How I Met Your Monster #25

Ilsa

Profile:

Ilsa, 24

Sleep Paralysis Demon

Likes: People who listen

Dislikes: Cats

Bio:

Hey, I recently landed my dream job of Sleep Paralysis Demon (shoutout to SPD local #13) which has freed up SO much time for me to get out there and meet someone. So if you're interested, hit me up. And if you're not, sweet dreams.

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As much as I was uncomfortable doing this, I agreed to set up a date during my normal sleep schedule. I think I'm getting to used to potentially dying, but Ilsa made it very clear that she would not be doing anything so threatening. Still, I do not recommend it, especially when she was perfectly able to have a normal date during the day when she wasn't working. But like she said, this would give me a better idea of what exactly it is that she does.

So, without too much ado, I laid down for some much needed rest. I was dreaming a very typical dream for me, where I was flying over the city, when suddenly the skyline turned black and red, and fear gripped my heart. I woke up in my room, and as I went to clutch my chest, I realized that I was not able to. In fact, I couldn't move anything. I tried to scream for help, hoping my neighbors would hear me, but hardly any sound would escape my lips.

A dark figure grew in the corner of my room, like a cloud of inky blackness. Tendrils stretched out from them, crawling over my ceiling and walls, phasing into the curtains and furniture. They covered the entirety of what I could see with my head stuck in one place, then the edges withdrew in, until the figure was sitting on the corner of my bed.

Within the shadows, I saw a striking woman, with cracked ashen skin lined with dark veins. She had red and yellow eyes, and a beautiful smile that made her eyes light up. Her hair was long and as black as the shadows, with wisps of bangs falling across her face.

"Hi, I'm Ilsa!" she said with a purely optimistic tone.

I tried to reply, noting to myself that not greeting her back would be rude, but she laughed.

"You can just think what you want to say. I can read your mind through direct eye contact."

Ah, wonderful then. Hi Ilsa, I'm Silas. It's very nice to meet you.

"Thanks! Great place you have here! Also, fantastic dreams if not a little mundane."

What's wrong with my dreams?

"They're just a bit boring is all. Flying is fun the first few times, but you've seen a lot in your life. Your mind should be a little more creative."

She got up from the bed and started looking around my room at the various papers and cut outs I had laying around. I wanted to stop her, but I figured there was no use as I was kind of stuck.

So, you mentioned that you were recently made a Sleep Paralysis Demon. What did you do before that?

"I was a student. The version of hell I am from is very systematic. You go to school, you learn about various jobs and assignments you can have. Then you try a few out, see what you have a feel for. You take a test, and voila, you get assigned to something. I was afraid I was going to be one of those that just mess up people's kitchens and piss off exorcists, because I had a knack at that, but this one came up and I loved it. And they liked me during the aptitude test."

So what do you normally do on the job?

"Kind of what I did at the beginning there, with the shadows and general creepiness. I would also mess with your actual dreams for much, much longer. Kind of keep that going, add in a little more fear based things. I'd collect your fear and make my way to the next client. Since you aren't an actual client, I just gave you a quick taste."

So can you allow me to move around now?

"Sadly, I'm not allowed to turn that off while on duty. It's a precaution. If someone were to stop us on our mission while we are doing it, it could throw all sorts of things off balance."

So, is this a scheduled break then?

"Yeah! The union wanted some representation out there. I know this sucks for people, but it helps fuel our economy, ya know? Since we're one of the few monsters still negatively affecting humans, we wanted to show that we're not all bad. Feel free to talk to us, you know? We're more than willing to be your friends as you experience all of this crap?"

Yeah, but I definitely get why having a conversation with your sleep paralysis demon isn't the first thing that comes to mind. Actually having to suffer through this regularly has to be awful.

"Yeah, I guess we could find better ways of doing all of this. I'll bring it up at the next union meeting. A lot of old timers on the board though, so it'll be iffy, but I'll see what I can do." A small chime went off, "Welp. There's my break. I have to get to my client. You've given me a lot to think about, Silas. But I do want you to let your readers know that we're more than willing to make it as painless as possible."

With that, she melted the shadow that was her into the floor, spreading across the room, until it joined back together and slid out the window. As soon as she was outside of my apartment, I had control of my movements again. I leapt from bed, not wanting to be back in it anytime soon, and went to my kitchen, where I opened up a microwavable meal and heated it up while also starting some coffee.

Even for just the small amount of time I was frozen, I was terrified. I couldn't imagine actually being affected by it on a regular basis. My heart goes out to you, dear readers, if you experience anything remotely like that. I recommend talking to the demon, maybe finding a way to get off of their client list, because I am assuming being a client is not voluntary.

Good luck to all of you out there going through this. And as much as I agree that many of the monsters out there are misunderstood, I believe that Sleep Paralysis Demons misunderstand what exactly it is they are doing. I don't know what's more terrifying: Their job or the bureaucracy surrounding it. Until next time.

-Silas D.