《Extinction》Gifts for the King
Advertisement
Colonel Hashaar was waiting to be presented to the king. He was dressed in his ceremonial uniform, with a tall hat and dinosaur feathers.
Behind the colonel was a large trolley stacked with bags and boxes. The trolley was being wheeled by one of the king’s guards.
‘His grace is ready for you’ - said the vice-chamberlain.
The tiny colonel strutted into the king’s chamber.
‘Colonel Hashaar, of the royal commandos’ - announced the vice-chamberlain to the lord-chamberlain.
‘Your grace - Colonel Hashaar, of the royal commandos’ - announced the lord-chamberlain to the king.
‘The bravest man on this whole ship’ - said the king.
‘His grace is pleased to see you Colonel Hashaar’ - said the lord-chamberlain
‘Ask him what he has’ - said the king
‘His grace would like to know what artifacts you have brought from the human animal world’ - said the lord-chamberlain.
‘Your grace - I bring many human animal delicacies, and exotic refreshments’ - said the colonel, bowing.
‘Get a table’ - said the king
The lord-chamberlain banged his staff on the floor, and two guards carried a table in front of the king. The king’s frog-like eyes were excited.
‘Your grace - may I approach?’ - said the colonel
‘Tell him yes - quickly’ - said the king, clapping his hands together.
The colonel approached, and was lifted onto the table by the guard.
‘Firsty your grace, I bring you a most exotic delicacy from the human animal world. My lads I sought high and low to find this delicacy for you, for it is most rare and prized. May I present, your grace, a quarter pounder with cheese, a BigMac, a large French fries, and a strawberry milkshake.’
The guard placed a brown McDonalds paper bag on the table. The colonel opened the bag and lifted out the BigMac cardboard box. The colonel opened the box and bowed.
Advertisement
‘Ask him what I do with it?’ - said the king
‘His grace would like to know what it is’ - said the lord-chamberlain.
‘Food, your grace’ - said the colonel, bowing
The king picked up the BigMac - it was still warm - and took a small bite. The king chewed the bite and then put the whole sandwich in his mouth, and chewed it.
‘Oh my’ - said the king - ‘Oh my oh my!’
The colonel pulled the quarter pounder with cheese out of the bag and the French fries. The colonel lifted two packets of ketchup out of the bag.
‘Sire’ - said the colonel, bowing.
‘What is that?’ - said the king, pointing at the ketchup.
‘Tomato ketchup, your grace’ - said the colonel - ‘May I?’
The king nodded. The colonel took his knife from his belt and cut open the sachet and squirted some on the French fries.
‘Now try them, your grace’ - said the colonel
The king took a handful of the French fries covered in ketchup, and put them in his mouth. He chewed.
‘Oh my goodness!’ - said the king.
The king emptied the whole package of the French fries into his mouth and chewed them up. The king grabbed the box the quarter pounder was in, and opened it. The king giggled, and put the whole burger in his mouth.
‘Get more of these’ - said the king, chewing - ‘more of all of them. Lots more of all of them!’
The king picked up the strawberry milkshake, and sucked through the straw - making a horrendous slurping noise.
‘It sounds good, your grace’ - said the lord-chamberlain
This king finished the milkshake in one noisy suck.
‘More of that as well’ - said the king - ‘What else do you have?’
Advertisement
The colonel presented the king with a Kentucky Fried Chicken family bucket meal, an extra large meat lovers pizza from Dominos, A Whopper meal from Burger King, a 12” Italian meatball sub from Subway, 10 extra spicy hard shell tacos from Taco Bell, a dozen mixed donuts from Dunkin Donuts, a dozen mixed donuts from Krispy Kremes, 5 foot long hotdogs with onions, ketchup, and mustard from 7/11, and a family box of chicken from Popeyes.
The king ate it all, and instructed the colonel to return with more - immediately.
The colonel presented the king with 24 cans of Budweiser beer, 24 cans of Heineken beer, 24 cans of Miller beer.
The king drank the beer - all 72 cans.
And then the colonel gave the king a carton of Marlboro cigarettes and a bottle of Courvoisier cognac.
The king sat and smoked a cigarette, and swigged cognac from the bottle.
‘Colonel - you are a hero to the people, and you serve me well. Return to the human animal world and bring me more - more of everything. More of this food, more of this drink. I want to try it all!’ - said the king
‘Yes sire’ - said the colonel, bowing
‘Now’ - said the king.
The convenient thing about having a time machine, was that no sooner was an order given - the colonel was back.
The colonel brought the king a trolley stacked high with human fast food, and beer, and whiskey, and cognac, and cigars, and cigarettes, and cakes, and bread, and sausages, and bacon, and steaks, and salami, and pasta, and deserts, and whole legs of Iberico ham.
The king would gorge himself on the food, and wash it down with a river of beer. He smoked whilst he ate, and drank whilst he smoked.
The king demanded more, and more, and more.
Advertisement
- In Serial100 Chapters
Dreams or Another World - Not a Zero (Update 09/19/21)
(Updated 09/19/21) Hello and welcome. If you made it this far and the book title sounds interesting, I'm hoping you'll read a few chapters. Here's a sample from chapter 1 of "Dreams or Another World - Not a Zero."Slowly starting to wake up, I become aware. It's like coming out of a fog.Head hurts.Body hurts.There's a conversation in the room. This isn't my bed. Someone is touching my arm. I crack my eyes to look. She doesn't notice. Is she praying for me? Her hands do feel good…do feel... Slipping back unconscious, my eyes slowly close. I didn't notice the soft green glow under Jenn’s hands.*******************"It does look like he saved them or at least stalled them long enough for us to get there." says the man dressed more like a park ranger than an officer of the law. "I did think he was part of it at first" he continues "but the evidence shows he wasn't there and they were certainly fighting on that back road where we found them""I don't care who he is." says a woman as she enters the room. "He saved and protected my Jenn. I will make sure there's not a mark or a scar on him before he leaves". As she continues the few steps over to the men speaking, even though dressed simply in common clothes, there is no doubt the race of elves is in her heritage. The grace and lines of her form. The elegance and lightness of her step. She glances at her daughter, still watching over the young man in the bed. "Do we know who he is yet?" she asks no one in particular."Not yet dear" a man in a white coat responds. A handsome middle-aged man. Fit, but not that of a fighter or ranger. "I asked Talon to bring another identification stone with him. I was hoping ours was just broke, but it's reading the same.""What do you think is wrong?" Talon asks."I'm thinking we just have to wait until he recovers. I have heard of cases where the stone didn't work. Powerful spells can hide or wipe a person clean. I doubt he's a spy or a criminal. Spells like that are just too high level if, they're used at all. My best guess is, there is just some disconnect with him being unconscious. When he wakes, we can ask him or use the stone again then."I find myself waking up in a hospital bed. The attending Doctor finds it odd that he cannot identify my class. An Officer says I’m a Hero for saving a girl from being kidnapped, but he’s asking too many questions for my liking. I know an accusing tone when I hear it. I don’t remember any of it and I need to find my way home.Author’s notes. Original work. First draft and update of chapters 1-16. Inspired by various fantasy games and books. Written with a focus on character development and interaction. Combat, progression, leveling, classes, but no numbers or stats. I’ll try to keep the language clean, PG-13, no smut. I’m in the US, writing in English. Almost fifty chapters are completed as I pen this introduction. I intend to complete this story or at least bring it to a proper ending. I have a destination in mind. I find as I write, doors and ideas open, while others close and are discarded. The tentative release schedule will be once a week. I'm new to creating. My apologies now while I learn. I have not settled on a book cover or artwork, still looking for something that fits. Registered & Protected #20VjeKDv2U6nynW6
8 527 - In Serial13 Chapters
Obligate of a Self-Ordained Sorcerer
Come join the Discord! It was a typical late-night friday for Mara, secluded in her apartment in front of a digital expanse, relentlessly mashing code into a keyboard. An introverted workaholic, but this was what she wanted - what she had strived so hard to achieve. So why did she feel so lost? Her life was productive, comfortable, satisfying. Plenty had it worse but she still felt... ungrateful? Stunted? The right word escaped her, but she could feel the general revelation settling upon her. With it came a choice that would set events in motion far beyond the meager scope of a 'New Game+'. So taking an intrusive portal to god-knows-where, Mara will come to find that her new world offers boons and banes with equal abandon. Magic, skills, and unforgiving difficulty. For a frail human shut-in, finding herself stranded in the middle of a sprawling dungeon was one of the least desirable outcomes. Food and water would be the least of her problems, why oh why couldn't she just get summoned by some pervy king to slay a demon army or something? This is a story of magic and adventure with skills and stats galore. A litrpg / isekai epic that I've been inspired to make after years of wonderful works like "So I'm a Spider," "Rimuru the Slime," "Azarinth Healer," "Negima!?," and plethora of other isekai and fantasy novels and animes. Special shout-out to Douglas Adams, a big influence on narative humor that's had a non-insignificant effect on my writing style. I hope you enjoy joining Mara on her journey as I attempt to scratch the itch they left behind.Chapters target 3-6k~ words. Though I'm personally aiming for a chapter every couple weeks, I think I can at least promise one a month with how busy work's been. I made a Patreon due to requests, if you'd like to support me there I'll be using it to fund artwork and RR ads for increased exposure.
8 166 - In Serial8 Chapters
Edge of the Storm
A thousand years after narrowly escaping extinction, humanity still fights for survival on the fringe of space. On the alien, hostile world of Deana, Taro is tasked with dealing a mortal blow to an enemy that has pursued the last dregs of the human species across light years. From the Wild Summer hyper-carrier, Taro must strike out at an enemy that seems like it would stop at absolutely nothing to ensure humanity's time in the universe draws to an end. The key to it all is Valerie, a human bred super-weapon, and the discovery she makes aboard the enemy craft Delirium. What to expect from Edge of the Storm: You will find here a slow burning story that is punctured by moments of high flying action, intense mecha battles, gory hand-to-hand combat, tough decisions and sacrifices. What you won't find are black and white morals, harems, cute girls, big boobs, or anything else that might bring me troves of readers. You have been warned. Update schedule: Saturdays (and maybe Wednesdays).
8 86 - In Serial9 Chapters
The watcher of universe and stuff.
The most devastating thing to an eternal being must be boredom. If nothing can change you, how can you yourself change? Sometimes you have to learn that the hard way. I should point out that there are multiple lead characters and they will all have their own personalities and motivations. While the story will focus more on our MC Trey, you can expect multiple POV switches. If you do not like POV switches, this might not be for you. My first book. If anyone will ever read this, be so kind as to leave a comment. Even, if all you say is an insult. As long as I can improve this work by your comment, it's all fine. One thing’s for sure. I will keep writing as if my reader can handle curse words without curling into a little ball and repeatedly saying: "Leave my safe-space alone, you monster". Therefore, you can expect some profanity.
8 110 - In Serial38 Chapters
Cosanta
Attie, a young boy who has from a young age not been able to speak or utter much of any sounds, and his exploration of the world using his gift of spiritual sight as the anchor of his power. It will be slow going, but power is granted suddenly and viciously, the story will be centered around a world gradually being exposed to supernatural powers and entities and how these changes affect mankind and individual people. Multiple main characters, some with stories that intertwine and others entirely separate and distinct. Heavily character focused. --- Any critique about anything at all is greatly appreciated.
8 230 - In Serial19 Chapters
Bite Mark
[Participant in the Royal Road Writathon 2021] Twins Mark and Henry have just finished their training for the Neighbourhood Ancillary Stakers Corp., a voluntary organisation set up to fight against blood sucking vampuras (VAMPIRES!). In a world where vampuras pray on the vulnerable and the stupid at night, looking for their next feast of blood, The Neighbourhood Ancillary Stakers Corp aka Nasscies or Dusters, fight to protect their North Eastern English market town of Tarmsworth St Jude and it's major trauma hospital and blood bank hub from what is a widespread global problem. As they apply their training to reality and gain confidence in taking on threats by themselves, the brothers soon find that they may have.... bitten off more than they can chew. This horredy is a silly and fun experimental series. There is GORE, VIOLENCE, DESCRIPTIONS THAT SOME MAY FIND UNPLEASANT AND UPSETTING and some TOILET HUMOUR. You've been warned!!
8 290
Prev Chap
Next Chap
Chap List
Boy
Girl
