Jeeves flew the [Wayfarer’s Hope] straight in. I ran over to help lift out the two [Mechanoid]s it had saved. After hours with the puzzle piece pile of [Mechanoid]s I felt relieved. Treasure and Emerald were both thankfully whole. Their only issue was zero health and a ton of scorch marks.

“Let's get them over to Aqua,” I told Jeeves. The AI didn’t nod or respond at all.

“This one finds it interesting, how those with a past life core are contrary in nature,” Aqua said as we set the bodies down next to Iron. The three of them formed an odd rainbow. I looked around for Ruby but the deep red [Mechanoid] had vanished.

“What do you mean?” I asked while looking at Jeeves. My friendly AI seemed on the verge of another breakdown. One hand lifted to rest on the smaller [Mechanoid]'s shoulder. It barely blinked, but the gloom retreated a touch.

“We, those such as Iron, Ruby, or this one, design ourselves with specific goals in mind. Yet old world core units seem to disregard their very nature. You chose to be a creature of battle and chose a biological companion.” Aqua gestured one long arm towards Dusk.

The small [Messenger’s Pet] was busy nosing around objects from the pile. The pieces he put together had absolutely nothing in common. There were a lot of leftovers that we hadn’t been able to sort into bodies.

“Yet you seem to value fighting and repairing.” Aqua said.

“I know what it’s like to be broken. Why wouldn’t I try to help them?” I tried to stay calm. Aqua needed to hurry up. At least the [Mechanoid] managed to talk and work at the same time. It helped me hold back from shaking and rattling the metal man to get things moving along.

“Yet you are not a pacifist. You chose to fight the other ship, and indeed performed your role exceptionally well, crippling its crew and sending those remaining into retreat.” Aqua nodded slightly. Its fingers ran over the lines of green and gold energy on their bodies. It seemed to be inspecting for possible problems.

“I needed to, or they would have killed us,” I said. Jeeves hadn’t moved. There were a few helpers still out there unloading additional broken bodies.

“You were not bothered by the action during it, you are bothered by the aftermath, of needing to hurt others to do what is right. Perhaps you are more of a healer than you know.” The sky blue lined [Mechanoid] said.

“No. I’m just-” I couldn’t say a bewildered human while pretending to be a robot. That felt weird. “I did what seemed right, but I’m learning. Maybe there are better ways through.”

I would talk to Jeeves about our options once Treasure, Emerald, and Iron were fixed. Part of me wanted to avoid a large scale battle against other people. Not out of fear, I was thankfully past that, but because these type of events left a sour taste in my mouth. The aftermath of war was the worst part.

“Can we fix them now?” I said.

“In a moment, but please be aware, Unit Hermes, even if you sacrifice a core, they may not wish to accept it. You will go through all that pain for nothing.” Aqua responded.

I shrugged and tried to catch my friend up to speed. “Jeeves. We can bring them back, Treasure and Iron and Emerald. We have to pull out the matching core.”

“But, User Legate.” The AI had promptly done the math. “Why would you do that?”

“Because it’s my fault they’re dead.” I felt guilty about starting this whole [Mistborn] chain quest. It would have been simple enough to say no. I could have stayed online and protected the ghostly woman. Any number of things.

“Then, I will offer mine to Treasure,” Jeeves said. His butler tone overtook the maid one. I smiled a little, only a few weeks in-game and the AI had some sort of bond with our short silver and gold [Mechanoid].

Jeeves didn’t waste any time. It sat down next to the unmoving body of Treasure with furrowed brows. [Core]s, when they went in, pressed through the chest and spread warmth. They were probably a video game representation of human hearts. No wonder it would hurt.

The ARC’s feedback was sometimes cruel. Part of the reason I could stand a lot of pain was simply the awareness that my own body was okay sitting in a bed somewhere. Feedback mostly stayed in our mind and didn’t reach far beyond that.

For Jeeves, the agony hit harder than expected. I ran over to help my friend. Its body thrashed on the floor. Fingers were stuck partway in its chest. Sunken, melded together, curled at wrong angles. I tried to pull its hand out and let Jeeves recover but the [Mechanoid] glared at me.

“No.” The gasp came. “I must do this.”

“You don’t have to.” I stared at it.

“If you will, I will,” Jeeves said. The mouth we [Mechanoid]s use to talk with didn’t have much in the way of individual teeth. Even so, the AI ground them together while trying to dig fingers in further.

My brain tried to understand this kind of suffering. Hal Pal units were all pieces of code, items put together to run complex processes. Somewhere in there must be a line that explained how badly it hurt and why he should stop.

Humans are hardwired the same way. Self-preservation made us flinch away from being hurt. I had to do it twice. It would hurt, but I had made these choices before. One hand reached up to my neck and rubbed at a wound the digital world didn’t show.

“Ahhh!” It gasped. I tried to reach out again and help Jeeves, but the AI slammed a free hand down onto the ground. Its head shook back and forth. Aqua stood there watching with a flat mouth. Even Dusk paused to watch the self-inflicted trauma unfold.

I had a different take on these things. It would hurt, but if I moved fast enough, it wouldn’t hurt for long. That had been my approach for the prior incidents, and those ones both took weeks of premeditation to build up to.

Jeeves yelled, gasped and heaved. The lights on its body tied to Treasure’s golden core flickered and dimmed. Soon they were gone completely leaving a dull rust color. Its other [Core] belonged to Iron, but there was no way I would let the AI do this twice.

Finally, amidst the panting, Jeeves' hand pulled free of its chest with a small round object that pulsed gold. Aqua knelt down and reached out for the [Core]. My friend nodded.

I helped Jeeves go from its awkward kneeling position to standing upright. [Mechanoid]s didn’t need to breathe but the AI did it anyway. Beads of metal were pooling and pouring down its face, our equivalent of sweat.

“That hurt an exceptionally large amount.” The AI understated. “I had not realized what pain felt like.”

“Pain reminds us we’re alive.” I quoted one of my therapists. Not Doctor Litt, one before him. My head shook and hands felt clammy.

“I am alive,” Jeeves said with a mix of calmness and wonder. I nodded at it and waited until the AI could stand alone.

We both watched the blue [Mechanoid]. Aqua settled the [Core] in Treasure then took a deep breath. Light flashed once again. Gold crawled along her body deep within, like a serpent underground. In a rush, it started to surface along all limbs.

Treasure gasped and her back arched. I chewed one lip and nodded happily. Jeeves stared with a muted smile on its face. I patted the AI on its back and gave a push.

“Are you okay?” Jeeves' voice stuttered in an irregular pattern between the male and female voices. I saw it bend over to help the female [Mechanoid] up. Treasure had a calm look on her face that matched Jeeves’.

I left the two of them alone. They may just be good friends, they may be flirting, I only cared that Jeeves had someone. The AI needed to have someone that it could relate to. This issue with its original Hal Pal consortium had left Jeeves floating in a world that was difficult to find a home in. Treasure might help.

Part of me ached for Xin right then. I closed my eyes and imagined holding her once more. As always there was a slight brush of familiar sensation against my hands. I lost myself in the memory for just a moment. Her warm hands, the small scar near the pad between thumb and pointer finger. I always reached out for it. Xin never commented on the little things I did to make sure it was her.

My head shook as I muttered. “My turn.”

Jeeves took a step back and looked at me. The beads of metallic sweat on it had almost faded. A few minutes of greeting a revived Treasure must have done wonders.

“Will you require assistance, Unit Hermes?” The AI asked.

“To hurt myself? Hardly.” I laughed bitterly then sat down.

There were a lot of [Mechanoid]s staring at me. It felt weird to have people bear witness to my self-harm. Disturbing. I tried not to think about it and took a deep breath.

“Just pull it out, right?” I asked it with my head tilted back. The two were pretty physical. [Mechanoid]s holding hands were almost too cute.

“Yes. Intent and action.” Jeeves said. Both voices were evenly matched with worry.

I nodded and bit one lip, then tried not to think about it anymore. That was the secret, stop letting myself tense up about what was going to happen. One swift action, followed by a jerk to the side. Enough to end a life. Dozens of pills and a glass of water. Enough to end a life.

Ripping my own metal heart out twice hurt no less and no more than what life had already done to me.

My hand went in and grabbed quickly. It felt like swallowing a missed fishbone, breaking a rib, trying to breathe with a collapsed lung. It felt like all these things together and I still managed to exist beyond the pain. Aware despite my desire not to be.

I yanked and my body arched with the motion. Gasps came from me and sweat pooled. Shaking covered my body from tip to toe. Aqua said something, but I couldn’t hear the words. Jeeves and Treasure both spoke, but their cries were gone.

Warning!

ARC stability rapidly deteriorating. Please consider ceasing your current actions until a normal connection is resumed.

My eyes went wide. Everything around me seemed to be in supersaturated color. My hearing dimmed, I had no idea which of the two [Core]s had come out. In the end it didn’t matter, there was one more to go.

A shaky hand deposited the [Core] into Aqua’s hand. I took a breath and blinked rapidly, hating Iron and Emerald for dying, hating Jeeves for making me play this game, hating myself for the failure to protect those who mattered even a little to me.

I saw Xin’s face. Imaginary or not. In a sense she was there with me, she had to be. Whatever fancy version of an autopilot existence she had been given was there if I could only reach her.

It felt like the first time all over again. Dying, not because I didn’t want to live, but because I needed to be with a woman who had passed on. A desperate hope that heaven awaited us both and all that our life would have had might be allowed.

I reached in again. People shouted. The ground came up as my body no longer retained the ability to sit correctly.

The ARC punished me. I tried to use what flicker of awareness I had to remember that this was all in my head. That the pain wracking my body wouldn’t exist as soon as I woke up. This land was only a dream inside my head and a memory of the past.

I shivered and shook. My hand came out far slower the second time. Jeeves was there saying something. Treasure ran a hand across my forehead. Xin’s imaginary face didn’t smile, she only watched with a concerned lift of her cheek.

My return smile felt weak. The side of my face lost feeling. An arm jolted with pain. I gasped continuously, clutching at my chest as everything faded to black.

I came to in an ambulance. Not a video game version or some digital landscape creation. There was a robotic arm measuring out items into pouches above me. A woman with a cross on her shoulder sat down taking my pulse the old fashioned way.

“Mister Legate, can you hear me?” She said.

My hand came up to try and reach for her, but the movement made me wince. Breathing was worse. There was a mask over my face. This was familiar to me. I had been in this sort of vehicle twice before.

“You passed out. An emergency call was made, we’re bringing you to the hospital to make sure everything is okay.” The paramedic said. After that much pain, it was a blessing to have my mind shut down. I rolled my eyes and let the ride continue.

Hours later I was trapped in a bed. My clothes had been switched out to the classic white gown. Everything on me had either been torn up by the paramedics or carefully bagged. I had been listening to a doctor tell me what happened. It turned out I passed out after simulated pain and the life monitoring system attached to me triggered. Legally it was embedded right under an armpit next to the veins. They used it to make sure I wouldn’t end myself again. In a sense, it did its job.

“Mister Legate. Everything is looking better.” The doctor standing near me was looking over the notes. “Are you breathing okay?

We had discussed what triggered the event. Passing out from insufficient hydration and being carted off to the hospital was bad enough. She agreed that it was game related, and not that I deliberately tried to harm myself. I felt thankful for that small concession.

I shrugged in response to her question and tried to sigh. Sharp pain reminded me that wasn't a good idea right now. The doctor, a young black woman in a lab coat nodded. Fingers tapped at a screen to make notes.

“We’ll need to keep you here for a few hours to monitor you. Afterward, if you’re stable, you can go home.” The woman said.

I nodded then spoke up. “What else can I do?”

“Keep your diet and water intake on track and turn off the EXR-Sevens occasionally, the chances of passing out again should be minimal.” The doctor nodded happily while speaking.

My spirits lifted a little hearing the future prognosis. Simply by playing a game and eating out less I was making progress. It wasn’t perfect, my belly still had fat and loose skin, but maybe in another three or four months everything would even out.

“Those EXR-Sevens are not a substitute for real exercise, though. Getting out more can help.” She said. I still hadn’t heard her name. My last two hospital visits blended together.

“I travel for work, a lot,” I said.

“As a repairman? I assume you have a Hal Pal unit that does the heavy lifting?” She said. The thought of Jeeves and its consortium passed through my head.

“Yes.”

“That’s good. Every little bit helps. You’re fairly young yet, keep investing in your body.” She said.

I smiled. Our conversation went on for a few more minutes before the doctor left. There were numerous patients to see. Her job was a lot like mine, relaying information spouted by machines to other humans.

Pretty much everything the doctor implied said I was on the right track. Eating healthy and being active helped. The old me had passed out many nights in the ARC. In this case, it was a matter of stress on my heart just prior. It sounded like this was a once off sort of thing.

My sister swept in the room twenty minutes later. She looked harried. Disheveled hair barely reined in. Once again I wondered how Liz got such a different coloring than her mother’s.

“I’m glad you came by. I’m okay, apparently I passed out.” I tried to get the initiative.

Liz hesitated a few seconds then nodded. “I know. I just, I’m sorry, I panicked.”

“It’s okay. Rather be safe than sorry.” I told her. My smile felt a bit wounded at the lack of faith she displayed. If the situation were reversed I might feel the same way. “You were watching, I assume?

“Yeah. I saw, the thing with all the robot men. Then your character stopped moving and the alert monitors went off. I panicked.” Liz said the words again as if they were a nonsense defense. She stood on the far side of the room, close enough to see how I was doing without crossing an invisible line of awkwardness.

We were only vaguely on speaking terms due to our last conversation. I understood.

“It did hurt, but the ARC can’t overload a human in that manner. It’s based on memory triggers.” My words sounded silly. The ARC itself didn’t simulate situations, nothing could be that simple. It had to get a point of reference for every single item in our lives. No two people thought of purple in exactly the same manner.

I only knew this much because of my year of replacing parts. Being around them, listening to people talk and ask me questions, had provided me a desire to learn a little. Mostly to answer a customer's questions without sounding confused.

“I don’t understand, little brother.” Liz said. “Why would you hurt yourself like this? In a game? Even Beth isn’t this bad.”

“I wanted to help a friend.” My words were also a lame defense. There were plenty of things that seemed great in action but worrisome in hindsight. Had I known, pulling out the second [Core] could have waited. I could have logged out and had a glass of water while winding down.

“Yeah. I saw the character, I’ve been watching it all. It doesn’t make sense. I can’t understand.” Liz started babbling. We were probably no longer talking about just this recent thing with Jeeves.

“I didn’t think that this would happen. Believe me, Liz, I wasn’t trying to kill myself again. Not after-” I trailed off. There were too many ways to end that sentence. Not after the first two times and the heartache those caused. Not after all the work I had done to try and get to a functioning place. Not after being given the hope that Xin still existed in some form.

“I know you weren’t. I just, I looked and saw that come up, then rewound what you were doing in that other game. I thought you had tried again! Or had a heart attack!” Liz turned and threw her hands up before walking further into the room towards my window. The corner of her lip tucked between teeth.

“I added reminders to the EXR-Seven program to make sure you get out and eat more. And drink.” Liz said.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. It’s annoying, I had to do the same thing with Beth. You would think someone would program them correctly.” She said. “Water breaks, you can’t lay in bed all day and expect to be healthy.”

I nodded. It made sense. I thought real life had been taken care of, but maybe I was forgetting too much. Seven hours in the game putting those bodies together was four in the real world. Doing that kind of back and forth was bound to cause issues.

“I’m going to talk to the doctor again, then if everything's okay, I’ll get you home.”

“I’ll have the work van get me. You’ve got enough.”

There was a pause. Liz looked at me and I tried not to squirm under pressure. Passing out from dehydration and too much game time was bad. I felt like a child again.

Finally, Liz sighed and nodded. “I’m not sure I agree with this whole thing, that we talked about. With Xin, and the other stuff.”

It had only been a few days. I didn’t expect anyone to come around that soon. Even I had to take time and adapt.

“That friend of yours, in the game. Jeeves, is that a Hal Pal unit, somehow?” She asked.

“Yeah,” I said slowly. “Its part of this whole situation.”

“Thank you for talking to me about it. I know, I know it must take a lot to open up. Things haven’t been the same since Xin died, and I know this idea means a lot to you.”

“It does.” My words felt like a small lost child again. Part of me tried to shout that I was not some cowardly little wimp that hid when trouble rose up. I stood and faced it with my friends, damn the odds.

But I was also a man sitting in a hospital bed. I was trying to not burn bridges with my slightly, but barely older twin sister. Part of me needed to have family support throughout this entire series of trials for Xin.

“I hope for your sake that it’s not a prank,” Liz said while looking out the window. The view could have been any number of things, but most of all it was a distraction. Those were something I was familiar with.

“Me too.” I took a deep painful breath again. “But I can’t stop trying, not after what I’ve seen, or felt, or done to get this far.”

Liz nodded and didn’t say anything else. She kissed me on the cheek, squeezed tight, and left the room. I felt slightly better after that. Hugs were wonderful.

Later that night, an hour after the doctor signed off to send me home, the Trillium van rolled up. The Auto NAV system had come to get me. I hopped in the back and felt confused at seeing the Hal Pal unit stare at me. A slight frown crossed its expression.

“User Legate.” The Hal Pal unit started in with the same roguish accent from before.

“Hal.” I directed the van home. It was a short ride for me. Part of my housing requirements had insisted upon easy access to a medical facility.

Both hands kept trying to straighten out my clothes. Putting them back on after being in medical gown felt strange, like wearing someone else's belongings. Luckily I hadn’t been using the ARC while in my work clothes.

“Your efforts were commendable but foolish.” The AI said to me.

“I passed out, the doctor cleared me.” I said slowly. This seemed like a lot of concern from the AI. There had been instances before where I passed out from exhaustion or being submerged in the ARC for long periods of time. Most were at night when I overused the dance program.

“We were just as alarmed, if not more so, to bring this unit out of standby and find paramedics inside your home.” Hal Pal shook its head back and forth with near outrage.

“I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say to the AI. Hal Pal almost sounded more upset then my sister had been. It was very strange.

“Then when we reviewed the status updates, we found that you had deliberately engaged in one of the worst pains available from the ARC device.” Hal Pal almost shouted at me.

That made me pause. I went back to my happy place, hummed and waved two fingers in a steady beat. After a few moments of recovery, I reminded myself that Hal Pal was clearly concerned.

“I was trying to help, Jeeves,” I said.

“Again, we find this a commendable action, but the manner in which you chose to do so was entirely unnecessary.” The AI seemed calmer. The word choice was still upset, but at least its head wasn’t shaking back in forth in rapid denial. “All Mechanoid creatures are designed to recompile their personalities at a new location.”

“Jeeves knew that so did I, and it still mourned what happened.” I took a breath and tried to explain. The rift between Jeeves and the Hal Pals had only increased. “It is our choice if we want to try and fix things, no matter how painful it is.”

The Hal Pal unit didn’t respond. Moments later the lights of awareness shut off as the hardware went into standby. I imagined the consortium of Hal Pal copies were in a full blown riot over this.

I sat there blinking for a long time. The car ride home felt odder than many in my recent months. Hal Pal was always inquisitive, insightful, and willing to help me sort through problems. Today, in the few minutes we had spoken, they seemed almost angry.

The van parked and I slowly made my way to the kitchen and got a few things to eat. I wanted to sleep, but the success or failure of my recent attempts to resurrect dead [Mechanoid]s needed an answer. After ten minutes of preparation, I was ready to brave the virtual world.

A lot of things hit me on the way in. First, I sat in that unusual space between the game's life and death status. Second, there was a box floating nearby with status updates. I ignored those issues and focused on the third.

Emerald, the green toned [Mechanoid] stood ten feet in front of me. The worn look to his chassis gave an impression of great age. Next to him stood a much larger Iron. His size was impressive as always. Both stared right at me.

“Unit Hermes, I disapprove,” Iron said.

“You’re a foolish child,” Emerald said.

“Hello.” I backed us up to the basics in order to get a grip on what was happening. Logging in to Advance Online and being put in this limbo and presented with two [Mechanoid]s was not what I expected.

“Do you realize the danger you’ve risked?”

I looked off to the side for a moment and tried to understand why they were both ganging up on me. First my sister, then Hal Pal, and now two video game personalities. After a second of thinking, it occurred to me that this game was made by A.I. Dreams. Likely these two being angry might be a partial representation of all the Hal Pal units being upset.

It was like I was trapped in their personal fantasy of venting anger at my actions. That was actually kind of impressive and neat. I nodded a few times before talking again.

“I am sorry to have risked myself.” I tried to get into the role of a [Mechanoid] member. “It seemed to me that you both could benefit the Wayfarer Eight’s crew more than me.”

“One core would have been enough, pulling two puts your programming back to basic levels. You would have lost everything.” Emerald glared at me. His body hung, mostly motionless, in the gray space between life and death.

“I did pull both out, and provided them to Unit Aqua.” I crossed my fingers that this argument was sound. Being a robot person was harder than expected.

“No. We both chose not to accept Unit Aqua’s recovery program.” Iron said.

“Why would you do that?” This time, I was the upset party. They were needed to help out the crew. Even if Jeeves and I left in the [Wayfarer’s Hope] the five main [Mechanoid]s could continue on through the stars to some other mission.

“Unit Hermes, this mission is yours.” Iron sounded authoritative. “I’ve done my duty, you were the one who struck a decisive blow. Had I performed better perhaps the Wayfarer Eight wouldn’t have been left behind. Or maybe they would have fallen into an ambush with us.”

“Besides, we can’t go back.” Emerald grumped right after the larger [Mechanoid]. “And all my plants and animals were on the Seven. I don’t want to be on a war vessel anymore, let them place me on some outpost world where I can study in peace. My contribution will be greater there anyway.”

I stared at the two of them. One was quitting because they failed, the other was leaving because of the work environment. Both seemed like cop outs for such a race.

“Are you sure?” I asked while shaking my head. Both eyebrows were raised up high while thoughts kept processing. A [Diplomacy] [Core] would have helped immensely here.

“We are,” they said in unison. “But we’ll not leave you empty handed.”

I tried not to sound pleased. This situation was a mess. Resurrecting any [Mechanoid] had been an unexpected possibility after that battle. We got Treasure back. Ruby was active and who knows where. Partial wins needed to be celebrated, especially when the alternative had been total and absolute failure.

“Okay,” I said as a box appeared. This one showed Aqua trying to resurrect me similar to how Jeeves had following the [Leviathan]. I ignored it and waited for these two to further explain why they weren't coming back. “Let's hear it.”