It was a nice day to start off with. I had the day off from work, thank fuck, so was lazing in the morning sun with a nice cup of coffee and a few snacks when a shadow came over me suddenly. I cracked open an eye and sighed at the sight of Amneris smirking above me.

“What?” I demanded.

“Someone’s grumpy,” she teased.

I sat up, using my arms for support. “It’s my day off and you’re interrupting it.”

“Was that today?” she asked way too innocently.

I sighed. “What do you want?”

She sat cross-legged in front of me. “I got a call. Thought you might be interested.”

Queenie passed me her unlocked phone. I felt surprise seep onto my face as I read it. “Again?” I asked.

“Yep.” She took the phone back. “Amazing how often he looses it, huh?”

“Not that he’d admit it . . .”

“Want to help?”

I grinned.

We crossed Bifröst after a brief detour to Midgard. We didn’t have to worry about being burned up due to the whole both of us being Immortals and Queenie being a Goddess thing. Though we did have to talk with Heimdall and convince him to let us cross. Man did he have a laugh when we told him our mission. He didn’t stop laughing for at least five minutes, and was still laughing as we crossed into Asgard (Ásgardr in my language).

I won’t lie to you guys, Asgard is beautiful. It is filled with plants and buildings and a variety of palaces of many different colours, each one a dwelling for a God. In the distance, hidden within a forest, lay the famous Valhalla (Valhöll in my language). But that wasn’t where we were headed. We were headed for Thrudheim (Þrúðheimr in my language), Thor’s place of residence. He was the one who called Amneris. I’ve never asked how she knows the Norse Deities, or any deities for that matter, but apparently they go back.

I found Thrudheim strangely modern for a Norse society. It went well beyond my expectations. As Amneris and I sat on a leather lounge, Thor himself paced back and forth on a white-carpeted floor in front of a fucking massive TV.

“What is it with you and losing Mjollnir?” Amneris asked.

The God stopped in his pacing and glared, lightning crackling in his eyes. “It is not as though I did it on purpose.”

“Well, you must know where it is or you would’ve have called me.” Amneris said, crossing her ankle over her knee. “You would’ve not-so-subtly asked that demigod in Valhalla. What’s his name again? Magnus Something?”

Thor waved a hand at us. “Yes. Yes. I know. It’s . . . complicated.”

“Complicated?” I asked.

The God stopped in his pacing once again, looking straight at me. “A stranger came here, challenged me, and--”

Amneris burst into laughter. “You lost a bet!”

Thunder grumbled around the living room. “Yes,” Thor said angrily. “I do not know how they entered Ásgardr, only that they did, took--”

“Won,” Amneris corrected. I whacked her.

"Took my Hammer, and fled,” he finished.

“Do you know where they went?” I asked.

“Into Yggdrasill, going down. I believe he said something about Níðhöggr.”

Amneris raised an eyebrow. “‘He’?”

“Yeah,” Thor said. “Strange guy. Spoke the same language you do, only a few words were different.”

“He did, did he?” Amneris leaned forward. “Tell me. Was he about my height, dark skin, black hair and brown eyes?”

The God looked surprised. “Yes. Exactly that. Do you know him?”

Amneris grabbed my hand and stormed out of the room, dragging me along. “We’ll get the Hammer back,” she called after Thor. Once outside she muttered, “I’m gonna kill that idiot.”

Amneris and I travelled down the roots of Yggdrasill (Mímameiðr in my language), slowly working our way to the three Wells at the roots of the tree. Ratatoskr watched us curiously, seeming to decide whether or not we were worth the effort of attacking. Amneris glared at the squirrel, her eyes flaring, and he ran off.

“So,” I said as I jumped down yet another branch, “Someone you know?”

“Kek,” Amneris growled. “That idiot has really gotten himself into trouble this time.”

I helped lower her to the next branch beneath us. “I thought you wanted him to die.”

“No. Yes?” Amneris sighed. “I dunno. It’s a hate-sort of like relationship. I want him to die but I don’t want him to die.”

“Sounds complicated.”

“That’s an understatement.” Amneris held up a hand, signaling for silence. “He’s nearby.”

She turned around, eyes closed, and stopped, looking down. I followed her line of sight. A man was jumping down the branches of Yggdrasill. He stopped suddenly and looked up. The man was exactly as Amneris had described. He grinned at us, sending a two fingered salute and raising Mjollnir.

“Stop being an idiot,” Amneris yelled down to him. “Give me the Hammer before you do something even stupider than usual!”

The man--Kek--raised a finger at her. You know the one. Amneris roared, her form shifting into her Goddess appearance. A flap of her wings and she was shooting toward Kek so fast I struggled to see her.

“Amneris!” I yelled as she slammed into Kek, the both of them falling through the branches. “Shit!” I leapt after them.

I wasn’t sure how far they’d fallen but when I caught up to Amneris and Kek, they were at each other’s throats. Kek was armed with Mjollnir and Amneris fought with her staff (don’t ask me its name. She’s never told me). Neither seemed to notice me watching, too focused on killing each other. It appeared Amneris had forgotten the mission. Typical. Classic Queenie.

Though, perhaps, I could use this to my advantage . . .

With Kek distracted fighting Amneris, I could use the opportunity to grab Mjollnir and, hopefully, make a run for it. Great plan in theory! Now I just had to enact it.

I snuck forward, using leaves and branches as cover. I crawled along the branch just above where the two fought. Currently Amneris was beneath me so I moved back a little, until I was right above Kek. The man swung Mjollnir to attack her again. I ripped it from his grasp.

Kek looked around in shock until his eyes landed on me. Shock became anger.

I grasped Mjollnir tightly. “Uh. Hi?”

Kek leapt up, tackling me to the ground. I lost my grip on Mjollnir. It fell from the branch. Kek wrapped his arms around my throat, attempting to strangle me. I punched his stomach. He gasped but his grip remained strong. I cursed in Norse in my mind and kicked the man with my knee right in the balls. Kek’s eyes widened and he cried out in pain, falling from me.

“Yeah,” I said, gasping, rubbing my throat. “Dudes can do that, too.”

“Nice,” Amneris said, holding Mjollnir over her shoulder. “That’s usually my move.”

Beside his, Kek groaned.

Amneris stood over him. “Now, now. Enough of that.”

She wound back her arm and, much like a golfer, hit Kek in the side with it. He went flying into Ginnungagap, disappearing into the darkness.

Amneris raised a hand above her eyes. “Hmm. I may have overshot.” She shrugged, holding Mjollnir in her hands. “Welp, I guess we should give this back.”

And so we climbed back up Yggdrasill.

Thor was grateful to have his Hammer returned. The second it was in his hands, he kissed its head and cooed at it as though it were a child. It was fucking disturbing. Once the child - uh, Hammer - was given enough affection, Thor grinned, saying how he owed Amneris and I a favour. Queenie was not happy about that for some reason. I decided it was best not to ask.

Anyway, we returned home where the others were waiting, and the nine of us (it was only us nine at the time) headed back to the Norse realms where we made a stop in Fólkvangr--with Freya’s permission, of course--and had a nice family picnic in the sunny fields. All in all, a good end to a weird day.