Science: done.

Theory: proven.

Vala: asleep in bed due to exhaustion via performing science.

Me: previously exhausted, but Vala used magic to make me more energized for the date.

Vala also used some magic to create new clothes for me out of thin air. She wanted me to look good for the date and thought it would be too lazy, even by her standards, for me to wear the same clothes I just wore on the date with Window. So, she created jeans, new shoes, and a sweater for me. I was worried that it would be too hot for that, but she told me not to worry about it before going on a miniature rant about how sweaters were worth wearing no matter how hot it was outside.

I didn’t know that somebody could be so passionate about sweaters. Then again, I had no idea people were obsessed with glasses and feet before I stumbled across communities for those on the internet.

If anything, I wondered which part of the body, and which style of clothing, weren’t fetishized. Was that even possible? For something to exist without being fetishized? Honestly, probably not. People were too horny to let something exist without at least one person being far too attracted to it.

Though, I had to admit that I felt pretty uncomfortable wearing a sweater. When I looked in our bathroom mirror, I thought I looked… strange. Off. Unnatural.

I only ever wore three shades of colors before being brought to Vala’s pocket universe: black, brown, and grey. I wore plain shirts and jeans when gardening, and I wore graphic shirts and jeans when doing literally anything else. If I were to toss in a few piercings, walk around frowning all the time, and maybe dyed my hair a little bit, I probably could have been considered borderline punk. I even had some leather jackets I’d wear. The main thing was that I was almost always wearing dark colors and… after thinking about it, I probably did walk around frowning a lot considering that almost everybody and everything annoyed me.

But when I looked in the mirror, the closest thing I had to a dark color on my body was the pair of jeans I had on. They weren’t even as dark as I normally wore, either. And then for my sweater, it was a light cream color that covered me up to about halfway up my neck.

I looked like…

I looked like some sort of wholesome father figure or something. Or maybe an older brother. Or a chill uncle.

What happened to me? I felt so… wrong.

I looked so nice.

Dare I say it, I even looked… and I never thought I would consider myself it…

Cute.

Was that the power of sweaters Vala rambled about before passing out? Were sweaters truly so powerful that they could even affect the perception of oneself?

And then I realized it.

I realized what should have been extremely obvious the moment I saw the sweater.

Standing there, staring at myself in the mirror, I brought my hands up to my abdomen and groped my sweater.

The sweater.

Was so.

Fluffy.

It finally happened.

Something that I never even considered possible before.

I…

I became one with the fluff.

I would never need FCBs again if I could just fluff my own sweater!

“This—this is too powerful,” I said. “I understand now.” Grabbing the sweater by the bottom, I lifted it up and held it against my face to rub against it.

It was unnaturally fluffy. It was on the same level as FCBs if not even fluffier than them. How was that even possible?!

This whole time—my whole life, could I have simply gone to a clothing store to buy a sweater to experience such fluff?!

I rubbed the sweater even harder against my face until I felt it grow warm from the friction.

It looked like a normal, knitted sweater that should have been scratchy… but it felt like how clouds looked instead.

I could die right then and there and be satisfied with my life. I didn’t need anything else. I didn’t need fame, wealth, women—none of that. All I needed was the sweater. The pure, fluffy, godly sweater.

All I needed was—

“Papa, what are you doing?” Luca asked from behind.

I forgot that I even had a daughter. That was how incredible the fluff of the sweater was.

And the fluff needed to be shared with everybody.

That was why I turned around and stared down at her.

Luca took a step back. “Pa-Papa? Y-you look kinda scary.”

“This is for your own good,” I told her and stepped closer.

“I’m… gonna go back to the others instead!”

Luca turned around to run, but it was too late. I grabbed her by her sides and lifted her up, causing her to wiggle around in the air as she flailed her limbs, and then hugged her against me.

She ceased her flailing the moment her skin came into contact with my sweater.

Instead of panic, a relaxed sigh left her lips.

“S-so warm… and soft,” Luca said as she wrapped her arms around me.

“There, my child. Now you understand,” I said.

“Papa… is this the meaning of life?”

“Yes. Yes it is.”

The meaning of life was for a father to share fluff with his daughter.

There was nothing that could be better than that. Nothing that could be more important than that.

“Oh, Papa, they wanted me to tell you they’re ready and waiting outside,” Luca said.

“Shi—crap. I—I forgot because of the sweater.” I set Luca down and straightened the sweater out. As much as I wanted to continue indulging in its glorious perfection, I did have several girlfriends waiting to go out on a date with me. “Thanks for telling me. If you want your own sweater, you can probably go jump on the bed until Vala wakes up and then tell her to give you one.”

Luca lit up with excited eyes. “Okay!”

She was gone before saying anything else, leaving me to head out of the house to meet my waiting girlfriends.

And when I saw them…

I felt beyond outclassed.

I just looked like some normal, wholesome guy with my new sweater.

But the others?

Cami had on black leggings and a pair of short jean shorts to go with a black, graphic shirt with some band logo on it. She looked more punk than I ever did.

Meanwhile, Lavi wore a white dress with a red blush on her cheeks. I expected her to dress like the punk if anything, but she looked pure and innocent instead.

Then there was Delphi. Delphi’s armor must have made her chest look even smaller than it was because it seemed even bigger now despite wearing a baggy sweater that completely covered it up, and she wore tight sweatpants to go with it.

That left the newest two girls to join our relationship.

Clawdia had a simple skirt and blouse combo, but she also had the most cleavage showing out of all of them. She also looked like she might have been wearing a bra to make it look like she had even more cleavage than normal. Between that and the way that she kept her arms crossed under her chest, it was pretty obvious where she wanted me to look.

And then there was the honey badger herself. Despite looking almost like a super model before, now she looked like a recluse who was ashamed of her body. Either that, or—honestly—just outright lazy. She wore baggy jeans, an oversized hoodie that was zipped up, and her hair was tied into a single, long ponytail that left some hair over her forehead. She looked like she was going outside to grab the mail or going to the store to get a carton of milk instead of like somebody who was about to go out on a date.

There was something sexy about how normal she looked. Especially given just how naturally beautiful she was. I only ever saw women like her before when they were dressed up to look as good as possible. I never saw somebody like her wearing casual, lounging clothes instead. Even that one time when she pulled me into her tower, she looked like she was dressing to impress.

Of course, I found each and every one of the girls to be equally attractive. That was why I opened my mouth to say, “You all look amaz—”

“So handsome!” Delphi shouted with hearts in her eyes, her finger pointed straight at me as her tail rapidly wagged behind her.

“Cute,” Cami said, her own tail joining in on the wagging.

“Looking… looking pretty nice, Master,” Lavi said, refusing to be left out both when it came to words and the wagging of her tail.

Clawdia pushed her arms up a little bit more against the underside of her bust before saying, “Hmph. Good. I would have been disappointed if you didn’t dress nicely for our date.” Her tail might not have wagged like the other’s did, but it still swayed around as her ears twitched.

And then there was the honey badger herself, again. She didn’t say anything to me. Instead, she simply stared at me with sparkling stars in her eyes and parted lips as if staring at something beyond incredible. I even looked behind me just to make sure that there wasn’t anything else she could have been looking at, but there wasn’t anything else nor anybody else there.

It had to all be thanks to the sweater.

I actually ended up feeling pretty nervous because of them all. I really didn’t believe that I deserved such attention and praise from them.

“As I was going to say,” I continued, “you all look amazing. I’m pretty sure I’m the luckiest guy to ever exist at this point.”

Delphi shook her head before rushing straight at me, extending her arms out in front of her, and jumping into me with the top of her head going straight into my gut as she wrapped her arms around me. Needless to say, she knocked me down.

And that was how I found myself pinned underneath her with her tail wagging in the air above her, her face now positioned over mine as she stared down into my eyes while panting.

“Ma-Master,” Delphi said, her cheeks flushed.

I felt like I was a leg of lamb being stared at by a starving wolf.

“De-Delphi?” I asked.

“It’s—it’s not fair for you to make me this excited before the date even starts,” Delphi answered before licking her lips. “It makes me want to eat you up right here.”

“Ca-Cami? Lavi? Either of you want to help me out here?”

Cami and Lavi shook their heads.

“Sorry, Master. I’ve seen how she is when she gets like this. I’m not going anywhere near her,” Lavi said.

“Delphi gets scary,” Cami replied.

I had no idea what they saw when it came to Delphi being like this. It must have been in private since I never saw her anything like this before. All I knew was that she even bared her fangs at me.

Yeah, she was actually kind of scary. Scary in an incredibly arousing way, but still scary.

“Clawdia?” I asked.

Clawdia shook her head. “No way I’m risking getting between a hound and her prey, nya.”

I was abandoned. There was nobody to help me.

Except for maybe one person.

“Window?!”

pass

I was screwed. I was potentially about to get screwed in more than one meaning of the word, too, given how things were going.

That was when my savior arrived.

A hand grabbed Delphi by her shoulder, pulling her away from me.

And, out of pure instinct and territorial defensiveness, Delphi snapped her head around and bit into the arm of the woman who grabbed her.

Delphi bit hard, too. It looked seriously painful. Not to mention that with how sharp Delphi’s canines were, any bite from her should have been significantly more painful and bloody than when Clawdia bit Vala.

Yet, there was no blood and no pain.

There wasn’t even a reaction to getting bit.

Miss Honey Badger dragged Delphi away from me as Delphi gnawed on her arm to no effect.

Fortunately, not that she was doing any damage in the first place, Delphi did snap out of her desire once she was pulled far enough away.

And it was when Delphi snapped out of her apparent heat that she realized what she was doing.

“S-sorry!” Delphi shouted, grabbing onto the arm that she was just chewing on to lick where her teeth failed to penetrate. “I—I don’t know what came over me! I didn’t hurt you, did I?!”

Miss Honey Badger tilted her head and asked, “What?”

“I—I bit you, didn’t I?”

“Oh. I… didn’t notice. Sorry.”

Delphi blinked a few times before reaching a hand up to her mouth to feel her canines, testing to see if they were working properly. She then bit her arm hard enough to make herself yelp and pull away as a bit of blood trickled from the wound. Then, she brought her teeth back to the other’s arm to bite and… failed to even leave a mark. “Woah… your skin is super tough.”

It was Miss Honey Badger’s turn to blink a few times before large, dramatic tears formed at the corners of her eyes. “My… my skin is tough? I-is that bad?! I—I can put lotion on it!”

And then it was my turn to blink a few times.

Miss Honey Badger might have lived up to the meme of not giving a fuck when it came to being bitten by a girl with pretty sharp canines, but when it came to her skin… she really cared.

“No, no! It’s soft!” Delphi shouted. “It’s just, really hard to break through! But it feels soft! It doesn’t even make any sense but your skin is nice! Super nice! You don’t need lotion!”

The archer looked like she wanted to cry even more after hearing that.

Apparently, honey badgers did—in fact—give a fuck. They were just very selective about which fucks they gave. In Miss Honey Badger’s case, she apparently didn’t give the slightest of fucks in regard to being bitten and chewed on, nor did she mind pulling Delphi off of me when everybody else was afraid to. But as soon as it came to her skin being “tough,” she had a significant number of fucks to give.

Would you please stop using the F word before you make us need an adult label or something?

Rather than use the word, I stuck my middle finger up to Window before looking back at Delphi to ask her, “By the way, what was up with uh… how you acted before?”

“Hmm? Master?” Delphi turned to look at me.

And as soon as she did look at me, those hearts in her eyes returned.

Oh no… I know what’s happening.

It’s the sweater.

It’s the power of the sweater.

The sweater is so powerful that it instantly puts her into a state of intense heat, just like when you saw Vala wearing overalls.

“Wa-wait, you know about the overalls?” I asked.

(insert innocent whistling noises here)

As tempted as I was to shake and throw Window, I had to deal with Delphi before she pounced me again. Miss Honey Badger looked too emotional to be of much help again.

And the only way I could think of taming Delphi’s desires was to make her a deal.

“Delphi, sit,” I ordered.

As excited as Delphi was, she still sat down the second she heard the order.

“Good girl. Now, I know what you want to do.”

Delphi nodded and wagged her tail.

“But we have a date to go on first. After the date, we can do whatever you want, but only if you relax and behave. Understand?”

Delphi whined as her ears flattened against the top of her head, but she did nod and say, “Alright… I’ll be a good girl and wait. But Master has to promise that the sweater stays on!”

I really wasn’t expecting to learn so much about Delphi’s fetishes when I came out of the house, but I agreed to her terms seeing as how we were never going to actually go on the date otherwise. “Deal.”