"Alright! I'm ready!" exclaimed JohnWillStab, he stood beside the front door, ready to take on the Ajuan army, ready to defeat HaremHarry and ready to get his dick back!

"Did you bring your daggers?" Alex asked nonchalantly.

"Of course, I always have them on me!" JohnWillStab scoffed,

He reached for his hip trying to find one of his daggers only to realise he did, in fact, not have it.

"Damn, you're right!" exclaimed JohnWillStab.

"Good thing I reminded you or we would have been screwed..." replied Alex with a smug look.

"How'd you know?" Asked JohnWillStab, "I always hide them under the coat," he added.

"Intuition!" exclaimed Alex with a smug look.

"Bullshit! I told him!" Thal exclaimed.

Alex let out a sigh, they were staying in the large house in Ajuan's capital city.

Alex sat on a large, red sofa with a book he grabbed from one of the walls.

'The eel in the cavern: book three. A fishman erotica.' read the cover.

"And put the fucking book away! I've had enough imagery of nude fish-people to last me a lifetime!" Thal cried.

"Eh, if this doesn't work out, at least MrBadWithNames can switch to writing erotica," Alex shrugged placing the book away.

"Considering my current state, I'd rather him not do that," John shuddered.

"If you and someone else fucked... would that be necrophilia?" asked Alex.

"Uhm... no? I guess, not since I'm alive soul-wise," he shrugged trying to change the topic.

"I'd just like to point out, a breast-size was never canonically set for any of the characters," Alex added.

"So?" asked John.

"So what size are you?" asked Alex.

"Are you that desperate to get us taken down?!" demanded John, the look in his eyes terrified at the memory of the nothingness that awaits all fictional characters once they're forgotten.

"Relax, other stories get away with it!" assured Alex.

" 'I h**e b***g wed in a fa***sy wo**d!' mentioned sexual stuff in passing," shrugged Alex.

"STOP IT! Don't mention other fictions, dumbass!" JohnWillStab grabbed him by the collar and pulled him close.

"If we return to the void of being forgotten and the story is taken down because of you I will personally dismember you, and let me warn you, the gore won't be censored where we'll be headed!" threatened JohnWillStab pointing at Alex.

"All I'm saying is, we need a canonical boob-size for you," Alex finally said.

"..."

"Besides, you're a dude so it's not like I'm actually harassing you," he continued.

"...wait ...how do I check?" asked John.

"What do you mean?" asked Alex slightly taken aback.

"I mean, how do you check? It's measured in cups, right?" asked John.

"I guess so...?" replied Alex.

JohnWillStab marched over to a nearby cabinet and pulled out two teacups, he looked down and back to the cup.

"Hmmm... nope, bigger than teacups," John exclaimed.

"Oh shit, weren't f-cups meant to be big? f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,p,q,r,s,t..."

"God damn man! Not bad!" Alex exclaimed.

JohnWillStab was suddenly enjoying the ego-boost.

"Alright, let's be modest and assume I have teacups," John exclaimed.

"Fair enough," Alex exclaimed.

In reality, John was basically flat.

"In any case!" exclaimed JohnWillStab "We should get going before the rebellion starts," John exclaimed.

Jordan walked out, dressed in his red robes with white flame patterns and puffy white trousers.

A lit cigarette in his mouth, the smoke curling like his hair.

"Guys, you won't believe it! I've discovered a cool trick!" exclaimed Jordan as he took out a cigarette from his pocket and pinched the top of it causing it to light.

"Woah!" John exclaimed.

"That's cool," Alex said scratching his chin.

"We just measured John's boob-size," Alex explained.

Jordan gave them a wry look.

"Turns out I'm a teacup!" John exclaimed.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"What?" Jordan looked down at his chest and back to his face.

"Like hell you are,"

"You have b-cups at best," Jordan exclaimed.

"What!? I measured them! I'm sure!" John exclaimed.

"Yeah, I saw it all!" Alex explained.

Jordan looked to Thal.

"...I mean... I did see him measure them." Thal replied.

"Oh god, they're all stupid again..." Jordan thought.

JohnWillStab found his blades and slipped them under his coat.

"Alright, is everybody ready?" asked John.

Everyone in the party was now level seventeen.

John's stats were...

Dexterity: 20 + 2(Gloves)

Perception: 19

Stamina: 17 + 4(Boots)

Athletics: 21

Strength: 19 + 1(Gloves)

Weapon skill: 17

Magic: 9

Intelligence: 14

Luck: 13 + 1(Ring)

Charisma: 5 + 12(Tits)

"Yeah, I was up pretty late training my magic, though I had some sleep too," Jordan explained.

"I too have been mastering my craft!" Alex exclaimed.

"He's been coming up with cool things to call out during a fight..." Thal ratted him out.

"Intimidation is the mightiest of tactics!" Alex replied.

"More like retardation..." Thal sighed.

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean!?"

JohnWillStab flung the door open.

"We have you surrounded on one side! Surrender!" exclaimed a muscular man, he had long flowing hair, red in colour and a short beard and moustache that joined together to form majestic facial hair.

He wore massive armour, green-blue in colour with a gold lining and intricate gold patterns, on his back he had a hammer, a massive metal rod with hammer-ends on the top and bottom, both were spiked on one end and blunt on the other.

"Looks like the fighting starts early!" John exclaimed taking his two daggers out.

Alex drew Thal seeing as JohnWillStab was still in the door, decided to take the dramatic exit, by bursting out through a window, the shattered glass flying out alongside his flaming blade as he flew directly at one of the armoured men surrounding the front door.

"Nice," thought JohnWillStab as he used shadow-step to appear behind one of the generic-looking attackers.

A solid few meters away from JohnWillStab, the large man punched the air in John's direction.

"You can't hit me from over there-" JohnWillStab was cut off by the loud cracking noise, he saw the ground beside him shatter as a wave of what looked like ice was shot towards the ground, splintering the tiled road.

"Ice magic?!" thought JohnWillStab looking at the man.

"My aim was off..." sighed the red-haired man as he once more punched at the air with ungodly speed, a blur of projectiles flew at JohnWillStab, when they hit the ground they evaporated instantly.

"That's not ice!" exclaimed JohnWillStab seeing the crystals vaporise into nothing.

"You are correct, I have trained my strength and magic stat, despite my melee weapons choice." the man began, he clenched his hand in thin air.

"With the use of magic I draw the oxygen around me into my hand and I squeeze it with my strength stat until it becomes solid," the man explained opening his palm and showing a solid chunk of what looked like ice, he tossed it at JohnWillStab.

Instinctively JohnWillStab slashed at it,

"Bad move." said the red-haired man as a grin spread across his face.

The terrifying temperature of the solid-air travelled down the metal blade and encased JohnWillStab's entire arm in ice.

"It looks like the physics in this world aren't quite the same as on earth... but I can abuse that..." bellowed the man as he created another projectile in mid-air.

From behind, Jordan aimed his staff at the man, JohnWillStab noticed this and called out to him.

"NO DON'T!" but it was too late, Jordan fired a powerful bolt of flames directly at the projectile of solid oxygen as a massive explosion of flames erupted.

Smoke poured out like a tidal wave through the streets.

"Wake up, dumbass!" Thal said doing the mental equivalent of slapping Alex awake.

Alex opened his eyes and saw Jordan was mostly fine, though pretty burned.

He looked to the side and saw his left arm was broken, some debris must have flown out from the explosion and buried into it.

"What the hell's... going on...?" thought Alex.

"You're in a fight! Get your shit together!" Thal called out.

"Who are you?"

Thal began to panic, "If he doesn't do something he's dead..."

From beside Alex stood up a battered soldier, he was wearing iron armour and holding a long spear.

He looked around and saw Alex, slowly, with a raised spear he started making his way towards him.

"Alex, get your shit together!"

"..."

"Fuck it, Alex, I'm lending you some of my mana... I expect you to return it with interest!" Thal called out as Alex's head shot up.

His eyes seemed erratic, jerking from place to place as they dilated and expanded rapidly.

Alex turned to the attacked and calmly stood up.

As he made every slow, deliberate step the air grew colder, the attacker's hand began to quiver as he dropped the spear and turned to retreat.

Alex's vision began to blur as blood began to trickle from his nose and eyes.

With one well-planted smack to the top of the armoured man's head, he was reduced to a stain on the ground and a fine red mist in the air.

His armour smoking from partially melting from the air friction on its way down to the ground at immense speeds.

The glowing hot metal plates searing the meaty pulp below.

Alex's arm was also reduced to pulp, a mist that smelled of burned flesh and blood.

Moments later Thal retracted his mana.

Alex came to and let out a pained scream thanks to the sudden sensation of extreme pain.

It wasn't just his arm, his guts, his lungs, every piece of him felt like it was stretched and torn.

"Calm down, I left some mana inside to help you heal," Thal exclaimed.

As promised his arm stopped bleeding in no time and a stump began to form, at this rate he'd get his arm back in a few minutes.

"Fuck that hurt!" Alex exclaimed.

"But it snapped you back to reality!" Thal replied.

"Knees week, arm is heavy." thought Alex.

"Heh..."

"You laughed!"

"It was a cough."

"Hmmm..."

Alex saw his arm was back about half-way healed.

"Thanks for the help, though..." Alex admitted before standing up and grabbing Thal with his other hand.

"Whatever..." Thal replied.

"Are you guys alright?!" called out JohnWillStab from across the smoke-filled battlefield.

"I'm fine!" said Jordan,

"We're good!" Alex exclaimed.

"Looks like you're going to be more difficult opponents to defeat than expected..." sighed the red-haired man.

As his companions lay around him dead or dying.

He made more solid-oxygen and used its explosion to clear the smoke.

"But its alright, I have come prepared!" the man bellowed grabbing hold of the air once more and throwing it into the air, the projectiles flying far into the distance.

"What's with his aim?" asked Alex.

From behind, Jordan began to stumble.

"I'm... feeling a little... light-headed..."

"Jordan?!" Alex asked.

Jordan fired a bolt of flames at the man only for it to disappear moments later.

"What the-?!" Jordan began but passed out before finishing

"He's throwing away all of our oxygen!" JohnWillStab called out seeing the solid oxygen flying away.