Laura wanted to pick up some clothes for our honeymoon. The weekend before the wedding, we all piled into Laura’s car to go to the mall. It wasn’t my favorite destination, but I was with my girls.

We went to several shops and she wasn’t finding what she wanted. Finally, there was a store that held promise.

Laura was trying on several outfits and coming out from the dressing room for my approval. I watched the girls and we formed a voting team for each pairing Laura modeled. She went back to change into one more. As she did, I got a text from a client and quickly responded. I finished just before she came out ready for the fashion show. She started to model, then looked around with a startled face.

“Where’s Mattie?”

I panicked. “She was right here!”

The three of us started frantically looking around the store calling for her. After a few minutes of failing to locate her, Laura looked at me with panic and something else I’d never seen in her. Overflowing anger!

“Ben! I needed you to watch them for five damn minutes! What the hell were you doing?”

I was crushed. Not just because we couldn’t find Mattie, but Laura was justifiably angry and I was the target!

She was looking around frantically. She took charge.

“Ben! Go look in the mall! I’ll look in here!”

I ran out and started looking. I was a mess, but I focused on finding her. I had to find her. My mind was flooded horrible thoughts about what could happen to her. If anything did happen, how could I ever look Laura in the face? I was too panicked for tears to form. Adrenaline surged through my body. I prayed almost subconsciously while still aware of my every petition.

I looked in every direction. The mall wasn’t crowded so my vision was clear. I saw no evidence of anyone Mattie’s size. I ran in the direction I felt she’d most likely go. I saw no hidden corridors. There’s a toy store. I’ll go in there—maybe she wandered in.

As I quickly scanned the toy store my phone rang. It was Laura’s number. I answered with the question on my heart. “Did you find her?”

“Dad?”

It was Hanna. Why didn’t Laura want to talk to me?

“Dad… you there?”

“Yes, sweetie. Did you find Mattie?” Oh please God, let her be found!

.

“Yeah, we found her. Mom wants you to come back to the store to the bench outside. Okay?”

“I’ll be right there, sweetie!”

I walked back quickly, but the hurt I felt was consuming me. I tried to put it in perspective, to heal myself before I faced Laura. She was a tigress whose cub was in mortal danger. Her claws came out against every threat—every cause. I was the only cause available. And I blew my assignment. I earned her wrath.

I got to the bench as they came out of the store. Mattie was wailing harder than I had ever seen. Laura was stern and relieved, but evidence of tears streaked her face. Hanna was softly weeping—not from direct cause, but from the drama and emotion around her.

Laura was still focused on Mattie as I walked up to them.

“Alright, Mattie. It’s over. Sit here with Daddy and Hanna while I go finish in the store.” She still had the store's clothes on and she needed to change and pay for her purchases. Before she went back in, she turned to me and hugged me.

“Ben, I’m sorry about how I talked to you. Let me take care of this and I’ll be right back.”

Hanna was hugging Mattie to calm her down. I sat and pulled them both into me.

Mattie started to calm down, and Hanna told me what happened.

“Mattie was hiding—like hide and seek. She hid under the middle of that big round rack of dresses that were right next to us. I finally saw her shoes when we were looking.”

“Yeah,” Mattie whimpered.

“Why didn’t you answer when we called?”

“I was hiding! It was hide and seek!” She started to cry a little again.

“Oh, sweetie! When you play hide and seek, the people you’re playing it with need to know it’s hide and seek!” She cried into my shoulder.

I was still shaking. The panic was passed, but the adrenaline still was having its effect. And I was hurt… deeply hurt. I rationalized everything that happened and all Laura went through. But that look on her face and harsh words… at the time I felt I earned them and based on the facts, or lack thereof, she thought the same. But how I was feeling wouldn’t go away. All the happiness and joy of the past few months felt threatened. I was a weak thread away from losing it all. Mattie was okay. She would learn from this. But at that moment I couldn’t get past all the horrible consequences that could have resulted from my moment of distraction. Everything around me seemed frail, fragile.

Laura exited the store and hugged the two girls. Mattie cried a little. “Sorry, Mommy! I’m really sorry!”

“Okay baby. We’ll talk more later, but everything is okay.”

Laura stood and looked at me as I got up from the bench. She saw my eyes. I was too transparent. She moved quickly to embrace me.

“Ben! I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve that!”

I felt her softly sobbing into my shoulder and my eyes were quickly filling.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I lied. “Why don’t we skip going out to a restaurant and just head home for some sandwiches?”

She pulled back to look at me. She knew I lied. She could see the hurt and I thought she was going to burst into tears. But she pulled herself together with a glance at the girls. I could read her. We desperately needed to talk our way through this. But not here… and not in front of the girls.

As we drove home the car was silent. Laura held my hand. I could feel her looking at me as I pretended the road was my only focus. She knew she hurt me with just a few, angry words. I still didn’t blame her… but that didn’t lessen the sting. I had never seen that look in her eyes before. It scared me! I never wanted to deserve that look. I hoped to never see it again.

While driving it occurred to me that this was the first time we faced a real issue. Thank God it was quickly resolved with no disaster. Everything was okay. But there were consequences. I felt anger from Laura. It was hard at that moment, but I was convinced we would be stronger once we worked it out. We loved each other. This tested us, but we would be stronger in the end. I wanted us to get to that point quickly!

Dinner was a little quiet. It was Laura’s turn for the blessing and her prayers had a specific focus of thanks, protection, healing, and forgiveness. I knew she was worried about me, but it wasn’t time yet to work through it.

After dinner, the girls watched a Disney movie. That always held their attention. Laura and I retreated to our favorite chair in the living room and took our place with her sitting across the arm on my lap. She immediately plopped her face into my shoulder and cried. As usual, I joined her.

Once calm enough, she spoke. “How do I take that back? How can I un-say those awful words? You didn’t deserve that!”

“Laura, I love you so much. And, yes… that hurt… it hurt a lot… and I’m still feeling it.”

Her face twisted up with a pained look and tears started streaming. “Oh, Ben! I’m so, so sorry. It hurts me knowing what I did to you. I love you and never wanted to hurt you like that. Can we get past that? Can you forgive me?”

She was starting to lose control or her weeping and wanted to bury her face into me, but she willed herself to keep her eyes on me, begging for my answer.

“Of course I forgive you!”

She drove her head into my shoulder and let loose as I continued.

“I forgave you immediately. I understood the situation. We were both scared out of our minds. I’m sure images of things that could have happened to Mattie were flooding your thoughts as they were mine. All you saw before you was the truth. Mattie was missing. I appeared clueless when she was under my watch. In your immediate reaction, you saw me as the problem—it was my fault. I felt the same. I deserved it at that moment.”

“You weren’t at fault at all! Mattie waited until you and Hanna weren’t looking, and slipped under the dress rack right next to you to play hide-and-seek. The same would have happened no matter who was watching her!”

“I know. And I know it wasn’t my fault. And I don’t blame you for your reactions. Although, that look you gave me scared the hell out of me!”

I laughed, and she was able to join me a little as tears subsided.

“Look, we’ve had a perfect courtship, probably because it has been so short. This was the first bump we’ve ever faced. But we are human. I don’t know about you, but I’m not perfect… so we will have bumps!”

“I think today I proved to be less than perfect!” She was still emotional, but her mood was lightening.

“Listen… I know I say you are perfect a lot. I’m smart enough to know that’s not possible. But I do mean that you’re perfect to me and for me. I mean that with all my heart.”

“I love you, Ben. But you’re still hurting a bit – aren’t you?”

“Yeah. I can’t recover that quickly from those intense emotions. But after the girls go to bed, if we can sit right here and just be together, I’ll be more than okay!”

Our lips met with the first relaxed smile of the evening.

“It’s a shame, though.”

“What?” she asked.

“We are only a week or so from awesome make-up sex!”

Yes, she hit me. Yes, I loved it. Yes, we made out as much as we were comfortable with having two little girls just around the corner.

This was our first real test. We were going to be just fine tonight, and we knew future tests would be met head-on and resolved. So, yes, we grew closer on yet another dimension.