How I Met Your Monster #00

I know, I know. Starting a blog in this day and age seems foolish but call me old-fashioned. For those of you born before blogs were a regular thing, sorry.

Let me get a quick intro out of the way. My name is Silas Donovan. I was a freelance journalist for a few years, mostly reporting on various monsters. We all know the monsters. They tend to stick to themselves to avoid us humans getting all in a tizzy, but we see them. They are contributing members to our society, just like your dad or the weird neighbor down the street.

We use the term loosely. Anything not your typical human is considered Monster Status. Vampire? Clearly. Mythological god? Definitely. Superhero? Seems mean, but yup. Monsters.

Naturally, You’ve also heard of dating apps. They’ve been around almost as long as porn on the internet, if that’s even possible. Some of you may not know this, but monsters created their own dating app called Unhinged. For when the things that go bump in the night want to go bump in the night. Catchy, right?

The downside to Unhinged, at least from human perspective, is that as of this writing, it is MONSTERS ONLY. A lot of humans didn’t seem to mind this. There are work-arounds for everything. The Lizardfolk girl that used to work at the Starbucks near my house was on okcupid for the longest time. She met her husband on there. Denise, if you’re reading, congratulations on your baby. But please come back. No one can make a latte like you.

That being said, the developers of Unhinged recently put out a survey to their users, asking if they were willing to allow humans on the app. From what I have been told by my connections, this idea was taken fairly poorly. Humans make up a great deal of the world here, and they’ve never been kind to those who are different to them. User feedback suggest the creators find a way to ease people into it.

That’s where I come in. The developers asked around for ideas, and an old friend of mine gave them my info. Thanks to my positive reporting on monsters in the past, I was granted access as the very first human user of Unhinged. The developers will be publishing this blog as a notification to app users.

That’s all well and good, Silas. But what about humans?

I’m glad you asked, disembodied reader. Unhinged sold additional publishing rights of this blog to human media sources. I am currently broadcasting this blog on six social media platforms as well as three news sources. Which already shows me something very important. Humans are just as interested to . . . get to know monsters.

So here’s the process. I’ve created a profile on the app with pictures of myself, my declaration as a human, and a profile explaining to anyone who ignores their notifications what exactly it is I am doing. Just like tinder, you swipe left for no, right for yes. I’m going to be swiping right on everyone. I will then be joining them for a date/interview. Together, dear reader, we will be getting to know various monsters. We will ask questions, learn about them, and show humans that just because they might be able to grow a second head, doesn’t mean they’re any less of a person.

I will give you my own insights from the date and post it on this blog, as well as a quick mock-up of their Unhinged profile. Maybe you’ll find somebody you would like to get to know a little more? And hopefully, the feedback from this will be enough to let the users of Unhinged know that we’re just looking for a little fun ourselves.