The boat was around the size of a yacht, but didn’t really scream ‘royal vessel’.

It was basically just a deck and a steering wheel, and it fit the seven us with room to spare. Repair shark was driving, which concerned me given that things like licenses probably didn’t even exist here. Plus he didn’t have hands.

Surprisingly, the ocean was made of water. Not lava. Not acid. Not cabbages wearing bandanas. It was just regular salt water. Go figure.

In any case, that didn’t really matter. What mattered was that there was a distinct lack of swimsuits compared to what was promised. Everyone clothed as fuck. And also it was cold. Which I supposed explained why no one was hurrying to put their bikini on. And also it was pouring rain. That probably had something to do with it too.

I was very disappointed.

“Wow,” Yaika said. I could just barely make out her lifeless eyes through the drops of rain pelting my face.

“Are you alright, Princess?” Brad asked, holding an umbrella over her with one of his tentacles. How many fucking things did he have inside his body? Did he not have organs or something? Or maybe… notebooks and umbrellas were his organs.

The fact that this was even a possibility made my brain hurt.

“I’m good,” Yaika finally replied after what felt like minutes. She turned her head to the side. “Are you okay, Hadria?”

“Huh?” Hadria was under the umbrella, huddling up to the little weirdo for warmth.“Oh yeah, totally.”

Oh good. What a relief. It was so good to know that the one completely shielded from the rain was okay. Me? Wearing a waterlogged suit? Did I need an umbrella? No, of course not. Fuck that. In fact, fuck me too.

Dick move, princess.

“V-Violetta,” Minzfel stammered from under the safety of Brad’s second umbrella. “You can come under here… if you want to. Aren’t you cold?” Another dick move, because this move was clearly motivated by his.

“Oh no, I couldn’t!” Violetta’s wet hair was plastered against her face. “I’m not worthy, Prince!”

“I-It’s really fine.” Minzfel fidgeted with his cultist robe. “I… don’t mind at all.” Uh-huh.

“That’s very sweet of you,” Violetta said. “If it really isn’t a problem…”

Not a problem? Time for an objection.

“Violetta is my assistant.” I wiped my brow with my sleeve, which proved to be totally pointless since my sleeve was just as wet. “I need her to assist me. Over here.”

Violetta’s horned head snapped in my direction. “Y-You do?” I mean, no. I didn’t. I was just petty. As long as I was in the demon world, I would cockblock Minzfel with my entire being.

I didn’t care how weird that sounded. I was doing it.

“Allard…” Minzfel snarled like some kind of small dog. “What are you trying to pull?”

“I need my assistant by my side for…” I had to think of a rock solid excuse quick. “Lawyer... things.” There we go.

“Lawyer things? You’re just standing there in the rain!” How nice of him to notice. “What lawyer things could you possibly be doing right now?”

“I’m afraid that’s classified.”

“Classified!?”

Violetta’s eyes lit up. “I had no idea this was such a big deal!” Lawyer stuff was always a big deal.

Time for the finisher.

“Well, you know…” I looked back at the prince. “If you invited me under your umbrella… I could bring Violetta along.”

Minzfel glared at me. “So that’s what this is, huh?” He bit down on his lip.“Fine. I get it. Get over here.”

I stood there for a moment. “...Nah.”

Minzfel stamped his foot. “What the hell is wrong with you!?”

“I just realized that we... have to do our lawyer things over here.” Oh god, I was getting even more petty than I thought. It was like they were infecting me with their stupidity or something.

“B-But Ryley!” Violetta latched onto my arm. “I don’t even know what lawyer things we’re doing!”

Before I could spiral deeper into madness, Yaika suddenly spoke up. “Hey, everyone. I think I can see the island.”

All of our heads moved toward the front of the boat. Even Brad moved for some reason, further adding to my theory that most of the eyes of grand slimes didn’t actually do anything.

Anyway.

I squinted. Sure enough, there was a small black dot in the distance.

“This is so exciting!” Violetta clapped. “I wonder if the Lich is nice.”

Huh. Wait a minute. “The guy putting on this dinner is a lich, right?”

Violetta looked back at me with a big smile on her sopping face. “Yes!”

“Aren’t liches… skeletons?” At least the ones I had seen in games were, anyway.

Violetta’s expression contorted like I had just kicked every puppy in the world. “Ryley! Y-You have to s-stop that!”

“Stop what?” I snapped back.

“You’re just trying to s-scare me now. There’s no such thing as… s-skeletons...” She slapped me on the arm in the same spot as always. If this kept up, my forearm would probably build up a pain tolerance amazing enough for me to be a forearm-based superhero. That or I would just get a bruise.

I was probably going to get a bruise.

“T-That’s right, Violetta, he’s a sadist!” Minzfel took a step forward, prompting Brad to move his umbrella to keep him under it. “I can ask my father to put you in a different squad if you want.”

“Oh, no!” Violetta waved her hands in front of her like she was trying to smack his words right out of the air. “I love being in the law squad!”

“Well… I’ll just ask my father to remove Allard from it then.” This fucking brat.

“It’s really okay!” Violetta laughed nervously. “Ryley is just giving me a hard time.”

“Yeah.” I smirked. “People joke around when they’re… close.”

“That’s right!” Violetta glowed. “We’re really close!” I wasn’t exactly sure when we got really close, but alright.

Minzfel’s shoulder sank. “Oh… Uh… Okay…” Through the sound of the rain, I think I heard a teenager’s heart break and flutter into the wind. Beautiful.

“The Lich isn’t a skeleton,” Yaika said. Jeez, a little late to the party.

“Yeah, he’s more like a zombie,” Hadria added. “Like… skin rotting. I’ve even seen people puke when they meet him. It’s pretty sweet.” Rad.

“W-W-What?” Violetta ran up to the two of them, almost slipping on the deck in the process. “You’ve met the Lich already, Hadria?”

“Yeah, of course.” Hadria adjusted the purple bow in her completely dry hair. “My dad used to drag me along to his parties all the time. Pretty boring. I got to hang out with Yaika though, so it wasn’t all bad.” She gave the princess a side squeeze.

“So lucky…” Violetta sighed. “He really looks that bad?”

Yaika nodded. “I throw up pretty much every time but I swallow it before it comes out.” Way too much information. Way too much.

“Wow…” Violetta put her hands together, holding them between her leather-clad breasts. “I have to make sure I don’t get sick then. That would be so embarassing...”

“You act like you haven’t even seen him before,” I said. “Aren’t you his ‘biggest fan’ or something?”

“Of course I haven’t seen him.” Violetta pouted. “He never leaves his island. And there are no cameras allowed on it either.”

“...Because he’s so ugly?”

“Heh. Good one Ryley.” Hadria put out her hand for a low five.

“Yeah.” Yaika slowly lifted hers too. “Good one.”

I hadn’t intended for it to be a burn or anything, but alright. I just thought that if he was ugly enough to induce vomiting, he might be a little self conscious. I half heartedly smacked their hands with mine.

“So…” I continued. “It’s not because he’s so ugly?”

“It’s because he has a bunch of super secret experiments!” Violetta practically jumped on me to answer before anyone else. “He’s the best magic scientist in the world!”

“Magic… scientist?” Those words had no business being in the same sentence together.

“Usually demons are just kind of born with magic, bro,” Brad said. “But the Lich tries to find ways for demons to learn how to use it. That’s why he’s a magic scientist.”

“Huh. I… guess that kind of makes sense then.”

“Yeah, and he’s the real deal!” Violetta went on, getting as close to me as possible. “He used to be a Horny Folk before his work turned him into a Lich! He found a way to use magic, Ryley!” I would probably be annoyed by the drops of spit flying on my face if I wasn’t already drenched.

I took a step back to reestablish my personal space bubble. “So why don’t all the other horny folk just turn into liches so they can use magic too?”

“Mostly because they die when they try,” Yaika said. Oh. That was a good reason.

“I remember hearing that ritual’s success rate is less than one percent.” Hadria’s eye shimmered like a polished ruby. “That’s why there have only been two demons to ever turn into Liches and lived to talk about it.”

“See!?” Violetta practically screamed in my face. “He’s amazing!”

“Yeah. Amazing.” I narrowed my eyes. “So he’s going to announce another one of his big discoveries tonight at dinner?”

“Yeah,” the eye bag princess said. “It’s always a surprise.”

“Uhh, okay. Well what kind of stuff did he announce at his dinners in the past?”

“All sorts of stuff.” Yaika smiled her usual lazy smile. “He discovered starch-based batter, little blue balls you can eat, sweet sticky brown stuff that comes from trees... All sorts of stuff.” Uhh… how did any of that make him a ‘magic scientist’, exactly?

Violetta looked back up ahead of us, a huge smile on her face. “I wonder what he’ll reveal tonight!”

I followed her eyes to the rapidly approaching island. I didn’t have high hopes for this ‘Lich’ guy. Maybe I would still be able to learn something about the queen from Yaika’s aunt.

If I couldn’t, at least it sounded like there would be blueberry pancakes for dinner.