Almost immediately after Katrin left I got so tangled up in my own head that I went from horrified to angry. Fuck her. She tried to kill me. It wasn't my fault, I was a victim and she responded by trying to murder me. And what, now I was just supposed to give her my name? Also, what if it was all some sort of crazy trick? What if they'd put some kind of glamour on me so it seemed like I was a Sahrger? That was ridiculous, of course, everything made so much more sense this way, but... I don't know. I guess it just didn't seem fair that I had to be the one apologizing when it felt like my whole life had just been torn apart.

I settled for leaving some notes in the memory palace, just in case she was still lurking around in there. Nothing too eloquent, but a brief message saying I knew who she was now and wanted to talk. I felt like I could maybe reach out and try to invite her in, the way I did with Katrin, but I wasn't ready to do that just yet - no point in forcing a confrontation when I was still likely to tell her to go fuck herself. I knew that wasn't right, and that I would need to apologize and try to make peace, but I wasn't there yet.

There was a knock at the door, and then it opened and Errod carefully leaned on the cabinet in the cramped space. He had an eyebrow arched all the way to his hairline, and the hint of a grin on his face.

"Katrin says there's something very serious we need to discuss. Are you planning on trying to ditch Hugh?"

"I... maybe? But that's secondary to the actual... uh... thing. Errod, you know that I've had a lot of strange things about me, that we've... well, we've chalked it up to me being from Earth."

This was hard. Errod was a good guy, much better than I was, but what would that mean? I was about to admit to being an accomplice in a kidnapping and identity theft scheme. I was confirming that it wasn't just hyperbole and that I really was actually a sociopathic monster and was in all likelihood feeding off of the soul of an actual human, some poor abused girl who had tried to kill him which - for extra fun - meant that it was my fault he'd been attacked. I was silent for a moment, and then gave up and blurted it out.

"Errod, I'm a Sahrger. A changeling. I'm not even really Calliope Smith."

Errod looked shocked, but... there had been a delay. Had he just taken a second to process what I had said? Or did that look of surprise seem a little too... put on?

"Oh," he said, "that's... got to be very hard for you, to be just finding that out."

Errod wasn't a fantastic actor. "She told you already? I specifically asked her to let me -"

"No. Callie, no. Katrin didn't say anything to me."

"Oh please, I can tell you're faking the surprise."

He sighed, and slumped a little. "Don't be mad."

"I'm not I guess, but she..."

"No, no. Don't be mad at me. I... Callie, I've known for a long time."

I don't even really know what I meant to say, but when I opened my mouth all that came out was "You fucking what?"

He held up his hands, defensively. "Callie, it's just... it bothered me that those Sahrger granted us passage as if they owed you something instead of the other way around. And then those kids, they... well, it all sounded a little familiar and then you said you had some innate magic, and... well. It all seemed to add up. You didn't see it because you had total faith in your own identity, and Katrin didn't see it because she's too clever I think. She digs into the details and comes up with theories but sometimes she doesn't take a step back and look at the bigger picture."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

He sighed again, deeper this time, and then did an awkward little spin as he tried to pace around and found himself immediately out of space in the little wagon. "Well, honestly, I wasn't completely certain. And it seemed like the sort of thing you'd want to figure out on your own. And... I don't know, I figured there had to be a reason Connie didn't tell you."

"Wait, she knew?"

"She... she'd have to, right? Lord Protector Hammersmith would have told her, wouldn't she?"

"Hammersmith might not have known. What? Why are you giving me that look? It's because I'm being an idiot again, isn't it? Fuck. No, shit, you're right. Someone shows up with these crazy stories and military intel, obviously Hammersmith took a good long look at her. Also - oh fuck - she said when she showed up she was all wrinkly and strange on one side from the time thing. What do you want to bet she looked exactly like those super old Sahrger we saw? Motherfucker. And wait, now that we're talking about it... that guy, the one that looked at my memories after the burning building incident? He said some shit, I didn't understand it at the time but..."

He'd seen the edits on my memories. How could he not? It was a whole year plastered over with generic bullshit, it would probably be visible from space. But if he'd seen it that easily, and Hammersmith had obviously checked Connie out, then she knew that too. And Connie clearly hadn't known about the memory edits or the Sahrger thing, which means Hammersmith had kept all of it from her. From me.

"Okay, new plan. Shit. I'm not going anywhere near Hammersmith. Fuck it. We'll still need to get into Brinkmar, but I'm not spending more time than absolutely necessary with her and I'm certainly not putting myself into her custody. She'll have people ready to try and bust in on the day, we can show up at the last second and let them in. I'll still help save the world or whatever, I'm not a monster - well, okay, I kind of am, but..."

Errod laughed.

"Yeah, ha ha. But I mean, I'm literally a monster like my mom always said."

"That's - that's awful. But Callie, don't you understand? You keep talking about how bad you are at being a human, and how terrible you are. But you're wonderful. Maybe you're not the best person in the world, but Callie? You're hands down the nicest, friendliest, most moral Sahrger that has ever lived. Give yourself some credit."

"I... huh." I wanted to argue, but... well, he wasn't wrong.

"Anyway, this does mean we need to try and figure out what happened to the," he hesitated, probably stopping himself from saying 'the real Callie', "the human one."

"Oh, you didn't figure out that part? Okay, I still get to surprise you I guess. It's the wild mage. With the mask?"

He groaned. "Oh, damn it. Of course! I should have guessed, but I just assumed she would be imprisoned somewhere. Did they let her go? Did she escape? Was the one who stole my toe another human that had been raised in Xeyul?"

"Oh! Shit, I can go back and use divination to see if someone actually stole your toe!"

"Of course someone stole my toe. I told you they did."

"Yeah, but... I mean, someone just jumps out of the bushes and takes your toe and vanishes? I mean, it always sounded sort of..."

"Callie, you're from another world that - somehow - nobody knows about. You're a Sahrger that thinks she's human and who has met a time traveling copy of herself. You have three Dumines. But if I say someone in a mask stole my toe, you're going to look at me like I'm crazy and say it's not believable?"

"Fuck. Yeah, I can't really argue with that. You're absolutely right, and I'm sorry I ever doubted you. And we really will try to see who took your toe later, although a few other things are obviously going to take priority for now."

Errod winced. "Hugh isn't going to like the new plan."

"He's a hard one for me to get a handle on. He let us go before, and he let me almost get myself killed doing my plan with the bounty hunters. But then he talks about Hammersmith like she's the second coming - uh, Earth religious reference, sorry. Do we try to sneak away? Do we tell him everything? Something in-between?"

"At a minimum we would have to promise him we'd be back to open the portal to Brynnklar. You know where it is?"

"Yeah, it's in the notebook Connie left me. Along with some other stuff, some of which is already outdated and some makes no sense yet."

"So, we tell him we're leaving and that we'll be back to open the way for the army. Then... we offer him the option of coming with us? That way he can be sure we're safe."

"Errod, Hugh is... pretty badass. What if he just knocks us all out and drags us there?"

"I don't think that's going to happen. His skills are better at killing - or badly injuring - and what he would want is us healthy but incapacitated."

It was a fair point. Errod and I could be tied up, but I couldn't be blindfolded due to the divination and Katrin's spellcasting was very difficult to prevent. Hugh wouldn't want to smash our skulls in, which is what his powers were actually best at - he'd said it himself, he went the path of a brute. Getting us tied up and keeping us that way would be difficult for him. Of course he could lay a trap, get word to Hammersmith somehow and have us surrounded at the next stop. We'd have to be careful about watching him any time he had a chance to communicate with anyone.

Errod called Katrin and Hugh in, and while it was ridiculously cramped we did all manage to fit in the wagon in such a way we could make eye contact with each other.

"Hugh. We need to talk."

He smiled. "Ah. You do not wish to go to Lord Protector Hammersmith, yes?"

"Got it in one. Yeah. Look, I know you want to do what's right but we've realized that she hasn't been honest with us. And you trust her, I get it, but she has kept important knowledge from us and I don't think it's a good idea for us to put ourselves in her power. Also, we've realized that the wild mage is... well, she's not good news but she's maybe a bit misunderstood so we think there's maybe a way to stop her without anyone else dying and from an ethical standpoint we need to try that. But we can't do that while we're locked up somewhere."

"I see. And you all feel this way, despite the threat to the world?"

Katrin nodded, but Errod just wrinkled his brow in thought. There was a long pause and I almost yelled at him but... well, I didn't want him to make the decision out of pressure. Finally he looked at Hugh and gave one firm nod, and Hugh shrugged.

"Well then, there is nothing I can do. Calliope Smith, you are certain about this?"

"Hugh, I'm not abandoning the plan. I'll be where Hammersmith needs me, with time to spare. I'll open the way for the army, and we'll clear Hallenvar out of there no problem. There's just some detours we need to take."

"And am I your prisoner now?"

"No! No, you can leave if you want. Or you can come with us if that would make you feel better. But if you come with us, we can't let you tell anyone where we are."

Hugh looked annoyed. "Fine. I can feel it in you, Calliope Smith. Something great and powerful. It is why I have trusted you before, yes? But this power, this potential, it does not come with wisdom. Being destined for something great is not always a good thing."

And with that, he stormed out of the wagon.

The next part of the plan had to be finding a way to break the spell that attached me and... I was going to need a way to refer to her. Not Calliope, no matter what that was the name I'd grown up with and it would be too confusing to abandon it now. Though Connie had done it, for me. Hmm. It was something I'd need to talk to her about, eventually. Anyway, learning about how to do that would mean going to someone that knew what they were talking about. Professor Yanipliss was the obvious choice, but I still didn't entirely trust Hugh and he knew we'd wanted to go back there. There was another option, however...

"Okay, so I've been reading The Paradox of Fate," I said as I flipped through to the section I needed. "There's a being from some other plane, some oracle that can see the future and supposedly understands fate really well. When Yanipliss visited her she gave some kinda useless cryptic answer, but it's worth a shot."

Katrin took the book from me and pointed something out to Errod, who nodded. "Okay, that's... well it's out of our way but I think it's as good as anything. And then you need to be practicing again to build up your Dumines. I know that's almost impossible to do stuck in this wagon, but keep trying and maybe if we make progress with the wild mage... hmm. I was going to say we could let her see where we are, but I don't know how we could be sure she wasn't just pretending to be okay with us so we would let our guard down."

"Agreed," Errod said, "Sorry Callie. Either way you'll be stuck in here for a while. You already mentioned the oracle but just... don't look at that part of the book again, and we'll hope she wasn't watching right now."

They left, and I was alone with my thoughts again. Hugh had taken it as well as could be expected, and Errod and Katrin were still treating me the same way as before. Other than being cooped up in the wagon things were actually going okay. I could feel my mostly-misplaced anger at the wild mage fading. Eventually we stopped for the night, and Hugh came in with a bowl of soup for each of is.

"It is good, that you want to do the right thing," he said. "This is never easy. And since your arrival you have been through so much, all in this short time. I do not want to make your decisions more difficult, yes?"

"Thanks Hugh. And it's not just that I hate being locked up, though... I mean I won't lie, that's for sure part of it. It really is that this is important."

We sat there for a moment, slurping our soup. "You were on cooking duty tonight, I can tell."

"Hah! Yes, you know I have a fondness for mushrooms. Clever little things, they grow in such tough conditions. Like people. And like people, they come in all shapes and sizes. Some are delicious, some deadly. Some are both. Like the drowned man's toes - very beautiful mushroom, grows along the banks of rivers near stagnant pools. It tastes very good, but can easily kill you if you eat too much. Ah, but if you just have a taste? Well then, instead..."

Hugh was talking about mushrooms again but my brain was screaming that it was more than that. I had to think. But thinking was... was very hard, for some reason. He was saying something about a deadly mushroom that tasted good?

"It soups?" I slurred, and Hugh nodded.

"Yes, Calliope Smith. It is in the soup."

"Poison. Poison in soups."

"Just a bit. Katrin and Errod are already asleep. Let yourself relax. It will not do permanent harm, yes?"

I looked down at the bowl. If I could drink all of it, before passing out, he would have to put me in the healing bed to save my life and then I could think straight and not drink any more. Right? Did that even make sense? I tried to lift the bowl to my lips, and suddenly it was gone. When had Hugh taken it? He moved too fast, somehow. Or I was moving slow, like the walls. The walls were moving, shifting, melting. It felt like bedtime. Frantically I scrambled for the memory palace, hoping it would let me stay awake, but I fell instead into an endless pit of darkness.