How I Met Your Monster #15

Clyde

Profile:

Clyde, ??

Mimic

Likes: Interior design and decorating

Dislikes: Being ignored

Bio:

I typed this on myself. That's awesome. And a little weird.

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I was told to meet Clyde in the park around noon. After pacing a bit until my legs got tired, I took a seat on a nearby red bench. It felt fine, but something was off about it. It seemed to shake in the wind. I looked at the other benches around the park, which were green. Soon after I jumped up, the bench started laughing and shifted inti a treasure chest.

It was a brownish red wood with gold lining. The top was flapping in laughter, revealing rows of sharp teeth and a long purple tongue where normally heaps of gold would be.

I felt my eyes narrow and said, "You must be Clyde."

His laughing kept up, but he responded, "Yeah, I'm Clyde! You should have seen the look on your face! Best trick in the book! C'mon, let's grab a real seat."

We made our way over to one of the green benches where I sat and he jumped up and landed with a thump. He . . . Grinned?

"Thanks for meeting with me. Big fan of what you're doing."

"It's no problem," I say. "So, what are you doing on Unhinged?"

"Oh. Man. That's a loaded one. Well, I spend most of my time in a back room of a dungeon. You have to be pretty perceptive to find the room. And you're rewarded with me."

"A fake treasure chest?"

"Exactly, man. You get it. Adventurers have a tendency to think they're all big and bad. Or smart. And the smart ones looks into every nook and cranny of a dungeon. They see me, think their work pay off, then suddenly I'm biting down on their neck."

"What do they get if they beat you?"

"They get to go back to the dungeon. It's a trap. Biggest reward of surviving a trap is living."

"Fair enough," I say, exasperated, but what does that have to do with the app?"

"Well, like I said. Only the perceptive ones find me. And the dungeon is getting less and less foot traffic. So, most of the time, I just sit there bored. I wouldn't mind having someone to go home to at the end of my shift, and maybe text during."

"I can see that. And are you looking for another mimic?"

"Not really. I wouldn't mind, of course. I am looking for any kind of shapeshifter though. Just having that in common can get rid of a lot of stress. Hey, hold on."

He warps into a trashcan before a jogger runs by. I try yo warn her from throwing her water bottle away, but am too late. His tongue comes lashing out and he growls, chasing after her. She takes off running and Clyde the trashcan falls over, laughing.

"Hahahaha. Hilarious every time."

"You sure seem to a sense of humor, Clyde."

"Oh, yeah. The ability to have fun and laugh is important. Ideally, the creature I end up with enjoys a good prank or two themselves, ya know?"

"Uh. I guess."

He shifts back into a treasure chest and rejoins me on the bench.

"You ever think of becoming am adventurer, Silas?"

That took me back for a second. When I was younger, I did want to take up a sword and go on adventures with my friends. It didn't pan out, and I went to school for journalism instead.

I told Clyde all this.

"Yeah, that's the problem these days. Adventuring isn't as lucrative as it once was. .the dungeons supply us baddies with our every day needs, but if adventuring dries up, then the dungeons will have to shut down."

"I can bring this up on the blog, if you would like."

"Really? That would be great! Yeah, if humans and other creatures start mingling more, maybe adventuring will become the thing again. I know a bunch of skeletons that would be excited to hear that."

He told me more and more of his plans to get adventuring back in full swing again, and I have to admit I caught the bug. Isn't that what this is all about? Finding a way for humans and mon-humans to coexist properly? Sure, it's about a dating app, but if there are those looking for escape room teams, Unhinged can be used for all sorts of things.

Then Clyde hit me with a big one.

"What are you looking for on Unhinged, Silas?"

"What do you mean? It's a job. I'm just doing my part to bring us all together."

"That's all well and good on paper, kid, but there's more there. It's clearly not just a job for you. You say you wanted to be an adventurer when you were a kid, but look at your career."

Dear readers, I have been on assignments n a vampire town, a ghost cruise, several zombified cemeteries, and a bake sale for a local elementary school. And now this.

"It's clear you're still searching for an adventurer. It's just that your sword is your keyboard. Your magic spells are your words."

He shifted into an empty box and scared some kids walking by. I was getting used to it, so I let him have his fun.

As I watched that box chase those kids down the walking path before laughing as he came back, I couldn't help but think on his words.

We all act as if our daily lives, our hobbies, our jobs, and every minute thing about us is just something small. But it is the adventure we choose for ourselves.

In the small amount of time I've been doing this blog, I have drank a potion and witnesses super powers and monster abilities. I've had smoothies and watched a vampire drink blood. I've lied to royalty and . . . other things with royalty.

This has already been one heck of adventure. And I'm excited for it to continue.

Clyde said his goodbyes. I asked him which dungeon he worked for but that was apparently on a need to know basis. He gave me a number for someone who could help me learn how to wield a sword. I thanked him.

I also want to thank you, dear readers. And everyone I've gotten to interview so far. I will be keeping up on this blog as well as debating becoming a real adventurer. Make sure to swipe right, Unhinged users, and we'll get as much eyes on this as possible. Until next time.

-Silas D.