“Today, we are going to the mall.”

Once again, Sophia and I were sitting in the school cafeteria, having lunch together, when she dropped that surprise on me. Our normal routine was a trip to my bunker after school where we could be by ourselves and talk without fear of being overheard. Not that we often talked about secret matters but I preferred it. There was no need to keep up appearances with Sophia, I was able to relax and let my hair down. Well, figuratively speaking.

Literally speaking, my hair had started to become an annoyance, causing me to flirt with the thought of simply cutting it off. Wearing my armour caused me to have helmet-hair to an extreme degree and if I wasn’t careful, my hair would look like something a bird had built a nest in. Getting my identity discovered because of my hair-do would be the ultimate joke. But any hairstyle that was practical for wearing a helmet clashed with the image of a ‘gentle lady’ I had to cultivate to keep my father off my back.

My mind went back to the plans Sophia had just revealed. I wasn’t a huge fan of crowds and the mall on a Friday afternoon would be crowded to the extreme. But part of me knew that ‘going to the mall’ was a normal activity for teenagers and that part of me yearned to be more normal. Maybe I should try to be normal for once.

After school, we made our way to the mall. Observing from the entrance, I was a little queasy, the place was packed. No, calling it packed was not doing it justice. For some reason, humans felt an apparent need to squeeze themselves into the mall, similar to squeezing sardines into a can. Sophia showed no trepidation and ventured into the throng of human bodies, moving through it like a fish through water. I struggled to keep up for a moment, until she simply took my hand and guided me. Her presence next to me helped quelling the unease I was feeling in the crowd.

Again, I had the theoretic knowledge what we were doing, but the experience of being dragged from store to store was once again demonstrating the huge difference between theory and practise. When I needed clothes, I went to the appropriate boutique, armed with my specific measurements and got the right clothes. Sophia was flitting from one store to the other, sometimes trying things on, sometimes just browsing. For some reason, she felt a need to model quite a few of the potential purchases for me, asking me my opinion, no matter how little I knew about contemporary teen-fashion and trends.

I do have to admit, she looked great. Her petite build, combined with her fine features made her look like a high-class doll and her olive skin changed her looks into something more exotic. I just about died when she dressed in a pleated skirt, knee-socks and white blouse, it just looked adorable. Maybe adorable was not quite the right word, it was something more, but I could not put a finger on just what it was.

She even made me try on a few outfits and discovered that I greatly enjoyed a simple jeans-look, something the stores I normally shopped in had not in stock. I was unable to classify the look she had in her eyes when I left the changing room in a pair of tight, hip-hugging blue-jeans, topped by a black silk-top but I liked both the way I looked and the way she looked at me. It made me feel good.

It took multiple hours, but finally Sophia felt no longer the need to shop around and we ventured towards the food-court. Somehow, I had acquired more new clothes than she had, despite the fact that she had tried on about twice the amount of things, compared to me. Oh, well, I knew I would have to hide my new clothes at the bunker, there was no way I could wear blue jeans at home. And if I entered the house wearing the black leather jacket she had made me buy, I would never leave my room again. At least not until I was ‘sold’ off to be married to Clark.

At the food court, Sophia and I split up for a bit, Sophia went to get a table, I went to get some drinks. After looking over a large selection of possible coffee-defilements, or what they called ‘speciality beverages’ I had to explain to a barista who made me question the validity of natural selection that I did not want sprinkles, syrup or any number of sacrileges done to my coffee, that I wanted a large, black coffee. Why was it that complicated to get the nectar of the gods in a shop named after a fictional helmsman?

After my adventure with Brainless, the Barista, I was heading back to Sophia, only to find her sitting at a table, trying to ignore a rather loud and pushy specimen of neanderthal, apparently bent on ‘picking her up’, as if she was some kind of possession, destined to be carried off by a grunting primitive to be kept at his leisure.

Reigning in my temper, I placed Sophie’s drink in front of her, ignoring the jackass next to her. “Here you go, Soph.”

She looked up, smiling at the shortening of her name when the neanderthal felt insulted by the fact that we tried to let him off easy by ignoring him.

“Hey, I was talking to the doll. If you want to join in, just say so, I’m man enough for both of you.” he said with boisterous laughter.

Looking him in the eyes, not raising my voice but doing my best to emulate my father's tone when he was angry and modulating my voice so it would carry, I spoke. “Leave. Now!”

Two words, filled with all the contempt and annoyance I was feeling at that point, and I was feeling a lot of it. I had put up with crowds and shopping to be a normal teenager and spent time with Sophia and now some primitive was disturbing my calm down-time and, the worst offence, was keeping me from my coffee. Even at the worst exchanges with my father, I had not felt that annoyed and unlike my father, this primitive had no power over me, forcing me into a submissive role.

He flushed a little and I spotted his fellow primitives, sitting at a nearby table and snickering at his flailing attempts at conversation and his subsequent flame-out.

“Now, babe, there is no need to be rude. I’m…” At that point, my annoyance peaked. There was no more holding back and I stood and, for the first time ever, tried to emulate my father’s full mannerism.

“Silence! I asked you to leave. You will do so. Now!” I cut him off. He didn’t move for a second so I continued. “If you are unable to comprehend civilised speech, I can gesture, if that is required to make a primitive like you heed your betters.” I pointed at his friends and made a shooing motion.

Now, there was sniggering all around us and the primitive was doing his best to impersonate a tomato while drowning on dry land. Sadly, he still did not heed but continued to stand there. Maybe a different approach was needed. I focused on Sophia, my voice taking on a conversational tone, but still carrying.

"Just what is wrong with us, Sophia? Look at these muscles, this finely sculpted body. What do you think? Two percent body fat? No. There can't be an ounce of fat or brain in his body. Just look at those bulging biceps. This finely chiseled jaw, just as if it were carved from a massive block of granite. Sophia, I'm just surprised neither of us fell on her back the first time he grunted. You could be dropping babies like stones with this bad boy. Just think what life would be like with a guy like this. Always having someone who could move the furniture when you want and to break rocks on a chain gang. And at night you wouldn't even have to cook. Just toss a slab of raw meat in his cage. In the morning, ride him to work like a mule. No. Mules are impotent vegetarians. He eats meat. I think we have discovered a whole new breed of carnivorous jackass. Scientists all over the world would be willing to kill for the opportunity to dissect his dead body. Even the masculine scent of his flatulence draws flies to him like girls. There must be something dreadfully wrong with both of us, Sophia, that keeps our clothes from falling off in his presence."

During my tirade, the sniggers had escalated to full-blown laughter and shortly after I proposed his killing and dissection, the primitive finally started a hasty retreat, followed by thundering applause. I saw humor twinkle in Sophia’s eyes as she caught my eye. “A carnivorous jackass? Impressive, and you did not use a single swear-word.”

“It worked. I guess he had to retreat to find a dictionary.” I said and took a long swallow of coffee, my mind cursing the mediocre quality this etablissement served.

We were able to continue our break unaccounted, enjoying light conversation and when both of us were finished, Sophia had further plans.

Once more, I was taken by the hand and guided to our destination, this time the cinema, where Sophia got us tickets to a romantic comedy. I was not sure about her choice in movies, but why not.

Ninety minutes later I knew why not. Well, it was not a total waste of time, it never felt like wasted time when spending time with Sophia, it always felt nice. But I could do without the movie. Maybe that was my fault, but I could not see anything romantic or comedic about a guy showing up at his married crushes house with placards, declaring his undying feelings for her. I mean seriously, what the hell? Is it supposed to be romantic to decide ‘I want her, I will get her and I will stalk her until she gives in.’ To me, it just sounded incredibly creepy.

In addition, the jokes were just not funny. Maybe they went over my head, but I have never seen such cringy behaviour, making me question just where evolution had gone wrong.

We left the cinema and I tried to hide my feelings about the film, not wanting to let Sophia know my thoughts on that matter. It had been a nice gesture and I did not want to ruin it.

Our way led us to the bus-station, Sophia had to take the bus home and I had to get my purchases into the bunker and get home. Neither of us felt a desire to go out in costume that day as we had no intelligence to plan worthwhile operations and just going out to search for a fight did not appeal to us. It could be something fun to do but it didn’t feel right.

At the bus-station, Sophia turned to me when her bus rolled in.

“You know, I truly had fun today.” she said with a smile. Then she did something that made my brain short out. For a short moment, I just felt something velvety soft on my lips, a fleeting, brushing feeling as she pressed her lips to mine. Before my brain had time to do even the most rudimentary processing, Sophia had boarded the bus and left me standing there in a daze.