Chapter 240

Gluttons For Suffering

Cain grumbled as he sat up, pain echoing throughout every inch of his body. A gentle pair of hands suddenly held him up and helped him lean against a wall of the small cave he’d fashioned quickly, reopening his wounds in the process. Sighing, his breathing quickened as Sera helped him with a bottle of water, retreating to the fire afterward and continuing to tend to the stew she was making.

“Ugh, what a brilliant plan it was,” Sera rolled her eyes at him. “Wait an hour to remotely recover and then worsen your state by a hundred times. You are an idiot.”

“Well, I certainly didn’t get to be this way by being clever,” Cain chuckled.

“I thought you were, when we first met,” Sera said. “Mysterious, smart, strong. The way you stood up and taunted my brother, I thought you had some deep, devious plan for it all. You didn’t, did you?” she quizzed.

“... one unfortunate thing about me,” Cain said. “Is that most of my plans are conjured up in moment and executed immediately after.”

“Ugh...”

“But freeing you is paying off,” he added. “Who’d be taking care of me now, otherwise?”

“Ah, I’m sure you would have found some other young, doll-eyed girl,” Sera chuckled back. “This... I guess even the strongest can be weak. It’s a good lesson.”

“... I didn’t want Senna to see me like that,” Cain sighed. “She’s gonna become even worse now.”

“Being worried for you is just so terrible, huh?”

“She’s a kid,” Cain said. “She shouldn’t be worried for an old relic like me.”

“... for a self-proclaimed ‘world’s greatest dad’, you sure know little about kids,” Sera said.

“Na, I know plenty about kids,” Cain said. “The problem is that you kids think you know way more than you do.”

“Oh? Well would you look at that,” Sera said.

“Ha ha ha, don’t be a grump,” he laughed lightly. “You’re not supposed to. Any fifteen-sixteen year old kid aware of just how shitty the world shouldn’t be a norm or something we ought to encourage. When I was fifteen, I knew jack shit. And it’s not like I had the peachiest of childhoods either, but... I dunno. I never bothered myself with anything outside a couple of friends I had and Emma.”

“...”

“Nowadays, though, fewer and fewer kids have that luxury,” Cain sighed. “And especially in this fucked up place. Senna had already seen so much shit... that I feel like a failure from the onset. Ah well. She’s strong enough, I keep praying.”

“... what’s your world like?” Sera asked. “Is it like ours?”

“Eh, on the surface it’s not, at least,” Cain said. “But... everything else seems to be pretty universal. Few rich pricks dictating everything, while the masses keep dying in the name of one empty cause after another. It’s actually kinda depressing how similar it all is.”

“Do you think Senna thinks less of you because she saw you like this?” Sera asked suddenly, prompting Cain to look at her strangely.

“... nah, there are far worse things she can use to think less of me,” he said. “For some reason, she’s extremely unrelenting when it comes to me.”

“Aren’t you the same?”

“...”

“You say that your world is exactly like mine,” Sera said. “But in my world... someone strong like you wouldn’t be looking after a bunch of weak kids. They’d be ruling over everything and everyone. They wouldn’t be chatting with a non-Awoken brat like me and actually taking me seriously. I can kind of get it. You make even me feel like a big deal, and I’m supposedly a freakin’ Princess.”

“Ah, you’re sweet. Really.”

“Yes, yes, the only reason anyone would ever tell you anything nice is because they’re being sweet.”

“No, I’m not that emotionally-crippled, unfortunately,” Cain chuckled bitterly, glancing at the dancing fires, losing himself in the memories for a moment. “It’s a constant battle.”

“Hm?”

“Between people in my life who shower me in love,” he said. “And the damned devils inside of me who keep sayin’ I don’t deserve it.”

“...”

“That’s why I said kids think they know just a bit too much,” he glanced at her, smiling. “They don’t need to know. And any parent worth a shit won’t burden their kids with their nonsense. Look at Senna-- she’s one of the most talented people I’ve ever seen in my life, even more talented than me. She’s extremely smart, she’s adorable, and one day... one day she’ll be the light others look toward when lost. But right now, she’s just a sixteen year old girl who’s living off on highs she gets from fighting battles and burying every negative emotion so deep I have to claw for months to get her to open up so that, one day in the distant future, it doesn’t catch up to her.”

“...”

“Same as you,” he added, causing Sera to shudder as she looked up, meeting his strangely-shining, blue eyes.

“Same as me?”

“Hm,” he nodded. “You shouldn’t be here with me, locked inside a shitty cave with zero air ventilation, listening to some old man spew horseshit you can’t really understand because... well, you aren’t supposed to.”

“I can understand it!” she protested.

“You’re supposed to be chattering with girls your age, telling them which boy or a girl you think are cute, sharing your hobbies, discovering yourself and what you want to do for the rest of your life. You aren’t supposed to be carrying the guilt of your family that, quite literally, has nothing to do with you.”

“How do you know?” she scoffed. “Maybe I’m just as bad as my brother.”

“... then why am I still alive and here?”

“Huh?”

“You could have easily killed me and used me to ascend,” he said.

“Oh. You know that. You know way too much.” Sera looked away, seemingly red-cheeked, though the thick, dancing shadows hid her features.

“Sorry kiddo,” Cain said. “We fucked up the world for you. It’s always the kids that suffer their parents’ mistakes.”

“From where I’m standing, you’re suffering plenty.” Sera said, looking at his numerous wounds strangely.

“This? Eh, this is nothin’,” he chuckled. “One time, I had half my heart literally ripped out of my chest. Flesh wounds... they’re annoying, but they pass. Look me in the eyes,” he said, his words like a command she couldn’t defy, her eyes immediately drifting sideways and meeting his. They were smiling, she noted, yet also hurt. “You’re not worthless, Sera.”

“...” she shook, though stood silent.

“Awakened or not... isn’t it all just a big joke?”

“Easy for you to say,” Sere scoffed. “Mr. I-just-snuffed-out-a-twice-Awakened-jackass.”

“If you want to Awaken, I’ll Awaken you,” he said. “Shit, if that really was the issue, it wouldn’t even be an issue.”

“... you... you really know too much about how this world works,” Sera looked at him suspiciously.

“I can’t give you confidence,” he said. “All this old fart can say is that... nobody can judge your worth beside yourself. And if you let them... well, then, you’d already lost the battle. Don’t waste your life trying to learn that lesson yourself; take my words with faith that I know what I’m talking about.”

“And if you don’t?” she quizzed.

“I really wish I didn’t,” he smiled bitterly.

“... it’s not f-fair,” Sera mumbled, her voice cracking gently as she curled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. “Why him and not me?”

“...”

“So... so... so many awful people,” she added, tears dispensing from her eyes gently. “Given power to do whatever they wanted. Why?”

“...”

“Why is it like that? Why?”

“...”

“I heard so, so, so many stories,” she spoke through tears. “Of young boys and girls being treated... treated...” she couldn’t say it, moving past it. “Of people who were given strength to protect us from the Conquerors... doing... doing things... such awful things. Why?” she looked at him, her glistening eyes consumed in sorrow and anger and anguish.

“Because gods are blind cunts,” Cain said, smiling gently. “And they shape the worlds for their personal enjoyment and not for anything good. Come ‘ere.”

“...” Sera shuffled after a moment’s pause and tossed her self into his arms; he held back a grunt of pain as she wept openly on his chest, her body shaking and quivering like a branch in the speedy wind. His heart bled for her, and it bled for the world at large... but he culled it. He knew... he couldn’t change it. And his heart was not nearly large enough to carry that burden. Even listening to the cries of just one, young girl had already opened up a gash. What, then, if he accepted the choir of countless children weeping that he had been ignoring all this while? He would break, far more than just physically.