At some point, magic will become old hat. The wonders of willing reality to bend its implacable foundation to your whims, will become the norm. The shock of endorphins ransacking your body as raw untamed power flows out and through and around you will become commonplace. The sheer volume and variety of wickedly cool lifeforms will simply be expected. On that day, please, someone, anyone, put me out of my misery, because watching two hamadryads, female tree spirits born from magic, simply call out to their earthen brethren was breathtaking. Meliad and her grove sister sang the soft melody of the evening breeze, motes of light taking the message away.

“Quick great sorcerer, conjure a body. Quickly, the elemental needs a stone vessel, freely given, to stay here on this plane.”

Easiest task a woman has ever given me. I conjured a basketball sized heart of solid granite, filled in the ‘soft’ tissue part with thick Virginia clay mixed with dirt, structured the ‘bones’ with obsidian flecked with quartz, and then padded the outer layers with gravel and sand. The empty golem lay on its back in front of me as I quickly shaped thick limbs and coarse digits. After fitting two conjured rubies in its face for eyes, I obeyed an odd impulse and stuck the golden runed diamond marble inside of its heard where the brain would be.

“Be prepared, it comes!” Meliad warned, her voice joyous as brown streaks of light flowed through the ley lines underneath the glade up into the conjured golem. Using just a bit more energy, I traced runes of cohesion and energy storage on its torso while grabbing three of my energy crystal batteries and shoving it in its chest where the lungs would be.

“He’s here!” Meliad began jumping around, clapping as if she were a three year old girl on her birthday. “Oh, and he’s gonna like this! Not many sorcerers make a vessel this complex, they usually just shape one outta mud and say ‘that’s it!’”.

The ten foot titan of earth sat up, its ruby eyes lighting up as awareness flooded in. One hand reach up to touch its face, the other held in front of itself, almost, inspecting it, as if it were a thinking sentient being.

“So,” I said, with my usual irreverent aplomb, “Got a name?”

An overly large mouth opened and a deep, crumbly voice cascaded out as the golem focused its imposing stature on the feeble fleshling in front of it.

“Is, this, for, me?”

Looking at Meliad who gave me the slightest nod, I happily replied to the living boulder who spoke too damn slow, as if he had to chew grind out each word. “If you agree to guard this glade, the forest around it, and most importantly, that tree,” I said as I pointed at Yggdrasil’s offshoot, “And allow those I wish unfettered or partial access to all of the above, then yes. Yes I do.”

The gashed mouth of dirt became a crescent of cobbly happiness as it began to shake the ground with a jig. “This, is, so, generous, master!” The gushing was a bit painful to listen to as its voice sounded like someone had thrown pebbles into a blender, but its joy was amusing to watch.

“You’ve made a friend for life,” Meliad said softly behind me.

Turning to face her, my raised eyebrow communicated its own question.

“Silly sorcerer. You didn’t just give the simple elemental a body, you gave him a vessel for a Duke.”

The other eyebrow joined its partner.

Meliad let out an exasperated sigh. “You know, a Duke, not just the elementals who call boulders and dirt their home, but rather a proud owner of a mountain. Their realm is just a boring expanse they share with the fire elementals, nothing there but dirt, magma, and some crystals. But here, here they can grow and become more or less than what they were.”

My eyebrows didn’t go down.

“How are you this powerful, yet know so little?” she asked, one hand playing with her leafy hair, the other resting on her hip.

“I keep asking myself the same question,” I said jokingly, tossing up a small duplicate of the runed diamond brain marble that I put in the golem’s head. “Anyways, do you know his or its name? Bah, is it a he or an it? I didn’t put a dick down there so I’m not exactly sure.”

“It will have a gender when you name it.”

I looked at Meliad, then at the grumpy younger hamadryad skulking behind her.

“What about that one? She got a name? Cause if not, I’m callin her Barky.”

Meliad’s giggle was cut off by Barky’s scream.

“My name is Lyra!”

“Whatever you say Barky!” I said, turning back towards the golem. “And you, damn, all the cool mountain names are really fucking long, like, Monongahela, or Killamanjaro. You know what, your name is Everest, cause you’re gigantic rock and I’m all out of creativity.”

Everest shook the earth as his knees crushed the ground in front of me. “Everest, me? This, is, my, name?”

“Yeah big guy, you’re a dude and you got a name. Good one too,” I replied. “And . . . what could I get or what would you if I gave you this?”

I tossed up the golden runed diamond to his eye level and his ruby eyes followed it back down as it landed in my palm.

“Something tells me that this pretty little thing is quite valuable to you, considering how happy you are with your body.”

“Heart, stone, is . . . “

I cut him off. “No, this is your brainstone.”

“Great sorcerer, spirits do not have brains. His spirit is contained in that stone, making it a heartstone. Stones such as that allow for him to grow mentally as well as in power and in size. This is why he is so grateful. The most powerful of elementals can think.”

I tossed it up again. “Ok then, heartstone, what would you do if I gave you another one of these?”

“Nothing,” Everest grunted.

“What?” I said, taken a bit aback. “What do you mean nothing? It’s a whole nother’ heartstone?!”

“Already, have, one.”

Damn it. There goes my dream of a literal mountain protecting my wife-tree. Fuck.

“Why not simply summon another? I’m sure there are plenty of elementals who would love be elevated above their intangible station?”

Meliad’s simple question combined with my observations of Everest’s joy to form a devious idea. Unable to contain my absolutely staggering genius, I grabbed her by the shoulders, my words spitting out rapid fire. “Can you find or summon another elemental who would be willing to do this but travel with me and not have to be out summoned all the time is that possible can you do it!?”

“Uh, uh, of course,” she whimpered just a tiny bit, “Please, you’re overly rough.”

“Do it and you can be in charge of the forest except for me,” I bargained. “I’m pretty sure I can make that happen.”

“You swear?” her tone softening as my grip eased up.

“As long as I don’t have to do anything crazy.”

Barky couldn’t take it anymore. “That’s not fair!” she screeched. “I won it fair!”

Lyra’s wooden fists were balled up, thorns sprouting from her knuckles while vines wrapped around her to form body armor. Thick bark covered the impact points of her body, her knees and elbows, while a literal crown of giant thorns sprouted from her head.

“How?” I asked, not really believing that I actually had to ask these kinds of questions. “What kind of contest do trees have? Grow bigger? Grow bigger fruit? Let’s see who has the widest leaf? Come on,” I mocked.

Meliad’s sultry voice provided a lovely to my own. “Simple, great sorcerer. She was able to plant her tree the closest. It’s hard for us to stand the overwhelming raw energy of the Great Mother. We would be subsumed if we got too close. That is why we guard the forest and the glade instead of growing near to her.”

“So, do I have to replant you or get rid of her?” I asked, “Cause, I’m totally willing to do either, maybe both.”

Meliad pointed at the diamond in my hand. “You could give me that.”

My eyes narrowed. “What now?” I spent hours making two of these ridiculous diamonds and I wasn’t gonna give it up or my portable golem plan without a damn good alternative that would seriously benefit me. “Why, what would it do for you exactly? And how would it help me?”

“I could show you,” she started to which I instantly closed her mouth with nature sorcery.

“Or you could fucking tell me. I like my plan better.”

Releasing her from my magical grip, I let her speak. I kept reminding myself that these things, these creatures, they aren’t human. They are not even close, which means that bargaining with them is fraught with peril as they do not think like us. And I couldn’t let my guard down, which is why I had to make sure that they knew, that they all knew, that I was the big dog round here.

“Answer, him!” Everest roared from over top of me.

Meliad’s eyes went wide as she cowered at my feet.

“I could bind a minor earth elemental to myself and move my tree closer to the Mother. It would also allow me to manipulate not only the nature around us but the dirt beneath my roots. An embedded treant and an Earthen Duke would be able to fend off a dragon if we had to!”

Pinching my nose, I took a second to take a deep breath. It really hurts how much my ignorance is getting in the way.

“Treant?” I said, confusion mixing with a bit of self-directed anger. “The hell is that?”

“Like, me,” Everest answered, “But, a, tree.”

Great. Less than helpful answers.

“Your turn Leafy, think you can maybe expound on that?” My gritted teeth with my fake smile was not at all comforting.

She pointed at Lyra who hadn’t moved but was shaking in anger. “I will be able to do all of that but can coat myself with earth in any way I want.” She then pointed at Everest. “And, I’ll be able to grow that big if needed and have more power than he.”

I knelt down in front of her and looked her straight in the eye. “So, if I give you this,” I said, holding the diamond marble in front of my nose as our faces were nine inches apart, “Then you have to swear that you will protect this forest, this glade, the Great Mother, and by that I mean that giant tree, and obey me. You will also have to let people that I designate to come and go as I direct you. Can you work with that? Nod once.”

As her head bobbed once, I used my nature and consciousness sorcery to lay her soul bare in front of me. There were more memories in the snapshot I experienced of her life than I had ever dreamed. To be fair, most of them were simply enjoying the simple pleasures of a nice sunny day or a refreshing rain in the summer, but the sheer volume was heavy. After determining that she meant it, I pulled my mind out of the ocean’s worth of memories.

My nature sorcery clung to the dreams of relaxing underneath the warm sun as I shook my head, trying to bring reality to the forefront. With my consciousness sorcery, I boxed up the parts of not-me and sent them to the back in a folder titled, ‘Not my actual memories’.

“Here,” I said, handing the exquisitely detailed runed marble to Meliad. “Don’t misuse this and we won’t have a problem. And you!” Turning around to face Lyra, I pointed at her with one finger that was glowing with a bomb’s worth of mana. “Either get off your high horse or fuck off. Meliad is in charge now after me and Everest over there.”

I held her gaze until she looked away, her thorns and armor shrinking back inside of her. Her lithe form melted into the forest. Looking down, I saw that Meliad was now a ball of wood, her form still visible but literally melted together as if she had grown that way. Poking her with my toe, I cleared my throat, “Ah hem!”

“Give, her, time. I, will, guard.”

“Thanks Everest. Ok, you’re in charge while I’m gone,” I explained. “The young kid named Johnny, about yea high with the powers of a cultivator, he can come and go. The big ass woman, Reeanth, her too. She’s about a foot and a half taller than me and she rarely takes off her silver nano-tech armor. Also, she has sorcery that centers around her eyes if you need something to verify her with. Got all that?”

A simple nod followed my ramble.

“Good. Now I got more shit to do,” I said as I walked away from where Everest knelt over Meliad. Ideas raced through my head, taking my mind off the insanity that was my life.

The next couple of days went by in a whirlwind as my self imposed limit of a week came closer whether I liked it or not. The good news was that I was incredibly productive. I used my time to outfit Reeanth and Johnny with badass weaponry, but I was extra proud of Reeanth’s new helmet specifically. Using a bit of her nano-tech and some time consuming rune work, I was able to make probably the second most dangerous weapon I’d ever come up with so far. The helmet was outfitted with a thin and clear diamond partial face mask that would absorb the latent/unused eye-based sorcery emitted from Reeanth’s eyes and store it. Then, at Reeanth’s mental command, the focal diamond at the top of her could do several things. It could display whatever she was thinking, sort of like a mentally controlled hologram, or project a force field, or even serve as a short ranged laser.

Johnny got a neat set of plate armor that was full of kinetic feedback runes. As he moved or was hit by anything that discharged kinetic force, his armor would store that energy so that it could be used in a multitude of useful waves. My personal favorite use was the bouncing effect that allowed him to move as if his hundred pounds of armor was much lighter. It could store the downward kinetic motion and use that to power the upward movement. It could also be discharged as various points across his body if he wanted to make a punch or kick have the force of a car crash. The hardest part was making it so that Johnny could control the armor’s functions through his mind, and that tuning with my consciousness sorcery took an entire day.

In order to prep for anything, my controlled paranoia forced me to make several general survival tools that could be incredibly useful. The first things I created were personalized healing sapphires for all three of us. Each gem held a flesh sorcery based snapshot of each person’s specific body, and if held while injured, the stored energy of the gem would follow the “fixed” framework and correct whatever injury was there. I then added a function of simple accelerated healing that would be great outside of combat but wouldn’t be fast enough if we were up against a wall.

Small flash-bang grenades were also made, but this time they were made out of small squares of wood that I inscribed runes on. The wood squares would be much lighter than my original idea of flash-bang pebbles, but they couldn’t be thrown as far. My most innovative work was actually not even item related. With the consent of my companions, I used flesh sorcery to temporarily darken the skin on the tops of their heads . Their hair covered up the makeshift runic tattoo.

“What’s this for again?” Johnny asked, poking at his scalp. “It feels kinda weird, like you’re gonna go all mind control on us when we ain’t lookin.”

“Damn it Johnny, we’ve been over this a bunch of times,” I said, completely done with this kid. “It’s an anti-mind control runic tattoo. The center rune is the one for self, and it is inside the rune of defense that is woven in with the rune of serenity. I got one, Reeanth has one, I’ve even put one on Spot, although I pity the person that tries to control him.”

His brown eyes squinted at me as he chewed on that for a second.

“So, what you’re tellin me, you ain’t trying to mess with my brain?”

“Johnny,” my voice getting softer as my patience ran out, “I don’t need your brain. I need your help. Why would I mind control someone I am helping. Trust me, the help I am giving you is priceless. The help you’re giving me is personal.”

He took this opportunity to quickly change track. “So if you can fake tattoo up some anti-mind voodoo, can’t you do the same thing to like, muscles and shit? Maybe draw me up some magic powers?”

Full stop. Holy shit. From the mouth of babes, and apparently idiots.