《The Mystery of the Real Live Dead Person》19c. A Hero By Day
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“Richard!” he heard someone yell. That could be anyone, he thought to himself, choosing to ignore it. “Detective Schmutz!” he heard the same voice call. Richard sighed; no use pretending now. He turned in the direction the voice came from, but saw no one familiar. He saw a tall man waving, a native American with long black hair, dressed in a nice suit with a bolo tie. Was that him? “Richard! Over here!” he yelled. Definitely the one. Richard crossed the street and came up to him; his joyful smile almost seemed capable of bowling Richard right over.
“Sorry, do I know you?”
The tall dark stranger smiled. “Oh, right, you’ve never seen me like this. Maybe this’ll jog your memory…good afternoon, citizen!”
Richard felt his muscles try to detach from his skin, in a desperate effort to get away. Please, no, he screamed silently to the gods that enjoyed tormenting him so much. Not him; not now. Sadly, denial was just a river in Egypt. “Sam!” he announced brightly, offering his hand. “Great to see you again!”
“The pleasure’s all mine, noble warrior!” He shook Richard’s hand like he was wrestling an alligator, but Richard was ready; he simply went along with it, knowing it would end soon. Without warning, Sam grabbed him and gave him a bear hug, lifting him clear off his feet…as if it was really necessary to point out how much taller he was. Richard simply went limp and counted the seconds until he could get loose. Finally, Sam put him down.
“So what brings you here, mighty minion? Still working your case?”
“No, I just wrapped that up. You’ll never believe who the guilty party turned out to be.”
Sam smirked. “I don’t believe it. So who was it?”
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“I’m not allowed to say,” Richard dodged. “The police have to decide to release that info.”
“I understand,” Sam declared. “I’ll keep my eye on the newspaper headlines!”
“Try the back page,” Richard hinted. “Filed under ‘weird news’.”
Sam let out a hearty laugh. “It was like that, was it? Oh well; that’s how it goes sometimes.”
“So what about you?” Richard asked, not really wanting to know. “Why are you all dressed up, in public, in the daytime even? This isn’t your usual style.”
“A necessary duty,” Sam sighed. “I’m due in court in about half an hour.”
“Uh oh. Perp suing you?”
“What?” Sam reared back, hurt. “Of course not…put that out of your mind! I’m testifying against someone I caught! I get a translucent filter, a camera in a dark room, everything!”
“What about voice distortion?”
Sam chuckled. “No need for that; the perp’s heard plenty of my voice. Besides, I don’t want to sound like a robot! These sweet dulcet tones are meant to be shared with the world!”
“Classic Sam,” Richard guffawed.
“Always!” Sam eyed Richard up and down. “Look at us, all snazzy and dressed up! What do you say we get some selfies?”
“Sure,” Richard agreed. “I doubt you’re going to let me get away without some.”
“You got that right!” Sam cheered. He took a few with his phone, then Richard handed over his phone for a few more. “I accept your natural selfie-taking arms.”
A woman’s voice startled Richard. “Oooh…can we get in on this?” He whirled around to see three office-cute women vaguely in their age range, and Sam already turning on the charm. “Of course! We always take requests from lovely ladies.” He embraced Richard with one arm. “Don’t we, buddy?”
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“You know it!” Richard cheered, realizing it was impossible not to play along.
It took a few minutes, but finally, everyone had at least two photos on their phone of everyone else posing. “You know, ladies,” Sam crooned, “we’re going to be at the Raging Twenties nightclub later tonight. Feel free to join us!”
One lady ran her finger down Sam’s chest, ending at his bolo tie. “We’re already there,” she giggled. Richard suddenly received a peck on both of his cheeks. “Byyyyye!” they both said, in the classic adorable feminine elongated fashion, as they scampered off.
Sam and Richard watched as they left. “Yep,” Sam sighed happily, “it’s great to be alive.”
“It’s always an adventure when you’re around, isn’t it?” Richard trilled.
Sam once again embraced Richard with one arm. “That it is, my man. That it is.”
“You know, I’m not really a nightclub person. You shouldn’t have said I was going.”
Sam gave Richard a friendly slap on the shoulder. “Oh, don’t worry about it. I just said that to increase the chances they’ll actually show up. Don’t worry, there’s plenty of me to go around.” He smiled kindly. “But remember, you’re invited. Don’t doubt that for a second.”
“I won’t,” Richard replied.
“Well, buddy,” Sam announced, “it’s been great, but I gotta get going. Whatever happens, I’m sure our paths will cross again. Something just makes that…inevitable.”
“I believe it,” Richard agreed.
After a final handshake, Sam turned and entered the nearby court building. Richard reflected on the last few days as he watched Sam disappear inside the door. He thought about his exciting adventures with him, how his abilities and efforts helped crack the case…and how he hoped he’d never see him again.
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