation to drop on me. Actually, before me, since I had dodged their fall.

“You could have at least caught us, jester!” Eden complained in her sharp voice.

“As usual, you are full of belligerence, Eden,” I replied back in a monotone voice.

“Good afternoon, Verath,” Kiara sweetly said from beside Eden, a blooming smile evident on her elegant and small face. It perfectly fit her short stature and beautiful appearance that was comparable to Eden, the taller of the two.

To the woman with the long silky black hair which complimented her snow-white skin , I said in a friendly voice, “Good afternoon, Kiara.”

“You seem to have gotten taller, Verath,” Kiara commented, her golden eyes tinted with hints of white and red meeting my own light green eyes, which were similar to Eden, except hers were of a darker color.

“Thank you. That said, why have you two come here,” I said bluntly, showing a questioning expression at the two naked dragons in their human forms.

“We were sent to check up on you, since we are...” Kiara said, her voice trailing off as a blush came over her face. She looked down shyly at the ground.

“Why are you getting embarrassed,” Eden said toward Kiara.

“But, you and I are now...marr—” Kiara said, the last half of her sentence trailing off again.

At that, Eden turned toward me, a hand smoothing her blonde hair. I could only think of it as an arrogant display. “Consider yourself lucky, jester. Kiara and I are to be married to you.”

“Wait!” I said, not able to keep my voice from getting loud. It was a good thing that there was no one to witness us in this part of the desolate garden. “Repeat that again!”

Eden only let out an ostentatious sigh. “Did you not hear me? We are, at the behest of the eldest of our Arkanan clan, Astlan Dragon King Navra Bloodseeker, to be engaged.”

This time, her words cut through the surprise that was slithering like a large snake inside my mind. I strangled the snake into obedience and under my control. “Oh. For what reasons?”

Eden only gave me a glaring look. “Why don't you go ask your broodkeeper, eh?”

“Umm...Eden means to say that we are all the same age and in the same clan, so...” Kiara interjected. She gave a sudden bow, her female parts—the breasts, to be blunt—following the sudden motion. “Please take care of me!”

Eden affixed her left hand to the side of her slender waist and her other hand pointed toward me in a challenging gesture. “Just so you know, you indifferent clown. I shall be the dominant one in our relationship!” Eden declared in a voice that would not allow any objections.

Even for me, this sudden turn of event was just too surprising. I could not suppress the words that came out of my mouth.

“Bloody ashes,” I muttered to myself, cursing a little at Lady Fate and the Eldest playing around with my life. Or perhaps it was some other ancient entity like the Goddess who had marked me as her champion, her Deathwalker.

Volume 3 (Chapter 2)