Chapter Eight: The Soul in the Stars

I was panting by the time I reached the school. I was no stranger to running but I had bolted from the hub back to the School’s entrance, heedless of the stares I received. Guilt spurned me on, and I didn’t even care how I would look. Dashing madly on a solid mile run through the huge building’s packed inner hall way drew plenty of stares but I didn’t care.

By necessity, the school remained open all night so people could get through it from the Hub to the parking garage on the other side, and so anyone could visit the astronomy rooms, which were free to use at all non-class times.

No one was in my way as I dashed through the empty hallways.

I’d told her I would pick her up after school and it had already been nearly two hours. How could I be such a fucking idiot!?

I was surprised by the lack of conflict in my mind. Staying with Haley and ignoring the date I’d had with April wasn’t even an option. April had been my best friend for long enough that I didn’t remember a time without the girl. Even before the whole Noonday thing, if April had asked me to, I’d have left Haley. I would’ve been really angry about it, but I trusted her. Hell, I loved her. It had been platonic until now but the idea that there might be something more had been bouncing around in my head since our conversation at the beginning of the week.

And I’d fucking forgotten the whole thing.

Of course, I’d probably already ruined that.

Maybe I was overreacting though. I was late all the time. I… I could play this off. That might be true, if it were anyone but April, whom I’d told a thousand times that I was only late because I chose to be.

Unfortunately, we hadn’t shared any classes today, and had a different lunch hour. If only I’d seen her! One glimpse would’ve been enough to remind me that I had more important plans than Haley. More important than even Clara!

That damn wolf on the news, and then Haley’s teary eyed confession that morning had put all thoughts of my best friend out of my mind. But those were just excuses. The truth of the matter was much more simple. Clara had gotten it right on. I was a damn moron.

Worry seized my stomach in knots. I was only an hour late or so, technically. She probably had expected me to go home and get ready, too. She wouldn’t care too much if I showed up in school clothes, sweating like I’d just finished a marathon.

Right?

The sun had gone down completely about an hour ago, leaving the streets free for me to drive. I blasted down them, hanging every turn at speeds that were probably unwise.

I laughed a little hysterically when I realized someone had erected a “stop ahead” sign on the highway a little ways down the road. I blasted right by it, knowing from my drivers ed class that stopping a vehicle on the highway for anything less than a breakdown was illegal. A small part of me wanted to phone the prank in, but I chose not to. Someone else had surely done so already. That sort of shit could get people killed.

Unfortunately, another few hundred feet later I saw another caution sign. Behind it was a blaring “Caution, slow ahead.” light.

“Are you fucking kidding me!?” I screamed into my steering wheel as I noticed the red headlights of a line of cars slowed to a full halt ahead of me. “No, no, no! Not tonight! A traffic jam? Those don’t happen on the fucking highway!”

Apparently they did. In the two years I’d been driving, I’d never once seen one. Even the dramatic influx of new residents anticipating Tellroan’s activation hadn’t caused one. Yet now, here, at the worst possible moment, was a slow moving traffic jam? I could feel the melty tar roads ruining my car’s precious tires as we inched along. What could possibly slow the highway down? A wreck? That wasn’t likely. Tow trucks were on standby at all hours of the night for exactly this possibility, and their primary objective was clearing the roads. If the sun rose on a traffic jam then it would set on a graveyard of motorized caskets. Wrecks were cleared off the roads very quickly these days.

So what could possibly be the hold up now?

The lane moved at an agonizing fifteen miles an hour, each car taking care to remain as continuously in motion as possible. Ten minutes passed, and by then I was considering calling April and just… telling her what a fuckup I was. I knew she’d forgive me. She always did. I didn’t want to though. I felt guilty, and I probably deserved to feel guilty. Even if she didn’t realize that I’d ditched her to visit a girl, with another girl. I shouldn’t have forgotten her at all.

When I saw the cause of the delay, I promptly forgot her again.

Dead once again, and blocking two lanes of traffic this time, lay the remains of an absolutely massive deer. The creature was half again as big as an average horse, with antlers that looked like small trees. Standing at full height, a car could probably fit under its belly with no trouble.

Grotesque bloody pustules marked its furry body and it looked like it might be rabid from the short glimpse I was able to get of the thing. The truck that had crumpled against it was already moved mostly out of the way. That, the tow truck drivers were familiar with moving. Giant, dead, monster deer? Not so much.

I passed the huge creature slowly as I was shuffled along by sad traffic agents who were stuck out in the sweltering seven p.m. heat. Admittedly, I found myself actually slowing to get a better look, despite the hurry I’d been in before.

First a wolf, now a deer. Both creatures that had been driven nearly extinct in the past ten years, now turning up in colossal form. I wondered as I got my last look at the creature, what all the sickening exploded boils on its skin were. For them to be visible outside the thick coat of fur, and through the darkness meant they must’ve looked hideous in daylight. What the hell was happening around here anyway?

The speed picked up immediately after I passed the corpse and the crash. Gradually, I rid myself of the thoughts of the giant deer. Big animals somehow surviving in the sun wasn’t really my problem. Besides, I was sure Mom would give me the details sometime soon enough anyway.

I arrived at April’s house, feeling the little pang of guilt and worry for her that I did every time I came over here.

April was, to put it bluntly, destitute. As such, she and her family lived in one of the early attempts to replace apartment buildings in the early wake of the sun’s change.

They’d been grand when they’d first been built. But they’d been built before it became apparent just how much Sunsoul would affect the world. These metal plated, central air cooled apartment complexes were a testament to just how unprepared people were for Fontaine’s Folly. Ten years had devastated their value. Sun damage, on top of years of vandalism, poor safety conditions, and sub-par walls lead to a sun-burned death or two. This had driven the rents downward to pennies which, in turn, made it impossible to for landlords to upkeep or renovate the places. In the end they were dangerous, piteous homes only fit for those who had no other choice. Junk-heaps, mascaraing as apartment complexes.

April lived on the top floor, with her dad and mom. I hated to admit it, but I’d always found the pair a little trashy. Her dad, also named David like my own, smoked enough that he coughed more than he spoke. Her mom, Cambria Mills, rarely seemed to care about April’s curfews and homework the way my own parents did.

Trashy didn’t mean unloving though. They loved April to death, and I could see it when they grimaced at the cracks in their apartment’s walls. The bags under their eyes and the long hours they both worked were even more telling. Their clothes were both aged and worn; in David’s case they smelled of garbage due to his occupation. Despite all that, April never wanted for herself. Her parents both bent over backwards to make sure she had whatever they could give her, and I admired them for that almost as much as my own parents. They might be of humble means but they loved their daughter with a fierceness any kid could envy.

I knocked on her door after running up four flights of stairs, in too much of a rush to wait for the elevator. For what felt like a painfully long moment, no one answered. Then, slowly, the doorknob twisted and the door swung open.

I almost didn’t recognize April, for two reasons. The first was her hair. It was… straight. Long black locks spilled down to her upper back and framed her face, making it almost unrecognizable.

She wore a dress. Nothing too fancy but it was enough to show off a figure that she tended to hide behind jeans and T-shirts that were usually too big for her. What really threw me though, was the sharp, narrow gaze she focused in my direction.

She took in my sweaty appearance. I could see her noting my clothes, the same ones I’d worn to school, and I could feel palpable displeasure rolling off her.

“Hi. Brandon.” She punctuated. “Bit of a rush?”

Her words didn’t match the tightness in her eyes. They barely contained anger and hurt that I knew I’d caused.

“I… April let me begin my three part apology by saying I am a moron, okay?” I asked, smiling in a vain hope that she wasn’t as angry as she appeared.

She didn’t return my grin. Her expression didn’t alter the slightest bit.

Words wouldn’t come. I tried to think of a way to apologize. “I didn’t mean to… Clara woke up and–!”

“Then why couldn’t you have brought me!?” She cut herself off abruptly. “No. No, It doesn’t matter anyway.”

“Of course it matters!” I bit out, offended on her behalf. “I should’ve brought you. I should’ve remembered. If I’d seen you even once today–!”

“Sure, blame it on that!” the girl screeched, real bitterness leaking through her voice.

“I’m not blaming it on anything except myself, okay? I just forgot. The second I remembered I came running as fast as I could. I know that probably doesn’t mean much,” I said, trying to remain quiet so she’d lower her own voice.

She threw the door fully open, and I winced as the handle slammed into the wall. The loud bang proved sufficient to distract me from the short girl’s fist as she slammed it into my stomach, knocking what little wind I’d retained after my run out of me.

“Okay,” I wheezed, my voice cracked and raspy. “I deserved that.”

The girl proceeded to throw her arms around my neck and bury her face in my shoulder, hugging me tightly. One arm was jammed between her body and mine, my arm unconsciously clutching my stomach as I tried to catch my breath. I managed to wrap the other arm around her back, feeling more and more confused by the moment.

Her perfume smelled amazing, but I gagged a little as I inhaled some of its lingering scent in my desperate bid for air.

“Apr…” I cut off trying to stifle a round of coughing, before I tried again. “April, what’s wrong?”

I knew I’d upset her. That much was obvious, but I didn’t think what I’d done was bad enough to warrant the way her shoulders were quivering. The wetness she wiped on my neck.

“Dammit, I didn’t want to tell you like this.” She murmured pitifully.

“Tell me what?”

“I didn’t,” she stuttered, still sniffling. “I didn’t get my scholarship.”

I frowned, a little confused. She didn’t get her scholarship? Okay, that sucked but it was no reason to be crying.

A bitterness crept into her voice. Anger at me for making her repeat herself seeped through her tight lips. Her words reeked with a mixture of failure and anger. “I’m not going to get to do what I want. I… I don’t think I ever really had a chance to. It was my only chance to get out of it, and I didn’t get the fucking scholarship I needed.”

I felt guilty for the gleeful little jolt that leapt up my stomach. She didn’t get the scholarship. The Hewlington Foundation Scholarship that would’ve allowed her to go to college in St. Louis. She’d talked about it a month ago, but she hadn’t acted like it meant much to her then.

Or maybe I’d been so obsessed with Haley that I’d just missed how important it was to her.

Even so, I couldn’t help the elation I felt. If April couldn’t go to her Archaeology school then that meant that she didn’t have to leave West Steppe! She wouldn’t get herself killed in the Waste, like I always feared she might. She already spent enough time creeping out into the desert at night that it was a wonder she hadn’t already gotten hurt.

“I-I’m really sorry April. But, hey, that’s alright. You can just work for a few years to save up some money and then–!”

She cut me off again. Her voice was clenched as tightly as her fists at her sides. “Tonight is my last night in West Steppe, Brandon.”

Wait, what?

“But where would you go?” I asked fearfully. “Why would you leave tonight?”

“I’m not leaving tonight, Brandon. I’m going tomorrow morning,” she breathed with a defeated sigh. She pulled apart from me and gazed into my eyes. I couldn’t help but notice the tear streaks sliding down her face.

I was dumbstruck. Words failed me, and emotions that I was all too uncomfortable with filled me. The small lump of guilt in my throat grew. She was leaving and I’d wasted my time worrying about Haley?

“Wh-why didn’t you tell me? Where are you going?” I squeaked, heedless of the slight hysteria in my voice. Then softer, disbelievingly, I breathed, “Tomorrow?”

But why!?

“That’s what tonight was all about! I wanted to tell you before. I tried! I just didn’t know how. Then I saw you leave with Haley, and I thought you’d forgotten about me entirely! I was angry, and just… angry! I was debating whether you deserved a phone call when you knocked. If you didn’t even care about me enough to remember a date why the hell would you care if I was gone entirely!?”

“That’s a little unfair! If I’d known it was my last night to see you it would’ve been different! Fuck, this whole week would’ve been different! Why didn’t you tell me!?” I protested.

“I didn’t want it to be!” she shouted right back. Then more quietly, as if realizing she’d admitted something she hadn’t wanted to she said more softly. “I didn’t want you to feel obligated to spend time with me. I wanted it to be because you wanted to.”

“Well I did, and I do! I ditched Haley in the middle of the hospital the moment I remembered,” I returned. My heart wasn’t in the words, and I couldn’t meet her eyes. I felt like a scab, something to be peeled off a wound and discarded.

I chanced a small glance at her face and saw a small, little smile on the girl’s lips. Had I known her any less than I did, I might’ve not even noticed it.

Her frown returned quickly though. “It doesn’t matter. Dammit, I’m not going to be leaving the Tower. I’m going to be stuck in that place for ages.”

“Wait, the tower? What does that have to do with anything?” I asked, seized with sudden fear that she planned to strike out for Telilro on her own, and damn the consequences.

“Tellroan. I’m going to be working at Tellroan,” She said, hesitantly. Her blue eyes sparkled with worry.

I blinked in realization. My eyes widened. No one got a job at Tellroan unless they could–!

She cut me off before I could speak. Her tone was defensive as if she was already warding off an accusation I hadn’t even made.

“Yes. Alright? I can see Sunsoul. I can see it unaided. I can even…”

She held up a hand, and in the middle of the dank living room a small mote of light appeared, glowing, shimmering like something out of a sci fi flick. I’d only ever seen people do it on youtube videos with high end equipment, and the infamous drunken demonstration Fontaine had given way back when.

I goggled at her; my jaw hung in open awe.

“You can touch…?” I breathed, hardly able to express my shock.

She lowered her hand and the pulsing green light faded into nothing, casting the room in the normal light given off by the bulb above. It felt dimmer than ever before.

“I’ve always been able to. Never could get up the guts to tell you, though. I thought you’d get jealous,” she hedged, making a wild gesture. “The way you’ve always acted, I thought for sure you’d resent me if you knew. But now, it doesn’t matter anymore. I’ve been able to see it as clear as the moon since as far back as I can remember. They told me I was one of the best. Maybe even better than Scarlatte herself once I learn what to do with it.”

I struggled to find words. Sunsoul!? My best friend had been able to touch Sunsoul unaided? For years?

“Well?” she asked, pretending to be affronted by my silent stupefied expression, in order to cover her nervousness. “Say something!”

“That’s so… awesome!”

She seemed a little taken aback. She tilted her head and asked, “You’re not angry?”

“Of course I am! How could you keep something this amazing from me!? I mean, yeah, I guess I’m jealous but mostly I’m just excited! And Tellroan! What are you so worried about? You’ll be right here in town! We can see each other every day if we want! If…you want,” I corrected, remembering suddenly that she was still mad at me for a pretty good reason.

She opened her mouth but seemed unable to find the words.

“How the hell did I miss this? Oh my god, all the signs. The way you’d stare at the horizon at night? What you said when we saw the Array? I should’ve seen this! God, Clara was right; I really am a fucking moron.”

“No arguments here,” she replied curtly, but her teary grin held little real malice. Her voice trailed off into a pout. “You didn’t even wear the overalls…”

“But seriously? Your scholarship? What could you possibly want to do more than get a job with Tellroan as one of the best Sunsoul Seers in the world?” I asked frantically. Realizing that my excitement was entirely one sided, I calmed myself down to a more normal tone.

April wasn’t moving away. She wasn’t leaving. So why did she still seem so sad? Could she really have cared about being an archeologist that much?

“I wanted to see the Wastes. I know you think it’s stupid, but the day I go to Tellroan, I’ll never get to do anything else. I’ll be stuck there. Away from my dreams, and away from… from…”

She trailed off, looking at me with a longing expression. All at once, I understood. She wasn’t going to be like my mom. She would be living at Tellroan. Even though she would be staying so close, this was still a goodbye.

“What are you going to do there, April?” I asked, as the cold pit returned.

That was right. Most of the people who went to work at Tellroan, weren’t able to leave for a few years. Scarlatte’s paranoia hard at work. My mom had actually lived in Tellroan for two years before she finally came home. I still remembered how happy Dad was that day…

She let out a bitter laugh and said, “Classified.”

“Seriously?” I groaned. The girl was knowingly mimicking what my Mom said all the time, and getting a laugh out of it. “Not you too. Come on, you can surely tell me. You know I can keep a secret!”

She smiled. Probably her first genuine expression of happiness I’d seen tonight. It evaporated all too quickly, though, replaced by somber melancholy.

“Saving the world, I guess. One fucked up power-plant at a time.”

I cocked a quizzical eyebrow at her, but she didn’t say anything else.

She approached me suddenly and hugged me again. Hesitantly, I let my arms fall around her waist, but I only let them linger lightly.

“So… don’t go,” I told her. “Why not turn them down? You might not have your scholarship, but we can still get you to St. Louis. Loans aren’t that bad and–!”

The girl shushed me by putting a finger on my lips.

“Just… hold me for a little while? Okay?” she asked.

“Sure,” I replied, feeling afraid for her, and not really sure why.