How I Met Your Monster #04

Princess Daywen, First of her Name, of the Family Prade, Elf, 24

I almost didn’t see Princess Daywen. I was expecting some grand overdone robe and crown. At the very least some guards to protect her. But I guess when she asked to meet me at a coffee shop, I should’ve guessed this would go against expectations.

She was wearing an oversized hoodie with just her ears poking out. They were pointed like most high elves, which is what tipped me off. I tried to make a little noise as I got closer, but she was still startled, nearly jumping out of her chair.

Looking at me, my breath caught in my throat. Her pale pink eyes went beautifully with her long white hair. She had pale skin like many of the royal family, but her lips were flushed and red. She gave me the softest of smiles and gestured for me to sit down.

“Nice to meet you, Princess. I-“

“Please, just Daywen. I’m tired of the whole princess thing. Trying to stay incognito.”

“I can respect that. What I didn’t expect was one of the royal family being on a dating app. Don’t you have suitors or are already promised to someone?”

She bit her lip. It was super cute. “Yes, but that’s the problem. I don’t want that hoity toity lifestyle. My sister does. Let her have it. But no. I am the first born and therefore I have responsibilities to maintain.”

“So you got the app to what? Piss off your parents?”

“I am not a child, Silas Donovan. Please do not condescend to me. I want freedom. If I can find my way in the world out here, I can escape. My parents can remove me from succession and give it to my sister.”

“Runaway princess. Kind of a classic. Would you like a coffee?”

She nodded, and I grabbed us both a latte. She took a sip and her eyes lit up in delight. She started to chug it, but soon realized it was hot.

“Ah, a double edged sword. I do love it though.”

“So, how is Unhinged helping you escape your duties?”

“Well, I got on it just to see if I could find anyone to run away with. A friend. A lover. Anybody, really. I’ve been talking to several people, but they are all afraid that my family will come down hard on them. And then I came across your profile. I saw what you are trying to do. Merge monsters and humans. It’s beautiful. Like you, I want my world put together with the world at large. I mean, this is the first time I’ve had coffee.”

“You’ve basically been living under a rock. But once you are queen, can’t you just change how it all works?”

She shook her head sadly, “As you said before, I have many suitors. The one who is at the top of the list comes from a well-loved power. It would not be unheard of for my father to relinquish power to him instead of me after we would be wed. So even then, I would just be a wife. Queen, yes, but still no agency over myself.”

“Ah, I wouldn’t enjoy that.”

“Exactly. So, today, I slipped my guard to meet with you. And after this, I will find somewhere to go. My family will hunt me down, that is to be expected. However, they won’t do it for long. The duties of the kingdom require someone to lead, and they will soon give up on me in favor for responsibility.”

“So, you only have to be gone for so long? What will you do?”

“I will learn of this world. Of comfortable hoodies and coffee. Of love, hopefully. Of fun. I have seen a lot of videos of various activities I would like to try.”

She pulled up her phone and showed me videos she had saved. Skydiving, rock climbing, roller coasters. All sorts of things. She got really excited and switched to one she had saved. I saw the title but was too late to stop her. Loud moans went out across the coffee shop, causing us to get various looks. I grabbed the phone from her and turned it down.

“Daywen, you can’t just play porn in the middle of a shop. People will not take kindly to you.”

She blushed, “I’m sorry. It just seemed really fun. Is it not like the roller coaster?”

“Things like that are more private. Usually. Some people enjoy doing it in public though. No knocks on them.”

“Have you tried it?”

She looked at me, eyes wide and biting her lip. I wanted to switch topics, but something in my chest burned. Some energy spread out to my limbs, and my mind relaxed. I could feel myself smirking at her.

“Oh, I’ve tried it. And I can help you if you want to head back to my place.” I didn’t know where it came from. Even thinking about making a move usually leaves me sweaty and scared. Then I remembered. Drakar’s potion.

Her smile brightened and a light blush spread across her cheeks. I stood up, offering her my hand. Part of me was losing it over how smooth this was going, but she took my hand and my confidence never wavered.

Dear reader, I don’t know what kind of problems this will cause me in the future, but at face value, Drakar’s potion works. I don’t want to sit here and shill for the guy, but if he ever wants ad space, I would not deny him as of this moment.

For the record, the princess is a very eager learner and she definitely wanted to make sure she was doing as much as she could properly. I advised her to not watch as much porn, and try to get a feel for the situation, but I am not mad at the things she learned just from watching videos. On the plus side, I am very grateful that the royal family doesn’t have much foot traffic on the internet.

But like everyone’s been telling me. This is supposed to be an experience, right?

-Silas D.