A few days later...

As a smiling Frances stepped out of the duelling circle, Ayax watched from the sidelines as Martina and Elizabeth almost tackled her down.

“You won! I knew you’d win!” Elizabeth cheered, swinging Frances up.

“Put me down!” But Frances was laughing madly, and as soon as she was down, she raced over to where Ayax stood.

Ayax wasn’t entirely sure what to do when confronted with an onrushing human girl that was her cousin but to wince and brace herself.

Except Frances stopped so quickly, her boots dug divots in the grassy dirt. Still smiling, she extended her hand, and Ayax shook it awkwardly. Still, the troll felt the knots in her stomach unwind. Knots that she didn’t realize had formed.

“Knew you could do it,” said Ayax.

“Thanks! The hard part is next, though,” Frances admitted. “Come on, let’s find out who we are up against!”

As the teens reached the stands to join the adults, the brackets were projected into the air for all the stadium to see. There were still a lot of people today as the preliminaries had been paused by the incident. So, a dull roar of gasps and mutters echoed through the stadium.

Martin frowned. “Looks like your first opponent is… Davout Antoine. He’s a half-centaur half-orc mage. I think I remember him being particularly good at um, the same style of magic Ayax uses.”

“Augmenting his martial skills,” said Ayax absent-mindedly as she searched for her name. As she found it and her next opponent, she felt her mind go numb.

Frances, looking up, also stiffened and she grimaced.

Because Robert Windstorm’s name glowed, as the mage Ayax would be fighting next. In just three days.

As they rode the carriage home, Ayax didn’t say anything more than she needed to.

That is, she deliberately avoided saying anything about the tournament or even talk to Frances and her friends. She only responded with a nod, or shake of her head, even when Elizabeth asked her about how she was feeling.

Ayax knew she was being a bit mean, but she didn’t want to talk about it. What was to talk about anyway? She just had to beat Robert. And she was going to beat the troll.

Only when Edana asked if she was up for practice did Ayax say, “Yes.”

When they got back to the Windwhistler compound, however, Edana announced that she would be fighting Ayax, with Eleanor instructing and Frances spectating.

“Ayax, before we tell you all that we’ve found on Robert Windstorm, I need you to understand that Robert will be trying to get you angry.”

Ayax grimaced. “I won’t let my anger control me.”

“That’s good, but he’ll likely try to provoke you at inopportune times. Thankfully, there are two methods we can use to help you focus. The first would be to address why you feel so angry at him, but I don’t think that’s something we can do right at this moment. The second however, would be to try to train you to shut him out.”

Ayax wondered if that meant Edana was going to start throwing insults at her to try to deaden her against those words. However, Eleanor now stepped forward with a box the size of a matchbox.

Eleanor smirked. “Itching powder. We put some down your shirt and on your ears, and you’ll have to fight. You’ll need to shut it out.”

Ayax sighed, “Alright. What do you have on Robert?”

It turned out that Eleanor and Edana had a lot on Robert. Well, Eleanor, that is. She knew Robert’s hobbies, like his love of astronomy. She also had detailed notes on his style of fighting.

In a sense, if Frances was a powerful mid-long ranged fighter and if Ayax was a close-mid ranged fighter, Robert had spells for all ranges. He was a very quick caster with Words of Power, and he used hand-drawn and prepared cards to supplement his arsenal. A bit of a jack of all trades, he had a wide arsenal, but no spells that he specialized in.

Ayax’s strategy was thus to focus on closing the distance and weathering Robert’s barrage of spells, and insults. She had to wear him down and outlast him.

This was why Edana and Eleanor had decided to train her this way. It was to hone her focus and endurance.

However, the itching powder that they got was horrendous. It was like a burning itch that seemed to keep spreading over her skin. It was so bad that Ayax had to scratch at her ears mid-duel.

Every time, she took several hard hits from Edana’s spells.

“Ayax, focus,” called out Edana.

Ayax shook, her teeth grinding together and she rushed at Edana, swiping at the older woman with her staff.

I am stillness. I am a rock—Oh Galena this is a nightmare! I need to—

Thunk. Her reward for her lapse of concentration was Edana’s staff Poker thumping her on the side, knocking her down. The wind knocked out of her, Ayax grunted as she struggled to her feet.

“You’re doing quite well honestly,” Edana said, smiling. It only served to bring a grimace to Ayax’s features. “I think it’s time for us to stop, though.”

Ayax shook her head and scratched at her ears. “I can go on.”

Edana shook her head. “It’s getting late, and you need to shower and eat.”

“I’m not hungry. I want to go on.” Ayax pushed herself to her feet. She didn’t want to stop, not now. Not when she couldn’t control her emotions and focus.

Edana didn’t react, but Eleanor strode forward. “Young lady, calm down. You will treat your instructor with respect—”

“I am calm!” Ayax hissed. She shook her head, trying to shut out the damn itch that ran up her back and over her ears. Her sweat had spread the powder, and the sensation crawled over her shoulders. She was tired, hurt, but she’d be damned if she let this little thing stop her.

Eleanor scowled and opened her mouth, but Edana gently raised a hand. “Mom, let me handle this.” She turned to Ayax, looked her in the eye and said, “We’re done for today.” And with that, Edana walked away. Eleanor blinked before a smile seemed to creep over her features and she followed her daughter.

Ayax stared at the backs of both women. She spluttered, trying to figure out what to say, but there was nothing she could say.

She was alone, and still itchy thanks to that stupid powder!

I am a rock. I am a rock.

“Ayax?”

Ayax opened her eyes and muttered, “Hello,” as Frances walked into the practice area.

Frances smiled, “Hey. Why don’t we get cleaned up and go for dinner?”

“Frances, can we have just a few more practice duels first?” Ayax asked.

Her cousin hesitated and it was then that she noticed that Frances was flush with sweat and exertion. “Um, maybe not right now, Ayax. I’m feeling quite hungry and tired.”

“I thought we were family,” Ayax hissed.

Frances flinched and stepped back, eyes wide, arms holding herself. “Ayax?”

“I thought you wanted to help me? Was I wrong?” Ayax demanded. Why was Frances being so difficult suddenly? She was usually so overly helpful. She roped her into this whole Winter Tournament business after all. This whole thing was because she wanted to help.

“But… I…you…”

Ayax scowled at her cousin. “What? So you lied?

Frances shook her head. “I didn’t! I want to help you. Ayax, please, just… let’s just go for dinner.”

“I need to beat Robert, Frances, and to do that I need to practice. Not eat more!” Ayax reached to grab Frances’s hand, but she stepped away again.

Frances took a deep breath and wiped her eyes. “Ayax, why do you need to practice right now?”

Ayax threw up her hands. “So I can learn how to focus and beat that bastard?”

“But why right now?” Frances asked.

Ayax blinked. Why right now? She wanted to. No, she had to do so to get ready. But… Why did she have to practice right now? Her shoulders sagged as exhaustion seemed to seep back into her bones.

“I’m not good enough right now, Frances. I can’t focus well enough to defeat Robert, especially if he starts insulting my parents.”

Her cousin nodded slowly. “You have time, though.”

Ayax clenched her fists and swallowed. “But what if tomorrow is done and I still haven’t done it? Every minute I spend training could count! Everything else can wait, as long as I can get myself under control I won’t fail.”

There was no immediate reply from her cousin. Frances only stood quietly, brow furrowed, arms still crossed.

“Ayax… I hear you. However, I think that even if you learn to control yourself, there’s no guarantee that you’ll win.”

Ayax opened her mouth to retort but found her tongue numbed, unable to form a coherent sound. She shook her head, trying to ignore the numbing truth of those words. Except, she knew her cousin was right.

Her arms dropped by her side, and her staff rested lightly in her fingers. Her head bowed, Ayax found herself looking away. She didn’t know exactly why but she felt that she was doing something—had done something wrong.

“Ayax?”

“Let’s get ready for dinner.” Ayax sighed. “Sorry. I’m not… I’m…” She scratched at her still itchy ears trying to figure out what she was feeling, what she wanted to feel, and what she should feel. All she could sense was this hollow ache. She’d felt scooped out and emptied, left with nothing but an old wound.

Frances sighed. “You weren’t being very nice, but I forgive you.” She slowly extended a hand and Ayax took it, letting herself be guided to the bathroom.

Ayax was still feeling worried, but the shower and the dinner did seem to clear her head. She felt well enough to sit down and draw.

Although she didn’t enjoy designing the fancy outfits her adoptive father Don made, Ayax did like designing clothing. At the library table, she used a ruler to make a line for the robe she saw in her mind. It would be something functional, but elegant. Something someone could fight in.

There was a rap of knuckles against the wood that scattered the vision she saw in her head and she turned to see Elizabeth standing by a shelf.

“Hey, Ayax. What are you drawing?”

Said troll swallowed and felt a sudden urge to hide her paper. “Um, just a robe. I like thinking about outfits.”

“Oh wow, that’s really cool. Can I look?” Elizabeth asked.

Ayax swallowed, “Yeah, but maybe later. I’m not quite done.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” Elizabeth’s smile faded slightly. “I was actually wondering if you know what’s bothering Frances tonight.”

“Bothering?” Ayax frowned at first, but now that she thought about it, Frances had been quiet at dinner. She was always quiet, but usually, she’d be attentively listening to the conversation and responding. Today she’d eaten rather quickly.

“Yeah. She left right after dinner and said she needed some time alone,” Elizabeth explained.

Ayax nodded as she considered what might have made her cousin retreat.

Her mind seized upon the conclusion quite suddenly, making her bolt out of her chair. Brushing past Elizabeth, Ayax tore down the hallway.

“Wait, what’s wrong? Is Frances in danger?” Elizabeth asked, suddenly drawing beside her, somehow matching her speed. Ayax yelped in surprise, and almost tripped over her feet. The Otherworlder quickly grabbed her and managed to steady her.

“I think it’s my fault. I… I said some very mean things to her.” Ayax’s tail stiffened as Elizabeth’s eyes narrowed. “I didn’t mean it! I swear. She said she forgave me for it!”

The Otherworlder girl’s eyebrows flattened and she nodded. “I believe you. But let’s talk to her first.”

The pair were soon by Frances’s door and frantically knocking on it.

“Frances? It’s Ayax, I…I said some things to you earlier that I didn’t apologize enough for. Can we talk?” she asked.

The door swung open and Ayax felt her stomach drop as she saw green, not brown eyes. They belonged to a much taller human woman than she expected.

“Ah, Ayax. I’ll let Frances know,” said Edana in a cool voice.

Ayax swallowed as Frances stepped behind her mother, arms crossed.

“What’s this about, Ayax?” she asked.

The troll swallowed. “It’s about what I said. About you supposed to help me because you were family, and that you weren’t. I was wrong, and I just wanted to say I’m sorry that I said that because… I know I hurt you.”

A small, tired smile crept into Frances’s expression. “Thanks. Just… please don’t do that again.” She took a deep breath. “I don’t want to see you right now, though. I want to talk to mom a bit longer.”

Ayax had been hit and hurt before, but this… her eyes welled up and she nodded. “I understand. Thank you.”

Turning, she walked away, trying to blink back the tears already coursing down her cheeks. Shame, bitter and sour-tasting, stung her to run into her room and shut the door.

Only then did she finally let the stoic mask she’d held onto fall completely. Stumbling to her bed, Ayax sank into the mattress and buried her face in her pillow, trying to stifle the sobs that nonetheless wracked her body.

You idiot. You useless failure. You already failed your parents. You even have more people and a new family that loves you and all you do is hurt and fail them—

A knock on her door. That… that was odd. Ayax uncurled herself and wiped her eyes. “Who is it?”

She muttered a curse to herself. She’d sounded whiny, and yet, the voice that came from the other side was kind and filled with worry.

“Ayax, it’s Alexander.”

“And Don. Do you need anything, Ayax?”

“I’m here too!” said Benjamin.

Ayax blinked and walked toward the door. She clasped the handle but didn’t turn it. She just held onto the cool brass.

“I… I don’t know,” she croaked.

“Then take the time you need. Elizabeth just said you might need company,” said Don.

Ayax couldn’t suppress the sob that welled up in her throat. She’d hurt Elizabeth’s best friend and the girl still had fetched her adoptive parents?

She turned the handle and let her family in. She daren’t tell them what she felt, what she thought, but as Don, Alexander and Benjamin’s arms wrapped around her, she let her tears flow.

And to her relief, they just held her.