By imbuing water (H2O) with methylene (CH2), Franklin has been able to synthesize Methanol (CH3OH), also known as methyl alcohol. Of course, on Earth, the chemical synthesis of methanol is nothing of the sort, instead requiring carbon monoxide (CO) and hydrogen gas (H2), reacted under a metallic catalyst, but then again, this is Arcadia, and he has a System.

Franklin picks up his clay potato, now filled with the sweet, but pungent liquid. He observes it for a moment, the surface shimmering by light of the campfire he has reignited, and he wonders aloud to himself, “I’m curious…. will this cause poison damage? The LD50 is 100 mL, if I’m remembering correctly…”

And of course he is, for he has a photographic memory, but more to the point, what Franklin is referencing is the toxic nature of methanol, which depresses the nervous system and wrecks havoc on metabolism at the cellular level. From the mental image of the Wikipedia page he has, he recalls that as little as 10 mL is enough to cause permanent damage to humans, 30 mL is potentially fatal and about half of all people (that is, the median lethal dose, LD50) will die at around 100 mL ingested.

“I probably shouldn't, but... just a tiny sip…” he says, bringing the container to his lips. The liquid burns, like vodka, as it passes through his mouth and throat. And then he waits patiently, seeing if there are any further effects. Indeed, a while later, and messages begin to pop up, spaced about every minute or so, lasting about five minutes.

You have taken 1 poison damage.

You have taken 1 poison damage.

...

After the effects stop, he runs through a checklist of bodily functions, finding that aside from feeling a bit fatigued, there does not appear to be any debilitation. He can still breathe just fine, his vision is unaffected, his limbs retaining sensation. Curious, he calls up his Stats screen and finds the line indicating health. It reads:

Health

5 / 10

“Uh, close call actually,” he says with a sheepish laugh, for if he had consumed any more methanol, he might have very well destroyed his avatar. Setting that aside, however, he does find it interesting that there are no physical manifestations of his supposedly injured state. “I wonder what the connection between health and physicality is… Well, another time perhaps.”

He returns his attention to the clay potato, and as he raises it high with his hand, he can’t help but gaze far out into the distance, saying, “You fool, this isn’t even my final form yet.”

Only the silence of the cavern responds.

Franklin lets out a cough, then continues as if nothing has happened. He uses Decompose on some nearby limestone, followed by Exchange, to generate the materials required for the next step. Then he pulls up his Imbue interface again, this time selecting Methanol as his target. He also goes through the process of filling in the correct attributes. The final display is as such:

Please select attributes to continue.

Target

Methanol (490 mL)

Attribute 1

Carbon (C)

Attribute 2

Oxygen (O)

Attribute 3

-

Valid Imbue detected. This action will consume 588 AP. Proceed?

Only needing two elements to be imbued, Franklin has left the last one blank. Satisfied with the setup, he confirms the execution with a, “[Yes].” Shortly thereafter, a message appears, drawing a grin to his face. It reads,

Imbue successful. Yield is Acetic Acid.

“Nice. Now, let’s go take care of those slimes!” he exclaims, and with clay potato in hand, he makes for the portal. As he arrives, however, he is hit with a sudden insight. “Wait, now that I think about it, my whole plan rests on the fact that Arcadia ‘slime’ monsters are composed of the same substances as Earth ‘slime’ but... what’s to say that the two are anything alike chemically? What if Swamp Slime are just magically imbued to have slime-like properties, but actually consist of nothing but, say, water…” Had he more common sense, and less enthusiasm for science with a capital ‘S’, this gaping logic in his plan may have been exposed significantly earlier. Things as they are, however, and with so many resources and time committed already, Franklin feels compelled to hold fast to his present course, falling into the sunken cost fallacy. “Well, let’s try this regardless, and if it doesn’t work… I guess there’s always Plan B…. poke them in the eyes with a large stick…”

He steps through the portal.

****

Water to acetic acid (C2H4O2), known colloquially as vinegar. Well, it’s not exactly water to wine, but I don’t think it’s any less miraculous. Of course, according to the rules of chemistry, what I just did makes absolutely no sense. I mean, where’s the catalyst for the methanol carbonylation? But screw the rules, I have a System.

As to why I spent two days and a ton of effort just to create some common vinegar....

He looks up from his thoughts, over the shrubbery behind which he is concealed, and towards the pond containing the swamp slimes. Clay potato filled with vinegar in hand, he begins to proceed slowly towards the water’s edge, tracking the distance in which the slimes can sense his movement. He finds that it is about twenty feet, for within that space, the first green ball of gelatin crawls out of the swamp. He holds out a hand, gesturing playfully for it to approach.

“Here, slime-y, that’s right, come here, good boy, no danger over here, no siree, it’s perfectly safe for you,” he says in a singsong tone, and again, whether the slime understands or not, it proceeds his way. The reason for this, the reason the slime does not immediately attack, despite having encountered Franklin in the past, is unclear. Franklin posits that it is either a different slime every time, or the slimes don’t have memories of events past. Whichever the case, it works in his favor. The slime crawls up his arm like a slug, and once he is certain it cannot escape, he shoves the container of vinegar directly into the slime’s gelatinous body. The slime writhes for a few seconds, as if trying to consume the clay jar, but then its googly eyes roll inward and in sudden fashion, it appears to just implode, popping like a water filled balloon, spilling semi-green fluids all over Franklin’s arm and the ground.

Franklin grins wide, as a great sigh of relief escapes his lips. His vengeance is appeased, but more than that, a deep sense of satisfaction washes over his mind, like the feeling of putting in the last piece of a puzzle. Completion. He continues his train of thought from before.

Why did I spend two days and a ton of effort just to create some common vinegar? That’s why! Boo-yeah! See, you may or may not know this, but slimes are actually critically weak to vinegar. I know, I know. It’s not something you learn from playing RPGs. But it’s simple chemistry, truth be told. For you see, “slime” is really just a chemical interaction between two different substances, polyvinyl acetate ((C4H6O2)n) and sodium borate ([Na•(H2O)+m]2[B4O5(OH)2-4]), also known as glue plus borax. Now, in slime, these two compounds interact via crosslinking to create a non-Newtonian fluid.

Imagine two rocks tied together with a bungee cord, where one rock is “glue”, the other “borax”, while the bungee cord is the crosslink. There is a degree of elasticity, a bounciness, between them, right? So it is with the slime, allowing it to jiggle like Jell-O and move by extending pseudopods. But therein also lies the key to their destruction. All I need to do, you see, is “sever” that bungee cord, dissolve it through disruption, and the slimes will revert to puddles of individual chemical fluids. And how do I sever those crosslinks? With a strong acid like vinegar.

Q.E.D.

Makes sense, right? Why the slime just imploded? Why vinegar is the key to the slimes’ demise?

What’s that, you say? What happened to all the doubts I had earlier? About how Swamp Slimes could just be magical creatures, with no regards to glue or borax or non-Newtonian fluids or physics even, and hence vinegar could just as well have done absolutely nothing to them?

...Well, I had collected some ooze samples earlier to further support my hypothesis, back when I was gathering firewood, but no… you’re absolutely, right. Since I couldn’t Decompose it, I only had the texture to go on and even though the material felt similar, it could very well have been the case that magical slimes are completely different chemically than “slime” from Earth, and hence not susceptible to vinegar. My plan could have failed spectacularly. But you know what? It didn’t, and so to the victor goes the spoils of gloating! Mwhahaha!

Now, as to why I’m justifying and explaining all this to myself in my head in the first place when, clearly, all this is already known to me… Okay, look, it’s not like I have a pathological need to prove how smart I am to anyone who will listen, even if that “anyone” is myself, alright…?

But yes, Franklin, that was very clever of you…

Thank you, Franklin, that’s very kind of you to say….

A popup message interrupts his internal monologue:

One Swamp Slime (L1) defeated. You have gained one Swamp Slime essence.