There was one more person who our daughter wanted to meet before we went and did a battle.

And it wasn’t Lake. If anything, our daughter actively wanted to avoid Lake due to thinking that she was creepy without ever even meeting her in the first place. Considering how Lake could act around cats, I didn’t blame her.

Then again, I was the same around fluffy bellies.

I was appreciative for the plot hole that made our daughter disturbed by Lake’s obsession but not mine.

Instead, the person that our daughter wanted to meet wasn’t technically a person at all. She wanted to meet a tank. Valkyria.

Speaking of Valkyria, she was starting to look pretty good. Well, she already looked good, but she was starting to look even better. Like new. Between her new turret and now the new body frame she had, all she needed left were new treads and then she’d be as good as new. But until then, she was still stuck in one place without the ability to move anywhere else. She didn’t mind that, though. It helped that the field of flowers growing around her grew denser and taller by the day. I could feel her happiness just by being close to her instead of having to place a hand on her or anything.

And the happiness I felt from her became overwhelming as soon as she turned her turret toward our daughter, discovering that I had one for the first time. She instantly knew what was going on and rose her turret as high into the air as she could. I wasn’t sure whether she was shocked or throwing her ‘arm’ up as if to celebrate, but I did know that she was stupidly happy. It was that same happiness that forced me to smile more than I already was.

“Valky!” our daughter shouted, leaving me and Window behind as she ran up to the tank and climbed on top of her.

Now, I wasn’t able to feel anything too specific from her because I wasn’t that close to her. However…

“I’m today years old!” our daughter said to Valkyria. “Hmm? Oh! Mommy is mommy!” She pointed at Window. “Ooh. Hmm. I’dunno. I like pink, I think!”

“Window,” I said. “Is she… actually talking to her?”

I… guess so? It makes sense if you think about it. You were able to feel her emotions and have a vague idea of what she wanted to say and stuff by touching her, so why wouldn’t she be able to? She is your kid.

“Yeah, but it sounds like she’s having an actual conversation with her. I was never able to do that. Even if I could get a vague idea of what she wanted to express, I never heard any specific words or anything from her. I was only able to hold very one-sided conversations with her.”

Maybe she’s doing what little kids do and playing pretend? Like when kids talk to stuffed animals and hold entire conversations with them?

“I feel like that comparison is an insult to Valkyria, but maybe.”

That was when our daughter turned and stuck her tongue out at us. “I’m not playing pretend! We’re talking!”

Valkyria nodded her barrel. The two of them went back to talking to each other after that, apparently. Me and Window were only able to see one side of the conversation, so we had to take their word that they were actually communicating on a deeper level than what I was capable of doing with Valkyria.

I didn’t know whether I felt more impressed or jealous. Not a serious jealousy, but how come she was able to talk to Valkyria while I wasn’t able to? Or rather, how come she was able to hear or understand Valkyria enough to hold a conversation while I wasn’t able to? She was my own flesh and blood! I should have been able to do anything that she could.

Then again, she was also half informational status window. Maybe that had something to do with it.

lololol

imagine being jealous of your own daughter

“You know,” I said, “don’t you think that she’s the cutest informational status window in all of existence? There isn’t a single smarter, more competent, adorable informational status window than her.”

Window smacked into my side.

YOU CAN’T MAKE ME JEALOUS OF OUR OWN DAUGHTER

But…

But you should also say those things about me sometimes, too…

n-not that I want you to or anything…

you non-virgin virgin

I sighed and flicked her. “Don’t worry, I was lying. She’s not an informational status window. She is all of those things, but only when it comes to being a hybrid between a human and an informational status window. You’re still the best actual informational status window.”

Heh.

Dang straight I am.

Wait, but I’m the only informational status window you know. It doesn’t really feel that special when I know there’s no competition.

“It also means you’re the worst informational status window I know. You’re both the best, and worst, by default.”

Don’t make me force you to pay me child support.

“Good luck with that because I have no money in the first place. Hah.”

Tch. What a detestable man you are. You broke, good-for-nothing human!

“Hey, don’t call me a good-for-nothing just because I’m poor. You know how many people you’re going to insult by connecting those two things together?”

WHAT WORTH DOES SOMEBODY HAVE IF THEY DON’T HAVE MONEY? MONEY IS WHAT DEFINES WORTH! A PERSON IS LITERALLY WORTHLESS IF THEY HAVE NO WORTH, AKA MONEY.

I’m joking I swear please don’t cancel me

Besides everybody knows that true worth is determined by how good your gacha pulls are

“I think that last part might be even more hurtful than the first thing you were saying.”

Yeah, that’s—

“Battle time!” our daughter shouted.

Before either of us could even reply to that, we found ourselves teleported to the spooky battlefield in an instant.

“Hey… is she capable of all the same things you are?” I asked Window.

A-apparently…

I think we might have to make some rules about randomly starting battles without permission.

But, while we’re here… we might as well make some plot progress.

BATTLE TIME LET’S GO

Window disappeared to finish getting everything set up and I could already see what was going to happen next as our daughter came running up to me.

I would need to muster all of my strength to refuse her – to say “no” to her.

“Papa!” she shouted. “Can I—”

“No,” I answered.

She looked like she was about to cry but I had to hold the line. “Bu-but…”

“It’s too dangerous. You can help in the fights when you’re older.”

She tilted her head. “But I don’t wanna fight.”

I blinked a few times as my mind raced through everything that just happened.

First, she took us to the battlefield. Then, she ran up to me. After that, she started off with a question asking if she could do something.

Was the obvious thing not to assume that she was going to ask to “play” in the battle herself?!

She stood there, sniffling as she looked up at me. “Pa-Papa doesn’t like me anymore…”

Seeing her almost cry was enough to make me actually cry.

“I’m – I’m sorry,” I said, dropping to my knees to wrap my arms around her for a hug. “Your papa is an idiot who tries to subvert tropes before they can happen. Please don’t hate me. What did you want to ask? Whatever it is, I’ll do it for you.”

“Woah,” Vala said, standing nearby with everybody else. “Becoming a dad really brings out a new side in men.”

“Do you think Master would pamper us like that if we cry?” Delphi asked.

Cami shook her head. “All you have to do is ask and he’ll do it.”

A bit of red colored Lavi’s cheeks. “I… I think it might be less embarrassing to pretend crying than to directly ask for something like that.”

Then my daughter spoke up to say, “I just wanted to sit on your shoulders… I thought I’d get to watch everything better if I was up on your shoulders…”

There was only one thing I could do after hearing that – only one thing to do to make things right.

I picked my daughter up, sat her down on my shoulders, and then climbed atop Valkyria to stand on the very top of her turret. “Now you’ll be able to see everything.”

“Ehehe… Operation: Fake Cry was a success!” my daughter said.

“Wait, those weren’t real tears?”

“U-umm… the-they were!”

“You’re not lying to me, are you?”

“I – I would never lie. I might sometimes not tell accurate truths… but I wouldn’t lie! The tears were real tears!”

It took me a few moments to think about that. It was clear my daughter wasn’t telling an accurate truth, but it was also clear that I knew my daughter would never lie to me. She was too perfect to do something like that.

Then I realized what must have been happening.

After all, she was the daughter of me and Window. What I realized was exactly the kind of thing a hybrid of ours would do.

“I understand,” I said.

“Y-you do?” my daughter asked.

“The tears were real. They physically existed in this world and could fit the dictionary definition of tears. The act of crying can also be defined as shedding tears. Therefore, you really did cry. But we all know what somebody really thinks of when it comes to crying and tears. You weren’t crying because you felt sad or upset, which you implied with your behavior. Instead, you were crying to get me to pamper you out of guilt.”

“Eh-ehehe… Pa-Papa is so smart!”

“I know.”

“S-so… am I in trouble?”

“No. You’re too cute to be in trouble.”

“Yay!”

“But.”

“Crap.”

“No more deceiving people. Next time you want pampered, just let me know and I’ll be happy to pamper you. Understand?”

“Ehehe. Okay, I won’t tell inaccurate truths anymore!”

“See?” Cami asked. “You only need to ask.”

Delphi nodded and ran up to the side of Valkyria. “Master! Can I be pampered, too?” she asked with stars in her eyes and a rapidly wagging tail behind her.

“After the battle,” I answered.

“Oh, and Lavi is too afraid to ask, so can you pamper her, too?”

“I’ll pamper you both together.” I looked over at Cami next, wondering if she’s want to join in on that. She didn’t say anything, but she did nod her head.

With that settled, it was time for us to get to the actual battle planning.

I expected my daughter to want to help out, but she was happy to sit up on my shoulders while watching me do everything. That was nice.

So, first were the towers. They were set down in the usual order designed to attack enemies as soon as they were within range, stall them and AoE them down, and then deal with any stragglers who made it past the front lines. The only important change I made was moving the bee’s tower to place it in the center of the map instead of near the back. Since the bees occasionally needed to return to their tower to, I assumed, resupply, it saved time to have them stationed in the center of the map. I did have to move the archer tower for that, but that was alright. The archers were still able to cover all of the right lane and most of the left lane. As long as the chosen heroes for the battle made sure to give a bit of extra attention to the left lane, it would be fine.

And when it came to actually choosing the heroes, I looked at Vala and asked, “Feel like fighting today or just being lazy?”

“Hmm… I guess I’ll – wait. Drake. I feel like we’re forgetting something. Somebody important,” Vala said.

“Who?”

That was when Window popped up with an extra-large window operating as a television screen to show the inside of a room back at our place. That room just so happened to be the kitchen of our house, which was still never used. And inside of the kitchen…

On top of the cabinets…

Hanging upside down with the upper half of her body over the edge…

Was Clawdia.

“One,” I said, “isn’t she way too much like a cat? Two, how does she not suffer from back pain if she sleeps like that?!” A line of drool ran down Clawdia’s face, reaching her forehead before dangling off of her. “I feel like we’re all going to get clawed later for watching this.”

“Let’s take pictures and tease her with them later,” Vala said.

“Are you trying to get killed?!”

“I want her to abuse me more.”

“Since when are you such a masochistic dragon?!”

“I think we both forgot that you have a kid on your shoulders.”

“I… we need to invest in some earplugs. Anyways! Vala, you want to fight, yes or no?”

Vala shrugged before stretching her arms over her head. “I guess I can fight today, but can I use your axe instead of my usual spear? I wanna try it out.”

“Sure.” I looked at the others. “Who wants to join her?”

“Oh! I wanna fight with Master!” Delphi shouted, bouncing up and down in excitement. Every single bounce of hers reminded me of just how endowed her chest was.

That made me realize something else, though.

Delphi simply being herself was not a safe sight for the eyes of the youth. Especially when she acted so… bouncy.

But at the same time, she was fully clothed. Children saw way more when they went to beaches or swimming pools.

That was good enough logic for me to justify not wanting to cover Delphi up at all.

“Cami, Lavi, you two can go on the exploration today,” I said.

Lavi saluted and Cami yawned.

Before the battle could officially begin, we all became distracted by the sight of Clawdia slowly sliding farther and farther over the edge before falling headfirst toward the floor.

Yet, somehow in her sleep, she managed to flip herself upright to land on her hands and feet without hurting herself at all. She then curled up into a ball on the floor before twisting her upper half to point upward, her arms bent and held up in front of her as her hands twitched in the air as if reacting to whatever was going on in her dream.

She was really cute. I wanted to rub her belly and play with her hands.

Pampering Clawdia was added to my list of things to do after winning the battle and pampering Delphi, Lavi, and Cami.

I also realized I needed to invest in a proper cat bed for Clawdia so that she wouldn’t sleep on top of the cabinets. Then again, even if I did get her a cat bed, wouldn’t she just end up sleeping in the box it came in instead of in the bed itself?

And realizing that made me realize something even more important.

If cats loved to sit in boxes…

What about cat girls?

There was science to be done.