While waiting for Luca and Catrir to return from the exploration, me and Conan relaxed together by rubbing his belly. Even all he did was stay still on his back so that I could sit on my knees next to him and rub his belly, it was relaxing for the both of us. After all, his fluff was very high-quality fluff. It was soft, thick, and it soothed my very existence just by running my fingers through it. It was fluff without a single flaw. Well, almost without a single flaw. The only real flaw there was would be that there wasn’t more of it. Because even if I did learn about the wonderful softness that was a woman’s breasts, and how it was equal if not capable of surpassing the glory of fluff, I could still never get enough of fluff. Such a thing was, and always will be, impossible.

The belly petting went on for long enough that it actually put Conan to sleep. Luca and Catrir returned a couple of minutes later, and they were quiet enough to not wake him up. Though, as soon as I lifted my hand off of his belly, his eyes opened and he looked betrayed that I would ever stop rubbing his belly.

Then he noticed his brother and Luca.

Conan jumped up with a red blush coloring the fur of his cheeks before scratching the back of his head, coughing, and looking away to totally act like he wasn’t just put to sleep by me petting his belly.

“Papa! We’re back!” Luca said.

“Isn’t it a bit late for that? You’ve been here for like a minute already,” I replied.

“Yeah, but I wanted to give Conan a chance in the narration to do what he wanted to do.”

“You’re as confusing as your mother.”

“Ehehe. Thanks.”

“So, how’d it go?”

“It was fun! You’ll get to read about it in the exploration report.”

“You could just tell me how it went.”

“Nope. Explorations have to be told in the exploration report! Their whole point is to be easy-to-write expositional narration that fluffs up the word count with cute stuff happening between varying characters to show off the relationships that people have with each other! It’s not the same if I just tell you about it!”

“All of that went over my head.”

“I know, Papa, but that’s okay. I still love you.”

“Thanks. Anyways, give your old man here the battle report and everything so that we can go home.”

“Papa, you’re not that old.”

“I’m like an ancient fossil compared to you.”

“Oh! That gives me an idea!”

“What?”

“What if you go digging for fossils and find a dinosaur girl waifu? Maybe you could have a t-rex girlfriend! Or maybe there could be an entire area dedicated to that! I’ll have to tell Mama my idea later.”

“Luca, I’m not sure it’s appropriate for you to be trying to hook your old man up with—”

“Oh! And there could be fossils of ancient flowers that you can bring back to life!”

“Luca, you’re the best daughter that a father could ever ask for.”

“Ehehe. I know, Papa. Okay, I’m gonna show you the stuff now!”

I nodded and waited for it to pop up.

And it did pop up.

In front of me were two large, floating words completely on their own, and they read:

The Stuff

“Luca, these kinds of jokes are supposed to be my job,” I said.

Luca stuck her tongue out at me. “Too bad, Papa. I’m going to dad joke you whether you like it or not!”

“Hi, I’m Going To Dad Joke You Whether You Like It Or Not. I’m Papa.”

Luca giggled even more, making me ruffle up the hair atop her head since she was too cute not to. “Okay, Papa. I’m really going to show you the stuff this time.”

“Hi, Really Going To Show You The Stuff This Time. I’m Papa.”

“Maybe… maybe using your own power against you was a bad idea…”

“I’m a dad now, so I can’t let anybody out-do me when it comes to dad jokes.”

“Hi, A Dad Now, I’m Luca!”

I stared down into Luca’s eyes.

She stared right back up into mine.

The battle between us would surely be a legendary one, but I could not fail it. I was the father in our relationship. That meant I needed to be the one who stood atop the mountain of dad jokes as its ruler, not my daughter. If it were any mountain, I would do everything in my power to help her reach the highest peak of it.

But not this one.

“I won’t go easy on you just because you’re my daughter,” I said.

Luca smiled a smug smile at me and said, “I won’t go easy on you just because you’re Papa, either!”

“You can go as hard as you want and it still won’t be enough.”

“That’s what she said.”

My heart took serious damage from that. I even staggered backward from it. Not only did I set my daughter up for a joke like that, but she used a ‘that’s what she said’ joke on me. “You’re—you’re too young and innocent to be making a joke like that.”

“Ehehe. There’s no such thing as too young for a ‘that’s what she said’ joke!”

“But you have to understand how weird it is for my own daughter to say it to me.”

“That sounds like a personal problem, Papa.”

“Just… just show me the battle results. I can’t handle my own daughter sassing me like this.”

“I love you, Papa.”

“I love you too, Luca.”

“Yay. Okay. Battle results stuff! Oh. Wait. If I do it in my normal size, it’s going to be really annoying to read since it will be a really long window and a lot of text. Umm, I’m going to widen myself so that it’s easier to read, but it’s still me, so don’t mistake me for Mama, okay?”

“Do what you need to, Luca.”

“Okay, Papa!”

Remember, even though I’m Mama-sized right now, I’m still Luca!

Congratulations! You cleared the stage!

Spooky Forest 2-2: MR BONES WILD RIDE… part 2?

Completion: I forget if any hearts were lost.

Enemies Defeated: I’m going to go ahead and remove this part since we never keep count of how many specific enemies there are anymore.

Rewards: All the same stuff from before, but now with Carrier Fluff! I think it would be fun to describe the new item. Okay, I will! Carrier Fluff is from carrier bats and it is super soft, thick, and comfy! It gives the mini fighter bats a comfy place to relax since they sleep in the fur whenever they’re not fighting. Yay, lore flavor text! I think that’s even better than just listing a bunch of random items! Oh, and you know what would be even better than the old system of giving you dinner and stuff for each battle? If every battle unlocks new ingredients to cook with at home! And you can cook special meals before battles that give bonus buffs and stuff to all the units! Okay, I’ll tell Mama to do the hard work of adding it all later while I come up with a new ingredient. Um… for this battle, you’ve unlocked the Noodle ingredient! Now you can make dishes with noodles! And the noodles can transform into whatever type of noodle they need to be for the dish.

Exploration Report

Area: Haunted Graveyard

Status: Complete

Report: Delphi and Clawdia were a pretty fun combo to watch. Delphi’s super joyful and energetic personality was paired up with Clawdia’s tsundereness, and Clawdia had no idea how to react to Delphi pampering her the whole time. Delphi wanted to hold hands, she checked on Clawdia every single time she tripped even a little bit to make sure that she was okay, and just thought that Clawdia was playing whenever she bit her, so Delphi bit her back to play! But umm… Delphi bit Clawdia’s neck when that happened, and… umm… I had to pause playback of the event at that point since Clawdia made a noise that I probably shouldn’t have heard, and they looked like they were really getting excited about playing. So… that’s all!

Reward: Enhancement Crystal, Bone Guitar

Okay! That’s for the battle before the last one—the one that happened near the end of the last volume.

I really wanted to see Delphi and Clawdia playing. But also, “Bone Guitar?”

Yeah! It’s a guitar, but… made out of bones!

“Lavi would probably like that. Also, did you just invent a brand-new cooking system for us on the spot?”

Yep!

“You’ve got your mother’s creativity.”

Ehehe. You like it?

“I do. Good work.”

Thanks, Papa!

Okay, now for the latest battle!

Congratulations! You cleared the stage!

Spooky Forest 2-3: Revenge of MR BONES!

Completion: ★★

Rewards: All the same stuff from before (again), but now with Flaming Scrap Metal and Ace Wings! Flaming Scrap Metal is eternally burning metal that comes from a flaming ghost rider’s car! Nobody knows how it’s permanently on fire, but it is! Maybe you could make like a cool flaming sword or something with it! And Ace Wings come from ace bats! Remember that no animals were harmed in the making of these rewards. Also, they probably taste super good when fried. Oh, and they’re super aerodynamic. Moving on! You didn’t get the boss item since you didn’t 3-star the fight, but you’ve still unlocked a new ingredient! This one will be… cotton candy! Since it's like an amusement park here! You can now add cotton candy of any flavor to your dishes!

Exploration Report

Area: Haunted Graveyard

Status: Complete

Report: It was me and Catrir this time! Catrir did most of the work which made me feel kind of bad, but I had a lot of fun riding on his shoulder the entire time! I wish Papa’s shoulder was big enough that I can sit on just a single one for a ride. Oh, and whenever Catrir got hurt fighting the different enemies we came across, all I did was scratch behind his ears and pet his head and then that healed him and buffed him up to make him fight even harder than before! Oh, and I discovered that he really loves romcom movies. We should build a theater and play some romcoms for him!

Reward: Bat Perch Furniture Recipe

And all caught up!

“Good job. And… now I feel insecure about my shoulders,” I said.

Luca returned to her human form and said, “Don’t worry, Papa. Your shoulders are still my favorite shoulders even if I can’t sit on them like a parrot!”

“Couldn’t you just shrink yourself so that you’re small enough to fit?”

“Oh. Yeah. I could. Catch me, Papa!”

I had a feeling of what to expect after she suddenly told me to catch her, and that feeling turned out to be correct as she instantly shrunk herself down to the size of a parrot. Thankfully, I was able to reach out and grab her before she could fall.

“Okay, Papa! Bring me to your shoulder!” the miniature Luca sitting in my hands said.

Her being so small somehow made her even cuter. So, I brought her up to my shoulder where she then proceeded to climb out from my hands, onto my shoulder, and then sat down right atop it.

“Parrot Luca Mode complete!” Luca cheered while kicking her legs back and forth.

“If you’re a parrot now, does that mean you have to repeat everything I say?” I asked.

“If you’re a parrot now, does that mean you have to repeat everything I say?” Luca replied.

“My name is Drake and I have the best daughter in the whole world.”

“My name is Drake and I have the best daughter in the whole world.”

“My name is Luca and I have the best Papa in the whole world.”

“My name is Luca and I have the best Papa in the whole world.”

“Poop.”

“Poop.”

“Apple pie.”

“Apple pie.”

“Gardening is the best hobby in the entire universe.”

“Gardening is the best hobby in the entire universe.”

“Lorem ipsum. This is a completely random sentence with no greater meaning to it. Apple strawberry horse dog cow moo monkey money freedom house apartment jolly penguin video ferret sloth cute adorable amazing my name is Luca and I promise to eat the spiciest food in the entire universe so that my Papa can enjoy my suffering because children being in pain over relatively innocent and harmless things is hilarious funny laugh smile bird shark cat zoo butterfly.”

“Lorem ipsum. This is a completely random sentence with no greater meaning to it. Apple strawberry horse dog cow moo monkey money freedom house apartment jolly penguin video ferret sloth cute adorable amazing my name is Luca and I promise to eat the spiciest food in the entire universe so that my Papa can enjoy my suffering because children being in pain over relatively innocent and harmless things is hilarious funny laugh smile bird shar—oh. Oh no. P-Papa… you… you wouldn’t… right? That—that was… just a joke to get me, right? I—I’m not good with spicy food…”

“Hi, Not Good With Spicy Food, I’m Papa.”

“Oh no.”

“Oh yes.”