Chapter 37: Just a Reflex

It had been hours. The nutty barghest hadn’t moved, and was still spewing ridiculousness about dreams. Shannon had only half been paying attention, mostly listening to be sure that he wasn’t sneaking off to do something nasty, like find the hand-grinder down on the floor of her living-room.

She stretched out and got comfortable. “How old are you, Nökkvi?” she asked, during a lull in the craziness.

“Nökkvi is my soul name. I am Björn today.”

“Oh,” Shannon chuckled. “Right okay. My apologies. Today you’re called Björn.” Add Multiple Personality Disorder to megalomania and delusions of grandeur. “So, what, like yesterday you were Nökkvi and on Sunday you were Napoleon?”

He was silent for some time. “I think it’s because you’re afraid of me.”

Shannon laughed. “Oh really? What gave you that idea?!”

“Your first mate was like you. You would twine souls together to create magic, every life. You were great sorcerers, in whatever field you chose. He was a great musician, the lifetime the rogue devourer ate him. It was attracted by his music. There is magic in music.”

Something about what he was saying left Shannon suddenly surging with deep and inexplicable sorrow. Stunned at the reaction, she wiped away tears and glared down through the crack and the starry speckles beneath. The con-artist was good. “Just shut up, okay? I don’t care.”

“Your soul makes great sorcerers,” Björn said. “Sages, scholars. Yet you’re always sheltered, always in your towers, always tucked away from the violence of the world. You are gentle at the core. Peaceful.”

“I said shut up,” Shannon gritted.

“So when Odin saw you falter, saw your soul start to wither and die from the loneliness and despair, he gave you to me. Bound your soul to mine, gave you that connection you had lost with your twin. A greater power than yourself—of which there are few—awarding you like a prize to something younger, something a thousand times more violent, something that could destroy you, and telling you to serve it. It must be terrifying you.”

Shannon snorted and wiped more tears off her face. “Can it, okay?” The hours had really started to take their toll on her, and the pressure in her chest was making it hard to concentrate.

“You’re afraid,” the barghest growled, “Because Odin chained a scholar to a beast, and no matter how you tried, you couldn’t break it. You, great sorceress that you are, couldn’t break it. Odin wouldn’t let you. So you chose to forget who you are to avoid facing that connection. You ran. To the daylands.” He said the word like a curse. “You’re sticking your damn fingers in your ears and screaming lalalalalala at the top of your lungs, hoping I’ll go away.”

Shannon picked up the phone and dialed again. It switched to voicemail and the low battery indicator started flashing. “Damn!” she snapped, dropping it back to the floor.

“So,” the barghest growled. “Now that I’ve made it clear you aren’t going to escape me, come down here and release me so I can wake you up. I’m thinking pain should it. Bloody you up and piss you off enough and I stir the sorceress buried beneath. That’s how we do it in the Third Realm.”

Shannon narrowed her eyes. “What, just come down there and let you chew on me a bit? That what you’re saying?”

“You want to continue sleeping, you fool? Just let the sorceress dream?”

“I’m not a sorceress,” Shannon growled.

The barghest growled. “Tell me this, Mardöll. Why, of all the excess of souls in the First Realm, were you born a vampire queen?”

“Shut up,” Shannon snapped. “Seriously. Just shut up, or I’m calling the cops.”

“Yes, do that,” he growled. “I’m hungry, you stubborn imp.”

She opened her mouth to tell him he was bluffing. Then she realized he really wasn’t bluffing. He would eat cops. Especially if they were standard-sized, hundred-pound meat morsels, Captain. She swallowed and slumped down upon the floor, her nose touching the wood inches from the crack around the exit.

“How long do you plan to be up there before you face me?” Björn demanded. “It’s been hours.”

“As long as it freakin’ takes to get Masaaki to come back and rescue me,” Shannon retorted.

“Believe me,” the barghest growled, “Masaaki won’t be able to help you. He would stab me once and I would rip him in half and feed on his remains.”

Shannon felt another tremor of fear, because she instinctively knew it was true. “Please don’t say that.”

Björn was silent for several moments before he said, “If you don’t come down here, the next time I see the bird again, I will make his death as terrifying as possible before I eat what is left.”

And he meant it, too. “Masaaki is peaceful,” she blurted. “He’s all about Zen and eating vegetables. He’s been watching my butt since I stumbled on him a couple months ago. And he’s my friend. Please don’t hurt him.”

“I kill whoever Odin sends me to kill,” Björn said. “Whoever it is this life, I haven’t met him yet. Though, considering the way I feel when I turn certain directions in the First Realm, I’m pretty sure he’s here somewhere.”

“So it isn’t Masaaki?” Shannon whispered. She felt some of the tension leave her.

“No.”

Very carefully, she pushed down the staircase so she could look at the barghest lying on the floor directly beneath her, his body positioned perfectly in alignment with hers. He can see me through the floor, she thought, unnerved. “Is it Theo?” she asked softly, only part of her face poking through the hole she’d made.

Björn watched her alertly from the floor, his bleached-blue eyes locking with hers. He scanned her face a moment, then offered, “Theo is the vampire lord who was with you last time?”

She bit her lip and nodded.

“Not him, no.”

Shannon hesitated, leaving just a crack open between them. “I don’t believe a word you said, you know,” she muttered into the wood, still showing him nothing below her nose.

Björn gave her a long look. “Yes you do. Odin bound you to me, Shannon.”

“Riiiiight,” Shannon laughed, rolling her eyes. “So just come down there and let you chew on me and take my virginity, right? That’s not so bad. Kind of like one of those hands-on masseuses who, oh, by the way, can do a past life regression by peeing into your ear. Only twenty bucks!”

“Odin gave you to me.” Like of course he was going to chew on her and take her virginity. Duh!

“Oh, fucking stuff it, already,” Shannon snapped. “I’ll just stay up here until you starve to death.” She yanked the hatch shut.

Below her, the barghest let out another scream of rage, his calm apparently shattered. “Get,” Bjorn screamed, slamming into something else, “down—” he hit another wall, “—here!”

Shannon yawned. “You kinda strike me as early teens,” she said, picking at a paint-chip on the fold-up stairs. “You still got the tantrum thing going on, are totally wacked out on hormones, you got some really in-depth fantasies of women you’ve never met, you like to break shit, you’re a crotch-sniffing nympho…” she paused as he shattered something else that sounded important, thinking, “…you talk about blood and gore and juices—all speckled with brief moments of sanity where you spout some really creepy love-poems. And if it weren’t really obvious you’re male, I’d say you were totally PMSing.”

He screamed and slammed into something else, making the house shudder again.

Shannon chuckled. “Look, dude, break all the sheetrock you want. I’m not coming dow—”

The barghest howled again, more wood splintered, and suddenly the floor underneath her was giving way, opening up like a fissure into the center of the earth, dumping her like a fish off a cutting board, straight into the barghest’s waiting arms.

Shannon shrieked as Björn fell upon her, pressing her into the floor with his chest, seven hundred pounds of barghest driving all the air from her lungs. Instantly, Shannon froze, terror raking deep talons through her soul as she looked up into his face and saw the blackness buried beneath the pale tattoos.

“The thing you forget,” Björn growled, his hot breath upon her cheek, those long ivory fangs only inches above her face, “is that you are bound to me. Forever. The gods gave you to me. If you don’t face it this life, you will have to face it the next.” He hesitated, sniffing at her throat. “Oh gods you smell so good…” He sank his teeth into her neck, where it met the shoulder, sending shockwaves of pain down along her spine.

Shannon screamed and slammed her palms into him on sheer, utter terror. She felt her fangs lunge out, felt something squeeze out of pure instinct.

Above her, the barghest yanked his head up, his bloody face showing surprise. His bleached blue eyes locked on her in startlement. “Oh fuuu—” Then his wide eyes rolled into the back of his head and he slumped over her, utterly limp…

…and cracking ribs.

“Off…” Shannon gagged, shoving with all her might. She pushed his much-too-heavy body a few inches to the left, sliding partially out from under him. “Can’t…breathe…” She shoved again, and gained another inch. “Help.” Her ribs were in agony, snapping under his weight. “Please…” She was passing out, her world going black.

The barghest rolled off of her, staring at the ceiling, a huge, stupid grin on his face.

Shannon continued to lie on her back, moaning as she felt her ribs pop and knit back together. “Owwww,” she whimpered, once her heart had stopped hammering from the pressure of her ribcage squishing it. She glanced over at the barghest, who was still grinning at the ceiling, making no attempt to grab her again. “Truce?”

Björn remained unresponsive.

It was then that Shannon saw the shimmering silver liquid dribbling down her wrists, spattering the floor into steaming little ice-crystals, like freakin’ liquid nitrogen. Seeing it, her spine went cold. “Oh crap.”

She got up quickly and backed away from the barghest, who remained on his back, grinning stupidly at the ceiling. Immediately, Shannon wondered if she’d somehow fried something. She’d given him both wrists… Judging by how empty they felt, she was pretty sure she’d given him everything she had.

“Uh, dude?” She poked him daintily with a foot.

Very slowly, his head lolled to the side and he grinned up at her. “Heehhhhhhhheeehhhhh,” he giggled, like he was stoned out of his mind and drunk.

Yep. That was it. She was dead. Death by Masaaki. Totally the tantō. Katana would be too clean a cut. Needed something to saw that head off.

“You bit me,” Shannon blurted, putting her hand to her neck. The blood was still there and her T-shirt had been ripped to hell, but the wound had healed. “I was defending myself.”

He nodded happily.

“Oh fuck me.”

Björn’s face brightened and he immediately started to get off the floor.

“No!” Shannon cried, holding out a hand to stop him. “Stay right the hell there!” She started dancing backwards over the smashed and splintered hardwood floor, towards the stairs.

The barghest froze, half-seated, watching her with that stupid grin. She was soooo dead. Maybe Masaaki wouldn’t notice. She could lock the dude in a closet or something and feed him fifty pounds of steak twice a day. She could say the house fell apart while he was gone. Those damned old houses. So unstable. Never know when they’re gonna just implode.

Shannon reached the stairs and the barghest still hadn’t moved. She was about to bolt down toward the landing, then hesitated. He hadn’t moved. Turning back with a frown, she watched him for a moment. He watched her back, still stuck in that uncomfortable-looking half-seated position. Warily, Shannon said, “Get up.”

Immediately, the barghest got to his feet, all six-feet-eight and proudly-swinging cod.

Shannon raised an eyebrow. “Dance?”

He immediately started to jiggle, making the already-abused house shudder.

“Stop!” Shannon cried.

He stopped, and the floor groaned underneath him.

“Wow,” Shannon said. “This could be fun.”

The barghest nodded gleefully, still looking totally stoned.

“How long does a dose last?” Shannon asked.

“Oohhhh,” he said dreamily, “forever.”

Whoops.

“Ummm.” Shannon swallowed, hard. “Okay, so I’m totally going to be executed for this as soon as Masaaki gets back—”

Instantly, the dreaminess went away, replaced with utter, vein-popping fury. “Where is Masaaki?! I will kill him!”

“No you won’t,” Shannon blurted.

He immediately went placid again.

Shannon peered at him suspiciously. “Are you faking it?”

He shook his head, and his whole body swung back and forth in happy drunken glee.

Against her better judgment, Shannon took a step towards him. The barghest grinned down at her, watching her approach. She stopped a good four feet out of reach and eyed him warily. “So, uh, do you have to, like, do what I say now or something?”

He nodded, again with his whole body.

“For how long?” she insisted again.

“Alllllllll the time,” he giggled. He started to lean forward, puckering his lips in an obvious attempt to kiss her.

“Back off,” Shannon growled.

He immediately backed off and started swinging back and forth happily, slapping his penis against his legs, making it impossible for her to ignore his nakedness.

“Stop that.”

He stopped.

Wow. This was like way too good to be true. Shannon peered up at him. “You’re serious? Forever?”

He broke out in another big, stupid grin. “Forrrevveerrrr.” And giggled. Like a girl.

“You know,” Shannon said, raising an eyebrow at him, “After the juices thing, I’d have to say this is an improvement.”

He nodded with his whole body again.

“Soooo,” Shannon said, “If I take those padlocks off your arms, you’d go and, say, put some clothes on, share one of those hotdogs, and watch Chuck Norris movies with me until my friends got back and you’ll tell them it was all your fault because you attacked me?”

He grinned.

“Yes or no?”

“No?” His grin faded and he blinked. Frowning, he offered, “Yes?”

“Was it your fault you’re drugged out of your mind right now?”

“Ooooh yesssss.” He said it with an unmistakably—and ear-reddening—carnal moan. “Oh yesss, yesss, yesss.”

“Yeah, okay, we’ll need to work on your delivery,” Shannon said. “Masaaki’s kind of a hardass. I need him to like you, not want to stick a sword in you.”

“Can we have sex?” the barghest asked, biting his lip like a nervous teenager.

Shannon’s eyebrows hit her hairline. “Uh. No.”

“Oh.” He lowered his head in total dejection. And started to cry.

“Not now, I mean,” Shannon blurted, immediately feeling bad. Masaaki and Theo’s little tirades about enthralling people was beginning to make sense.

The barghest started bawling, his big shoulders quaking as he hunched in on himself.

Yeah, she really needed to fix this. Now, Captain. “Not now…because I’m, uh, on my period.”

The barghest’s head came up and he sniffed—sniffed—the air. A tiny, confused frown caught on his face. “No you’re not.” Like he felt betrayed.

“In my head,” Shannon countered quickly. “See, I’ve got a mental cycle, kind of like my menstrual cycle. Now’s a really bad time, okay?”

The barghest’s eyes narrowed and he suddenly snapped, “Do you think I’m stupid?”

Shannon’s mouth fell open, all the tingles of alarm slamming through her body like needles through her veins. She stumbled several steps backwards in her shock. “Uh…well, the way you were acting…?”

His face smoothed and he went back to grinning like a fool. “How about now?”

It took Shannon a moment to realize he was talking about sex again. “No, not now.”

“Now?”

“How about you ask me again in an hour.”

“Okay. I’m going to kill you for this.”

Shannon froze and saw the brief flash of sharp lucidity in the barghest’s eyes before it melted away again. She cocked her head at the barghest, who stood there swinging his penis back and forth, grinning at her. Taking a step forward, she gingerly reached up and tapped a finger against his skull, peering up at him. “You’re still in there, aren’t you?”

He nodded happily, moving his whole chest with the motion.

Oooohhhh shit. Not good. Not good at all.

“And you don’t want to do what I tell you, do you?”

The barghest, grinning like a fool, shook his head back and forth.

That’s it. She was screwed. “Oookay,” Shannon said, “Uh. Would you take it as a peace offering if I release your arms?”

Björn hesitated, and she saw the alertness come back for a brief moment. He nodded slowly, then once again seemed to dissolve into rocking, sighing bliss.

“You promise not to wring my neck or something?”

“I could never hurt you,” he gasped. Then, more darkly, “Now.”

The lucidity, it seemed, didn’t last for more than a brief second or three at a time, then it seemed to be washed away again with that happy, blissful grin. Shannon cocked her head up at Björn. “All that talk about biting me and taking my body. Why didn’t you think I was going to stab you?”

“Forgot you were a fucking queen,” Björn growled. “I got…distracted.”

“You mean you were having a temper tantrum.”

He giggled, sounding utterly wasted.

“You already seem to be coming off it,” Shannon said, remembering how fast he’d worked through the drug the slavers had given him. “You’re sure it’s forever?”

Björn’s eyes narrowed and he said nothing.

“Answer me.” Then, as an afterthought, she added, “Truthfully. And as clear-headedly as you can. Are you going to break free?”

“I’m the Dröttning Banamaðr.” He grinned at her pleasantly. “I’m made to kill queens and things like you.”

Shannon took another step back. “What does that mean, exactly?”

“It means I’m fighting a little mental war with your magic, one I’m gonna win, and when I do, you’re going to regret stabbing me.” He said it all with a shit-eating grin on his face. “How about now?”

“Has it been an hour yet?” Shannon demanded, thoroughly unnerved.

“Nope.” He giggled and started swinging back and forth again.

“Don’t ask me again for an hour. How long is it going to take for you to break free?”

“Nooooooooo idea,” he giggled. “Can I at least lie down beside you? Snuggle?”

Shannon lifted a brow. “You like Chuck Norris?”

Grinning happily, he swung his head back and forth.

“Too bad. I do. I’m thinking a Chuck Norris marathon. I totally need something to distract me, ‘cause you are looking really damn tasty right now. I’ll go get the hotdogs and popcorn.”

As she turned, Björn’s face fell. “Drink of me!” His voice was pleading as he rushed up, chest thrust out. “Oh please. Please drink of me.” He rubbed his nipple right up into her cheek, and she felt the cool shadow of his blood pulsing beneath the skin.

Shannon put her hand against his chest—and the barghest shuddered and his head lolled back, eyes rolled into his head—and she pushed his man-titty off of her.

“I do that,” Shannon muttered, “and Masaaki really would kill me. No way, Jose. I think, ‘Acquiring barghest’ and ‘wrecking house’ and ‘enthralling a dude’ are bad enough. He’s probably gonna have me running laps for the next century as it is.” She took a deep, shaking breath, because most of her wanted nothing more than ram her fangs into his chest and drink until he lost consciousness.

The image of her losing control, grinding her hips against the barghest’s naked leg, however, made her all-too-acutely aware that she needed to keep that from happening. Ever.

“How about now?” the barghest asked, dropping his head back to smile down at her.

“Has it been an hour yet!” Shannon shouted back.

Immediately, he flinched, hunkered in on himself, and began to cry again. “Sorry,” he whimpered. “Sorry. I’ll do better next time.”

Even though he was a dick, even though he had bitten her and pinned her to the floor and talked about taking her virginity, Shannon felt like a heel. “Don’t cry,” she muttered. “I’m not mad.”

He let out a huge sigh of relief and crumped to the floor in front of her, sobbing his happiness into her hiking boots. “Thank you,” he babbled, leaving tear-marks on the dirty leather. “Thank you, thank you…”

This, Shannon thought, watching the awkward display at her feet, has got to stop. Seeing the blubbering nitwit at her feet, she almost preferred the man-eating beast.

“Okay, lover-boy,” she muttered, grabbing him by a shoulder to heave him off her boots. “How about some Chuck Norris?” Then, when her hand came back feeling as if she’d touched a roast turkey, she grimaced and wiped her hand on her leg. “Or maybe you’d like a shower, first.”

For once, the acuteness came back to his eyes and he nodded in agreement.