“Let the trial begin,” the king announced. With his voice still echoing, everyone’s eyes fell on me.

“…What happens now?” Yaika asked. How the hell was I supposed to know? How did a trial even start?

Oh, right. I was the ‘trial expert’. In other words, I was the one in charge of this shit show. I guess it would start anyway I said it did.

“Well first of all, Violetta shouldn’t be in that guillotine.” I looked over at Violetta. Despite her dopey smile, I doubted she liked the position she was in. Not to mention seeing her like that only reminded me that I could end up like her at any moment.

“Release her?” Lyili laughed. “And let her escape?”

“She won’t run away,” I said. “Where I come from, we have a saying. Everyone is innocent until proven guilty. You can strap her back in if you can prove she’s the murderer.”

“Innocent until proven guilty?” the king asked. “I’m afraid… I don’t see the logic in that.”

“Nor do I, your majesty,” Lyili said.

I realized it sounded like optimistic bullshit, but the alternative wouldn’t exactly work in my favor. In fact, it would put me at a huge disadvantage. This was a point I couldn’t drop.

“The burden of proof is on the prosecution,” I said. “It’s up to them to prove that Violetta did it. Until then, she hasn’t really done anything.”

“Hmm…” The king looked like he had an upset stomach or something. “I’m afraid… I cannot agree with your proposal.”

“What?” Why the fuck not?

Before I could say anything else, Violetta spoke up. “It’s okay, Mr. Ryley.” She gave me a smile. “I understand where the king is coming from.”

She understood where the king was coming from? Couldn’t she understand that putting the burden of proof on me was going to make my job next to impossible? She was dumber than I thought.

“Now, if we can begin the trial,” the king continued before I could argue anymore. “What comes first?” It was no use. I would have to change my strategy.

“Trials start with an opening statement,” I said, trying to sound sure of myself. “Basically, an impartial person tells the court what we know about the case. After that, everyone else we bring up is called a witness. They give what’s called ‘testimony’, and that testimony will help you decide if Violetta’s innocent or not.” If I had the burden of proof, then I was going to get as many people to talk as I could get up on the stand.

“I… uh, I see,” the king said.

“Don’t worry about it,” I sighed. “I think you’ll get it as we go.” Yeah, because I would be more or less making it up.

“Now… an opening statement for the court…” The king stroked his perfectly chiseled jawline. “What is… the ‘court’?”

This was going to get old fast. “The court is this.” I waved my hands around at everyone. “Everyone involved in the trial is the court.”

“I see. Well who will provide our opening statement then?”

I shrugged. “Someone like Brad would be fine.”

“Well if Brad can do it, then by all means, let’s hear him speak.”

“Whoa, lot of pressure, dude,” Brad said from the sidelines. “You could have at least given me a heads up.”

Yeah, just like he gave me a heads up that the trial was going to be tonight. Suffer and know my pain, bro slime. “Just think of it as your duty as one of the king’s guards.” I gave him the most passive aggressive smile I could muster. I was petty as fuck.

“Alright…” Brad rolled all of his eyes. “Where should I start, bro?”

“Before you start, we need a stand,” I said. As expected, no one answered me. “The stand is another table. Everyone that we call up to speak will stand there. It goes… next to the judge.”

“Sir Allard,” Lyili pointed at me. “You dare to suggest that someone sit next to the king? Such insolence will not be tolerated as long as I’m a part of this trial.”

“It really doesn’t matter where the table goes,” I sighed, pointing to my left. “Just put it over there, facing the king. Tables facing the king will be tolerated, right?”

Lyili’s glare told me she wasn’t amused.

“Then it will be done.” The king’s lips were practically quivering. “Bring out another special table at once!” It was quiet other than a few demons in the audience coughing.

A few moments later, the repair shark pushed out another normal-ass table. That’s right, I wasn’t going to call it special anymore. It was a fold out table and I was going to refer to it as such.

“Very good,” the king said. “Brad, you may now stand at the… ‘special stand’.” The king had the energy of a kid that was finally allowed to sit at the big boy table. No, wait. Fuck table analogies too.

Brad made his way up to the stand, but before he could say anything, Lyili strut up to him like she was on a fashion runway. Now that I had a better look at her, she was definitely naked, and with her porcelain skin shining in the light of the room, I could see that her body was nicely toned. Of course, being the professional I was pretending to be, no dirty thoughts crossed my mind.

“How can I assume you’re impartial?” Lyili asked, flipping her long black hair over her shoulder.

“Because I’m one of the king’s guards?”

“Ms. Lyili,” the king said. “Are you saying that Mr. Allard may have influenced Brad to favor his side?”

Lyili didn’t take her eyes off the blob. “That’s exactly what I’m saying, your majesty.”

“You bribed Brad?” Yaika asked in her drowsy voice. “Nice going, Ryley. Now you’ll win for sure.”

The audience started to stir. “What?” someone’s voice rose above the crowd. “He bribed him?”

“That doesn’t seem right.”

“You suck, Ryley!”

Who the hell was yelling that!?

“I didn’t bribe anyone,” I said, grinding my teeth together. I guess I probably should have, but if I was a law expert, I figured I should get this out of the way. “Bribery is a crime itself, after all.”

“Very interesting,” the king said. “Bribery is hereby forbidden. Brad, write that down below the ‘no killing’ law Mr. Allard came up with.”

Brad gave him the thumbs up. “Will do, your majesty.”

Apparently, laws were going to be made that easily. No need to define what a bribe even was, of course.

“Look, if you’re worried about me bribing him, then let him speak first,” I said. “If you find a problem with something someone says, yell ‘objection’ and tell the court what’s wrong with his statement.” Objection. Alright, I may have been a little excited at the prospect of getting to say that.

“I’m watching you, Sir Allard.” Lyili returned to her place. “Don’t think you can charm me with your silver tongue. I… won’t be giving into your sexual advances, do you understand?”

Uhh… what was that last part?

“Anyway… can we just get this opening statement out of the way?” I looked over at Brad. “Tell the court who the victim is.”

“No prob,” Brad said. “The victim was the Succy Girl’s manager, Mr. Volk, an Ogre. He was the head of the Succy Talent Agency.”

Asking the next question was kind of like shooting myself in the foot, but I asked it anyway. “Uhh… please tell us who found the body. And about the state the body was in when it was found.”

Everyone in the crowd groaned.

“How vile,” Lyili spoke like she was spitting something out of her mouth. Yes, this was the leader of the execution squad saying that talking about a dead body was… gross.

“Aww, come on, man,” Brad sighed, narrowing all his eyes. “Do I really have to?”

“Yes you have to! And if you’re going to have trials, you’d better get used to it too,” I yelled. “Aren’t you demons? You literally watch people get their heads chopped off!” Yeah. That shut everyone up.

“Alright, bro… Mr. Volk had some seriously gnarly bite marks on his neck. His body was discovered in his office sitting at his desk. He was found by Ms. Rayne… his assistant and wife.”

Wait, Rayne was his wife? This was the first I was hearing of it.

“Yes, bite marks.” Lyili interrupted Brad before I could interject. “Those of a Succubus.”

I knew exactly where she was going. “And there were three succubi present on the night of the murder,” I countered. “It could have been any of them.”

“Any of them?” A smile creeped onto Lyili’s face. “Can you remind us who left Sir Volk’s office last?”

“Oh, I know this one!” Yaika threw her hand up in the air. “Violetta!”

Good job, princess. You get a gold star.