At first, there was only darkness. And then, there was only light. Candii stumbled toward the light.

Could this be heaven? Is this what happens when you die? She shielded her eyes and walked into the blinding brightness but was then overcome with heat. She realized she was not in heaven, but somewhere else. She opened her eyes and was surprised to see burning brimstone, oceans of lava, and demons flying about.

“Holy heck in a hamper! What the heck happened to me?”

“That’s a new swear,” said a raspy, monotone voice from behind her.

Candii twirled and was startled by a tall demon with a clipboard, thick black glasses, and a tie, but no other clothes.

“Where am I?” she asked. “And who are you?”

The demon stretched out his open palm. Candii shook it.

“Hello. My name is Belthequazal-unarmobius, but you can call me Bell. I’m the Regional Intake Manager here in the lowest circle of the afterlife.”

“I’m dead?” Candii asked with her hands running through her hair.

“Yes. Let’s see…” Bell flipped through his clipboard. “Ah, here it is. You died in a rock band battle using unicorn magic.” He raised his eyes to look at Candii. “Very dangerous,” he whispered with disapproval. He scanned his clipboard again. “Um, you lived a good enough life that you were sent here to the ninth circle of the afterlife.”

“Am I in the bad place?” Candii asked. She sat down on the floor, overwhelmed with feelings. She just held her head in her hands.

“Hell? Like the eternal place of torture and damnation? Ha, ha! No. I don’t know if that exists, but I’m glad to say you are not there.”

“Is this some type of Dante’s Inferno?”

“Dante’s Inferno…?” Bell thought about it for a moment. “Oh, you must be referring to the literary existence of the nine layers of hell. No, this isn’t that either.”

“Then what is this place?” Candii asked exasperated.

Bell cleared his throat. “Ahem. You now reside eternally in the ninth layer of the afterlife. All citizens, or tourists, in the Continent of the Jam Gods, if deceased, shall be resurrected in our care to live rocking righteous lives. At least, if they’re evaluated to do so. The decor you see around you is merely the front of the house. I assure you your quarters will be much more pleasing. Any resemblances to devils, hell, or other religious damnation locations are merely coincidental. We are just a system created to handle souls in the afterlife and we do not morally swing one way or the other.”

“So, you’re telling me this isn’t a bad place to be?”

“Um…well, not entirely. Depending on a person’s evaluation when they arrive, this may become a very uncomfortable afterlife for them indeed. We serve all kinds of souls and are equipped to reward or punish a wide variety of patrons. Okay. With that out of the way, I am now ready to give you your official evaluation.”

She raised her head.

Bell reviewed his clipboard again. “Ms. Candii…no last name given. That’s odd. Anyway, Ms. Candii, formerly of The Non-Traditional Key Gullz, I am pleased to announce your evaluation places you in the best level of the afterlife with all the fantastic benefits and rocking good times that…”

“Wait!” Candii interrupted. “What about The Non-Traditional Key Gullz? My bandmates! I left them up there…” She tried hard to recall her past. “…with…with Morgana! Did she send them here too?”

Bell flipped through his papers several times. “I don’t see anything here about your friends. It appears they are still alive for the moment.”

“Then they’re still fighting her! They’re in danger! I need to go back and help them!” Candii jumped to her feet and started running in circles while waving her arms, trying to find the light portal she stepped through.

Bell laughed. “Hold your horses! You can’t go back. That’s not how this works! You’re dead now. This is where you stay.” Bell starred at Candii as her face contorted into sadness again. She collapsed on the ground and curled up into a ball. “Oh, don’t do that. You’re gonna love it here!”

Candii sobbed uncontrollably as she rocked back and forth. Bell could not stand looking at her like this.

“Come on, kiddo. Cheer up, okay? Listen.” Bell knelt down and pulled Candii up into a sitting position. “I can’t send you back, but I can get you a room where you can view your friends for a little bit, if that'll help your transition. We’re not supposed to show this to the customers, but I’ve heard your music before and I think it’s pretty rockin’. Consider this a favor from a fan.”

Bell helped Candii up and led her through a new portal of light and into an unremarkable, white, generic office lobby. All kinds of religious after life creatures walked the halls. There were angels, prophets, flying spaghetti monsters, and aliens, to name a few. They all had little ties and clipboards and many were leading around other people who were probably recently deceased.

“Please follow me, Candii. And try not to say anything or stare. Make it look like you know what you’re doing because, you know, you’re not supposed to be allowed where we’re going.”

Candii followed Bell through a series of doors and hallways until they opened a single door to a small white room with nothing but four white walls, a white chair, a large monitor, and a control panel. Bell gestured for Candii to sit down in front of it, which she did, and he pressed a series of buttons and twiddled knobs until the screen came to life.

On the screen, Candii saw images from all over the Continent of the Jam Gods. There were locations and landmarks from other provinces she had never visited. Bell focused the screen on Morgana’s lair where Candii observed what remained of the band crumpled beneath Morgana’s organ.

“Oh my gosh! Sir Taco, Thad Penguino, and Key Gullz! They’re hurt!”

On screen, Morgana approached the trio and cackled.

“Well now, Non-Traditional Key Gullz. Or should I call you Untraditional Non-Traditional Key Gullz? You don’t look like yourselves. Oh, that’s right. You’re missing a bandmate.”

Sir Taco attempted to rise to his feet, but he slumped back down. He gripped his chest. He looked like he was in great pain. “We won’t let you abuse the unicorn pearls! In Candii’s memory, we’ll put you down and return their power!”

Morgana laughed again. “You? Just you yourself? Or are you going to somehow get your bandmates to their feet and foolishly fight me again? You can’t even stand! Ha, ha, ha! Here, let me hasten your death and you can say hi to Candii for me.”

Candii yelled as she watched the screen. “We’ve got to help them! What do these buttons do?” Candii began frantically pressing things.

“Ooo, please don’t do that.” Bell slapped Candii’s hands repeatedly. “Yeah, we don’t really get involved in mortal affairs. That’s kind of a company policy.” Bell tried to pull Candii’s hands away, but she kept pressing buttons. “Please stop.”

The screen kept changing the scene until finally it showed the thirty unicorn pearls floating in the air high above in the rafters of Morgana’s lair. Candii froze and stared at them. She had never seen the raw power of the unicorns embodied like the unicorn pearls before. This entire adventure helped her realize the unlimited potential her unicorns had. It made her consider that keeping them to herself on her ranch just for her fulfillment may not have been the best use of their talents. Candii thought about how she would never get a chance to find out what her unicorns were truly capable of. That made her very sad. She felt so sad that she started to cry again.

“Oh, please don’t do that. There’s no company policy against crying, but it just makes me uncomfortable,” Bell said.

Candii continued to cry and then started to bawl at the thought of her friends dying as well. They did not deserve to die because she dragged them on this doomed trip. She remembered all the nice people she had met along the way and how they would probably be punished for helping her defy Morgana. There was Captain Bing, Krawl, the Spoonman, Mary Sue, Roboxy, Weeoo and Lyla the elves, Thaddeus, Bob Boberton, Queen Vanillish Moneigh, and that stupid announcer from the Metal Chef show.

Bell was becoming very uncomfortable, so he patted Candii on the back awkwardly and then left the room closing the door behind him. Candii continued to cry and felt worse and worse for everything she failed to do when she was alive and the people she failed by not defeating Morgana. Deep inside her heart, she felt a knot building up filled with great sadness. She had never felt this intense, focused feeling before and she was not sure it should still be classified as just sadness.

In that moment, she wondered if this was how Morgana felt all the time. The ogre's words, her disdain and lack of empathy for others, and her lust to have the power to change everything. Was this how Morgana was, and if so, how could Candii herself live like this every day? Candii fell deeper and deeper into despair until she felt her emotions almost melt away in a numbing of her senses.

Something strange happened. The lights in the room blinked out and only the glow of the screen with the unicorn pearls illuminated the room. Candii stopped crying and stared at the screen. She felt a warm presence surround her from all directions. She looked around, but there was nothing there. She rose from her chair and yelped when she realized ghostly images of her unicorn pearls were materializing around her. To her left, to her right, below, and above her, transparent copies of her thirty unicorn pearls orbited around her.

She looked closely at one and saw her unicorn’s face inside. It neighed at her and she jumped.

“Sparkles? Can you see me?”

Sparkles neighed again in recognition.

Candii shook her head. “But this is impossible! I’m dead and your unicorn pearls are still in Morgana’s lair.”

Sparkles neighed again and all the other unicorn pearls channeled images of their own unicorn inside them. All the unicorns began neighing and encouraging Candii. Communicating their intentions through their hearts, they told her that she should not be sad. That she did so much for them and nurtured them to be so strong. They said they were sorry that they could not protect her or themselves and that they would miss her. They told her to forgive herself.

Candii heard their feelings in her heart. Through their empathetic connection, she truly understood what it meant to forgive herself. In that moment, her heart grew ten times bigger. Possibly literally, but it was impossible to tell. Candii started experiencing feelings that she had never felt before. She embraced a level of empathy that she did not think was possible. She suddenly felt a spiritual connection with many living things around her and even felt their own feelings through her heart.

To her surprise, the unicorn pearls began to glow brighter and more opaque. She checked the screen and saw the unicorn pearls were beginning to fade in the living world. She did not know what was happening exactly, but she reasoned somehow she was summoning the unicorn pearls from across the barrier between the living and the dead.

Outside the room, Bell checked the clock in the hallway and decided Candii probably had enough time to cry out her feelings. He opened the door slowly at first but then swung it wide open when he realized Candii was not there. Instead, there was a huge burning hole in the ceiling.

“Oh, sizzle my sausages!” Bell rushed out of the room and down the hall. He broke the glass on an emergency box and activated the button inside. Sirens wailing and strobes flashing, he ripped off a microphone attached to the side.

“Everybody! We’ve got a runner!”

Begin Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen

INTRODUCTION

Tonight … time!

Candii was surrounded in an egg-shaped force field of unicorn pearls. Their incredible power emitted a heat that melted the densest of substances. She used their magic to soar upward, higher and higher, not knowing what else to do. To her surprise, she busted through the floor of the eighth circle of the afterlife.

“I guess I’m going the right way!” she exclaimed happily. Around her, she was greeted by a full platoon of magical creatures in riot gear.

“Attention Ms. Candii! Stand down! You are dead and there is nothing you can do about it!”

“Don’t stop me!” she cried.

VERSE 1 & PRE-CHORUS

I'm … you!

Candii felt intense emotion and the unicorn pearls shot away from her. They swirled around the room and knocked all the guards off their feet.

“Code Red! Code Red!” a guard on his radio shouted. “She smuggled magic into the afterlife!”

Hundreds of more guards flooded onto the scene around her. Her unicorn pearls spun wildly around and knocked back scores of guards. Some nimbly avoided them and charged at her.

Candii flinched and the unicorn pearls returned to her. They formed a cocoon of heat and radiated out blowing away everyone with incredible force. Candii then wished to rise, and she did. She began to soar upwards again bursting through ceiling upon ceiling. Finally, she crashed through the floor of the seventh level of the afterlife.

CHORUS

Don't … all!

She could finally tell the difference between the floors. This one was considerably dingier and the people looked much sadder. “Gross. I’d hate to be sent here!”

Armored vehicles and helicopters approached from the horizon. Candii just wished they would go away, and the unicorn pearls went into action. They swirled out in pairs, colliding softly with the vehicles. They gently lifted them up, up, up. She was not sure where they went, but the unicorn pearls returned to her and pushed her again ever upward.

She soared up through countless more ceilings of brick, granite, and diamond until she burst through the floor of the sixth level of the afterlife.

VERSE 2 & PRE-CHORUS

I'm … you!

“Ready…aim…fire!”

An army of magical creatures screamed. Rockets and bombs fired around and above Candii. She braced herself for impact but it never happened. She opened her eyes and saw the swarm of ordinance frozen in mid-air. She gave the army a polite wave and pushed upward.

Candii burst through the floor of the fifth level of the afterlife. She was really in the slums now. There were considerably fewer numbers of professional creatures and instead just a bunch of regular people.

“Hey, look at that! She’s busting out!” a grizzly familiar looking man shouted.

“Oh shoot!” Candii yelled. “That’s John Wayne Gacy!” A mob of people jumped onto her unicorn egg and tried to grab hold.

BRIDGE

Don't … me!

Candii spun the egg around and flung a great number of people off, but many more were still holding on.

She decided to shake them off with extreme maneuvers, so she soared at breakneck speed upward and onward.

She burst through the fourth, third, and second levels of the afterlife.

INSTRUMENTAL

♫♫♫

She checked her egg. No more hitchhikers. She sighed with relief but then noticed she was surrounded by a countless number of army personnel led at the front by Bell.

“Yeah, sorry about lying to you,” Bell said. “I’m not really some pencil pusher, but the top dog in charge. Don’t make me take you down like an animal, Candii! You’re so cool! Just turn yourself in!”

“You saw what I saw,” she replied. “Nothing in the world or the next will stop me from protecting my family!”

PRE-CHORUS

Ooh … you!

“Charge!” Bell screamed.

The entire forces of the afterlife rushed Candii’s egg and flooded over her. All light was blotted out. She could see only hands trying to pull apart her unicorn pearls. She saw Bell’s face, angry with fury. Bell tried to stick their fingers in between two unicorn pearls but was totally unable to.

“We have a system down here, dammit!” Bell roared.

CHORUS x2

Don't … all!

“Be gone!” Candii cried and a wave of unicorn magic blasted hundreds of personnel and their vehicles far away from her. She soared ever upward toward the final ceiling. It was reinforced with something similar to the unicorn pearls, as far as she could surmise.

Her egg collided and sparked wildly. Candii closed her eyes and wished with all her heart to reunite with the band. The ceiling violently gave way and she broke through.

Candii felt the cool temperature of the living world as she found herself under the ocean. Her egg bubbled to the surface and gently emerged from the evening waves. She was just outside the coast of the Land of Rock. She saw Morgana’s volcano nearby, so she soared at light speed, streaking through the nighttime clouds like lightning and neared Morgana's lair. She braced herself as she exploded into the throne room.

End Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen

Debris shot in every direction as Candii cried from within her unicorn pearl egg, “Morgana Malevolent! Your reckoning is here!”

“What in the heckin’ hamburger?” Morgana shouted as she turned to face Candii. “You’re supposed to be dead!”

“Try again, dirt bag!”

“Gladly!” Morgana flicked her wrists, but the unicorn pearls did not respond to her. “How did you get the unicorn pearls?”

“They were never yours to keep. You have no control over them anymore.” Candii descended to the ground and dispersed the unicorn pearls into a single large swirling globe above her head.

“That’s fine! Take this!” Morgana shot a searing beam of light at Candii, but one of the unicorn pearls deflected it into a crowd of Morgana’s own minions. They wailed and burnt up to a crisp. Morgana’s eyes grew wide. “Candii!” She sniveled as she took steps away from her. “We can work this out! I never told you why I wanted the unicorn pearls, did I? Why don’t we start there?”

“No thanks. No more games.” Candii directed the unicorn pearls forward. They gently swept up Sir Taco, Thad Penguino, and Key Gullz in their embrace. Candii then lifted herself up as well and slowly hovered out of the ceiling’s gaping hole with the band.

Candii turned back to launch one last magical blast at Morgana. Yet, the witch was not standing defiantly. Instead, she laid crumpled upon the floor, crying over a glowing blue crystalline structure. Candii used her magical empathy power and peered into Morgana's heart. She felt Morgana overflowing with pain and sorrow. Her wails touched Candii’s heart in a way she never thought would be possible for such an evil person.

Candii could no longer bring herself to harm the witch any farther. “We’re going home,” she announced. “I’m leaving you here to tend to your wounds. I’m sorry it had to end this way.” She looked away. “I didn’t think you had any dimensions to you other than evil. I hope you still find a way to achieve your dreams. At least the ones that don’t involve killing everyone.” She floated out into the night sky.

Morgana threw her hands onto her head and began to pull her hair. “Alone again? After how close I got? I have searched for so long and have found no other way! No, I can’t let you take the unicorn pearls!”

Morgana struggled to her feet and threw back her cloak. She threw her arms forward and mustered all her emotions of loss and rage into one last massive fire ball. She yelped as she lifted it over her head and chucked it out of the castle and after the band.

The fireball grew and grew, filling up Candii’s entire range of vision as it staggered forward. It burned as bright as the sun and melted the roof and walls of Morgana's lair. Candii raised her hand to the starry night sky and drew down the stars of Orion to create a godly celestial guitar. She strummed it once and it deflected Morgana’s fire ball back into the castle.

Morgana’s castle exploded and crumbled into a bazillion pieces by her own hand.