Chapter 1 - Summer

While squirming through the granite crevice, two memories came to mind: my underaged attempt to slip between bouncers, and the doomsayer dropping his cardboard sign outside my favorite coffee shop.

Like the bouncers, the rock wall wouldn’t budge, and like the doomsayer, I realized the end was here.

In a reasonable world, I’d spend my mornings in lecture halls, drink strawberry frappes with friends in the afternoons, and club hop with my twin sister Lia at night. I didn’t live in a reasonable world. The world I lived in collapsed, and I spent my days fleeing scabs and beasts.

The abrasive stone tore at my skin like coarse sandpaper and left red speckled gifts as short-lived mementos with each step. I’d heal soon enough, but the holes in my tank top wouldn’t.

I arched my back around the remaining corner and pressed off the rock wall with my arms, but it was no use. My hips wouldn’t cooperate, and the stone didn’t negotiate. I was hungry, thirsty, emotionally drained, and stuck. Things weren’t great, but overall, they were better than the day before.

With one last push, I sucked my all too thin stomach in, twisted my body, and drove my legs into the rigid wall until it tore down my pelvis and ripped through the loose cargo pants I stole from a dead scab. I collapsed onto the cave floor, gasped for air, and shrunk into the pain with wet eyes.

Across the cavern, hunched, and wearing a gray beard that kissed the ground, sat a priest of The Order. Lia said I’d find him here, and he’d save me. He certainly had the rank.

Four stripes under the red cross embroidered on his vest meant the priest was a unit leader, a warrior of God. Armed with faith, priests fought against the beasts the Pope deemed Lucifer sent. Everyone knew that wasn’t true, but nobody stopped them from fighting, not while they kept people safe.

A layer of dirt settled on his body from months of remaining still, but he was alive. When the first breach split the sky and flooded the world with unknown particles, people’s bodies changed. A powerful priest from The Order transforming into a monster could survive years on the decay energy alone.

The steady dripping of water caught my attention, and I dragged my body to the icy blue pool collected from the stalagmite runoff. Hard water purer than anything I drank in months and clear enough to bottle. I sank my sweat-soaked head into the tub sized collection and let the water wash away the heat.

Escaping took a toll, mentally and physically, and if I had the time, I would float in the water until the last year disappeared. Sadly, time was never on my side.

After drinking more than I should have on an empty stomach, I washed the dirt caked on my face and ignored my reflection. The vain worries I once had vanished long ago. If my looks changed, I didn’t want to know.

A steep ramp on the far side exited the cave—an entrance I wished I found earlier—and the sun spotlighted a flat rock where I collapsed into a heap after wringing the water from my shirt. Wet hair drooped over my right eye, and I couldn’t pin it back. Scabs left it long enough to fall onto my face, but too short to tuck behind my ears. If I survived, I’d decide whether to grow it out or chop it off.

Across the room, the priest fought against soul corruption. Eventually, he’d lose and become something between a beast and a scab—a monster, ready to attack anything. The corruption he exuded pricked my skin, slowed my actions, and froze my thoughts.

In a few more months, he’d terrorize the whole of upstate NY.

Lia didn’t say how the priest would save me, and she wasn’t answering. The only thing I could think of was confession.

I didn’t come from a religious family. Father said going to church cost money, and because we didn’t have any, God wanted nothing to do with us. Lia disagreed and read the bible under our comforter every night. She thought God was real and told me God would let us see mom if we told him our sins.

I wasn’t sure if that was true, and the priest didn’t look like the type to take confessions, more like a devout believer pressed into service, but I needed something to hope for.

The adrenaline rush ended and left my hands shaking, so I squeezed them together, laid my cheek on my right shoulder, and cleared my throat. “I never um… confessed before, but I’ve seen a few movies, so I’ll try to get this right.”

I’d seen films where somebody made a cross on their body, walked into a booth, and confessed. A few Hail Mary’s and Our Fathers later, God forgave you, and your world moved on. That’s what I hoped for, anyway, and I figured the clear well was close enough to holy water, so I had most of what I needed.

I pressed my soul into my wounds and healed them while thinking about the pardons I wanted and the abilities I lacked. Everyone gained a skill once the particles bound to us, but some were more useful than others. Soul manipulation let me heal wounds, but I couldn’t strengthen myself.

After my injuries faded and I compiled my list, I turned towards the priest and started. “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Mostly small stuff before the fall. Although I’m not sure that matters. Maybe God can give me a pass, and I’ll confess the big stuff.”

I winked and hoped a little charm would earn points. It was stupid. Cute actions wouldn’t save me, but it lightened the air above my head and made it easier to admit my major offenses. “I’ve committed murder, Father. Even though it was self-defense, I know you’re not supposed to kill.”

Everyone made tough choices after the collapse, some at the expense of others. Those decisions didn’t make a person terrible. When the cities fell, everybody clawed their way through the destruction to survive.

“I probably broke a lot of the commandments too. But I never cheated. Mike cheated, but I never did.” I stretched my legs out and picked at a few strands fraying from the new hole in my pants. There were a lot of happy memories, with plenty of awful mixed in between.

I loved Mike, but I think he turned into a crutch during crazy times. He kept the hallway lit when the power went out.

It was hard not to lean on him. Mike was strong. Able to defeat the mutated beasts and keep them outside city limits. I was his girlfriend, but he had no shortage of women clinging to him, and I was too afraid he’d leave if I said anything.

“Mike’s a lot like you, father. A frontline fighter who protected the weak. But he let it get to his head. Thought he was a celebrity or something. Even gave interviews on the news. Can you believe that?”

Mike and I met in sociology and started dating soon after. Although he wasn’t the most masculine guy, he never lacked confidence and had a personality that drew me in. The first breach changed that. He kept me around for a while.

The memory left the foul taste of an ugly cry in my mouth, and my nails bit into my palms. “A lot changed, father. They abandoned us. The Order abandoned us.”

It was wrong to cast blame while asking for forgiveness, but I had the urge to lash out. Frontline soldiers swore a death oath to fight the madness, and the government provided all the resources they needed to combat the beasts.

The cities relied on them, but after the fifth breach, they saved themselves and left those of us who survived the hordes to the scabs. The Order was no different.

I stared at nothing in particular and let the numbness of it all take over. No matter how much I cried, the past wouldn’t change, so I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and released the pent up rage with a sigh. There were still stains I needed to cleanse.

For over an hour, I confessed my sins, even asking for future pardons, and shared news of the outside. The conversation was one-sided, but I hadn’t talked to anyone in a while, so I didn’t mind. Once the pressure lifted, though, I got to the point.

“You’re dying, father, and you’re becoming a beast. But I can help, and since you listened to me, I’ll make you a deal. If you agree to forgive my sins, I’ll save you. Does that sound fair?”

Although he couldn’t answer, I pretended he agreed. I’d save him because he had the strength I needed, the power to survive the world outside with the next breach arriving. I didn’t know how to continue on my own and being alone terrified me, but I had to make Mike pay. So I’d try to wall off my emotions for Lia and save the priest. At least a part of him, anyway.

I dug deep into my soul and pressed thin tendrils through my arms into my palms, the crux of my ability, and something I didn’t understand fully. The breach taught us souls, or what we called souls, were real and connected to us like any other limb. It took a lot of practice, but I got the hang of mine, eventually.

Before changing my mind, I charged the priest and wrapped my hands around his arms, boring my soul into his and tearing it apart. The green and brown cave walls flashed silver, and his body jerked back against my advance, but I held him tight, pulled him into my chest, and locked him in place.

After several minutes of ripping, pulling, and mending, my body dropped and landed on his. Driving out the corruption and repairing the damage temporarily paralyzed me.

I closed my eyes and slowed my breath, but didn’t dare fall asleep. The scabs were tracking me and would soon find the crevice. In an hour, two if I were lucky, they’d rip their way in, and the cave would turn into a bloody mess.