A conversation between a Passivity Precept Administrator and Gregory N., age 87. April 3rd 20XX

“What do you want?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“It always is, but you need to say it.”

*sound of a snort* “I’m an old man. I’m not into the videogames these young kids play. But what I am is a scientist. I want to discover the secrets of the universe before I kick the bucket.”

“Why just the secrets of one universe when you can explore the secrets of all universes?”

*huff* “Do I look like I have that much time?”

“Gregory... Once you enter the simulation, you don’t ever have to leave.”

“You mean...”

“Yes, Gregory. We mean immortality within the simulator. If you so desire.”

My Bonded was incredibly adorable and playful. Wait I said that wrong. I meant, that she was gross and disgusting and I wanted nothing to do with her.

She trotted after me, yelling at me to elaborate.

I needed to keep my distance. The bond often hit me unexpectedly. Like just now when I unconsciously handed her one of my extra masks. Or that time I agreed to teach her how to dodge using a flimsy excuse. Why did I do those? Why?

I just needed to be more of an asshole. Wait, didn’t she hate liars and conmen... then maybe... no. Not yet, anyway. I still needed her help for now.

“There’s no exit into the next room!” She practically yelled, bringing me out of my reverie. She peered at the small dirty room in confusion.

“And there's no treasure.”

I smirked. “What? No exit? This must be the end of the dungeon.”

She rolled her eyes at my sarcasm and pointed to the field of holes in the wall I had noticed earlier. “This is the puzzle you mentioned, right?” She eyed me with distrust. So cute.

I smiled. “Can you solve it yourself or do you want a hint?”

“Don’t help me! This is my puzzle!”

She beamed at the wall. I found myself a bit jealous of it. Of course, I realized the bond was doing it again and squashed those unwanted feelings back down the dark hole they crawled out of.

“Ah! There’s the way to the next room!” She pointed to what, at a distance, had once appeared to be a small crack in the ceiling, but at this new angle looked like an opening just large enough to fit a person.

Using the holes, she climbed up a few feet. Then she slipped and fell. It would have been fine, except that she scraped her face against the wall, twisted her ankle and collapsed into a puddle of breath sucking hurt.

“Ow!”

“You seem to fall a lot for someone with a high-dex class.”

“I’m only level two. I’ll get better.”

“At falling?”

She glared. “And this time wasn’t my fault. Most of these holes are covered in oil. I can make it a few feet but that’s it.” She touched her chin in thought. Her slightly pointy teeth bit her full lips. “No, these aren’t handholds. They’re inserts. I should have seen it earlier.”

She searched the room carefully for a couple of minutes.

I took out my Lutzithen and strummed a tune. Using my sound manipulation skill, I gave her a boost to her concentration. “Are you sure you don’t want a hint?”

She scowled at me. Then, while keeping eye contact, she reached into a small pile of refuse and pulled out a thin shit-covered rope.

My eyes bulged. I took several steps away from her and tossed my Lutzithen back into my instrument space. As the shit covered rope swung like a weighted pendulum, I could almost see her charisma decrease by several points.

She laughed madly. “Treasure!”

I threw one of my precious eternal water skins at her. She caught it with her clean hand as if it were a side thought.

“You won’t be able to get rid of your charisma debuffs but at least wash your hands. Wash them. Now. Right now.”

“Eh. You have Mysophobia?”

“What is that?”

“An extreme fear of dirt or contamination. Also called germaphobia.”

“Well, if I didn’t have it, then I do now. Wash your hands. Quickly.”

“I’m washing, I’m washing.” She snorted and mumbled under her breath, “What kinda guy is scared of a little mud.”

She poured the water over her hands and the rope.

“That isn’t mud. It’s giant-rat shit.”

“Oh. Oh! Ew! But it didn’t smell!” She started jumping up and down yelling, “Ew,” repeatedly. “Soap! Give me soap.”

I thoughtlessly tossed her one of my precious bars of soap.... the kind I had specially made to be in a spicy scent I liked. By the time she caught it, it was too late to take back so I gritted my teeth and ignored the small hole that having more made will create in my tiny wallet.

“Why didn’t it smell?”

“Your mask may not appear on your face anymore but the effect is still there.”

“Right, like the gore on my body. Ugh. When we get out of here I’m taking a shower. Does this world have showers?”

“Yes. We have showers. Just what kind of backwater do you think this world is?”

She shrugged and continued washing her hands. She must have put the rope into her inventory since I didn’t see it anymore. “What is your world called anyway?”

“This particular world is called Fiarar after the ancient goddess of the harvest.”

“Wait. By that sentence, it sounds like you have more than one world.”

“Your people don’t?”

She put my soap and my waterskin away in her inventory and took out one of the leaf-shaped metal things she received after killing those grunt rats. “Nope. But if we did, it would totally be named Planety McPlanetFace.”

“What? Why?”

“The internet. It’s a wonderful place.” She set the metal leaf against the wall so the pegs on the side of it connected with the holes in the wall. A loud click reverberated through the room. “And now we have the start of our ladder to the next level!”

She sent me a heart-stopping grin, even with her debuffs, then started pulling out metal pieces and climbing. Ah, so cute. I mean, disgusting. And very, very confusing.