《Of Men and Dragons, Book 1》Chapter 37
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Em'brel had never hated herself as much as she did at this moment. For the last couple of days, she'd known that something was wrong, and the feeling just kept getting worse. As soon as she'd realized the source of her distress, she'd rejected the idea. But the thoughts still lingered like some festering wound, and it disgusted her. Jack is less of a man now than he was before.
That was wrong! Em'brel knew it was wrong, but once she'd given the thought form, it stuck like a foul taste in the back of her throat. She was so ashamed of the thought she dug her claws into her palms until they drew blood. Jack was only in this condition because he'd put everything on the line to save Em'brel, for a second time! He'd overcome so much, making it back this far, and he was quickly getting better through sheer willpower, the likes of which Em'brel might never understand. Even if his progress came to a halt here and now, Em'brel knew she'd gladly dedicate the rest of her life to caring for Jack. But still, the malignant feeling anchored itself like rot in her gut.
Glaring at herself in her mirror, Jack's mirror that he graciously let her use, she reminded herself. Em'brel snarled at her reflection "You're better than this filth! These lies are beneath you! Jack needs you, now go and do the job you fought so passionately for!"
It took Em'brel a few more moments to wipe away the last tears of anger and shame before she replaced them with a carefully crafted look of hopeful neutrality. A few deep breaths later, and she was ready. As she walked out of the bathroom to help Jack start his day of therapy, she did her best to flush the disgraceful thoughts behind with the morning's waste where they belonged.
-
S'haar was in a great mood today! The first day she'd seen Jack, she'd been deeply worried by his condition. His inability to move his arms or legs, sit up, or even speak in complete sentences had left her worried that the human she'd grown so fond of had been broken. In the guard, she'd seen males receive debilitating injuries much less severe than Jack's, and all too often, they simply gave up. They'd become drunkards, content to pass each day in a haze while dreaming of the past, and she'd been afraid Jack would go down a similar road.
Instead, he'd made immense progress in the last couple of days. He could sit up under his own power, albeit only briefly, he could sometimes manage whole sentences before running out of breath, and he could grab and eat food using his silverware. Although either Em'brel or S'haar had to cut up his food and place it on the fork for him.
S'haar knew Jack still had a long way to go, but if he kept making progress like this, she was sure he'd be back on his feet running the show in no time. In many ways, she was more proud of Jack now than she had been after their life and death fight with the raiders. Back then, he'd won in part because he'd wielded weapons the like of which would make the gods envious. Conversely, this recovery was all on Jack. Angela and Em'brel were helping, but everything ultimately depended on Jack to find the will to overcome these challenges. Evidently, he more than up to the task.
Right now, he and S'haar were playing chess against one another. Angela had said this was excellent occupational therapy for him. He'd first have to verbalize his move, then do his best to pick up the piece and place it where he'd indicated. Often S'haar had to fix the piece's placement a little, and twice Jack had lost his balance and knocked the whole board over, but Angela was happy to help them get it restored to the state it had been in before Jack's mishap. All in all, this was an excellent morning.
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Jack looked a little frustrated about losing his queenside castle but sighed and simply verbalized his next move. "Knight to E-5" He took a moment to catch his breath before asking. "So... what do you have planned after this?"
S'haar spoke as Jack slowly stretched his arm out to shakily grasp the piece in question. "Well, chess wasn't a big hit with the younger workers, so Angela recommended I bring checkers over instead."
Jack let his hand rest on the piece for a moment before moving it and knocking over S'haars bishop at its destination. He lost a bit of control at the end, and both pieces tumbled to the board and shifted one of S'haar's pawns in the process. She righted the pieces and removed her lost bishop as she continued speaking, all while trying to decide what to do now that the trap she'd been planning had fallen apart. "Honestly, I'm surprised at how well they are all doing. Aside from a little boredom caused by everyone being shut inside so long, your housing design has proved nearly as miraculous as the rest of your human tech. Queen to E-5"
Jack looked confused for a moment as S'haar removed his knight, but then he smiled. "Rook to D-5... Check!" Jack took another deep breath before reaching out while talking at the same time. "Don't underestimate the danger of boredom!"
He'd been a little too ambitious to try talking while moving, and he knocked his piece over rather than grabbing it. S'haar righted it as she spoke but left it where it had been so Jack could try again. "I'm not underestimating anything. That's a large part of the reason I've been spending as much time there as I have, rather than spending time here with you and Em'brel. Well, that, and to give you some privacy while you work on getting better. I imagine it's hard enough without another pair of eyes watching while you work."
This time Jack moved the piece cleanly, but now S'haar had a new problem. She could take his castle with her queen, but his queen would take hers and place her right back in check if she did so. Alternatively, S'haar could move her king out of the way, but then he'd just take her queen with his rook. She looked desperately around for some other option before sighing and moving her king to safety.
After Jack shakily knocked over her queen, he looked her in the eye and simply said. "Thank you."
S'haar removed the queen as she responded. "You don't need to thank me, you outmaneuvered me and took my queen 'fair and square.'" She liked that human phrase.
As S'haar glanced at Jack, she was struck by the earnestness in his eyes. "That's not what I meant." Jack took a deep breath as if preparing for a long speech. "I know you didn't want to leave so soon after I woke up..." Another deep breath. "but the workers depend on you... Also... I can more easily focus on..." He ran out of breath before finishing the sentence and took a moment before continuing. "getting better!"
S'haar forgot about the trap she was caught in for a moment while she searched for the words she wanted. When she spoke, it was with a careful resolve. "I've gotten through most of my life alone, surrounded more by acquaintances than friends. Then you came out of nowhere, and I got caught up in this whirlwind of experiences you call life. At first, it was overwhelming, but just when I was starting to get used to the idea of spending the rest of my life alongside some mad human, you went and left me alone again."
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Jack looked like he was desperately gathering a breath to explain, but S'haar held up a hand to forestall him. "I don't blame you, you did the right thing, and I was...I am very proud of you, but that month you were gone was the longest of my life. Every. Single. Night. I was terrified that I'd wake up and find out that that was the day you'd finally gone and died beside me while I slept, and I'd never get to speak to you again."
S'haar's eyes were filled with tears, but she smiled, and Jack felt his heart skip a beat as she continued. "But then you came back! I don't know if you actually argued with a god and scaled a mountain, or if, as you said, it was just some fevered dream as you fought and clawed your way out of your own subconscious, but you came back, and that's all that matters! So take however much time you need, and keep getting better. Now that I know you're not going anywhere, I can wait a little longer..."
S'haar reached out and gently placed a taloned hand over Jack's fist as he began to smile through his own tears. Their game was forgotten, but neither cared. Jack simply nodded. "Thank you." Although an echo of his earlier words, his voice was now heavy with an entirely different set of emotions.
-
Something was off with Em'brel. It was apparent to Angela that something was weighing on the girl's mind as she helped Jack with his exercises. She was stubbornly refusing to look him in the eyes. When she thought Jack wasn't looking, her face seemed to fall, and more than once, she appeared to be physically hurting herself in some small way. It was as though trying to punish herself. Or maybe distract herself? Whatever this troubling behavior was, Angela had no idea what was bringing it on or how to address it. So, for now, she simply went on pretending like nothing was wrong as she instructed two of the most important people in her world in their exercises.
Angela wished Jack was on top of his game. This was more his area of expertise than Angela's. Not that he was any slouch when it came to academics. Their success so far on this planet was proof of that, but he'd always been better at understanding the motives behind people's actions.
However, at the moment, everything Jack had was being focused on maintaining his balance while sitting up under his own power. His core muscles were as atrophied along with everything else, and it made him incredibly unsteady when he tried to sit up. Em'brel was ready to catch him if he fell, but a part of her mind was obviously still lost in thought.
Jack seemed to lose his strength and motioned to Em'brel that he needed to lie back and take some weight off. Angela was sure he should have been able to manage a while longer than he had, but when she gave Jack a closer inspection, she quickly realized what had happened.
Jack hadn't been as distracted by his workout as Angela had thought. As he was staring at Em'brel, Angela could practically see the gears in his head, violently spinning as he tried to figure out what was bothering the girl.
Taking a deep breath, Jack dove in. "Em'brel, what's the matter...? You seem really distracted..."
The girl's head shot around as she looked at Jack with wide, startled eyes. It took an agonizingly long moment for the girl to reply. When she did, her eyes were downcast, and her hands clenched into fists. "Ah, it...it's nothing! We need to get back to your exercises! What's next, Angela?" The girl reached out to grab Jack, but still, she seemed unwilling to look him in the eyes as she did so.
Angela didn't answer. Instead, she continued watching, for once feeling one step behind her mortal family. Jack's eyes shifted slightly as he picked up on Em'brel's non-verbal cues. "It's about me... isn't it?"
The shocked look Em'brel gave him was more than answer enough, but again her gaze shifted downward as she tried to protest, albeit more weakly than before. "N...no. I'm not...just... It's not..."
Angela continued to watch silently as Jack pressed on. "Why does it suddenly bother you...to see me like this?"
When Em'brel looked up this time, tears were in her eyes, and she started begging. "Please, don't..."
Jack's face shifted in understanding. "That guilt in your eyes... You think I'm pitiful now."
Angela didn't want to believe what he'd said, but Em'brel's reaction made it clear he was right. She reached up and dug her claws around her arm plates deep enough to draw blood. Her words started tumbling out through self-hating sobs as the girl seemed to break down. "I...I don't deserve to be here! All I can think of is how you've somehow betrayed me by becoming weak like this! Even though it's all my fault that you've fallen so far..."
Jack and angela watched in silence as the girl collapsed onto her knees as she pounded her fist onto the bed while she cried. "You've always been larger than any problem! Despite being so frail, there was nothing you couldn't overcome! You were always one step ahead of everyone and everything! But here you are, helpless, and it's all my fault! Yet, for some reason, the only thing I can think of is that you've somehow betrayed me by letting yourself become so weak! It's stupid! It's idiotic! But the thought just won't go away! I'm unworthy of this family you welcomed me into!"
The girl let her head collapse into her arms, and the room was silent except for her sobs.
Angela was at a loss. She was torn in two. On the one hand, Em'brel was obviously in the middle of some crisis the AI couldn't understand. The girl knew what she was feeling was wrong but didn't know how to stop the feelings polluting her mind. On the other hand, this outburst would be devastating to Jack's drive to recover. He needed support right now, not someone drawing his attention to how weak he'd become. Angela's processors were starting to overheat as she tried in vain to find a solution to this impossible problem.
Then Jack simply chuckled.
Em'brel raised her head in confusion. She'd been expecting anger, despair, tears, or pretty much any reaction other than laughter. Jack reached out a shaky hand and placed it on top of the younger girl's. "You're not unworthy... You're just growing up."
Now Angela was even more lost than before, and the look in Em'brels eyes reflected a similar confusion. Jack continued, oblivious to both women's incredulity. "One of the hardest parts about growing up...is realizing how fallible the people you most look up to...really are..."
Em'brel looked like she wanted to speak, but Jack stopped her with a shaky hand and resumed his explanation. "Usually it takes a little longer...for someone to have to confront...that truth... ...But my accident has forced you...to face that reality a little sooner...than you were ready for it."
Jack was clearly running out of breath, but he forced himself to sit up. Or at least he tried to, before starting to fall over and forcing Em'brel to reach out and hold him steady. Once he was stable, Jack wrapped his arms around the younger girl, trying to comfort her despite everything she'd just said.
Angela was suddenly reminded of a similar encounter between her and their father when she'd said some awful, hurtful things to him. Much like Jack, he'd just responded by telling her how proud he was of her and how much he loved her. She was left wondering when Jack had changed from being her bumbling little brother to becoming such a worthy heir to their father's legacy.
Jack clumsily wiped some of the girl's tears on his sleeve. It was apparent that he was nearing his limit, but he seemed to have one last point to make. "The truth is...I've always been weak... ...I've just depended on Angela...and S'haar...and yourself...to help compensate for my weaknesses... ...In return...you've all relied on me...to offset yours... That's what a family is all about... The whole is greater...than the sum of its parts..."
Em'brel shook her head in his grasp. "Why...why are you so understanding? Even after everything I just said! How can you just move past those things like they are nothing?"
Jack chuckled again before taking another breath. "I guess...that's just one of my...strengths!"
Em'brel let loose something halfway between a sob and a laugh as Jack continued. "Now then...enough speech therapy... Let's get back to physical therapy..."
Angela simulated shaking her digital head, despite her avatar not being present. She still couldn't quite grasp what had really happened there, but she suspected it was one of those things beyond the scope of her programming to understand.
However, as she watched Jack and Em'brel begin his arm exercises again, she felt the faintest glimmer of something similar to understanding. She imagined this is what humans felt like when they said something was on the tip of their tongue. It seemed so close but frustratingly remained just beyond her grasp...
Still, at least the crisis seemed to have been averted. Somehow Jack seemed as motivated as ever, and Em'brel was mostly smiling as she resumed her role as Jack's physical therapist. Apparently, there was still a lot Angela had yet to learn.
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