“Woah… it’s like something out of that movie with the lions,” Vala said as she stood in front of us. She opened up a portal for us to come home through a couple of hours after Window and I woke up to the realization that we became parents.

As for me, I stood there back in our home universe with my new daughter held up in the air in front of me. I never expected the joys of fatherhood to hit me so quickly, but… something came over me. Something came over me ever since I realized this girl really was our daughter.

And that something was immense pride.

I made her.

I made a child.

And she took after me.

Therefore, it was only natural for me to hold her up in the air with my hands under her arms so that I could present her to everybody, even if everybody only consisted of Vala at the moment.

“He’s been like this ever since she threatened to throw him,” Window said, standing by my side with her face planted in her hand.

I used to want nothing more while growing up than to have a whole group of wives and children. Then I thought both were going to be impossible and never happen. Then I got multiple girlfriends, but I still doubted I would ever have children let alone a child. Yet, there I was, with my own child help up in the air in front of me.

“Ehehe, this must be what Mama feels like when Papa throws her!” our daughter said, holding her arms out to her sides and lightly flapping them as if she were an informational status bird daughter.

“You haven’t even seen him throw me yet! That’s not something you should know about! And he throws me way higher than that!” Window said, causing our daughter to giggle even more.

“Woah,” Vala said again, “she’s even creating plot holes. She really is your daughter, Window.”

Window blinked a few times before looking up at our daughter.

In the same way that I had the proud realization of her being our genuine daughter when she threatened to throw me, Window now had the same reaction due to our daughter talking about something that she shouldn’t have known about.

I nodded to Window and handed our daughter over.

Window might not have been as tall as me, but she still held our daughter up in the same way that I was. Only, she looked more smug than proud. “It makes sense that she knows everything since she’s my daughter, after all!”

Standing side by side, Window and I laughed with pride.

“Woah,” Vala said for the third time, “the power of being a parent makes people laugh like villains… oh, and nice, Window.” She wiggled her eyebrows at Window. “You too, Drake.” She wiggled her eyebrows at me next.

Well, it was probably safe to assume that we definitely did a lot more than simply touching each other considering that we had a daughter to show for it.

“But I’m kind of jealous… hey, Window. I call dibs on making a kid with you next.”

Window’s cheeks were quick to turn red. “Wha-what are you talking about?! We – we’re both girls! It doesn’t work that way!”

“Magic.”

“Oh. Yeah, I guess that using magic can basically solve any possible problem we could ever ha—wait! What are you talking about in front of our daughter?!” Window lowered our daughter to the ground and placed her hands over her ears. “You can’t say things like that in front of a kid!”

“Yeah, Vala,” I said. “You can’t just talk about impregnating Window with the power of magic in front of a child.”

Window turned an even brighter shade of red as she looked up at me. “Why would you phrase it that way?!”

“Because I wanted to tease you and because you’re already covering up her ears.”

Vala giggled. “Heh. I can see it now. Drake is gonna be the cool dad who does dangerous and stupid things with her while you,” she said to Window, “are going to try and protect her and baby her.”

“Sounds about right.”

“I’m doomed,” Window said. “Wait…” She set our daughter down and then transformed with a poof of smoke surrounding her.

And just like that, Window was back to her usual self.

I already missed her holding my arm against her chest.

Stop missing weird things. Anyways.

She hovered right in front of our daughter.

Can you do this?

Copying just what Window did, a poof of smoke surrounded our daughter and, once cleared, revealed…

Ehehe.

She revealed her informational status window form. She basically looked exactly like Window but smaller.

Paap! Oops, typo.

Papa! Throw me!

She was too cute to say no to. “How far do you want to go?”

To space! Like how you throw Mama!

DRAKE DON’T YOU DARE

SHE’S TOO YOUNG AND SMALL TO BE THROWN LIKE THAT

But I wanna be thrown!

YOU CAN BE THROWN WHEN YOU’RE OLDER

Hmph. You don’t have to caps lock at me…

O-oh. Right. Sorry. I didn’t mean to capitalize my letters at you. I just don’t want you getting hurt in case something weird happens up there.

It’s okay, Mama. I know you’re being careful because you love me. You’re the best Mama an informational status daughter could ever ask for.

Tears formed at the bottom corners of Window’s window.

You – you’re such a good girl already. I don’t deserve to have such a daughter… I – I need a moment.

Window turned away from us and spawned an arm from her body to wipe away the tears with a tissue.

While Window was turned away, our daughter floated right up in front of my face.

Pssttt, Papa, come on. Hurry up and throw me while she’s not looking.

“Did you just butter her up to distract her?”

She nodded her window.

I didn’t say anything I didn’t mean… but I also really want to be thrown.

“I’ll throw you toward the mountain, alright? You can visit space when you’re older.”

Deal!

So, in proper informational status window throwing fashion, I grabbed onto my daughter and held her as if she was a flying disc before winding up the toss and letting her loose. I made sure not to use all of my strength or anything so that she wouldn’t fly too far. Of course, she still flew with the speed of a bullet toward the mountains in the distance.

It was only after hearing her zoom by that Window instantly turned around to face me.

YOU THREW HER

“But not into space.”

YOU CAN’T JUST THROW YOUR DAUGHTER LIKE THAT

THIS IS ABUSE

DO YOU KNOW THERE ARE PEOPLE ALREADY UPSET AT US BECAUSE THEY THINK WE HAVE AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP? THEY’VE EVEN LEFT REVIEWS CALLING OUR ROUTINE ABUSIVE! NOW IMAGINE WHAT THEY’RE GOING TO THINK IF THEY SEE YOU THROWING AROUND YOUR OWN DAUGHTER! THE POLICE ARE GOING TO COME UP TAKE HER AWAY FROM US AND YOU’RE GOING TO BE LOCKED UP IN JAIL WHERE THE ONLY HAREM YOU GET IS A FIGMENT OF YOUR IMAGINATION WHEN YOU GO INSANE FROM SOLITARY CONFINEMENT AND START PRETENDING THAT YOUR FOOD AND EATING UTENSILS ARE WAIFUS. ALL YOU’VE HAVE IS CRUMB-CHAN AND FORK-CHAN AND RANDOM-BUG-IN-THE-CORNER-CHAN

IS THAT REALLY THE FUTURE THAT YOU WANT FOR YOURSELF?

Ehehe, that was fun! Again, Papa! Again again!

OH THANK – I mean, good, thank you for coming back safe and sound. Now stay here where it’s nice and—

I sent our daughter flying again.

RFGEHWDRGHR4EWYGH543RWEGY43QRWGT4R3QWEGVR3QW

DRAKE

WHY

SHE WAS BACK AND SAFE

“She wanted thrown again,” I answered.

ARE YOU GOING TO DO EVERYTHING SHE WANTS? WHAT IF SHE WANTS TO EXPLODE THE WORLD? WHAT IF SHE WANTS TO JUMP INTO A POOL OF LAVA?

“Both of those sound normal and survivable now that I’ve gotten used to this place.”

OKAY YEAH MAYBE BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT

PLEASE STOP THROWING HER MY HEART CAN’T HANDLE IT I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M GOING TO DO IF SOMETHING HAPPENS BECAUSEI ‘;BE ONYRLK IVER I’VE ONLY HAD HER FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS BUT I ALREADY LOVE HER AND DON’T WANT ANYTHING BAD TO HAPPEN TO HER AND I’M SCARED BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M GOING TO DO AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO BE A GOOD MOM SO I’M ALREADY PANICKING AND YOU’RE NOT HELPING AND I’M SERIOUSLY FREKAING OUTH ESO PLEASE

Our daughter reappeared in her daughter form behind Window and jumped up to pull her down and wrap her arms around her in a hug. “I’m sorry, Mama. Please don’t be mad at Papa. I won’t make you worry anymore. I promise.”

“No, she has every right to be upset with me. Sorry, Window,” I said. I really messed up. As much as I wanted to make our daughter happy by giving her what she wanted, Window was seriously panicking and I needed to do a better job of considering her feelings. I wasn’t this girl’s only parent. Decisions needed to be made together, not behind each other’s backs. “I promise that I’ll do better. I’m serious.” I crouched down and joined them in the hug. Window ended up sandwiched between me and our daughter.

We stayed like that for a few moments before Window wiggled out from between us to show us what she had to say.

Th-thanks…

I won’t try to be overly protective, but… I’m sorry in advance if I get too worried and ruin the fun.

“Don’t worry. I’ll learn to say no so that I can share the blame for ruining the fun,” I said. “Here, watch.” I turned to our daughter. “Ask me for something outrageous.”

“Throw me into a new universe!” our daughter requested.

“No.”

“Hmph! You’re the worst! I hate you, Papa!... Ehehe… how was that?”

I never felt so much pain in my life before. Even when I got hurt during the battles before my pain was lowered thanks to Vala buffing me, that pain could never compare to how it felt to hear our daughter shout at me that she hated me.

I felt like somebody took a railgun and fired it at point blank through my heart.

I felt like somebody condensed all the energy of the sun into a laser and disintegrated my heart with it.

I felt a pain far worse than anything that anybody could ever imagine beyond even the most extreme of ideas.

If I was an important guard being interrogated for the nuclear launch codes so that some cartoon villain could launch nukes and destroy the world, I would give up in an instant if I was threatened with hearing her say that again.

“Window… it hurts,” I said.

Window turned back into her humanoid self and got behind my left arm before wrapping her own arms around it, hugging it against her chest. “I can’t even imagine how painful that must have been… so I’ll give you this special service. Does this help?”

“It does, thank you.”

And to my right, I felt a similar sensation lower down on my arm. That turned out to be our daughter doing the same thing to my right arm, hugging it against her chest. “Ehehe, I can do it, too!”

With a girlfriend on one arm and a daughter on the other arm, all of the pain washed away from me. I felt reinvigorated. I felt like a new man. I felt like somebody who could crush a black hole between my fingers.

Of course, how I appreciated their hugs was completely different. I appreciated Window’s hug because she was hugging my arm right between her windows. I appreciated our daughter’s hug because it was the pure, innocent, and loving hug from a daughter to her father.

“Dang,” Vala said after standing there watching everything before looking at me and Window. “I ship you both so hard. And I feel like I just watched an entire anime’s worth of relationship development between you two in the span of a couple minutes.”

“Do you really need to ship us if it’s already set sail?” Window asked.

“Yes. Shipping is my form of approval. That is why I have to ship everybody here with everybody else here, so that everybody knows all love is approved.”

As if our daughter never even realized that Vala was there before, her eyes widened and she let go of my arm before running up to her. “Auntie Vala!”

“Au-auntie?!”

Our daughter lunged forward and wrapped her arms around Vala’s waist, burying her face against her stomach. “Ehehe! It’s nice to meet you, Auntie Vala!”

“I – I don’t know if I like how that sounds or if it makes me feel old…”

“I doubt it makes you feel as old as you are,” I said.

Vala did the incredibly rare thing of glaring at me after I said that. “Becoming a dad must have made you cheeky.”

If she didn’t love me, I had a feeling that I would have been burned into a pile of ash already. “Sorry, I couldn’t resist. Anyways, does it make you feel better if you think of yourself as the cool aunt who the kids always love because she’s super fun to hang out with?”

“Ooh… yeah, that helps. I’m the cool aunt!” She looked down at our daughter. “Right? I’m cool, right? I even play vidya and stuff! I’m super cool!”

“Only old people say vidya these days, Auntie Vala,” our daughter answered.

Vala took a staggered step back as what little color her already pale skin had was drained from her. “I… I’m old…”

Our daughter turned to face me and Window. “I wanna meet Delphi and Cami and Lavi! Where are they? Oh! And Clawdia! And Conan and Catrir! I wanna meet everybody!”

“The… the house… bedroom… because the sheets smelled like Drake…” Vala answered for us.

“Oh! Thanks, Auntie Vala!” Without saying anything else, she ran off toward the house. That must have been where Delphi, Lavi, and Cami were. Trying to piece together what Vala said, it must have been because they missed me and the bedsheets smelled the strongest like me.

“How are you doing?” I asked Vala, Window checking up on her with me.

“I’m… I’m old. I’m a boomer. I thought I was still hip and cool… but somebody who’s actually hip and cool has put me in my place… I’ve been nothing but an imposter this whole time and now the real deal is here,” Vala said, sounding too dead to be depressed. “Drake… will you still love me even if I’m an old lady?”

I sighed and hugged her. “I’ll still love you even if you’re the oldest woman in all universes.”

“Heh… what a GILF hunter.”

“You sound like you’re better already.”

“Duh. It’s because we hugged. I’m all powered up and young and hip again now that I’ve had a hug!”

“Has hugging been the secret to youth this entire time?!”

“Since the dawn of time!”

“That’s way too huge of a discovery to have gone unnoticed until now!”

“It’s not my fault nobody ever hugged enough to realize it. Speaking of hugs…” Vala broke off our hug and set her eyes on Window before licking her lips.

“Drake,” Window said, “I feel like a rabbit being stared at by a wolf.”

“Wouldn’t it be more fitting to feel like a cow being stared at by a dragon?” I asked.

“I didn’t make my chest big enough to feel like a cow.”

“Fair point.”

Before we could make any more points, Vala lunged forward and tackle-hugged Window to the ground while burying her face right against her chest.

The way that Vala hugged Window reminded me of how our daughter hugged her, albeit with entirely different intentions.

Now, while Vala made Window squirm and let out embarrassing noises on the ground, I wondered how everybody else was going to react to our daughter. Hopefully none of them were going to suffer as much critical damage as Vala did during their first encounters with her.

We also still needed to think of a name for her.