Five minutes later, my mind sufficiently wrapped in the cuteness of kittens, I start pestering Jessie about our destination. “So...will there be vampires?”

“Maybe. They won't be flashing their fangs, so you won't recognize them.” Jessie sighs. “Just treat everyone like you would a normal person. It's a mall. There are no special social niceties, just common sense, and politeness.”

It doesn't take us long to get to the mall. The parking lot is packed. Everyone is Christmas shopping it seems. Black Friday has turned into a Black Weekend. We find a spot and start walking towards the mall. I begin to wonder where we are going as we pass entrances to the concourse twice, but Jessie stops and pulls open a door that wasn't there a moment before. I feel an immense amount of mental pressure as we shuffle inside. I'm sure this would be awful without my immunity to mental effects. We get Mom and Dad inside and the pressure cuts off.

Right off the bat a pixie, or fairy, or some kind of small winged humanoid flies right up to us. “Oh, you poor darlings. The first time is always rough. We'll get you a pass so you don't have to go through that again.” She has a very high pitched voice and seems to be softly glowing. I want to poke her and see if she sheds fairy dust, but that would be rude. Really that would be rude. I better keep telling myself that because the temptation is killing me.

The pixie slash fairy leads my parents to a kiosk just inside the door with a number of key chains, charm bracelets, and necklaces. “One free each for unpowereds.” She somehow knows I have powers, even through Jessie's illusion. I've got to find a way to suppress that. It could be important one day.

Mom immediately takes a charm bracelet, and dad finds the least interesting thing on the kiosk, a blank plastic card that will fit in his wallet. After confirming that yes, those will both act as keys for the mall, we sadly say goodbye to the pixie without poking her. I'm sad at least. I think my parents have a bit of a headache. Jessie is unfazed.

This hallway only leads to stairs heading down. The stairs themselves are three times as long as I'm used to, so it's a bit of a coordination challenge making a step down, two forward, and another down. We go down quite a ways, and suddenly, there are doors all along the walls. Something is wrong with the stores behind those doors. I feel myself start to get a little dizzy, then consider the dizziness, and flatly rule it as impossible, as that would be a mental effect. The dizziness goes away.

We stop at the first door, a tea shop, so everyone can take a short break before we head deeper into the mall. Jessie leads the way. Oh my god. It's bigger On The INSIDE! The tea shop must be the size of a Best Buy. There are rows and rows of tea, tea equipment, and a small corner dedicated to coffee. I walk around a bit just pretending to be The Doctor. I don't want to stop but my parents are giving me The Look. I holster my imaginary sonic screwdriver and take a seat with them. I wonder if they have British tea?

* * *

After everyone has recovered from arriving in the most awesome mall in the world, we set out to see more sights. I take a peek in a few stores as we pass by, and they are all, indeed, bigger on the inside. Just doors and doors, with no space in-between. The doors are universally tall and wide, but nothing near as wide as the stores inside. Some shops dispense with names above the door, and just put symbols in their place. I don't recognize any of the symbols. I would expect at least a blacksmith or something with a classic symbol...like a barber shop, but there are no anvils or barber's pole. Most shops aren't immediately identifiable just by looking through the door, turning the non-english stores into exclusive clubs. If you don't know what the symbol means, you don't belong there. I want to be nosy, but Jessie heads me off at the pass, and we keep moving.

Aside from the pixie at the entrance, there have been relatively few non-humans around. Even the server at the tea shop was human...I think. I have seen a few strangely colored eyes, but those could just be contacts. There were a few pointed ears, but I knew plastic surgery could do that. Hair color was all over the place with blues, greens, and one scary guy who's hair seemed to suck in all nearby light. I did see a couple people in mall security outfits heading that way after we had walked further on, so maybe he was doing something he wasn't supposed to.

On the right there was suddenly a Sleepy's Mattress store. Oh, right. There were brand name stores down here too. They had the same bigger-on-the-inside thing going on as everyone else did. This store was even bigger than the tea store and had wall to wall mattresses. Every size from pixie to giant. I was seriously impressed. If a person had a body, and enjoyed mattresses, it would be near impossible for them to not find what they wanted here. They weren't all standard white with white stitching either. I saw some fluffy looking clouds against one wall, each a different size and thickness. Some appeared to be leather instead of fabric. At least one was made of wood, I presume, because it was a coffin. Very elegant. I didn't have any more time to gawk because 'Hello My Name is Mark' came to collect his commission.

“Hi folks, I'm Mark. Are you interested in anything in particular today?” asked Mark.

Dad, the negotiator, steps up to the plate. “We're outfitting a new apartment. Can you show us the doubles?”

Oh no. My hot new pad is not being sullied by a double. “He meant king. We're looking for king sized mattresses today.” Annndddd everyone is looking at me again. “What? These are clearly high-quality mattresses, I'm just thinking of the future. You want grandbabies don't you?” This must look a little strange to Mark as the illusion makes us all appear to be the same age.

“Are they going to be sleeping on the king sized mattress?” Please Mom, we can't fight in front of Mark.

“He is right about one thing. Any mattress bought here is guaranteed for life. They are of the highest quality.” Everyone says that Mark. Get off the hype train. Mom and Dad look at Jessie. Please Jessie, pull through for me. She nods. Yes!

“Alright then, the king sized,” says Dad.

I suddenly remembered I don't need to sleep anymore. Well this was awkward. Oh right, just because my mind doesn't need sleep doesn't mean my body doesn't. I'm not really pushing for king sized for sleep anyway.

We head for a specific section of the store where there are at least 35 beds all looking the same. I take the first opportunity to hop onto one of the mattresses. Nice and firm. Maybe too firm. The next is like sitting on a cloud. It feels good but I'm worried I'd be swallowed up by the thing and never get any rest. Considering where we were, it wasn't an entirely implausible scenario. Dad and Mark were chatting about the various pros and cons of the different mattresses. Trial and error clearly isn't working so I decide to at least hear the professional out.

“All of these have the lifetime warranty None will deform, or need to be flipped. You'll find the the first half marked with blue tags, moving from soft to hard as you head towards the back of the store. The green tagged mattresses are specialty items, each being very different. Some varieties include water mattresses, grass mattresses, and seasonal.

I touch the 'grass' mattress and to my surprise, it feels like I'm pressing down on grass. I lay down and it's like laying on the most perfect lawn in summer. I get up. It has the same white fabric and white stitching as all the mattresses here. I poke it. Still grass. Mark says, “Many of our clients prefer the discretion these types of mattresses provide.”

“As neat as that is, I don't think I would enjoy sleeping on grass every night,” I say.

“If you are interested in something special, we do have a sale on the perfect mattress.” The perfect mattress? How can we not leave the store with that?

“If you could point it out?” Dad grinds out. He knows what's happening.

The perfect mattress happens to be one of the special green tags. This time, we are all curious. I lay across the top and Mom and Dad sit on it. Jessie stands behind Mark not appearing interested in the mattress at all. “It's very nice,” I say.

“Good firmness/softness,” Mom and Dad speak over each other.

Mark smiles. “One of its many features is perfect firmness for each person at all times. Strained back? It will firm up for you. Need some luxury? It will soften as much as you truly want it to. Moreover, as you sleep, it has a small, perfect, massage function assuring you will wake up at your desired time relaxed and stress-free. Really though, everything is in the manual. If something could be considered perfect in a mattress, this mattress has it.”

Mom and Dad look at each other. I don't think I'll be the only one leaving with a mattress today. Dad seems to come to his senses and asks, “How much?”

“For the perfect mattress? A reasonable ten thousand dollars.” Dad's poker face is amazing. I could get a good car for that much. I'm a little worried about losing my newest most favorite mattress, but I'm too comfortable to care right now. Dad denigrates the store, the mattress, and Matt's parentage. Matt is practically evangelical about the mattress, the mattress, and the mattress. Haggling continues for 15 minutes at which point they are both sweating and the price is down to five thousand. They must have a ridiculous markup. Still, I don't think I'm going home with Floofy the Mattress. Yes, I named it. I know, you aren't supposed to name them until you have all the paperwork, but I couldn't help it.

At this point, a mostly forgotten Jessie steps forward past the two men and sits on the mattress. “We'll take two.”

Mark's smile goes up past 100 watts and says, “Wonderful, that'll only be ten...”

Jessie stands up holding a white slip of paper. She says, “I already have one, and I still have the coupon from when I got mine.”

Mark's smile vanishes. I don't know what's on that coupon but Mark does. He starts to backtrack, “Ah, about the reduced quote...”

Jessie adopts a menacing aura, steps very close to Mark, and says, “And we'll be using my LucidTech discount.”

Marks eyes nearly bug out. I think he's having a mini-stroke. He should really be laying down on this mattress. There is no more talk of prices, only a sad, defeated man walking to his death...I mean desk, where Dad writes out the check and we step into the warehouse in the back. I pop two brand new perfect mattresses into my inventory space, and we leave Mark to his heavy drinking.

* * *

We have a celebratory ice cream in the food court, and start to wander a bit. We find a Bed, Bath, and Beyond across from a Home Depot. The men head into the hardware store, and the women go shopping for the little things like sheets and toilet covers that an apartment needs to work. The overhead lighting in the apartment is already fantastic, so we pick out a floor lamp to sit next to a reading chair, and move onto paint.

Paint is weird. If regular Home Depot has a million colors, this must have three times that many. There are colors here not meant for the human eye. Infrareds that will actually heat the room slightly, ultraviolets that will reveal all kinds of embarrassing things. Then there are the colors that should not exist. One is actually labeled Octarine, and by the sample, it is indeed a greenish-yellow purple color.

In the middle of the paint area, there is a viewing room. I wander in because there are buttons, and if they go to the trouble of putting buttons there, it would be rude not to push them. The buttons are arrayed next to a variety of paints and wallpapers. I press one and nearly freak out when the vines start growing. Ok, they aren't actually growing, but it looks like they are. Not as scary as I thought. I start pushing buttons and see the most random selection of scenes. It feels like the room is teleporting around the globe, with animated scenes from deserts, forests, islands, plains, and more.

I push the button at the top and the room just turns gray. I wait, expecting something to pretend to jump out and eat me. After a moment, the panel next to the button lights up with a message. “Light Pollution, close door.”

I call out to Dad to let him know I'll be right back, and close the door. It must be well insulated, because no light seeps through the cracks. Then the panel and buttons begin to fade. I'm in a perfectly dark room. Then there is a soft glow everywhere. I look up and there are stars. It's like a picture from space. I can see the milky way. The north star barely stands out in this magnificent light show. This is so much better than the glowing stickers in my bedroom.

The paint is expensive. Dad isn't going for it. I think even with all the discounts they clubbed poor Mark with, the mattresses cost more than he would have liked. I do still have that money, and I decide this is a worthy cause. Enough paint to cover my bedroom ceiling and a coat of Notice Me Not sealer comes to $700. I pay in cash for the paint stuff and Dad pays for the rest.

We meet up with the girls as they are checking out, and everything goes into the inventory except a couple bags they insist aren't for me. We have all had enough of the mall, but there are more essentials for apartment life. It turns into speed shopping and we get out in under two hours with basic furniture, kitchen supplies, food, and enough emergency supplies to comfortably survive a short apocalypse.

* * *

After we leave the mall, we drag ourselves to my new apartment, pick up the keys at the gate, and stagger inside. I pull out the living room furniture and they settle in while I drop various things in the proper rooms without really doing a proper job unpacking. I finish in the kitchen and decide to be lazy and have dinner both unpack and cook itself. I just stand there turning the burner on and off. I start to feel a little foolish until some pans unpack themselves and a fish flies out of the fridge. Good enough. I take four dishes out to the living room, I don't think anyone has the energy to move to the dining room, and hand them around with forks.

Surprising no one, the food flies out to the dishes, and after a little manual adjusting of portions, we all have some kind of Japanese seafood salad. Itadakimasu. One day left until it's back to school and off to work.

Jack Ambrose Webb's Statistics

Strength

33

Wisdom

22

Dexterity

41

Charisma

27

Agility

38

Luck

3

Vitality

32

Transcend

2

Intelligence

50