Chapter 5 – Horny

Dungeons are trials and gifts given to mankind by the Creators.

They serve several important functions in our society. First, they help maintain our environment by isolating harmful energies and entities from the general populace.

Second, they provide us with valuable crafting materials, meats, and other rare goods.

Third, the challenges they present help us hone our skills and sharpen our intellect.

-Notes from Guildmaster Reinhardt's Journal, vol. 4

Dinner, it turned out, was a great lot of meat. Meat of all kinds, served every way Zed could imagine. Roasts, steaks, cutlets, chops, skewers of every kind. Drumsticks the size of his head. Great stuffed beasts roasting over a colossal spit just outside the main eating area. There was not a single vegetable to be seen. Not one.

Good thing I'm not a freaking vegan.

The feast was as boisterous as it was elaborate. Two massive wooden tables were laid out the length of the rectangular open air dining hall. The wall on Zed's right was stacked high with innumerable casks and barrels. Dozens of monks clad in identical black wide leg trousers meandered between the tables, serving area, and wall of ale. Some were bare chested, revealing impressive, well toned physiques. Others wore matching wide sleeved black tie-front linen shirts. Of course, nearly all eyes were on him. And, unless he was mistaken, Zed was fairly certain he could see a couple of priestesses whispering behind their hands about him across the hall.

Skill Acquired: Vision + LVL. 1.

Not. Now.

Zed clenched his teeth uncomfortably at the new notification. The pair glanced over in his direction and immediately shushed each other, both trying to suppress giggles. Bright pink spots bloomed on the taller brunette's cheeks. She shyly waggled a few fingers in his direction. Yes, he was definitely a hot topic of conversation. A strong feminine hand lighted on his right shoulder and squeezed.

He turned his head toward the source. Unsurprisingly, it was Emi. Her face was blank; eyes turned dull, flat, and full of killing intent. He gulped audibly and followed her gaze to the giggling priestesses across the room. The pair fell silent and fled the dining hall without further incident.

“Zed?” Emi's voice was pure honey. “Want to grab some food? The ribs are particularly succulent.”

“S-sure.”

Her hand fell away, lightly trailing down his shoulderblade as she casually brushed past him. She turned back, smiling, her eyes now glittering with happiness.

“Follow me!”

Zed made a mental note to never find himself on the receiving end of that particular look. Bold, italicize, underline. Check! He forced a smile and followed after her to the serving table.

---

At the serving table, Emi introduced Zed to Edgar, the main chef for the Ebonblade Order. Could this great brute of a man even be a monk? He looked more like a butcher! Edgar stood as wide as he was tall and was dressed in dazzling white monk's garb with a pristine white apron. The man was built like a barrel with a stout trunk, short legs, great muscled arms, and a neck as wide as his head. He was bald with great bushy brown eyebrows that could easily be mistaken for overly fat caterpillars. He grinned at their approach, large hazel eyes twinkling kindly.

“High Priestess! Welcome back!” he boomed, laying two racks of juicy, dripping ribs on her tiny wooden tray. “And I've heard rumors about the return of the dark hero! This the one?”

He jerked his thumb amicably toward Zed, who still hadn't uttered a word.

“It is! Eddy, this is Zed; we found him on our rescue mission earlier today. He's a bit out of sorts, please be gentle with him.”

Edgar wiped his meaty hands on the edge of his impeccably white apron and walked around the table, arms spread wide in a gesture of welcome.

“Zeddy, is it? I'm Eddy! Pleased to meetcha!”

It would be foolish to argue with a mountain.

Nervously, Zed extended his hand to greet this giant mountain of a man but instead found himself almost sprawling as Edgar thumped him on the back playfully. Edgar turned back to the serving table and back to Zed, two mammoth sized steaks dangling from oversized serving forks.

“How d'ya like yer steak, Zeddy? Bloody?” He raised the steak on the right fork. “Or.... er, extra bloody?” He extended the steak on the left, grinning ear to ear. Sure enough, both steaks were rather drippy. Were they even cooked?

“Actually, Eddy, Zed had his heart set on your ribs. They're practically famous, after all,” Emi intervened. “Maybe a few other cuts if he's interested?”

Zed nodded, following her lead. He attempted a winning smile. The man was the literal walking definition of intimidation, but he felt the man's heart was relatively in the right place. He looked him up and down again. Heck, his chest was big enough for two hearts.

“Sure. Chef's choice, Eddy, thanks.” Zed had firmly decided he did not want to make an enemy of this man.

Edgar beamed back, and handed Zed back a tray of ribs, and a short stack of sausages.

“My other specialty. Ground it up fresh myself this morning. Harpy, couple different kinds, with my own special blend of seasoning.”

...Harpy?

“Looks... great, Eddy. Thanks!” Zed was uncertain, but Emi hadn't warned him off so the sausages were... probably safe? He guessed he'd find out soon enough. Waving their goodbyes, Emi and Zed meandered back to the dining tables. A group of four monks at the end of the far table raised their mugs in greeting and waved the duo over.

Emi stopped at the head of the table to formally introduce Zed to the monks who played a role in his rescue. They sat in pairs across from each other, from left to right:

Yusai: Cropped blonde hair with a slender, muscular build. His shirt was tied around his waist and it was hard for Zed to not stare at the numerous ragged scars criss-crossing his chest.

Tatan: Similarly cropped blonde hair to Yusai, slender and shirtless with corded muscles. Apparently Yusai and Tatan weren't actually brothers, but had been raised that way as they had been born to sisters on the same day.

Ogagi: Broad chested, with long chestnut hair pulled back in a high ponytail. Appeared to have a permanently cross expression pasted on his face, but didn't seem outwardly unfriendly.

Nimoto: Tallest of the group and bare chested, with short brown hair and a giant mug. There were several empty mugs stacked beside him and he was red faced and laughing from all the liquor.

The group shifted down the table to make room for Emi and Zed to sit at the head of the table facing one another. Once seated, Yusai turned to Zed and spoke.

“Zed, was it? Welcome to our humble temple. We are honored to make your acquaintance.” He bowed his head slightly.

Tatan nodded, adding, “Are you feeling quite all right? You seemed to be in a right state back at the goblin camp. What happened? How did they take you?”

“I'm fine, really,” Zed began. “I, well, I don't know what happened. I remember fighting off a couple of goblins in the forest...”

The group leaned in, listening intently.

“One of them ran away in the beginning, but I was able to take down the second one with some work. I'd never fought one before, so I was tired and sat down to rest once things had settled.” He paused, unsure exactly how much he should reveal. “I... guess I was really wiped out. I ended up passing out afterward. When I woke up, I was here. And... well...”

Zed trailed off, not knowing what else to say. He gestured broadly around the room and shrugged. He tore into one of the harpy sausage links. It was strangely delicious, kind of reminiscent of chicken with hints of garlic, cayenne, and black pepper.

“I guess... thank you for rescuing me? I'm glad nothing worse happened. I don't think I would have been able to take out an entire goblin camp by myself.”

Yusai was the first to respond. “Think nothing of it. It is our sworn duty to protect those in danger, after all. And these?” He touched the great mass of scar tissue on his chest Zed had been eyeing. “Rookie mistake from days long since past. There is no shame in receiving help from others. You needn't feel ashamed because of what happened today.”

Across the table, Ogagi grunted in agreement.

“Sho, Emi,” Nimoto slurred. “This guy's perfect f'r you, ehhh? Always horrrrrrny!”

What the hell?

The table's reaction was immediate.

Emi spit her drink across the table, narrowly missing Zed's face, and the tips of her ears went very pink. She shot Nimoto a death glare.

Ogagi whacked Nimoto upside the head, growling, “Kindly ignore my partner. He is quite drunk; but his words are inexcusable.”

“Whaaaaaaat?” He giggled.

Yusai and Tatan both groaned and hid their faces in their hands.

Zed felt not only confused but affronted. Who the hell asks that kind of question in polite company? He said nothing, chewing mechanically on his second sausage.

“You knooowwww...” He raised an index finger on the side of each temple and wiggled them drunkenly. “Horrrrrrny?” He grinned, clearly pleased with himself.

The very next second, Nimoto found his face smashed viciously into his tray, cracking it in half. In one swift motion, Ogagi had slammed his elbow into the back of his neck. The entire dining hall fell eerily silent.

“Please.” Grunt. “Ignore.” Grunt. “This idiot.” Grunt. “Fellow.” Ogagi was bearing down on the back of Nimoto's neck harder with each syllable. “He knows not.” Gasp. “The excrement.” Gag. “That spills.” Gag. “From his mouth.”

Fear Resistance has increased to LVL. 3.

Now it was Tatan who addressed Ogagi. “You know,” he observed, “you're going to end up killing him at this rate.”

“He is a drunkard and a fool, but he is not entirely stupid,” Ogagi replied. “If he has any sense left in him he'll remember his training and focus on his breathing technique.”

Tatan looked to Yusai, who shrugged.

Ogagi bent his head and locked eyes with the struggling Nimoto.

“I am going to remove my elbow now. And when I do, you are going to shut the hell up. Or I swear upon Edall's most holy name...” He released Nimoto, who gasped, choked, and fell backward off his stool. “Nod if you understand me, you worthless lout.”

Nimoto vigorously nodded his head, stabilizing his head and neck with both hands.

“'Ma head back t' the room,” he mumbled to no one in particular, and left the hall, swaying a bit as he walked.

The dining hall resumed its normal functions as Nimoto departed, almost as if the spectacle hadn't even taken place. Not for the first time today, Zed felt the steel band squeezing his stomach. He turned back to Emi.

“Emi.” Zed's voice was a dull monotone. “What exactly did he mean by, “horny”?”

Emi hesitated before speaking.

“You... don't know? He was referring to your horns.” She sounded puzzled.

“My horns,” he repeated.

He felt a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions bouncing faster and faster off the inside of his skull and had to clench his jaw to avoid retching.

“Yes. Zed... didn't you know? You have horns. Two of them, sticking out like this.” She very gingerly mimicked the same gesture as Nimoto, minus the wiggling.

“Emi. May I see your sword, please?”

Emi unfastened her blade and carefully passed the odachi over to Zed.

He took the weapon and partially unsheathed the blade, just enough to see his reflection, and beheld himself for the very first time in this new world. Same pale skin. Same thin, pointed features. Same green eyes. Same rat's nest of unkempt black hair flopping over his forehead. Two shiny jet black horns now protruded from his head. They were somewhat small and triangular in shape, each about a finger long and two fingers wide at the base, tapering to a blunted point at the tip. They gently curved up toward the ceiling.

Zed reached up to touch them with a shaking hand. The horns were smooth and cool to the touch. They had no feeling, but he could tell that they were firmly... attached. He tugged gently at the right horn. He felt a pulling sensation at his scalp, but it did not move. He poked the tip of the horn a few times, musing.

Finally, the bits inside his skull fell into place. Horns. Dragon's horns. Dragon Plum.

Holy shit.

It was hard for Zed not to laugh at the utter ridiculousness of the situation.The Dragon Plum he had eaten earlier that morning had not only given him a special Item Box, it had also given him horns! But when? They must have grown in as he slept. Did that mean the Phoenix Cherry also affected his physical body in some way?

He brushed the hair back from his forehead, diving back into deep thought. Immediately he saw a red glint in his reflection and looked harder.

“You've got to be kidding me,” he breathed.

Nope. There was a small, glittering red gem with black swirls about the size of his thumbprint set into the center of his forehead. He allowed his hair to flop back over his brow. He chuckled to himself, sheathing the blade and passing the odachi back to Emi.

“Is everything okay?”

“Heh, yeah,” Zed rubbed the back of his head self consciously. “It's just a lot to take in right now, I guess. So, Ogagi...”

Ogagi lifted his head from his tray.

“The way you handled Nimoto earlier was... impressive. I mean, clearly you're all very strong. And,” He paused, taking a deep breath. “I'm not. I don't fully understand my skillset and I'm not trained for combat. Are there any exercises I can do to get stronger? Does the Order offer any training or combat practices?”

Ogagi acknowledged the compliment with a nod and half smile. Zed was under the impression that the man never said much more than was absolutely necessary. Emi's face lit up and she cut in quickly.

“Of course! We can train you in anything you need. Do you have a specialization? Sword? Magic? Hand to hand? For example, Ogagi is of the monk class. Monks are generally close range fighters who specialize in hand to hand combat. At higher levels, they may gain the ability to add their elemental affinity to their attacks for additional effect.” She paused.

A small notification box popped up briefly.

Class Unlocked: Monk

This class is currently available.

“I fall under the priest, or priestess class. A standard priest excells at healing but their affinities can be affected by the temple they join. Most of the priestesses here fall under the dark priestess category,” she continued.

Zed nodded thoughtfully as two more notifications popped up.

Class Unlocked: Priest

This class is currently available.

---

Class Upgrade Unlocked: Dark Priest

Priest has been upgraded to Dark Priest.

This class is currently available.

Zed grinned. He was finally beginning to understand.

“Magic.”

“I see. We can certainly assess your proficiencies first thing in the morning, then concoct a plan of action to suit your abilities and overall needs. I'll make the arrangements myself after the feast.” She clapped her hands together and bounced a little in her seat. “Oh, I do love it when a plan comes together!”

“And then,” Zed added, perhaps a little overzealously, “Once I'm properly combat ready, I'm going to kick Nimoto directly in the balls.” He banged his fist on the table to punctuate the last few words.

Everyone stared at Zed incredulously.

“'Horny', seriously? Drunk or not, he's a real son of a bitch and I'm going to kick his ass.”

Swagger has increased to LVL. 3.